I have a rule, and that is to never look at somebody's face while we're having sex; because, number one, what if I know the guy?

β€” Laura Kightlinger

The most simplistic Laura Kightlinger quotes to discover and learn by heart

I want to be so famous that drag queens will dress like me in parades when I'm dead.

20

I get asked to do benefits a lot and I've decided I've got to be a bit more discerning, I can't just do all of them. . . . I got asked to do a benefit for babies born addicted to crack. And I said well, all right, I'll help you raise money for them, but I think we both know what they're gonna spend it on.

13

I love eating in it, brushing my teeth and swallowing the toothpaste in it.

I love punching the ceiling with my fists when I'm lost or I can't find a parking space.

12

It goes Christmas, New Year's Eve, Valentine's Day.

Is that fair to anyone who's alone? These are all days you gotta be with someone. And if you didn't get around to killing yourself at Christmas or New Year's, boom! There's Valentine's Day. I think there should be one more after Valentine's Day just called, 'Who could love you?'

7

Women can really be who they are. I'm about to say the F word, feminist. Often that word has such a negative connotation.

3

Anything can happen with a razor.

3

I always feel like rejection is my petrol. That's what keeps me going.

3

I really detest movies like 'Indecent Proposal' and 'Pretty Woman' because they send a message to women that sleeping with a rich man is the ultimate goal and really that's such a small part of it.

3

[On living in New York City:] I'm oblivious to everything.

I just don't notice anything. I sat in a coffee shop, drank half a cup of coffee before I noticed there was lipstick on the cup. There was wadded-up gum and lipstick on the napkin. I must have been sitting on that woman's lap for an hour.

3

My grandmother, she passed away at Christmas time.

So now, I have this built in sadness, you know, every holiday. 'Cause I'm plagued with the thought of, you know, what she would have given me. What didn't I get to open this year?

0

The thing that amazes me about getting fired is that nobody ever has anything insightful to say about it. They always say the same thing. They always say, 'Everything happens for a reason.' As lame as that sounds, I guess it’s better to hear it out loud. Because when you hear it in your own head, it sounds like, 'Anything can happen with a razor.

0

It's a big deal about whether or not gays can march in the St.

Patrick's Day Parade and I have to say that on some level I kind of see their point. Because when you think about it, it is a real macho heterosexual event. Bunch of guys in short skirts on a cart made of rose pedals sharing a bag pipe. That's not for sissies.

0

About Laura Kightlinger

Quotes 23 sayings
Nationality American
Profession Comedian
Birthday October 16

I used to think drinking was the only way to be happy. Now I know there is no way to be happy.

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I slept with my mother until I was nine years old.

It was OK for the first few years, and then I don't know what happened. I just couldn't do it anymore. I mean, sleeping with the same woman, night after night. Boring!

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I can't think of anything worse after a night of drinking than waking up next to someone and not being able to remember their name, or how you met, or why they're dead.

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I have to find work wherever it might be hiding.

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I love punching the ceiling with my fists when I'm lost or I can't find a parking space.

0

I mean, sleeping with the same woman, night after night. Boring!

0

I'm all over the place, and I consider myself a bit of a scrounger: 'What will I do next, so I'm not broke?'

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We've all made mistakes that are similar in just trying to get by or make some money or feel good about ourselves.

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Always keep your anger bottled up. You might need a bottle of anger some day when friends come by and won't leave.

0

I'm still going on bad dates when by now I should be in a bad marriage.

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