110+ Roseanne Barr Quotes On Education, Comedic And Outspoken

Roseanne Barr is an American actress, comedian, writer, and television producer. She is known for her role in the television sitcom Roseanne from 1988 to 1997. She was also the 2012 presidential nominee of the California-based Peace and Freedom Party. Following is our collection on famous quotes by Roseanne Barr on education, love, comedic.

Top 10 Roseanne Barr Quotes

1. The thing women have yet to learn is nobody gives you power. You just take it.
2. I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on.
3. As a housewife, I feel that if the kids are still alive when my husband gets home from work, then hey, I've done my job.
4. Half the world's starving; the other half is trying to lose weight.
5. Women should try to increase their size rather than decrease it, because I believe the bigger we are, the more space we'll take up, and the more we'll have to be reckoned with.
6. Experts say you should never hit your children in anger. When is a good time? When you're feeling festive?
7. I quit smoking. I feel better. I smell better. And it's safer to drink out of old beer cans laying around the house.
8. I call myself a 'domestic goddess.
9. A lot of times nerds are really artists listening to the beat of another drummer.
10. My hope is that gays will be running the world, because then there would be no war. Just a greater emphasis on military apparel.

Roseanne Barr Image Quotes

I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on. — Roseanne Barr

Roseanne Barr Short Quotes

• Adults in a free country should be able to smoke a joint if they want to.
• There isn't a problem on this earth that a doughnut cannot make better.
• Comedy is the only hope for humanity.
• Being nuts is its own reward.
• My husband and I didn't sign a pre-nuptial agreement. We signed a mutual suicide pact.
• The quickest way to a man's heart is through his chest.
• I'm a heterosexual. I don't know why I'm like this. I was just born this way.
• Everything here must be done twice as no one can do it right the first time.
• Women are cursed, and men are the proof.
• I'm just into spirituality. I believe that in a previous life I used to be Shirley MacLaine.

Roseanne Barr Quotes About Love

My children love me. I'm like the mother they never had. — Roseanne Barr

I want to be the girl in Indiana Jones. I would love to do an adventure movie where I was saving the world. It might be cool if I used a lot of kitchen tools to fight off the enemy. — Roseanne Barr

You may marry the man of your dreams, ladies, but fourteen years later you're married to a couch that burps. — Roseanne Barr

I loved work and I loved pouring myself into the work, you know. It was the real life that I had trouble with. — Roseanne Barr

We never get sick of each other. That's how sick we are. — Roseanne Barr

Roseanne Barr Quotes About Kids

The fact that my grown kids like to hang out with me, I mean, it just - I don't think it really can get any better than that, I don't think. — Roseanne Barr

I have five kids from three marriages. I come from a trailer park. My sister and brother are both gay. I have multiple personalities. — Roseanne Barr

I hate every human being on earth. I feel that everyone is beneath me, and I feel they should all worship me. That's what I told my kids. I think I must have been Adolf Hitler in a past life. — Roseanne Barr

I figure if the kids are alive at the end of the day, I've done my job. — Roseanne Barr

The most out-there thing I’m saying is, ‘Don’t have babies. Don’t get married and have kids. Have a larger life than that. — Roseanne Barr

My kids were completely out of control, while I was working fifteen hours a day plus weekends. I screamed a lot, something I'm not particularly proud of, but it was that or firearms. — Roseanne Barr

I had one kid with the birth control pill, I had one with the diaphram and I had one with the I.U.D. I don't even know what happened with my I.U.D. It never came out. But I have my suspicions because that kid picks up HBO. — Roseanne Barr

Roseanne Barr Quotes About Children

In the new world every position of power evacuated by an arrested and beheaded pedophile or bankster will be filled with a grandmother who has pledged to create heaven on earth for all children, animal and humans with the stolen money we have recovered. — Roseanne Barr

I like it when very little children think for themselves, because they do not have access to car keys or credit cards or crack pipes, but they have some really funny lines. — Roseanne Barr

I figure that if the children are alive when I get home, I've done my job. — Roseanne Barr

Roseanne Barr Quotes About Month

Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only time of the month I can be myself. — Roseanne Barr

Women complain about PMS, but I think of it as the only time of the month when I can be myself. — Roseanne Barr

Hollywood is the only place on earth that has more vampires, more undead, more resurrections than a month of Easter Sundays. — Roseanne Barr

Roseanne Barr Famous Quotes And Sayings

Legalize hemp and allow women to grow it and make food, clothing and housing for pennies from it and legalize marijuana too. Let women integrate their divided consciousness with a natural herb instead of doctors' pills that kill the liver. — Roseanne Barr

I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on. — Roseanne Barr

Being hated and hunted and blamed for your own suffering makes people kind of testy, nervous, and on edge, and often fundamentalist and extreme. Bombs get thrown only when people cannot honestly talk together. — Roseanne Barr

Eat as much as you'd like. My philosophy has always been that all women desire to be as fat as myself but just have a great fear of doing so. Because they think they won't get any men, but you will. You'll get more men, and better men. — Roseanne Barr

This bugs me the worst. That's when the husband thinks that the wife knows where everything is, huh? Like they think the uterus is a tracking device. He comes in: "Hey, Roseanne! Roseanne! Do we have any Cheetos left?" Like he can't go over and lift up the sofa cushion himself. — Roseanne Barr

There's a lot more to being a woman than being a mother, but there's a hell of a lot more to being a mother than most people suspect. — Roseanne Barr

We had no religion at all, but we were Jews in New Hampshire, and my sister - who is now a rabbi - said it best: We were, like, the only Jews in Bedford, New Hampshire, as well as the only Democrats, so we just kind of associated those two things together. My dad raised us to believe that paying taxes is an honor. — Roseanne Barr

A lot of men are impotent and it's very sad. How many of you are impotent? I see. Can't get your arms up either? — Roseanne Barr

ACORN is organizing to make sure the job of rebuilding New Orleans is done by the people of New Orleans and truly benefits the communities who have been hurt the most. — Roseanne Barr

It's a big culture of mind control too, MK-Ultra mind control rules in Hollywood. If you don't know that, google it and look into it. It's really hard for artists to find their voice in the media. It's levels of brainwashing and mind control. — Roseanne Barr

It's the Night of the Living Dead. It's scary out here. — Roseanne Barr

A good man doesn't just happen. They have to be created by us women. A guy is a lump like this doughnut. — Roseanne Barr

Hillary Clinton and Barack Hussein Obama cannot win, and they are put in place to assure a victory by Mitt Romney... this is the plan of all the insurance companies that are owned by Mormon interests. It is unfolding as the Mormon Church planned over the last fifty years. — Roseanne Barr

My dad taught me swears when I was a toddler, and I saw, at a really early age, that if I shocked people, I would get approval, and it made my arms itch with glee. I got addicted to it. It became this source of power in a totally powerless life. — Roseanne Barr

My daughter made me a Jerry Springer-watching kit, with crackers, Cheez Whiz, polyester stretch pants and a T-shirt with two fat women fighting over a skinny guy. — Roseanne Barr

I thank God for creating gay men. Because if it wasn't for them, us fat women would have no one to dance with. — Roseanne Barr

As the books got more and more Zionist and less and less socialist, my entire generation, at least a large percentage of it, simply left Judaism. We became Buddhist and Hindu and atheist or agnostic, all of which (except Christian) were more in keeping with peaceful self-transformative ideas that did not bow down to militarism. — Roseanne Barr

I have a huge crush on President George W. Bush. I saw him at a recent fundraiser, and he`s a babe. He`s got that Ronald Reagan charm. I think he`s hot. I respect his wife, but if he wasn`t married I`d be putting on my cowboy boots and coming around. — Roseanne Barr

And, you know, I liked writing humor. Well, I should say, I wanted to write seriously, but it kept turning funny. — Roseanne Barr

You must never be afraid in New York City, because then you will call bad stuff to you and you will not like it there. — Roseanne Barr

Oh, hi. I been married thirteen years, and lemme tell you, it's a thrill to be out of the house. I never get out of the house. I stay home all the time. I never do anything fun 'cause I'm a housewife. I hate the word "housewife." I prefer to be called "domestic goddess. — Roseanne Barr

I hold to nothing but envisioning international peace and utopia. We all have many more things in common than not. — Roseanne Barr

Abortion is a woman's right. — Roseanne Barr

Husbands are never happy. My husband asked me for more space, so I locked him out of the house. — Roseanne Barr

Illiteracy is a huge problem in America. One in three adults in our country is illiterate. — Roseanne Barr

There's nothing like a hardship song to set my toes a-tappin. — Roseanne Barr

Sometimes for me not throwing a tantrum is what running a marathon or swimming the English Channel must be like for others of a less-challenging emotional nature. — Roseanne Barr

I'm on the mirror diet. You eat all your food in front of a mirror in the nude. It works pretty good, though some of the fancier restaurants don't go for it. — Roseanne Barr

Impeach the President and the Vice President, they are traitors to America, and so are all of their supporters. Impeach! Anyone in congress who refuses to save our union from these traitors by doing nothing needs to be recalled. — Roseanne Barr

As long as your abuser has you scared, you will stay in the cycle of abuse. Thinking of solutions helps you to escape. — Roseanne Barr

Part of my platform is, of course, the guilty must be punished and that we no longer let our children see their guilty leaders getting away with murder. Because it teaches children, you know, that they don’t have to have any morals as long as they have guns and are bullies and I don’t think that's a good message. . . . I do say that I am in favor of the return of the guillotine and that is for the worst of the worst of the guilty. — Roseanne Barr

I got, like, Diane Keaton's manager, and she was very connected; she had power. And she was like, "Your star is in tears on this comedy. Do you even notice that at all?" — Roseanne Barr

My best friend Linda is leaving her husband just because he is unfaithful to her. That is no reason to leave the person. I feel like after that, you should stay with them and make sure that the rest of their life is sheer hell. — Roseanne Barr

There isn't any New Man. The New Man is the old man, only he whines more. — Roseanne Barr

My husband says, 'Roseanne, don't you think we ought to talk about our sexual problems?' Like I'm gonna turn off Wheel of Fortune for that. — Roseanne Barr

Pot enables you to think clearly without any fear or any limits. It's a mind-expander, which is part of why it's illegal and why drugs like Vicodin are legal. — Roseanne Barr

Have you heard about the women who stabbed her husband 37 times? I admire her restraint. — Roseanne Barr

Men read maps better than women because only men can understand the concept of an inch equaling a hundred miles. — Roseanne Barr

I simply care nothing for any of your religions, as all three are fundamentally flawed, unlike the Church of Common Sense, right from the start! They call God he instead of she and all three would like to burn me at the stake for saying that! — Roseanne Barr

The only options open for girls then were of course mother, secretary or teacher. At least that's what we all thought and were preparing ourselves for. Now, I must say how lucky we are, as women, to live in an age where 'Dental Hygienist' has been added to the list. — Roseanne Barr

I have more money than God, but not as much as Oprah. — Roseanne Barr

Any Hamas or Zionist type who tries to interfere with the labor unions and grab the money will be marched to the guillotines and subsequently beheaded. And isn't that easier and more productive than some endless, bloody conflict? So sayeth the gospel of common sense. Happy Mother's Day. — Roseanne Barr

The basic thing is, people want to get paid, so they'll say the things that get them paid, in entertainment or politics. — Roseanne Barr

Don't call people names you dirty name caller you. — Roseanne Barr

Most of the books call Her a He, but I am able to ascertain what is meant, despite that semantic error. — Roseanne Barr

I'm so much more famous than I am financially successful. — Roseanne Barr

Eating cookies that you bake with your grandmother is one of the greatest social steps one must experience in order to grow up into a decent world citizen, in my opinion. — Roseanne Barr

Everything on this earth right now is about labor and slavery. War is the only American export left that anyone wants to buy. — Roseanne Barr

When I was little, that was one thing that I was told in a vision: I was going to have my own show when I grew up. And it's going to be funny. — Roseanne Barr

I have a fierce eating disorder that has survived even bariatric surgery. I got even fatter after that! Hey, maybe fat people are just trying to get closer to others, did anybody ever that of that?! — Roseanne Barr

Diets are a temporary solution to a permanent problem. — Roseanne Barr

I try to tell people to keep having hope. It's always what you don't know and don't expect that's gonna be so great. — Roseanne Barr

Without democracy in our homes, we will never have it in the world. — Roseanne Barr

US needs to fix up it's election system so that votes are fairly counted, and the Electoral College is removed. — Roseanne Barr

The one who cares the most wins. ... That's how I knew I'd end up with everyone else waving the white flags and not me. That's how I knew I'd be the last person standing when it was all over. ... I cared the most. — Roseanne Barr

My grandmother ... came here, not only like so many others because of the streets 'being paved with gold' and all, but because she wanted to leave the place where the streets were paved with people who had not gone to America. — Roseanne Barr

Honestly, a lot of the human etiquette I learned in life I learned from, like, thank-you notes and dating Jimmy Kimmel. — Roseanne Barr

I've never done anything for money, and that is why I got money. When you do stuff for money, you never get money. — Roseanne Barr

In order to be able to write a good joke, you have to find the truth. — Roseanne Barr

A lot of people who are actors and artists who work in Hollywood come from a background of abuse, and you can make abused people very fearful and they'll do what they're told. Hollywood definitely has a point of view that it sells. — Roseanne Barr

My family were hitters. If you made them laugh, they didn't hit you. My dad wouldn't hit me if I got him with humor right between the eyes. — Roseanne Barr

I didn't know that being in a relationship meant you had to be nice. I thought it meant you had to hack away at the other person until they were beaten down and then were too afraid to leave. — Roseanne Barr

No government in the Middle East is innocent. Wars make the stock market go up, so no one in America is innocent either, nor anyone anywhere where capitalism reigns. — Roseanne Barr

Suddenly, people had three phone numbers but never answered their phones. — Roseanne Barr

I survived my childhood by birthing many separate identities to stand in for one another in times of great stress and fear. — Roseanne Barr

I signed a deal with Satan because I wanted to get famous. Then I forgot I had a deal with Satan and then I got really famous. — Roseanne Barr

I'm funnier now because I'm braver and less full of hate, so everything is even more ridiculous than it was before. — Roseanne Barr

Laugh every day as much as you can. — Roseanne Barr

There is no scarier chasm of darkness than the human mind. — Roseanne Barr

I'm fat and proud of it. If someone asks me how my diet is going, I say 'Fine - how was your lobotomy?' — Roseanne Barr

I have horrible stage fright - you know how you go through the bi-polar stage fright thing? Then you go on drugs to get over the stage fright and perform, but then you're not funny at all. — Roseanne Barr

Everyone in America (according to my generalizations) is a potential millionaire waiting for his or her big break. I was astonished lately to realize that Americans are definitely believing in and planning for the future, despite the fact that they elected Ronald Reagan twice. — Roseanne Barr

I have great parents, and they both taught me great things, but my formative years were boundaryless. — Roseanne Barr

two things do me in: one's chocolate cake, the other's hypocrisy. — Roseanne Barr

Life Lessons by Roseanne Barr

1. Roseanne Barr teaches us to never give up on our dreams, no matter how challenging the journey may be. She faced many obstacles in her career, but she persevered and became one of the most successful actresses in television history.
2. She also teaches us to be resilient and to never let failure define us. Despite facing criticism and setbacks, she kept going and worked hard to achieve her goals.
3. Finally, Roseanne Barr's story shows us the importance of staying true to ourselves and our beliefs. She was unapologetically herself, and that is what made her so successful.