110+ Darynda Jones Quotes On Death, Music And Preaching

Top 10 Darynda Jones Quotes (BEST)

  1. I stop fighting my inner demons. We're on the same side now. T-shirt
  2. We're like the Three Musketeers, searching for truth and justice and the American way.: Glitch snorted. "More like the Three Blind Mice, stumbling around trying to find a hunk of cheese in the dark.
  3. I went down like a drunken cowgirl trying to line dance to Metallica.
  4. There is a great need for a sarcasm font.
  5. Reyes Farrow. Because perfection is a dirty job, but someone has to do it.
  6. I totally should've gone to Hogwarts when I had the chance.
  7. It’s all fun and games until someone loses a testicle. —T-SHIRT
  8. Chocolate and coffee ? Together ? Whoever came up with that combination should have won a Nobel Peace Prize. Or at least a subscription to Reader's Digest.
  9. I lowered the gun but didn’t holster it. Not just yet. She could turn out to be psychotic. Or a door-to-door salesperson.
  10. .. an emergency stash of Thin Mints. Frickin' Girl Scouts. Those things were way to addictive. They had to be laced with crack." Charlie Davidson Fourth Grave Beneath my Feet

Darynda Jones Short Quotes

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  • When I want your opinion, I'll remove the duct tape.--T-SHIRT
  • I like to see the glass as half full, hopefully of jack daniels.
  • This is one Fruit Loop beyond certifiable.
  • Don't judge me because I'm quiet. No one plans a murder out loud.
  • Whatever makes your balloon red, Swopes.
  • I had a soft spot for crazy people.
  • There was nothing like a trip to the gynecologist to make one feel just a little violated. Charley
  • Glitch was about as wild and unpredictable as a carrot stick.
  • I chose the road less traveled. Now I'm lost.
  • Cook, at that moment in time, I would have sold my body for a mocha latte

Darynda Jones Quotes On Love

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Jesus may love you, but i'm his favourite — Darynda Jones

Love was not only blind, it often careened into Blithering Idiotsville as well. — Darynda Jones

I love children, but I don't think I can eat a whole one.- Bumper sticker — Darynda Jones

God I loved Sammy. I’d considered marrying him, but his wife got upset when I asked for his hand. — Darynda Jones

I sort of got off on making bad guys sweat. Which was not unlike my love of making good guys sweat, just by very different means. — Darynda Jones

Darynda Jones Quotes On Life

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I intend to live forever. So far, so good. - T-SHIRT — Darynda Jones

Life is not about finding yourself. It's mostly about chocolate. T-Shirt — Darynda Jones

A Nuns Life: Chastity, poverty, and obedience. Wait, chastity?" BUMPER STICKER — Darynda Jones

If life hands you lemons,keep them. Because, hey, free lemons.-T-Shirt — Darynda Jones

Paperwork wouldn’t be so bad if it weren’t for all the paper. And the work. — Darynda Jones

My goal in life is to have a psychiatric disorder named after me. — Darynda Jones

Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong. -T-Shirt — Darynda Jones

For the first time in my life, I was in a shoot-out. A real, honest-to-goodness shoot-out with a bad guy. And, apparently, we both sucked. — Darynda Jones

Yeah, but what happens if life hands me pickles? - Bumper sticker — Darynda Jones

A split second later, my life flashed before my eyes, and I came to one important conclusion about it. It was fun while it lasted. — Darynda Jones

Darynda Jones Quotes On Death

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Death comes to those who wait. And to those who don't. So either way. — Darynda Jones

There is nothing to fear but fear itself. And spiders. ~Bumper sticker~ — Darynda Jones

I have them a few minutes to absorb everything while I teased Ubie, who only had to recover from his near-death experience. I was so glad Reyes hadn't ripped him to shreds. I liked him much better un-shredded. Unlike, say, my preference for lettuce or heavy metal guitar solos. — Darynda Jones

I know how you feel. I’ve been analyzed to death as well. Not, like, professionally, though I did date a psych major who said I had attention issues. Or at least that’s what I think he said. I wasn’t really paying attention. Anyway, where was I? — Darynda Jones

While I was busy reminiscing about my first day on earth, I had forgotten that I was falling to my death. Damned ADD. — Darynda Jones

Never knock on death's door. Ring the doorbell then run. He totally hates that. - T-shirt — Darynda Jones

Felt my heartbeat falter, hesitate, then stumble awkwardly forward, tripping on the next beat, then the next, faster and faster until each one tumbled into the other like the drumroll of dominoes crashing together. Funny how time stands still when death is imminent. — Darynda Jones

My real mom died when I was born—hemorrhaged to death while giving birth to me, which has never been one of my favorite memories—and Dad married Denise before I’d turned a year. Without even asking my opinion on the matter. Denise and I never really clicked. — Darynda Jones

Darynda Jones Quotes On Right

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Cookie had taken her daughter amber to school then walked the thirty-something feet to work earlier. Our business was on the second floor of Calamity's, my dad's bar, which sat right in front of our apartment building. The short commute was nice and rarely invloved rabid raccoons. — Darynda Jones

I pointed in the general vicinity of my left ovary, "This is Beam Me Up." Then to my right. "And this is Scotty." Garret chuckled and buried his face in his hands. He asked. — Darynda Jones

Honestly, he acted as though he didn't like me anymore. Wait, maybe he didn't. "Do you still like me?" "I never liked you." Oh, right. He had a point. Garreth & Charley — Darynda Jones

In three hundred feet, turn right," Darth Vader said. The Darth Vader. I felt like we were friends now. Like I could tell him anything. — Darynda Jones

The funny thing about GPS was it didn’t always send you in the right direction. I knew that if I took a right and took Twelfth instead, I’d get there faster, so I turned right. Ozzy did not approve. “Wut the foock? — Darynda Jones

You totally need to watch the news." "Can't." "Why?" "It's too depressing." "Right, because hanging with dead people isn't. — Darynda Jones

His gaze slid over me like a veil of fire. He could ignite my deepest desires with a single glance. I decided right then and there no more reading romance novels by candelight. — Darynda Jones

Darynda Jones Famous Quotes And Sayings

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What do you want?" "You," he said, his voice lowering an octave. "I want you, Dutch, body and soul. I want you in my bed every night. I want you there when I wake up in the morning. I want your clothes strung across my apartment and your scent on my skin. — Darynda Jones

I know what kind of man it takes to get involved with something as barbarous as human trafficking.” “I get it, Swopes. He’s not the kind of man you take home to meet your stepmom.” I rethought that. “Wait a minute. Maybe my stepmom would like to meet him. Do you think he ships to Istanbul? — Darynda Jones

He's an enigma wrapped up in sensuality padlocked with a dozen chains of desire and topped off with a razor-sharp ribbon of danger. There are more layers to him than a billionaire's wedding cake. — Darynda Jones

At first, I could lie about my lack of sleep and she'd fall for it, but she started suspecting insomnia when I began seeing purple elephants in the air vents at the office. I knew I shouldn't have asked her about them. I thought maybe she'd redecorated. — Darynda Jones

I may as well cut my losses and make a hasty exit while I still had enough self-esteem to walk upright. Crawling was so demoralizing — Darynda Jones

I know," he said in almost bored contemplation. "My manners suck. I like to chalk it up to a dissatisfying childhood." "I'd chalk it up to that narcissistic personality disorder laces with a smidgen of schizophrenia. Your mother would be proud. — Darynda Jones

SOME GIRLS WEAR PRADA. SOME GIRLS WEAR GLOCK 17 SHORT RECOIL SPRING-LOADED SEMIAUTOMATIC PISTOLS WITH A LOADED CHAMBER INDICATOR AND A NONSLIP GRIP. - T-SHIRT — Darynda Jones

Still, this whole grim reaper thing should have come with a manual. Or a diagram of some kind. A flowchart would have been nice. — Darynda Jones

A sheriff arrested me. I could be mistaken, but I'm pretty sure my men-in-uniform fetish began that day. The sheriff was hot. And he handcuffed me. I've never been the same. — Darynda Jones

What's your specialty? Oh, you know. Madness. Mayhem. Debauchery. And even with all that going for me, I can still make a mean mojito. — Darynda Jones

“Time-out,” I said... He twisted his hand around and wound his fingers into mine. “You‘re putting me in time-out?” “Yes,” I said as a shaky sigh slid through my lips. “If I don't go, do I get a spanking?” — Darynda Jones

No. This has to do with drugs." My jaw fell open and I almost lost my toothbrush. "You're on drugs?" She pressed her mouth together. "No. You are." "I'm on drugs?" I asked, stunned. I had no idea. — Darynda Jones

Looks like macho boy's cool just melted like a Slush Puppie in August. — Darynda Jones

Since killing people is illegal, can I have a Taser just for shits and giggles? -Fourth Grave Beneath My Feet — Darynda Jones

I brought out the most powerful tool I had in my arsenal. "If you resist," I said into Reyes's ear, "I'll be forced to Taser you." He looked at what I had in my hand. "That's a phone." "I have an app. You'll probably experience nerve damage. Slight memory loss. — Darynda Jones

...and then she glared at me, the same glare my stepmother used to give me when I gave her the Nazi salute. That woman was so touchy about her resemblance to Hitler. — Darynda Jones

He's helped me a lot over the years." "I'm sure he has. You scratch his back. He scratches yours." "I have skin allergies. I'm itchy. — Darynda Jones

When fighting clowns, always go for the juggler. — Darynda Jones

And," Amber said, practically drooling as she ogled him, "it's tradition for new arrivals to help with the pep rally." Brooklyn quirked her lips in doubt. "Tradition?" "It's a new tradition," Amber shot back. "Clearly the deeper meaning of the word has escaped you. — Darynda Jones

Who knew that all this time the nectar of the Gods was in my va-jay-jay. — Darynda Jones

My powers of persuasion are only as strong as the bullshit I have to back it up. - Charley Davidson — Darynda Jones

Let me express how much I don't care on a scale of one to bite me," the former detective said. — Darynda Jones

Have you slept yet?' 'Sure. I took a power nap on the way over.' 'Didn't you drive there?' 'Yeah. Other drviers kept waking me up. Car horns should be illegal.' - Charley & Cookie — Darynda Jones

What do I look like, the ghost whisperer? They're loony. I'd have better luck talking to my cousin Alfonso's Chihuahua. At least Tía Juana knows Spanish." "Your cousin's Chihuahua is named Tía Juana? — Darynda Jones

Insanity does NOT run in my family. It strolls through, takes it's time, and gets to know everyone personally - T-Shirt — Darynda Jones

How would you like your eggs?" I tried. I really did. But I glanced at his crotch and it came out anyway. "Fertilized? — Darynda Jones

Give it up? Not likely. Besides, what else would I do? I totally should have gone to Hogwart's when I had the chance. — Darynda Jones

A guy in an SUV tried to kill me.” “That’s strange.” “Why?” “Because the guy I hired doesn’t drive an SUV.” “That is strange. — Darynda Jones

Before I tell you, I have to know three things," I said. "Okay." "One, are you sitting down?" "Yes." "Two, are you mentally stable?" "More than you'll ever be." Well, that was uncalled for. "And three, how do you spell schizophrenia?" "What does that have to do with anything?" "Nothing. I just wanted to see if you'd tell me. — Darynda Jones

I was just passing by. Saw the commotion. Figured you were involved. — Darynda Jones

If it weren’t for physics and law enforcement, I’d be unstoppable. — Darynda Jones

I sat with my two best friends, knowing beyond a shadow of a doubt that only two of us would make it out of there alive. Though I did tend to exaggerate. — Darynda Jones

Man, I want to be someone's forbidden fruit." "Well, you are pretty fruity. — Darynda Jones

We stood there, the three of us, our jaws firmly planted on the floor. Aunt Lil recovered first. She nudged me with her elbow and said with a cackle of delight, "I think you guys should make some more of those brownies, 'cause that boy looks hungry. — Darynda Jones

Drink coffee! Do stupid things faster and with more energy! — Darynda Jones

In Cookie's defense, it was raining wildcats and rabid dogs. — Darynda Jones

She's like a hurricane on crystal meth. — Darynda Jones

I may not have any skeletons in my closet, but I do have a little box of souls in my sock drawer. —T-SHIRT — Darynda Jones

I could be irksome when I put my left ventricle into it. — Darynda Jones

Surely my macking on some guy in an insane asylum wouldn't hurt him. He'd been living with his stalker, for heaven's sake. — Darynda Jones

Man, that woman was quick when she wanted to be. But put her behind the wheel of a Buick. — Darynda Jones

I'm a virgin. But this is an old shirt. --T-SHIRT — Darynda Jones

We really should get some X-rays,” the EMT said. “You just want to fondle my extraneous body parts,” I said to the EMT. — Darynda Jones

Did you get checked out?” “Yeah, by a hot blond who sat in the corner of the bar and made googly eyes at me.” “I meant by a doctor.” “No, but a balding yet bizarrely hot paramedic said I’d be fine." “Oh, and he’s an expert?” “At flirting. — Darynda Jones

You’re just using me for my body.” “You don’t have a body,” I’d remind him. “Throw that in my face.” “Technically, you don’t have a face either. — Darynda Jones

It would be a miracle to solve this case. Luckily, I believed in miracles. No, wait, that was testicles. I believed in testicles. — Darynda Jones

I climbed into Misery and called Uncle Bob. “We hooking up?” “Why does everything out of your mouth make me sound incestuous?” “Um, I wasn’t aware that it did. Perhaps you have a guilty conscience.” “Charley.” “Is there something you need to get off your chest? Besides that skank I saw you with the other day? — Darynda Jones

I can hear other things, too. Before you came around, I had no idea a man could make a girl scream like that. Reyes seems very talented. — Darynda Jones

See you in a few. Hold down the fort, Mr. Wong! — Darynda Jones

If I couldn't be a good example, I'd just have to be a horrible warning. — Darynda Jones

But we'd never really seen eye to eye. Mostly 'cause he was much taller than I was. — Darynda Jones

SARC- was my second favorite -ASM word — Darynda Jones

Is it just me or does the fact that you live in the same building you were abducted into seem a bit morbid?" "Pffft. It’s just you," I said, discounting the entire bizarre ghoulish thing. — Darynda Jones

He seemed determines, his resolve unwavering. This would take tact. Prudence. Possible Milk Duds. — Darynda Jones

Oh, I forgot to tell you," Cookie said. "Amber wants your dad to get a teriyaki machine so she can sing for all the lonely barflies." "I'm a good singer, mom." Only a twelve-year-old could make the word mom sound blasphemous. I leaned into Cookie, "Does she know its not called--?" "No," she whispered. "Are you gonna tell her?" "No. It's much funnier this way. — Darynda Jones

I'm sorry to have to tell you this way, but your mother and I are separating." When I pressed my mouth together, he corrected, "Stepmother. We're just - We're going in different directions." "I don't know what to say, Dad. 'Hurray' just seems wrong. — Darynda Jones

You introduced me to Danger and Will Robinson, but you neglected to acquaint me with the other two.” “Fine,But you can’t make fun of their names. They’re very sensitive.” “I would never.” I pointed in the general vicinity of my left ovary, “This is Beam Me Up.” Then to my right. “And this is Scotty. — Darynda Jones

It is sexy in here or is it just me? — Darynda Jones

I’m currently unsupervised It frisks me out too but the possibilities are endless — Darynda Jones

My plans often went awry. Much like my thoughts. Hold the phones. Maybe Saan had ADD, too. It would explain a lot. — Darynda Jones

He bombarded me with words, of all things, apparently clueless to the fact that the predawn hours rendered me incapable of coherent thought. — Darynda Jones

You take everything onto your shoulders like that guy who holds up the world, and you shouldn’t. You’re not nearly as muscular. — Darynda Jones

Just in case, though, I stormed into my apartment, tossed a quick hello to Mr. Wong, then rummaged through my entertainment center to lay out all my exorcism equipment. I kept it in my entertainment center because exorcisms were nothing if not entertaining. — Darynda Jones

―You realize I can hear you without the annoying intercom. Cookie and I both leaned forward and looked at each other through the doorway. ―But this is more fun, I said. ―More Star Trekkie. — Darynda Jones

after an epic search, I finally found something neither green nor fuzzy. It was a hot sausage link. I named it Peter, mostly because it seemed like the right thing to do. As soon as my java was piping hot I popped him into the microwave. hopefully the radioactive environment would sterilize Peter. No need to have little Peters running around, wreaking havoc. — Darynda Jones

Genius has its limitations. Insanity...not so much" -Bumper Sticker — Darynda Jones

Who is Dr. A. von Holstein? And is he related, by chance, to a race of cows? — Darynda Jones

You can't fix stupid, but you can numb it was a 2 by 4.--T-SHIRT — Darynda Jones

Your existence gives me a headache. Go stand over there. — Darynda Jones

Can I jump in your body and make out with my wife through you?” I fought a grin. “It doesn’t really work that way.” “Then can you just make out with my wife and pretend I’m in your body?” “No.” “I can pay. I have money.” “How much we talking? — Darynda Jones

Dead people I could handle. They were usually beyond hysteria. This was the people-left behind part. The hard part. — Darynda Jones

Then I asked her if she wanted to to the funeral, and my God, the look on her face. You'd think I'd asked her to drown the neighbor's cat." Admittedly, drowning the neighbor's cat didn't really clue me in as much as I would've liked. "So, she was angry?" He blinked back to me and stared. Like a long time. — Darynda Jones

You still owe me a million dollars." I'd presented him with a bill for proving his innocence and getting him freed from prison. He had yet to pay. Couldn't imagine why. "Yeah, I was hoping we could work that out." "The interest alone is going to kill you." "What do you charge?" "Three hundred eighty-seven percent." "Is that ethical?" "It's as ethical as my dating the son of Satan. — Darynda Jones

You were the one who hit me on the roof? I hit you on the jaw. We just happened to be on a roof at the time. — Darynda Jones

Oh, my god!" I said, throwing my hands over my eyes and hurtling my body against the counter. "What?" "You're naked." "I'm not naked." "I'm blind." "You're not blind. I'm wearing pants." "Oh." That was embarrassing. — Darynda Jones

I shifted in my chair as Dad waited for a response. He seemed determined, his resolve unwavering. This would take tact. Prudence. Possibly Milk Duds. “Are you psychotic?” I asked, realizing my plan to charm and bribe him if need be flew out the window the minute I opened my mouth. — Darynda Jones

Life Lessons by Darynda Jones

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  1. Darynda Jones teaches us to never give up on our dreams, no matter how hard the journey may be. She encourages us to take risks and to never be afraid to be ourselves.
  2. Through her stories, Jones emphasizes the importance of friendship, loyalty, and courage in the face of adversity.
  3. Her work also serves as a reminder to always be kind and generous to those around us, no matter the circumstances.

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