Monty Python is like catnip for nerds. Once you get them started quoting it, they are constitutionally incapable of feeling depressed.

— Kevin Hearne

The most terrific Kevin Hearne quotes that may be undiscovered and unusual

They never predict anything fun," Granuaile answered.

"Just once I'd like to hear a prophet tell someone, 'Thou shalt win a bitchin' Camaro on a game show.

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He will spit you and roast you with rosemary, and we will all sample your flesh tonight. Tomorrow you will be shat out into the snow. Your diplomacy is bold and edgy, sir.

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When in doubt, blame the dark elves.

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That’s what a skinwalker is: a mean asshole with a meaner spirit squatting inside.” "I’ve run into some of those at the dog park," Oberon said. "They’re usually attached to Chihuahuas.

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Before he (Francis Bacon) came along, people conducted all their arguments through a series of logical fallacies or simply shouting louder than the other guy, or, if they did use facts, they only selected ones that reinforced their prejudices and advanced their ideas.” Oberon replies “don’t they still do that?

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Now go and stake some vamps. Especially the sparkly emo ones.

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Wisdom eludes me yet, but foolishness I captured long ago and to this day it is my constant companion, though many people consider me wise.

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Let me tell you, people go on and on about what a great idea electricity was, but I'm going to put toilet paper right next to the wheel and say those are the best ideas anyone's ever had. Scoff at it if you will, but try living for two millennia without it and then we'll talk.

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People used to say obvious things ironically or as a form of understatement, but in the last few decades they seem to say it with a sense of discovery, and it worries me.

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No worries, Atticus. I will snarf surreptitiously. And I should get bacon, because my adverb was two syllables longer than yours, plus a bonus for alliteration." I grinned. "It's a deal. You're the best hound ever.

3

Awesome! I'd just bullied Jesus into doing a shot with me.

Nobody would ever believe it, but I didn't care. We ordered the insanely expensive stuff, seventy-five dollars for a 1.75-ounce pour of premium Irish whiskey, because if you're doing a shot with Jesus, you don't buy him scotch.

2

Oh. Oberon looked at me. I know that has to make you sad. But call to me instead, Atticus. I'll always answer. Your fly has been open all this time, by the way, and Granuaile hasn't said a thing. Thanks, buddy, I said silently as I tried to surreptitiously zip up my jeans. See? I got your back AND your front. I deserve a treat.

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About Kevin Hearne

Quotes 88 sayings
Profession Novelist
Birthday December 9, 1970

Wooo!’ he said, slamming his shot glass down and coughing a bit.

‘That’s good stuff.’ I agreed heartily. ‘Shall we do another one?’ I asked. ‘Oh no,’ Jesus said quietly, his eyes growing round. ‘This is one of those situations where I have to stop and ask myself, what would I do?

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I had privately changed 'This, too, shall pass' into 'You, too, shall die'.

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There are some sights that, once seen, can never be unseen.

They replay themselves on a loop in your mind’s home-theatre system with Dolby surround sound until you’re so desperate to be rid of them that you’ll resort to other loops simply to dislodge them for a while.

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He was a god of rock. He nearly solved all the world's problems with nothing but power chords and anguished cries into a microphone.

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Peace be with you," I said, and as I turned to resume my journey with Coyote, I added under my breath, "and asskicking be with me.

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The royal hound's belly demands rubbing. Step lively, humans, neglect me not." ~Oberon

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I can't spend too much time in the forests because I invariably leave traces-ridiculously happy trees, basically, since I'm the last Druid in the world and they tend to geek out like Joss Whedon fans when I show up.

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Tell her I am Peace Dawg but I think her cats are closely allied with The Man.

I'm going to stick it to them.

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But now that she was my apprentice, every such thought caused a guilty twitch in my neck, as if someone had dropped a sleek, stinky ferret there. Guilt ferrets are bastards.

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Winning ugly is still winning.

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its difficult to dislike a man who takes pleasure in giving away free beer.

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As any war veteran will tell you, there is a vast difference between preparing for battle and actually facing battle for the first time.

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She didn't go all fangirl on anyone, but I suspect that's only because none of them bore the slightest resemblance to Nathan Fillion.

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What do you know? She liked to be told she was scary. Kinky.

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Poison?" she (Granuaile)said,"I hope it isn't iocane powder.

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My mouth gaped and I think I might have whimpered.

The Norns had obliterated him completely—a creature they’d known for centuries—because of me. It was like watching Rudolph get shot by Santa Claus.

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... we banked around until we found a rainbow in the dark. It was on this occasion that I discovered that Granuaile had never heard of Ronnie James Dio. My shock at this news was such that I almost completely missed the fact that we were traveling on Bifrost, the rainbow bridge to Asgard.

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Oh, I know. They’re dwarfs pretending to be elves. No, they’re not dwarfs either. Okay, okay, they’re “little people,” I’m sorry! Can’t believe I have to be politically correct when you’re the only one who can hear me.

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Lie down and offer your throat. No, wait, that's how dogs submit. I know! Offer her you're wallet!" Oberon

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I tend to vacillate between belief systems.

Right now I'm kind of checking out the whole buffet, you know, and maybe in a little while I'll decide on what I want to put on my plate and chow down on.

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No, she knows you're here. She can see through the camouflage. But I think she's hiding something from me, and I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop. Never mind. Just listen. Once she drinks the tea, she will try ot surprise me with something. She is waiting for the contrast to be fully in effect before she says anything. I knew I never should have let you watch The Wizard of Oz.

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Gods can screw anything and anybody. For reference, see history. Atticus O'Sullivan

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The point is, Mrs. MacDonagh, that the universe is exactly the size that your soul can encompass. Some people live in extremely small worlds, and some live in a world of infinite possibility.

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Bring it,muthafuckas.Bring it.

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Yer a good lad, Atticus, mowin’ me lawn and killin’ what Brits come around.

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Flidais clapped her hands in delight.

"Oh, I bet he nearly shat kine!" That made me laugh - I hadn't heard that expression in a long, long time. I refrained from telling her that the modern expression would be "he had a cow", because I liked the original better. "Yes, the kine he nearly shat would have fed several clans.

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I didn't respond, because naked people never win arguments.

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Thank you, Morrigan. This is very helpful," I said, already feeling myself warming up. "And delivered to me entirely without pain." The Morrigan sucker-punched me hard in the face, sending me sprawling in the snow and breaking my nose. "You spoke too soon and with entirely too much sarcasm," she said. "We could have parted with a kiss. Remember that.

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The Morrigan’s ideas of sport and mine varied widely.

As a Chooser of the Slain, she tends to enjoy nothing so much as a protracted war. She hangs out with Kali and the Valkyries and they have a death goddesses’ night out on the battlefield.

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Well o' course she's feelin' dandy! She's the mother o' God for the love o' Pete!

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Sweet Honey of Dagda, now I was babbling.

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Depression is a prison to which you have the key except you never think to look for it.

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I would never behave with so little dignity.

Nor would I wish to be confronted in such a manner by anyone else. Vampires inspire screams, not squees. Involuntary urination is common, I grant, but it properly flows from a sense of terror, not an ecstatic sense of hero worship.

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I'm not a proper anything. Majoring in philosophy kind of turns positive assertions into maybes.

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I had my own dump truck of bad karma waiting for me somewhere ahwad.

I had certainly earned it, but I raced to avoid it if I could; there was no way I wanted to fell that.

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Wow you need to get some sun.” “Shut up. I'm Irish.

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Am I not a fearsome enemy?" "You frighten me primally.

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