I don't like lollipops.

— Eoin Colfer

The most off-limits Eoin Colfer quotes that are simple and will have a huge impact on you

And one more thing. About my name — Artemis — you were right. In London, it is generally a female name, after the Greek goddess of archery. But every now and then a male comes along with such a talent for hunting that he earns the right to use the name. I am that male. Artemis the hunter. I hunted you.

56

Let's save some time here. I grow weary of your clumsy bluffs. In the case of an abduction, the LEP will send a crack Retrieval team to get back what has been lost.. You have done so. Excuse me while I titter. Crack team? Honestly. A Cub-Scout patrol armed with water pistols could have defeated them.

50

Artemis Fowl will never be secondary." "I thought you were Artemis Fowl the Second?" said Holly.

50

Butler could kill you a hundred different ways without use of his armoury.

Though I'm sure one would be quite sufficient.

49

Being in command means making tough decisions.

Not being in command means shutting up and doing what you're told. --Artemis Fowl

48

Have you ever heard of the theory of relativity?" Artemis blinked.

"Is this a joke? I have traveled through time, Doctor. I think I know a little something about relativity.

48

I hear that you were on a date with Trouble Kelp.

Are you two planning on building a bivouac any time soon?

48

Butler was seeing the world as it was, complete with L.E.P retrival team

48

Either that boy is the sanest creature on Earth, he thought, or he is so disturbed that our tests cannot even begin to scratch the surface.

48

I never tell anyone exactly how clever I am. They would be too scared.

42

It's like learning to ride a unicorn. You never forget.

35

A CD. How quaint. We have these in museums.

23

About Eoin Colfer

Quotes 250 sayings
Profession Author
Birthday October 16

Together we will be unstoppable.

18

There were only two men on the planet better educated in the various martial arts than Butler, and he was related to one of them. The other lived on an island in the South China Sea, and spent his days meditating and beating up palm trees. You had to feel sorry for the B'wa Kell.

18

If I win, I'm a prodigy. If I lose, then I'm crazy. That's the way history is written.

14

This was a nightmare scenario for any bodyguard: stuck in the middle of a transparent tube, several miles underwater, with a murdering band of fugitives at one end and an enthralled but still highly skilled police officer at the other.

14

Ah, my princess. Noble steed. How does the morning find you both?

11

Stay back, human. You don't know what you're dealing with.

11

I am charging you with the protection of my mother and friends, not to mention keeping my younger self off the Internet. He is as dangerous as Opal.

9

Oh, I'm crazy all right. I do have plenty of psychoses. Multiple personality, delusional dementia, OCD. I've got them all, but most of all, I'm crazy about you.

8

He threw his head back and sang, "'I am a centaur, yes, a centaur is what I am.

' It's not like you to wax, Artemis" "Foaly is singing," said Holly. "Surely that's illegal?

7

I'm the crazy girly captain, Remember?

6

If Elmore Leonard met Jim Thompson down a dark alley at midnight they might emerge a week later with thick beards, bloodshot eyes and the manuscript for THE BIG O.

6

Stupid. Stupid. Foaly, we are both imbeciles. I don't expect lateral thinking from the LEP, but from you..." ... "What is it?" [Holly] asked, afraid of the answer, which must surely be terrible. "Yeah," agreed Foaly, who always had time to feel insulted. "Why am I an imbecile?

6

Orion brightened. "I have an idea." "Yes?" said Foaly, daring to hope that a spark of Artemis remained. "Why don't we look for some magic stones that can grant wishes? Or, if that doesn't work, you could search my naked body for some mysterious birthmark that means I am actually the prince of somewhere or other.

5

There is no such thing as a happy ending.

Every culture has a maxim that makes this point, while nowhere in the Universe is there a single gravestone that reads 'He Loved Everything About His Life, Especially the Dying Bit at the End'.

5

Confidence is ignorance. If you're feeling cocky, it's because there's something you don't know.

5

(to Foaly) Captain Short's life is in danger, so push the button before I climb that tower and push it with your face!

4

Listen to me, goblin. You're stupid, let's accept that and move on.

4

Look!" said Foaly, pointing with some urgency into the vast steel-gray gloom, "Someone who cares!

4

Shut up, Julius! I mean, quiet a moment, Commander.

4

Im riding a troll! i was born to do this,and steal stuff, and EAT LOADS!

4

Let us proceed under the assumption that the fairy folk do exist, and that I am not a gibbering moron.

4

Knock yourself out... Or rather, don't.

4

Certainly, Doctor. Let's talk about your chair. Victorian?

3

A genius. A criminal mastermind. A millionaire. And he is only twelve years old.

3

Radomosity, thought Artemis. And he felt like weeping.

3

Foaly: Anyone see you come in here? Holly: The FBI, CIA, NSA, DEA, MI6.

Oh, and the EIB. Foaly: The EIB? Holly: (smirking) Everyone in the building.

3

I am unarmed. But Butler here, my ...ah...butler, has a Sig Saucer in his shoulder holster, two shrike-throwing knives in his boots, aderringer two-shot up his sleeve, garrotte wire in his watch, and three stun greanades concealed in variouse pockets. Anything else, Butler?

3

I'm right there with you, darlin'. Unless you step on a landmine, in which case I'm way back in the Operations Room.

3

Don't try to understand me, just be grateful that you felt the warmth of Zaphod Beeblebrox's aura on your wonderstruck face.

3

I have no time for babbling foolishness.

” “Don’t be so hasty,” said Victor. “There’s always time for babbling.

3

Other men look up and down, left and right; but men like us are different. We are visionaries.

3

Hit that back-stabber where it hurts, right in the ambition.

3

Remember the pain?' thought Artemis. I hate myself. I really do.

3

Who are you?" he asked. I am the future queen of this world, at the very least. You may refer to me as Mistress Koboi for the next five minutes. After that you may refer to me as Aaaaarrrrgh, hold your throat, die screaming, and so on.

3

The Theory of Evolution has more holes in it than a dam made out of Swiss cheese.

3

Don't you worry about that, Mr. Adamsson. Why don't you head back to Reykjavik and spend some of that extortionate fee you charged me for a couple of hours' usage of your frankly third-rate restaurant and perhaps find a friendless tree stump to listen to your woes?

2

The problem is that I know the textbook answers to any question you care to ask.

2
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