110+ Joseph Heller Quotes On Success, Education And World

Joseph Heller was an American novelist and playwright. He is best known for his novel Catch-22, a satire on war and bureaucracy. Heller's work is marked by its black comedy and an absurdist view of the world. Following is our collection on famous quotes by Joseph Heller on life, success, leadership.

Top 10 Joseph Heller Quotes

1. I want to keep my dreams, even bad ones, because without them, I might have nothing all night long.
2. When I grow up I want to be a little boy.
3. The country was in peril; he was jeopardizing his traditional rights of freedom and independence by daring to exercise them.
4. Every writer I know has trouble writing.
5. He was a self-made man who owed his lack of success to nobody.
6. Peace on earth would mean the end of civilization as we know it.
7. But how can one be warm alone?
8. You know, that might be the answer - to act boastfully about something we ought to be ashamed of. That's a trick that never seems to fail.
9. The enemy is anybody who's going to get you killed, no matter which side he's on.
10. The Texan turned out to be good-natured, generous and likable. In three days no one could stand him.

Joseph Heller Short Quotes

• ...[A]nything worth dying for ... is certainly worth living for.
• He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.
• Insanity is contagious.
• There is no disappointment so numbing...as someone no better than you achieving more.
• The question is: what is a sane man to do in an insane society?
• From men motivated by moral certitude, history teaches, no lasting good ever comes.
• All through the night, men looked at the sky and were saddened by the stars.
• Be glad you're even alive.' Be furious you're going to die.
• He knew everything about literature except how to enjoy it.
• The Lord gave us farmers two strong hands so we could grab as much as we could with both of them.

Joseph Heller Quotes About Success

Success and failure are both difficult to endure. Along with success come drugs, divorce, fornication, bullying, travel, meditation, medication, depression, neurosis and suicide. With failure comes failure. — Joseph Heller

Major Major had lied, and it was good. He was not really surprised that it was good, for he had observed that people who did lie were, on the whole, more resourceful and ambitious and successful than people who did not lie. — Joseph Heller

Gold was not sure of many things, but he was definite about one: for every successful person he knew, he could name at least two others of greater ability, better, and higher intelligence who, by comparison, had failed. — Joseph Heller

Joseph Heller Quotes About World

Sure, that's what I mean,' Doc Daneeka said. 'A little grease is what makes this world go round. One hand washes the other. Know what I mean? You scratch my back, I'll scratch yours.' Yossarian knew what he meant. That's not what I meant,' Doc Daneeka said, as Yossarian began scratching his back. — Joseph Heller

The frog is almost five hundred million years old. Could you really say with much certainty that America, with all its strength and prosperity, with its fighting man that is second to none, and with its standard of living that is highest in the world, will last as long as...the frog? — Joseph Heller

If Richard Nixon was second-rate, what in the world is third-rate? — Joseph Heller

Men," he began his address to the officers, measuring his pauses carefully. "You're American officers. The officers of no other army in the world can make that statement. Think about it. — Joseph Heller

How did I get here? Somebody pushed me. Somebody must have set me off in this direction and clus-ters of other hands must have touched themselves to the controls at various times, for I would not have picked this way for the world. — Joseph Heller

I never even realized I was Jewish until I was practically grown up. Or rather, I used to feel that everybody in the world was Jewish, which amounts to the same thing. — Joseph Heller

The night was full of horrors, and he thought he knew how Christ must have felt as he walked through the world, like a psychiatrist through a ward full of nuts. — Joseph Heller

Joseph Heller Quotes About Crazy

There was only one catch and that was Catch-22. Orr would be crazy to fly more missions and sane if he didn't, but if he was sane he had to fly them. If he flew them he was crazy and didn't have to; but if he didn't want to he was sane and had to. — Joseph Heller

Everyone in my book accuses everyone else of being crazy. Frankly, I think the whole society is nuts - and the question is: What does a sane man do in an insane society? — Joseph Heller

I think that maybe in every company today there is always at least one person who is going crazy slowly. — Joseph Heller

I think in every country that there is at least one executive who is scared of going crazy. — Joseph Heller

I think that maybe inside any business, there is someone slowly going crazy — Joseph Heller

There's a rule saying I have to ground anyone who's crazy ... There's a catch. Catch-22. Anyone who wants to get out of combat duty isn't really crazy. — Joseph Heller

As always occurred when he quarreled over principles in which he believed passionately, he would end up gasping furiously for air and blinking back bitter tears of conviction. There were many principles in which Clevinger believed passionately. He was crazy. — Joseph Heller

Joseph Heller Famous Quotes And Sayings

History was a trash bag of random coincidences torn open in a wind. Surely, Watt with his steam engine, Faraday with his electric motor, and Edison with his incandescent light bulb did not have it as their goal to contribute to a fuel shortage some day that would place their countries at the mercy of Arab oil. — Joseph Heller

Destiny is a good thing to accept when it's going your way. When it isn't, don't call it destiny; call it injustice, treachery, or simple bad luck. — Joseph Heller

It is the anonymous "they," the enigmatic "they" who are in charge. Who is "they"? I don't know. Nobody knows. Not even "they" themselves. — Joseph Heller

I'd like to see the government get out of war altogether and leave the whole field to private individuals. — Joseph Heller

The body stores the trauma of our lives in muscular rigidity, thereby keeping us stuck in the past. When we release the tension in the body and align ourselves with gravity, we take a new stand in life. This allows us to be at ease with ourselves and in harmony in our relationship to others and to our planet. — Joseph Heller

Hungry Joe collected lists of fatal diseases and arranged them in alphabetical order so that he could put his finger without delay on any one he wanted to worry about. — Joseph Heller

You have no respect for excessive authority or obsolete traditions. You're dangerous and depraved, and you ought to be taken outside and shot! — Joseph Heller

Man was matter, that was Snowden's secret. Drop him out a window, and he'll fall. Set fire to him and he'll burn. Bury him and he'll rot, like other kinds of garbage. The spirit gone, man is garbage. That was Snowden's secret. Ripeness was all. — Joseph Heller

Some men are born mediocre, some men achieve mediocrity, and some men have mediocrity thrust upon them. With Major Major it had been all three. Even among men lacking all distinction he inevitably stood out as a man lacking more distinction than all the rest, and people who met him were always impressed by how unimpressive he was. — Joseph Heller

You have deep-seated survival anxieties. And you don't like bigots, bullies, snobs or hypocrites. Subconsciously there are many people you hate." "Consciously, sir, consciously," Yossarian corrected in an effort to help. "I hate them consciously. — Joseph Heller

I'll tell you what justice is. Justice is a knee in the gut from the floor on the chin at night sneaky with a knife brought up down on the magazine of a battleship sandbagged underhanded in the dark without a word of warning — Joseph Heller

Major Major never sees anyone in his office while he's in his office. — Joseph Heller

There was only one catch and that was catch 22 — Joseph Heller

Like Olympic medals and tennis trophies, all they signified was that the owner had done something of no benefit to anyone more capably than everyone else. — Joseph Heller

We do have a zeal for laughter in most situations, give or take a dentist. — Joseph Heller

Let's take a drive into the middle of nowhere with a packet of Marlboro lights and talk about our lives. — Joseph Heller

... there is wisdom in madness and strong probability of truth in all accusations, for people are complete, and everyone is capable of everything. — Joseph Heller

But that was war. Just about all he could find in its favor was that it paid well and liberated children from the pernicious influence of their parents. — Joseph Heller

I can't start writing until I have a closing line. — Joseph Heller

How much reverence can you have for a Supreme Being who finds it necessary to include such phenomena as phlegm and tooth decay in His divine system of Creation? What in the world was running through that warped, evil, scatological mind of His when He robbed old people of the power to control their bowel movements? — Joseph Heller

Nurse Duckett found Yossarian wonderful and was already trying to change him. — Joseph Heller

They're trying to kill me," Yossarian told him calmly. No one's trying to kill you," Clevinger cried. Then why are they shooting at me?" Yossarian asked. They're shooting at everyone," Clevinger answered. "They're trying to kill everyone." And what difference does that make? — Joseph Heller

Fortunately, just when things were blackest, the war broke out. — Joseph Heller

To Yossarian, the idea of pennants as prizes was absurd. No money went with them, no class privileges. Like Olympic medals and tennis trophies, all they signified was that the owner had done something of no benefit to anyone more capably than everyone else. — Joseph Heller

It doesn't make a damned bit of difference who wins the war to someone who's dead. — Joseph Heller

But the God I don't believe in is a good God, a just God, a merciful God. He's not the mean and stupid God you make him out to be. — Joseph Heller

When I look up, I see people cashing in. I don't see heaven or saints or angels. I see people cashing in on every decent impulse and every human tragedy. — Joseph Heller

The laws of nature are only as immutable as the minds which promote them. Ignorance of the law is 9/10ths of the law. Just because you aren't paranoid doesn't mean they aren't out to get you. — Joseph Heller

I wouldn't want to live without strong misgivings. — Joseph Heller

They couldn't keep Death out, but while she was in she had to act like a lady. — Joseph Heller

The captain was a good chess player, and the games were always interesting. Yossarian had stopped playing chess with him because the games were so interesting they were foolish. — Joseph Heller

Rise above principal and do what's right. — Joseph Heller

"What would they do to me," he asked in confidential tones, "if I refused to fly them?" "We'd probably shoot you," ex-P.F.C. Wintergreen replied. "We?" Yossarian cried in surprise. "What do you mean, we? Since when are you on their side?" "If you're going to be shot, whose side do you expect me to be on?" ex-P.F.C. Wintergreen retorted. — Joseph Heller

I had examined myself pretty thoroughly and discovered that I was unfit for military service. — Joseph Heller

That's some catch, that Catch-22," he observed. It's the best there is," Doc Daneeka agreed. — Joseph Heller

The enemy," retorted Yossarian with weighted precision, "is anybody who's going to get you killed, no matter which side he's on, and that includes Colonel Cathcart. And don't you forget that, because the longer you remember it, the longer you might live. — Joseph Heller

When you consider the opportunity and power He had to really do a job, and then look at the stupid, ugly little mess He made of it instead, His sheer incompetence is almost staggering. — Joseph Heller

And anything worth dying for — Joseph Heller

I'm gonna live forever, or die trying. — Joseph Heller

Clevinger had a mind, and Lieutenant Scheisskoph had noticed that people with minds tended to get pretty smart at times. — Joseph Heller

Frankly, I'd like to see the government get out of war altogether and leave the whole field to private industry. — Joseph Heller

For war there is always enough. It's peace that's expensive. — Joseph Heller

Nately had a bad start. He came from a good family. — Joseph Heller

A man's head is his castle. — Joseph Heller

Death to all modifiers, he declared one day, and out of every letter that passed through his hands went every adverb and every adjective. — Joseph Heller

"Surely so many countries can't all be worth dying for." "Anything worth living for," said Nately, "is worth dying for." "And anything worth dying for," answered the sacrilegious old man, "is certainly worth living for." — Joseph Heller

mankind is resilient: the atrocities that horrified us a week ago become acceptable tomorrow. — Joseph Heller

When I read something saying I've not done anything as good as "Catch-22" I'm tempted to reply, "Who has?" — Joseph Heller

What do you do when it rains?" The captain answered frankly. "I get wet. — Joseph Heller

Gold was not altogether certain what, anatomically, a gorge was, but he knew that his was rising. — Joseph Heller

Her own body was such a familiar and unremarkable thing to her that she was puzzled by the convulsive ecstasy men could take from it, by the intense and amusing need they had merely to touch it, to reach out urgently and press it, squeeze it, pinch it, rub it. She did not understand Yossarian's lust; but she was willing to take is word for it. — Joseph Heller

Everything passes. (That's what makes it endurable.) — Joseph Heller

It's a wise person, I guess, who knows he's dumb, and an honest person who knows he's a liar. And it's a dumb person, I guess, whose convinced he's wise...-Bob Slocum — Joseph Heller

He was sick with lust and mesmerized with regret — Joseph Heller

I don't think it's good to achieve too much at too early an age. What else can the future give you if you've already got all that your imagination has dreamt up for you? A writer is only discovered once in a lifetime, and if it happens very early the impossibility of matching that moment again can have a somewhat corrosive effect on his personality and indeed on the work itself. — Joseph Heller

where are the snowdens of yesteryear? — Joseph Heller

If character is destiny, the good are damned. — Joseph Heller

From now on I'm thinking only of me." Major Danby replied indulgently with a superior smile: "But, Yossarian, suppose everyone felt that way." "Then," said Yossarian, "I'd certainly be a damned fool to feel any other way, wouldn't I? — Joseph Heller

He was never without misery, and never without hope. — Joseph Heller

Lots of people who complained about us receiving the MBE received theirs for heroism in the war - for killing people. We received ours for entertaining other people. I'd say we deserve ours more. — Joseph Heller

I couldn't see much point in tying myself down to a middle-aged woman with four children, even though the woman was my wife and the children were my own. — Joseph Heller

You wouldn’t be normal if you were never afraid. Even the bravest men experience fear. One of the biggest jobs we all face in combat is to overcome fear. — Joseph Heller

Well, he died. You don't get any older than that. — Joseph Heller

Erogenous zones are either everywhere or nowhere. — Joseph Heller

Why are they going to disappear him?' I don't know.' It doesn't make sense. It isn't even good grammar. — Joseph Heller

Everybody is as unstable as water. — Joseph Heller

¨ Oh, I´m not complaining. I know there´s a war on. I know a lot of people are going to have to suffer for us to win it. But why must I be one of them?¨ — Joseph Heller

Under Colonel Korn's rule, the only people permitted to ask questions were those who never did. — Joseph Heller

There was only one catch and that was Catch-22, which specified that a concern for ones own safety in the face of dangers that were real and immediate was the process of a rational mind. Orr was crazy and could be grounded. All he had to do was ask; and as soon as he did, he would no longer be crazy and would have to fly more missions. Orr would be crazy to fly more missions and sane if he didnt, but if he was sane he had to fly them. If he flew them he was crazy and didnt have to; but if he didnt want to he was sane and had to. Yossarian was moved very deeply by the absolute simplicity of this clause of Catch-22 and let out a respectful whistle. — Joseph Heller

Maybe a long life does have to be filled with many unpleasant conditions if it's to seem long. But in that event, who wants one? — Joseph Heller

You're an intelligent person of great moral character who has taken a very courageous stand. I'm an intelligent person with no moral character at all, so I'm in an ideal position to appreciate it. — Joseph Heller

After he made up his mind to spend the rest of the war in the hospital, Yossarian wrote letters to everyone he knew saying that he was in the hospital but never mentioning why. One day he had a better idea. To everyone he knew he wrote that he was going on a very dangerous mission. "They asked for volunteers. It's very dangerous, but someone has to do it. I'll write you the instant I get back." And he had not written anyone since. — Joseph Heller

Men went mad and were rewarded with medals. — Joseph Heller

The problem with the loneliness I suffer is that the company of others has never been a cure for it. — Joseph Heller

Catch-22 did not exist, he was positive of that, but it made no difference. What did matter was that everyone thought it existed, and that was much worse, for there was no object or text to ridicule or refute, to accuse, criticize, attack, amend, hate, revile, spit at, rip to shreds, trample upon or burn up. — Joseph Heller

Someone had to do something sometime. Every victim was a culprit, every culprit a victim, and somebody had to stand up sometime to try to break the lousy chain of inherited habit that was imperiling them all. — Joseph Heller

Now you've given them hope, and they're unhappy. So the blame is all yours. — Joseph Heller

I don't think the 'what' distinguishes a good novel from a bad one but rather the 'how.' — Joseph Heller

Life Lessons by Joseph Heller

1. Joseph Heller's work emphasizes the importance of living life to its fullest, no matter how absurd or unpredictable it may be. He encourages readers to embrace the chaos of life and to make the most of every moment.
2. His novels also remind us of the power of laughter and humor in the face of adversity, and how it can be used to cope with difficult situations.
3. Finally, Heller's work emphasizes the importance of questioning authority and standing up for what you believe in, even if it means going against the grain.