Well I went to New Orleans to cover the jazz festival for Trio, it's this new arts channel, it's really great.— Amy Sedaris
The most valuable Amy Sedaris quotes to discover and learn by heart
Don't leave a piece of jewelry at his house so you can go back and get it later;
he may be with his real girlfriend.
Sometimes losing a pet is more painful than losing a human because in the case of the pet, you were not pretending to love it.
I think it's good for a person to spend time alone.
It gives them an opportunity to discover who they are and to figure out why they are always alone.
I choose to do unattractive people, because then I can pretend they think they're attractive.
although it has been said that idle hands are the devil's workshop, when it comes to teenagers, both idle and active hands are the devil's workshop.
I have always wanted a bunny and I'll always have a rabbit the rest of my life.
I always liked my teachers, and I was in a lot of after-school projects.
I was a Girl Scout until my senior year, when I couldn't be a Girl Scout anymore. I was in clubs like Junior Achievement, and I ran track and field. My grades were good, but then toward 11th grade they were nothing. I always went to summer school.
You know when you watch old movies, it's always the small parts you remember, the character actors who come in like a breath of fresh air.
Most people think witches are a coven of lesbians dancing naked in the forest celebrating the semen stolen from imprisoned hypnotized males, which they then use to inseminate one another using turkey basters in order to create a legion of demon babies. Well, that's only part of it. We are also active in community outreach programs.
Don't answer the door in a wedding dress and veil, he might not think you're joking.
It's natural for humans to suppress urges, for when our desires are left unchecked they lead to broken relationships, prison time, and forest fires.
My favorite things often have a story behind them and are usually handmade or discovered at a flea market.
Crafting is putting ideas into action and then holding them together with an inexpensive adhesive.
I'm gonna do the whole bedroom in camel color - it's an old lady color.
I was just a kid. I think I stole a candy bar. I remember feeling so terrible. It was the worst shock. I was probably 7. That's my least favorite feeling: guilt.
I really don't like going out. I don't like restaurants because I don't like the idea of someone, a waitress, being responsible for my evening. I like seconds, and more, and lots of conversation, and I've always hated the idea that in a restaurant an evening just ends. I find that incredibly depressing.
I like to make things, but I looked at old craft books on weaving or mosaics or whatever, I'm like, 'I don't really know anything about that stuff.'
My mom used to say that Greek Easter was later because then you get stuff cheaper.
More men than women like 'Strangers With Candy'.
Pretty girls don't like the show. They don't like to see an ugly lady.
I always got along with all types of people - popular people as well as drug addicts.
I failed first grade, which is my biggest problem.
You always feel like a failure, like you're stupid.
Learn more about yourself! Make a self-esteem collage using pictures of other people you wish you were.
Imagination! My problem is that I have so many ideas, I never have enough time to use them all. Just the other day I thought up eleven things I could do with a flowerpot. Eleven! Three of those things didn't even involve plants.
They just expected it to you know... Paul, Steve and I could have hired our own publicist, if we wanted to, but I kind of liked the way it was more of a cult thing and those that liked it, liked it, you know what I mean?
It was more of their quirky show. It was more like a cult show. The ratings weren't really that high.
I've never played anyone who didn't like themselves.
I don't care if they're unattractive, but it's important that they think of themselves as attractive. And I guess that's part of their charm.
That's why I love improvisational theater so much - you do it [scene] once and then it's done. You don't get bogged down with a lot of preplanning and repetition. If I do something and it gets a laugh, I don't want to do it again. Why bother? I'm just repeating myself. It's boring.
I have no desire to carry a movie.
Usually, the best ideas come from other people's good ideas, which then, after a short gestation period, become your ideas.
I'm very domestic; I love cleaning. I love cooking. I like waiting on people. I just like to make things. I don't break that down to be weakness, or the only things women can do, or putting me back 20 years.
People who shop in health food stores never look healthy.
Begin your story with a sentence that will immediately grab hold of your listener's ears like a surly nun in a Catholic school.
I am an aging Girl Scout.
I've never done heroin or slept with people for money or anything.
I always find something to keep me busy.
I'm not a first-place person.
My little brother Paul. He owns his own floor sanding business called Silly P Hardwood Floors and hes really good.
I hate playing pretty or sane people. Most people are not attractive or all there.
I wasn't a cliquey person, and I think that's because I came from a large family. I got along with everybody, and I usually got along with the people that people didn't like.
When I meet a new person, something has to be a little off for me to consider them beautiful. It could be crooked teeth, or veins in their skin that are a little too visible, or a really dramatic lazy eye. The first guy I ever kissed had a water head.
When people tell me they are going to go scrapbooking, I say, 'Why don't you make it yourself.' It's like chocolate-chip cookies. People buy the cookie-dough roll and slice it, and then they lay it on a cookie sheet. That's not making chocolate-chip cookies.
I want witchcraft so bad that I can't stand it.
I have wands in my apartment. And I use them sometimes. I walk into the kitchen with my wand, and I come out with something on a platter and I say, 'See, magic happens.' Works every time.
I like it when people who aren't so attractive, or they have a whole lot of hurdles to get over, I like it when they dress up and they look presentable. That, to me, just touches me.
If I know I have to memorize lines, I'm really gonna try to memorize lines.
It's hard for me sometimes, because somebody wrote these words and you're trying really hard to get them the way they said it.
Crafting, or 'making things,' has always been a delightful pastime of mine because it requires putting common elements together in order to achieve a lovely something that nobody needs.
That's how all theater should be done - you only have one chance to see it and then it's gone. One night only.
I love theatrical props: a cup filled with solid fake tea, say, or a collection of fake food, including a rubber turkey, which, during the holidays, I wrap in tinfoil so it appears to have just come out of the oven.
I cried when I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet. And then I laughed REALLY hard.
I'm not very good with drink recipes.
If I'm entertaining, I like to come up with a house drink for the evening, one thing I'll make for the whole evening of the whole month.