Woody Allen (born Allen Stewart Königsberg) is a three-time Academy Award-winning American film director, writer, actor, jazz musician, comedian and playwright. His large body of work and cerebral film style, mixing satire, wit and humor, have made him one of the most respected and prolific filmmakers in the modern era.
Let this list of 122 quotations by the American director Woody Allen lead you to an inspirational day. Recharge yourself with motivational life, absurd, humor sayings, and satisfy your hunger for a better life.
What are the best Woody Allen quotes?
We've made this hand-picked collection of quotes to show you what is Woody Allen truly willing to say and leave for generations. Whether an inspirational quote or a motivational message about giving your best, we can all benefit from the wisdom, captured within these words.
I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had smallpox.
Sex alleviates tension. Love causes it.
Eighty percent of success is showing up.
Sex relieves tension - love causes it.
I am not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people.
The good ones slept better... while the bad ones seemed to enjoy the waking hours much more.
Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath and she would come in and sink my boats.
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet.
Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too soon.
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying.
A Bay Area Bisexual told me I didn't quite coincide with either of her desires.
On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done just as easily as lying down.
Life is divided up into the horrible and the miserable.
I am at two with nature.
It shows exactly what you can do if you're a total psychotic.
In Beverly Hills... they don't throw their garbage away. They make it into television shows.
Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite.
This is a very comforting thought - particularly for people who cannot remember where they left things.
What if nothing exists and we're all in somebody's dream? Or what's worse, what if only that fat guy in the third row exists?
I've never been an intellectual but I have this look.
I'd never join a club that would allow a person like me to become a member.
Man consists of two parts, his mind and his body, only the body has more fun.
The talent for being happy is appreciating and liking what you have, instead of what you don't have.
If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.
I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
Dying is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down.
Some guy hit my fender, and I told him, 'Be fruitful and multiply,' but not in those words.
I just can't listen to any more Wagner, you know...I'm starting to get the urge to conquer Poland.
It is no secret that organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year. This is quite a profitable sum, especially when one considers that the Mafia spends very little for office supplies.
My luck is getting worse and worse. Last night, for instance, I was mugged by a quaker.
Students achieving Oneness will move on to Twoness.
Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.
I don't respond well to mellow, you know what I mean, I have a tendency to.
.. if I get too mellow, I ripen and then rot.
A deranged person is supposed to have the strength of ten men.
I have the strength of one small boy... with polio.
A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.
Time is nature's way of keeping everything from happening at once.
To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.
If my films don't show a profit, I know I'm doing something right.
Comedy just pokes at problems, rarely confronts them squarely.
Drama is like a plate of meat and potatoes, comedy is rather the dessert, a bit like meringue.
The food here is terrible, and the portions are too small.