The new Haitian baseball can't weigh more than four ounces or less than five.

— Jerry Coleman

The most seductive Jerry Coleman quotes that are guaranted to improve your brain

Hats off to drug abusers everywhere.

16

Sometimes big trees grow out of acorns - I think I heard that from a squirrel.

13

And Kansas City is at Chicago tonight, or is it Chicago at Kansas City? Well, no matter as Kansas City leads in the eighth 4 to 4.

10

There is someone warming up in the Giants' bullpen, but he's obscured by his number.

9

Hector Torrez, how can you communicate with Enzo Hernandez when he speaks Spanish and you speak Mexican?

9

Ozzie Smith just made another play that I've never seen anyone else make before, and I've seen him make it more often than anyone else ever has.

8

You never ask why you've been fired because if you do, they're liable to tell you.

7

Rich Folkers is throwing 'em up in the bullpen.

6

The first pitch to Tucker Ashford is grounded into left field.

No, wait a minute. It's ball one. Low and outside.

3

It's a cold night out tonight. The Padres better warm up real good because it's stiff out there.

3

Gaylord Perry and Willie McCovey should know each other like a book.

They've been ex-teammates for years now.

3

Gonzo leaps like a giraffe and grabs it.

3

About Jerry Coleman

Quotes 124 sayings
Nationality American
Profession Athlete
Birthday October 16

A day without newspapers is like walking around without your pants on.

3

That's the fourth extra base hit for the Padres - two doubles and a triple.

2

The ballgame is over...in this inning.

2

Sunday is Senior Citizens' Day. And if you want to become a senior citizen, just call the Padre ticket office.

2

Renko has just about had it. Pretty soon somebody will come out of the dugout with a fork and get him.

1

The Cards lead the Dodgers 4-2 after one inning and that one hasn't even started.

0

You didn't have to say it was gone. It was gone before it got outta here. It was going that fast.

0

Rick Miller hit only one home run last year, and that's like hitting none.

0

Billy Almon has all of his in-laws and outlaws here this afternoon.

0

Whenever you get an inflamed tendon, you've got a problem. OK, here's the next pitch to Gene Tendon.

0

Templeton is as hot as you can be and still walk!

0

The Phillies beat the Cubs today in a doubleheader. That puts another keg in the Cubs' coffin.

0

It's a base hit on the error by Roberts.

0

At the end, excitement maintained its hysteria.

0

Tony Taylor was one of the first acquisitions that the Phillies made when they reconstructed their team. They got him from Philadelphia.

0

The big ballpark can do it all!

0

Hi folks, I'm Gerry Gross!

0

Well, it looks like the all-star balloting is about over, especially in the National and American Leagues.

0

If ever an error had "F" written on it, that grounder did.

0

They throw Winfield out at second, but he's safe.

0

Hi, folks, I'm Jerry Gross. No, I'm not, I'm Jerry Coleman.

0

There's a hard shot to LeMaster, he throws Madlock into the dugout.

0

Mike Caldwell, the Padres' right-handed southpaw, will pitch tonight.

0

I don't mean he missed him, but he just didn't get him when he put the tag on him.

0

That noise in my earphones knocked my nose off and I had to pick it up and find it.

0

I've made a couple of mistakes I'd like to do over.

0

With one out in the first, Dave Roberts looks a lot better than the last time he pitched against the Padres!

0

Reggie Smith of the Dodgers and Gary Matthews of the homers hit Braves in that game.

0

Hrabosky looks fierce in that Fu Manchu haircut.

0

Larry Moffett is 6' 3". Last year he was 6" 6".

0

We started with 53,000 people. Half are gone, but surprisingly, most are still here!

0

Eric Show will be 0 for 10 if that pop fly ever comes down.

0

There's two heads to every coin.

0

Many people think the Cards at the end of the wire will cross the finish line first.

0

Larry Lintz steals second standing up. He slid, but he didn't have to.

0

Over the course of a season, a miscue will cost you more than a good play.

0

Pete Rose has three thousand hits and three thousand fourteen overall.

0