I stop fighting my inner demons. We're on the same side now. T-shirt— Darynda Jones
The most astonishing Darynda Jones quotes that may be undiscovered and unusual
We're like the Three Musketeers, searching for truth and justice and the American way.: Glitch snorted. "More like the Three Blind Mice, stumbling around trying to find a hunk of cheese in the dark.
What do you want?" "You," he said, his voice lowering an octave.
"I want you, Dutch, body and soul. I want you in my bed every night. I want you there when I wake up in the morning. I want your clothes strung across my apartment and your scent on my skin.
I went down like a drunken cowgirl trying to line dance to Metallica.
There is a great need for a sarcasm font.
Reyes Farrow. Because perfection is a dirty job, but someone has to do it.
I totally should've gone to Hogwarts when I had the chance.
I know what kind of man it takes to get involved with something as barbarous as human trafficking.” “I get it, Swopes. He’s not the kind of man you take home to meet your stepmom.” I rethought that. “Wait a minute. Maybe my stepmom would like to meet him. Do you think he ships to Istanbul?
I lowered the gun but didn’t holster it.
Not just yet. She could turn out to be psychotic. Or a door-to-door salesperson.
Chocolate and coffee ? Together ? Whoever came up with that combination should have won a Nobel Peace Prize. Or at least a subscription to Reader's Digest.
It’s all fun and games until someone loses a testicle. —T-SHIRT
.. an emergency stash of Thin Mints. Frickin' Girl Scouts. Those things were way to addictive. They had to be laced with crack." Charlie Davidson Fourth Grave Beneath my Feet
When I want your opinion, I'll remove the duct tape.--T-SHIRT
He's an enigma wrapped up in sensuality padlocked with a dozen chains of desire and topped off with a razor-sharp ribbon of danger. There are more layers to him than a billionaire's wedding cake.
This is one Fruit Loop beyond certifiable.
Don't judge me because I'm quiet. No one plans a murder out loud.
I intend to live forever. So far, so good. - T-SHIRT
At first, I could lie about my lack of sleep and she'd fall for it, but she started suspecting insomnia when I began seeing purple elephants in the air vents at the office. I knew I shouldn't have asked her about them. I thought maybe she'd redecorated.
Whatever makes your balloon red, Swopes.
I like to see the glass as half full, hopefully of jack daniels.
I had a soft spot for crazy people.
I may as well cut my losses and make a hasty exit while I still had enough self-esteem to walk upright. Crawling was so demoralizing
Death comes to those who wait. And to those who don't. So either way.
There was nothing like a trip to the gynecologist to make one feel just a little violated. Charley
I know," he said in almost bored contemplation.
"My manners suck. I like to chalk it up to a dissatisfying childhood." "I'd chalk it up to that narcissistic personality disorder laces with a smidgen of schizophrenia. Your mother would be proud.
SOME GIRLS WEAR PRADA. SOME GIRLS WEAR GLOCK 17 SHORT RECOIL SPRING-LOADED SEMIAUTOMATIC PISTOLS WITH A LOADED CHAMBER INDICATOR AND A NONSLIP GRIP. - T-SHIRT
Life is not about finding yourself. It's mostly about chocolate. T-Shirt
Glitch was about as wild and unpredictable as a carrot stick.
I chose the road less traveled. Now I'm lost.
Still, this whole grim reaper thing should have come with a manual.
Or a diagram of some kind. A flowchart would have been nice.
A sheriff arrested me. I could be mistaken, but I'm pretty sure my men-in-uniform fetish began that day. The sheriff was hot. And he handcuffed me. I've never been the same.
What's your specialty? Oh, you know. Madness. Mayhem. Debauchery. And even with all that going for me, I can still make a mean mojito.
Cook, at that moment in time, I would have sold my body for a mocha latte
“Time-out,” I said... He twisted his hand around and wound his fingers into mine. “You‘re putting me in time-out?” “Yes,” I said as a shaky sigh slid through my lips. “If I don't go, do I get a spanking?”
I pointed in the general vicinity of my left ovary, "This is Beam Me Up.
" Then to my right. "And this is Scotty." Garret chuckled and buried his face in his hands. He asked.
There is nothing to fear but fear itself. And spiders. ~Bumper sticker~
No. This has to do with drugs." My jaw fell open and I almost lost my toothbrush. "You're on drugs?" She pressed her mouth together. "No. You are." "I'm on drugs?" I asked, stunned. I had no idea.
Cookie had taken her daughter amber to school then walked the thirty-something feet to work earlier. Our business was on the second floor of Calamity's, my dad's bar, which sat right in front of our apartment building. The short commute was nice and rarely invloved rabid raccoons.
A Nuns Life: Chastity, poverty, and obedience. Wait, chastity?" BUMPER STICKER
When fighting clowns, always go for the juggler.
And," Amber said, practically drooling as she ogled him, "it's tradition for new arrivals to help with the pep rally." Brooklyn quirked her lips in doubt. "Tradition?" "It's a new tradition," Amber shot back. "Clearly the deeper meaning of the word has escaped you.
If life hands you lemons,keep them. Because, hey, free lemons.-T-Shirt
I brought out the most powerful tool I had in my arsenal.
"If you resist," I said into Reyes's ear, "I'll be forced to Taser you." He looked at what I had in my hand. "That's a phone." "I have an app. You'll probably experience nerve damage. Slight memory loss.
...and then she glared at me, the same glare my stepmother used to give me when I gave her the Nazi salute. That woman was so touchy about her resemblance to Hitler.
He's helped me a lot over the years." "I'm sure he has. You scratch his back. He scratches yours." "I have skin allergies. I'm itchy.
Looks like macho boy's cool just melted like a Slush Puppie in August.
Let me express how much I don't care on a scale of one to bite me," the former detective said.
Who knew that all this time the nectar of the Gods was in my va-jay-jay.
What do I look like, the ghost whisperer? They're loony.
I'd have better luck talking to my cousin Alfonso's Chihuahua. At least Tía Juana knows Spanish." "Your cousin's Chihuahua is named Tía Juana?
Insanity does NOT run in my family. It strolls through, takes it's time, and gets to know everyone personally - T-Shirt