I like a teacher who gives you something to take home to think about besides homework.

— Lily Tomlin

The most memorable Lily Tomlin quotes that are little-known but priceless

The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat.

101

The trouble with being in the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat.

98

Why is it that when we talk to God we're said to be praying but when God talks to us we're schizophrenic?

91
Lily Tomlin quote I always wanted to be somebody, but now

I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.

19

There's so much plastic in this culture that vinyl leopard skin is becoming an endangered synthetic.

75

I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.

74

For fast-acting relief try slowing down.

64
Lily Tomlin quote The trouble with the rat race is that ev

The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win you're still a rat.

21

If truth is beauty, how come no one has their hair done in the library?

63

If you read a lot of books you are considered well read.

But if you watch a lot of TV, you're not considered well viewed.

50

Instead of working for the survival of the fittest, we should be working for the survival of the wittiest - then we can all die laughing.

49
Lily Tomlin quote I always wondered why somebody didn't do

I always wondered why somebody didn't do something about that, then I realised that I am somebody.

14

Ninety eight percent of the adults in this country are decent, hardworking, honest Americans. It's the other lousy two percent that get all the publicity. But then, we elected them.

48

We have reason to believe that man first walked upright to free his hands for masturbation.

31

Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain.

29
Lily Tomlin quote The road to success is always under cons

The road to success is always under construction.

9

About Lily Tomlin

Quotes 114 sayings
Nationality American
Profession Actress
Birthday October 16

If I had known what it would be like to have it all - I might have been willing to settle for less.

28

We're all in this alone.

26

The best mind-altering drug is the truth.

25

The whole idea of being in captivity in such limited space, especially in a zoo, causes elephants to suffer. They develop all kinds of foot diseases. They die. They get cysts. Not only is it painful, it eventually kills them.

21

My politics are just inclined to be empathetic and humanistic.

I grew up with so many different kinds of people with different politics, different religion, no religion, no politics, education, no education, and I was infatuated with all of them.

18

Reality is the leading cause of stress among those in touch with it.

17

I have always wanted to be somebody, but I see now I should have been more specific.

16

We are all in this together, by ourselves.

16

If love is the answer, could you please rephrase the question?

16

Reality is nothing but a collective hunch.

16

Success is a ladder that cannot be climbed with your hands in your pocket - The road to success is always under construction

15

Sometimes I feel like a figment of my own imagination.

14

The formula for water is H2O. Is the formula for an ice cube H2O squared?

14

After all, in private, we're all misfits

14

Don't be afraid of missing opportunities.

Behind every failure is an opportunity somebody wishes they had missed.

14

Why is it when we talk to God, we're praying, but when God talks to us, we're schizophrenic?

13

Sometimes I worry about being a success in a mediocre world.

12

The phone company handles 84 billion calls a year-everything from kings, queens, and presidents to the scum of the earth.

11

Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs.

11

Nobody is here without a reason. I always had a different sensibility. I like a huge range of comedy - from broad and farcical, the most sensitive, the most understated - but I always wanted my comedy to be more embracing of the species rather than debasing of it.

6

No matter how cynical you become, it's never enough to keep up.

6

Being a New Yorker is never having to say you are sorry.

6

Remember we're all in this alone.

5

When we speak to God, we call it prayer; when God speaks back, we call it psychosis!

5

You know being relevant or coming up with something interesting, funny to say about what's current is just as hard as it might ever be depending on the serendipity of it all.

5

Creating characters is just another way to express a type and put that type to use.

3

When we talk to god, it's prayer. When god talks to us, it's schizophrenia.

3

Even when I'm being funny, I'm deadly serious.

3

I worry that the person who thought up Muzak may be thinking up something else.

3

When I've had a meltdown, people will say to me, "Well, you failed to keep your sense of humor."

2

Things are going to get a lot worse before they get worse.

2

The thing that most distresses me is whenever I see things over sexualized, I worry about young girls. Some of the fall out of the feminist movement is that it made younger and younger girls more sexually available. It's part of the philosophy, be your own person and be free. But, girls are so over sexualized in this culture.

2

Truth is, I've always been selling out.

The difference is that in the past, I looked like I had integrity because there were no buyers.

2

And yet humanity is so not evolved that how can you expect anything absolutely major to happen? Look how long, we move ahead in technology, how much do we move ahead in morality or emotion? We move ahead so minimally, minimally, minimally.

2

If evolution was worth its salt, it should've evolved something better than 'survival of the fittest.' I think a better idea would be 'survival of the wittiest.' At least, that way, creatures that didn't survive could've died laughing.

1

I'm not a religious person. I don't have any desire. To me it's imitative of a conventional culture. I'm all for it for anybody. I totally have a free and open feeling about how other humans want to live their lives. It's just not something that has any real significance for me.

1

I worry about kids today - because of the sexual revolution, they're going to grow up and never know what "dirty" means.

1
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