Everyone who ever walked barefoot into his child's room late at night hates Legos.

— Tony Kornheiser

The most floundering Tony Kornheiser quotes that are simple and will have a huge impact on you

Men are clinging to football on a level we aren't even aware of.

For centuries, we ruled everything, and now, in the last ten minutes, there are all these incursions by women. It's our Alamo.


He is already past the high point in his life and coming down on the other side.

By next week he'll be nostalgia. He's 12 years old, and it's over for him.


We think Eli is taller and handsomer now that he's won the Super Bowl.

Imagine what would've happened if [Jaws] won the Super Bowl.


Someone I talked to who covered auto racing for a lot of years said she believed there was a 60 percent chance that Junior qualified with a car not quite up to code and people looked the other way because there’s no points involved [with the pole].


When you put yourself out there as an expert and the people you are trying to attract are people who want to do the very show you are doing, guys standing around, sitting around arguing with each other over sports, if you make a mistake that lights up like a flare in the middle of the night. You've just got to correct that or else they're going to say, 'Well, why do these dopes have that show? I can go out there and be just as good as them.'


The Bears treat offense as if it's bubonic plague.


Ivan Lendl is a robot, a solitary, mechanical man who lives with his dogs behind towering walls at his estate in Connecticut. A man who so badly wants to have a more human image that he's having surgery to remove the bolts from his neck.


The players need to remember to run with their bodies above their legs.


So instead of the Super Bowl, we've got the Stupor Bowl.

Two once-proud teams, now 0-4 and stumbling through the season like zombies. And if you think the Cowboys are bad (and they are), the Redskins are so bad that every few plays you have to put a mirror under thieir noses to make sure they're still breathing.


I've got about 27 gigs right now. I've got radio, I've got television, I've got The Washington Post.

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