When I talk to girls, they go, 'I'm not a feminist.' And I say: 'What? You don't want to vote? Do you want to be owned by your husband? Do you want your money from your job to go into his bank account? If you were raped, do you still want that to be a crime? Congratulations : you are a feminist.'— Caitlin Moran
The most cheerful Caitlin Moran quotes to discover and learn by heart
We must recall the most important of humanity guidelines: Be polite.
Being polite is possibly the greatest daily contribution everyone can make to life on Earth.
I love puffins. They are small, round gothic birds, and their babies are called pufflings.
A library in the middle of a community is a cross between an emergency exit, a life raft and a festival. They are cathedrals of the mind; hospitals of the soul; theme parks of the imagination. On a cold, rainy island, they are the only sheltered public spaces where you are not a consumer, but a citizen, instead.
I told my girls, 'Look at Rihanna: She's one of the biggest pop stars in the world. She's really famous, really powerful, really rich. Yet in every single video she can only wear panties. Poor Rhianna! We'll know when she is properly powerful and successful when we see her in a lovely cardigan.'
The world is difficult and we are all breakable. So just be kind.
What is feminism? Simply the belief that women should be as free as men, however nuts, dim, deluded, badly dressed, fat, receding, lazy and smug they might be. Are you a feminist? Hahaha. Of course you are.
It's like if every single male artist dressed up as farmers.
In every video they were on a farm. Whether it was Jason Derulo or Oasis, they're always on a tractor, they're always surrounded by sheep and always in boots. And all the songs are about enjoying farming, and this is all you've had for 10 years - you'd think you were going mad.
When a woman says, ‘I have nothing to wear!’, what she really means is, ‘There’s nothing here for who I’m supposed to be today.
My core belief is that if you're complaining about something for more than three minutes, two minutes ago you should have done something about it.
I want a Zero Tolerance policy on All The Patriarchal Bullshit.
You can always tell when a woman is with the wrong man, because she has so much to say about the fact that nothing's happening. When women find the right person, on the other hand, they just... disappear for six months, then resurface, eyes shiny, and usually about six pounds heavier.
I feel in my bones that Lady Gaga is a true strident feminist and good for my soul - but how do I square this with the fact that she's constantly walking around in her bra and pants, even at, like, airports and stuff, where even nudists wear a fleece and linen drawstring trousers?
Whenever I see a taboo, I just think that's something we need to drag screaming out into the light and discuss. Because taboos are where our fears live, and taboos are the things that keep us tiny. Particularly for women.
It's always sunny above the clouds. Always. Every day on earth - every day I have ever had - was secretly sunny, after all.
I like a little bit of revolution. I think it's a very good hobby for a young woman. Better than squash.
If you are lying down to give birth, gravity is not helping you.
You know, you stand up and, you know, a baby will basically kind of fall out of you, if you keep walking 'round.
I have a rule for working out if the root problem of something is, in fact, sexism. And it is this: asking 'Are the boys doing it? Are the boys having to worry about this stuff? Are the boys the centre of a gigantic global debate on this subject?
We need to reclaim the word feminism. We need to reclaim the word feminism real bad.
Always remember that, nine times out of ten, you probably aren’t having a full-on nervous breakdown – you just need a cup of tea and a biscuit. You’d be amazed how easily and repeatedly you can confuse the two. Get a big biscuit tin.
When you say you're not a feminist, if feminism hadn't existed, and you didn't live in a feminist world, you wouldn't be saying that, because you'd be too busy scrubbing out the toilets in back while cooking up your husband's tea and dying in childbirth at the age of 34.
You just wanted to be normal. It wasn't even being beautiful. I just wanted to be smooth and thin and have, and you know, have beautiful glossy hair and lovely clothes and be able to walk in heels. And I thought that once I did all of that stuff that my life would begin.
I’m neither ‘pro-women’ nor ‘anti-men’. I’m just ‘Thumbs up for the six billion
A library in the middle of a community is a cross between an emergency exit, a life raft and a festival.
Any action a woman engages in from a spirit of joy, and within a similarly safe and joyous environment, falls within the city-walls of feminism. A girl has a right to dance how she wants, when her favourite record comes on.
I always give three pieces of advice to all the teenage girls when I do my talks: long country walks - it's important to get some fresh air in your lungs, and be in contact with your body; masturbation - it takes the edge off, it'll get you through; and the revolution - believing in changing the world.
The problem that we have is thinking there's only one kind of feminist, and that she's politically correct and right on at all times, wears flat shoes, doesn't wear makeup, probably doesn't have sex, is very angry, wears dungarees, is a vegetarian.
When you live in a small house with five younger siblings, it's actually far more sensible- and much quicker- to cry alone.
There are some women out there who are just going to look better with a mustache: that's statistics.
It's the silliness--the profligacy, and the silliness--that's so dizzying: a seven-year-old will run downstairs, kiss you hard, and then run back upstairs again, all in less than 30 seconds. It's as urgent an item on their daily agenda as eating or singing. It's like being mugged by Cupid.
It's actually technically impossible for a woman to argue against feminism.
Without feminism, you wouldn't be allowed to have a debate on a woman's place in society. You'd be too busy giving birth on the kitchen floor, biting down on a wooden spoon so as not to disturb the men's card game, before going back to hoeing the rutabaga field.
I've generally got low levels of embarrassment.
Why on earth have I, because I'm a woman, got to be nice to everyone?
And every book, you find, has its own social group--friends of its own it wants to introduce you to, like a party in the library that need never, ever end.
Self-harm - the world will come at you with knives anyway. You do not need to beat them to it.
Feminism means something - legislation, cultural change - but 'Girl Power' meant nothing more than being friends with your friends.
Batman doesn’t want a baby in order to feel he’s ‘done everything’.
He’s just saved Gotham again! If this means that Batman must be a feminist role model above, say, Nicola Horlick, then so be it.
I could have written a misery memoir and instead I tried to make it funny. I never complained.
I was brought up in the '80s. I was born in 1975. So by the time I got to 10 and I kind of knew that I probably was going to have to be a grown-up lady at some point, the feminine role models that I had were kind of the cast of "Dynasty" and "Dallas." And I just found that terrifying.
You wanted to become a doctor to help people and feel better at the end of your job, I think, watching them, as the nurse takes my hand. But I don't think you do feel better at the end of the day. You look like humans have constantly disappointed you.
I was brought up in a kind of, you know, very hippie, liberal family.
And it was just always automatically assumed that men and women were equal and indeed superior.
The kind of classic pose of a female model is to look kind of sexy and a bit annoyed.
I don't campaign for the end of the aristocracy or the upper classes;
I don't really want to destroy anything at all. I just want more plurality.
In the end I want to spend my 60s writing bonkbusters like Jilly Cooper.
One of the great things about being a writer/journalist is that my boss loves me to go out and do features on being someone else. I did a feature on Kate Middleton, where I went to an incredible fancy state home in the countryside, put on a wedding dress and posed for engagement pictures with a fake Prince William.
If you eat enough books, you start pooping out words.
I come from grunge, and then Brit-pop, scenes where you boast about how little you spent on an outfit. ... Now, it seems you must find The Dress, then The Dress needs to have The Belt, and a complementary but not overly-matching bag must be found which works with not only the correct hosiery, but with something to throw over yourself if you become chilly.
If you're not a confident person, pretend to be one.
But nearly every woman I know has a roughly similar story - in fact, dozens of them: stories about being obsessed with a celebrity, work colleague or someone they vaguely knew for years; living in a parallel world in their head; conjuring up endless plots and scenarios for this thing that never actually happened.
If you can find a frock you look nice in and can run up three flights of stairs, you're not fat.