71+ Fred Allen Quotes On Education, Success And Oblivion

Fred Allen was an American comedian and radio personality active from the 1920s to the 1950s. He was known for his satirical wit and his zany comedy routines. He was one of the most popular and influential American radio comedians of the 20th century. Following is our collection on famous quotes by Fred Allen on education, life, love.

Top 10 Fred Allen Quotes

1. What's on your mind, if you will allow the overstatement.
2. Ed Sullivan will be around as long as someone else has talent.
3. I learned law so well, the day I graduated I sued the college, won the case, and got my tuition back.
4. Cocktail party: A gathering held to enable forty people to talk about themselves at the same time. The man who remains after the liquor is gone is the host.
5. He writes so well he makes me feel like putting my quill back in my goose.
6. Television is a triumph of equipment over people, and the minds that control it are so small that you could put them in a gnat's navel with room left over for two caraway seeds and an agent's heart.
7. You can take all the sincerity in Hollywood, place it in the navel of a fruit fly and still have room enough for three caraway seeds and a producer's heart.
8. The world is a grindstone and life is your nose
9. It is bad to suppress laughter. It goes back down and spreads to your hips.
10. I don't have to look up my family tree, because I know that I'm the sap.

Fred Allen Image Quotes

Ed Sullivan will be around as long as someone else has talent. — Fred Allen

He writes so well he makes me feel like putting my quill back in my goose. — Fred Allen

Fred Allen Short Quotes

• My hometown was so dull that one time the tide went out and never came back.
• If the grass is greener in the other fellow's yard- let him worry about cutting it.
• All I know about humor is that I don't know anything about it.
• Condensed milk is wonderful. I don't see how they can get a cow to sit down on those little cans.
• An income tax form is like a laundry list - either way you lose your shirt.
• A psychiatrists is the next man you start talking to after you start talking to yourself.
• Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns; he should be drawn and quoted.
• If I could get my membership fee back, I'd resign from the human race.
• My father never raised his hand to any one of his children, except in self-defense.
• After quitting radio I was able to live on the money I saved on aspirins.

Fred Allen Quotes About Life

I don't want to own anything that won't fit into my coffin. — Fred Allen

Everything is for the eye these days - TV, Life, Look, the movies. Nothing is just for the mind. The next generation will have eyeballs as big as cantaloupes and no brain at all. — Fred Allen

He dreamed he was eating shredded wheat and woke up to find the mattress half gone. — Fred Allen

Fred Allen Quotes About Place

California is a fine place to live - if you happen to be an orange. — Fred Allen

Hollywood is a great place if you're an orange. — Fred Allen

California is a great place to live if you're an orange. — Fred Allen

Fred Allen Quotes About Funny

All that the comedian has to show for his years of work and aggravation is the echo of forgotten laughter. — Fred Allen

There are two kinds of jokes - funny jokes and Jack Benny jokes. — Fred Allen

A molehill man is a pseudo-busy executive who comes to work at 9 AM and finds a molehill on his desk. He has until 5 PM to make this molehill into a mountain. An accomplished molehill man will often have his mountain finished before lunch. — Fred Allen

Success is like dealing with your kid or teaching your wife to drive. Sooner or later you'll end up in the police station. — Fred Allen

Everywhere outside New York City is Bridgeport, Connecticut. — Fred Allen

He has no idea what it was like to grow up in the South, where you had to hold your head down. — Fred Allen

The American arrives in Paris with a few French phrases he has culled from a conversational guide or picked up from a friend who owns a beret. — Fred Allen

The S.S. Sierra was a ten-thousand-ton vessel. Today, lifeboats bigger than the Sierra are found on the Queen Mary and other luxury liners. — Fred Allen

If criticism had any power to harm, the skunk would be extinct by now. — Fred Allen

She used to be a teacher but she has no class now. — Fred Allen

Fred Allen Quotes About Television

Television is a device that permits people who haven't anything to do to watch people who can't do anything. — Fred Allen

Television is a medium because anything well done is rare. — Fred Allen

Television is a triumph of equipment over people. — Fred Allen

Fred Allen Famous Quotes And Sayings

Ed Sullivan will be around as long as someone else has talent. — Fred Allen

I'm a little hoarse tonight. I've been living in Chicago for the past two months, and you know how it is, yelling for help on the way home every night. Things are so tough in Chicago that at Easter time, for bunnies the little kids use porcupines. — Fred Allen

He writes so well he makes me feel like putting my quill back in my goose. — Fred Allen

I can't understand why a person will take a year to write a novel when he can easily buy one for a few dollars. — Fred Allen

On ships they call them barnacles; in business they attach themselves to desks and are called vice presidents. — Fred Allen

During the Samuel Johnson days they had big men enjoying small talk; today we have small men enjoying big talk. — Fred Allen

The vice-president of an advertising agency is a bit of executive fungus that forms on a desk that has been exposed to conference. — Fred Allen

He was so narrow minded that if he fell on a pin it would blind him in both eyes. — Fred Allen

I have just returned from Boston. It is the only sane thing to do if you find yourself up there. — Fred Allen

Radio is a bag of mediocrity where little men with carbon minds wallow in sluice of their own making. — Fred Allen

In show business, more showgirls are kept than promises. — Fred Allen

The average girl would rather have beauty than brains because she knows the average man can see much better than he can think- Ladies' Home JournalI'd rather have two girls at seventeen than one at thirty-four — Fred Allen

My uncle is a Southern planter. He's an undertaker in Alabama. — Fred Allen

Three million frogs' legs are served in Paris - daily. Nobody knows what became of the rest of the frogs. — Fred Allen

My agent gets 10 percent of everything I get, except the blinding headaches. — Fred Allen

I'm going to Boston to see my doctor. He's a very sick man. — Fred Allen

To a newspaperman, a human being is an item with skin wrapped around it. — Fred Allen

I have just returned from Boston. It is the only thing to do if you find yourself up there. — Fred Allen

The average vice-president is a form of executive fungus that attaches itself to a desk. On a boat this growth would be called a barnacle. — Fred Allen

A human being is nothing but a story with skin around it. — Fred Allen

A comedian who starts talking to himself becomes his own audience. This is fatal. — Fred Allen

When Jack Benny plays the violin, it sounds as though the strings are still in the cat. — Fred Allen

He's so small, he's a waste of skin. — Fred Allen

Father Time is the make-up man responsible for the physical changes that determine the parts the average actor is to play. — Fred Allen

Committee - a group of men who individually can do nothing but as a group decide that nothing can be done. — Fred Allen

I'd rather have two girls at seventeen than one at thirty-four. — Fred Allen

Radio is called a medium because it is rare that anything is well done. — Fred Allen

The advertising world had space men in it before spacemen existed. — Fred Allen

Hush, little bright line, don’t you cry You’ll be a cliché by and by. — Fred Allen

English coffee tastes like water that has been squeezed out of a wet sleeve. — Fred Allen

He always had a chip on his shoulder that he was ready to use to kindle an argument. — Fred Allen

With the advance of refrigeration, I hope that along with the frozen foods someday we will have frozen conversation. A person will be able to keep a frozen promise indefinitely. — Fred Allen

I always have trouble remembering three things: faces, names, and - I can't remember what the third thing is. — Fred Allen

It was once rumored that fledgling executives walked around their offices backwards so they wouldn't have to face an issue. — Fred Allen

Life Lessons by Fred Allen

1. Fred Allen's work teaches us to be creative and take risks with our comedy, as he often pushed the boundaries of traditional humor.
2. He also showed us the value of being able to laugh at ourselves, as he was known for his self-deprecating humor.
3. Lastly, we can learn from Fred Allen to be mindful of the power of satire and how it can be used to challenge societal norms.