Alexander Woollcott Quotes

All the things I really like to do are either immoral, illegal, or fattening.

There is no such thing in anyone's life as an unimportant day.

It comes from the likes of you! Take what you can get! Grab the chances as they come along! Act in hallways! Sing in doorways! Dance in cellars!

I'm tired of hearing it said that democracy doesn't work.

Of course it doesn't work. We are supposed to work it.

Many of us spend half of our time wishing for things we could have if we didn't spend half our time wishing.

At 83, George Bernard Shaw's mind was perhaps not quite as good as it used to be, but it was still better than anyone else's.

A hick town is one where there is no place to go where you shouldn't go.

To all things clergic I am allergic.

The scenery in the play was beautiful, but the actors got in front of it.

Nothing risque, nothing gained.

The English have an extraordinary ability for flying into a great calm.

Reading Proust is like bathing in someone else's dirty water.

Germany was the cause of Hitler as much as Chicago is responsible for the Chicago Tribune.

Today just might be the best day to start seriously thinking about quitting smoking.

I count it a high honor to belong to a profession in which the good men write every paragraph, every sentence, every line, as lovingly as any Addison or Steele, and do so in full regard that by tomorrow it will have been burned, or used, if at all, to line a shelf.

Once in pre-war days, when curiously-bonneted women drivers were familiar sights at the taxi-wheels, I cried out to one in my dismay: "Is there no speed limit in this mad city?" "Oh, yes, monsieur," she answered sweetly over her shoulder, "but no one has ever succeeded in reaching it."

Babies in silk hats playing with dynamite.

His huff arrived and he departed in it.

A broker is a man who runs your fortune into a shoestring.

It was Mrs. Campbell, for instance, who, on a celebrated occasion, threw her companion into a flurry by describing her recent marriage as "the deep, deep peace of the double-bed after the hurly-burly of the chaise-longue."

She was like a sinking ship firing on the rescuers.

One listens to one's lawyer prattle on as long as one can stand it and then signs where indicated.

Mrs. Patrick Cambell is an aged British battleship sinking rapidly and firing every available gun on her rescuers.

The two oldest professions in the world — ruined by amateurs.

All the things I really like to do are either immoral, illegal or fattening.

You haven't lived until you died in New York.

Los Angeles is seven suburbs in search of a city.

There's nothing wrong with Oscar Levant - nothing a miracle won't cure.

Everything I like is either illegal, immoral or fattening.

There's absolutely nothing wrong with Oscar Levant that a miracle can't fix.