105+ Gary Chapman Quotes On Marriage, Compassionate And Relational

Gary Chapman is an American author and speaker, best known for his book The Five Love Languages. He has written several books on relationships and personal growth, and is a popular speaker at conferences and churches. He is also a marriage counselor and director of Marriage and Family Life Consultants, Inc. Following is our collection on famous quotes by Gary Chapman on marriage, compassionate, relational.

Top 10 Gary Chapman Quotes

1. People tend to criticize their spouse most loudly in the area where they themselves have the deepest emotional need.
2. Love is a choice you make everyday.
3. Love is something you do for someone else, not something you do for yourself.
4. Love doesn't erase the past, but it makes the future different.
5. Remember that your ultimate goal is for your children to grow up secure in your love, strong in their faith, and with sound character.
6. Forgiveness is not a feeling; it is a commitment. It is a choice to show mercy, not to hold the offense up against the offender. Forgiveness is an expression of love.
7. We cannot erase the past, but we can accept it as history.
8. Love doesn't keep a score of wrongs. Love doesn't bring up past failures. (1 Cor 13:5)
9. Don't be a victim of the urgent. In the long run, much of what seems so pressing right now won't even matter. What you do with your children will matter forever.
10. If we are to develop an intimate relationship, we need to know each other's desires. If we wish to love each other, we need to know what the other person wants.

Gary Chapman Image Quotes

Love doesn't erase the past, but it makes the future different. — Gary Chapman

Love is something you do for someone else, not something you do for yourself. — Gary Chapman

Gary Chapman Short Quotes

• Isolation is devastating to the human psyche.
• What we dislike in others is often a weakness in our own lives.
• Empathetic listening is an awesome medication for the hurting heart.
• I am amazed by how many individuals mess up every new day with yesterday.
• Love is the most powerful weapon in the world for good. I really believe that.
• Much of the misbehavior of children is motivated by the cravings of an empty LOVE TANK.
• I am not minimizing emotions. Emotions are an important part of life.
• God has the potential of touching people's hearts and changing them.
• The one who chooses to love will find appropriate ways to express that decision everyday.
• Life's deepest meaning is not found in accomplishments , but in relationships

Gary Chapman Quotes About Marriage

People do not get married planning to divorce. Divorce is the result of a lack of preparation for marriage and the failure to learn the skills of working together as teammates in an intimate relationship. — Gary Chapman

Conflicts are not a sign you've married the wrong person. They simply affirm you are human. — Gary Chapman

In marriage it is never having my own way. It is rather discovering our way. — Gary Chapman

In a difficult marriage, both of us have failed each other. Even though one may be the major problem,you also have failed often in the way you have responded to them, the way you have treated them, in the way you have handled your hurt and your pain. — Gary Chapman

We are trained to analyze problems and create solutions. We forget that marriage is a relationship, not a project to be completed or a problem to solve. — Gary Chapman

What we do for each other before marriage is no indication of what we will do after marriage. — Gary Chapman

We all desperately need love. If a spouse in a difficult marriage will learn the love language of that spouse, and they will, with the help of God, consistently speak their love language no matter how they are treated. — Gary Chapman

Every single day in a marriage, we influence each other. It is a matter of am I going to have a positive influence or a negative influence? — Gary Chapman

Physically abusive and verbally abuse marriages are very, very difficult situations. I fully understand people in those kinds of marriages who think there is no hope. I also know that the advice that is given by most people is simply... get out of there as fast as you can. — Gary Chapman

Most people spend far more time in preparation for their vocation than they do in preparation for marriage. — Gary Chapman

Gary Chapman Quotes About Love

Our most basic emotional need is not to fall in love but to be genuinely loved by another, to know a love that grows out of reason and choice, not instinct. I need to be loved by someone who chooses to love me, who sees in me something worth loving. — Gary Chapman

Real love" - "This kind of love is emotional in nature but not obsessional. It is a love that unites reason and emotion. It involves an act of the will and requires discipline, and it recognizes the need for personal growth. — Gary Chapman

..there is hope. That's the marvelous thing about being human. We can change our future. We need not be enslaved by the experiences of the past. We can learn to love even when we have not received love. — Gary Chapman

Lack of love from parents often motivates their children to go searching for love in other relationships. This search is often misguided and leads to further disappointment. — Gary Chapman

Inside every child is an 'emotional rani's waiting to be filled with love. When a child really feels loved, he will develop normally but when the love tank is empty, the child will misbehave. Much of the misbehavior of children is motivated by the cravings of an empty 'love tank — Gary Chapman

The object of love is not getting something you want but doing something for the well-being of the one you love. — Gary Chapman

For love, we will climb mountains, cross seas, traverse desert sands, and endure untold hardships. Without love, mountains become unclimbable, seas uncrossable, deserts unbearable, and hardships our lot in life. — Gary Chapman

Love is the fundamental building block of all human relationships. It will greatly impact our values and morals. I am also convinced that love is the most important ingredient in the single 's search for meaning. — Gary Chapman

Love is always freely given. Love cannot be demanded. We can request things of each other, but we must never demand anything. Requests give direction to love, but demands stop the flow of love. — Gary Chapman

Requests give direction to love, but demands stop the flow of love. — Gary Chapman

Gary Chapman Quotes About Person

You cannot force someone to accept an expression of love. You can only offer it. If it is not accepted, you must respect the other person's decision. — Gary Chapman

The person who is "in-love" has the ilusion that his beloved is perfect. — Gary Chapman

The in-love experience does not focus on our own growth or on the growth and development of the other person. Rather, it gives us the sense that we have arrived and that we do not need further growth. — Gary Chapman

Love is reaching out to try to get to the other person. — Gary Chapman

When I admit my own imperfections, it doesn't mean I am a bad person. — Gary Chapman

I have been doing marriage counseling for about 15 years and I realized that what makes one person feel loved, doesn't make another person feel loved. — Gary Chapman

I hope the reader's sense that I am deeply empathetic with the pain of being in a desperate marriage, but I also believe that the person who is married to the abuser or the alcoholic or whomever has the greatest potential for helping them. — Gary Chapman

Gary Chapman Quotes About Feel

Togetherness has to do with focused attention. It is giving someone your undivided attention. As humans, we have a fundamental desire to connect with others. We may be in the presence of people all day long, but we do not always feel connected. — Gary Chapman

Emotions are our spontaneous response to life. We have these emotions, but if the emotion is a negative emotion, then I have a choice to say, "I am feeling sad tonight because this happened, but I am not going to let my sadness keep me from engaging my wife in conversation. " — Gary Chapman

Very few alcoholics get into a treatment program until they are at the end of the rope, often when they feel like they are about to lose something that is important to them, namely a wife or their family. The same is true with those who are physically and verbally abusive. — Gary Chapman

By nature, most people are controlled by their emotions. They feel sad, so they look sad. — Gary Chapman

Expressing love in the right language. We tend to speak our own love language, to express love to others in a language that would make us feel loved. But if it is not his/her primary love language, it will not mean to them what it would mean to us. — Gary Chapman

All of us blossom when we feel loved and wither when we do not feel loved. — Gary Chapman

We cannot rely on our native tongue if our spouse does not understand it. If we want them to feel the love we are trying to communicate, we must express it in his or her primary love language. — Gary Chapman

I think people desperately want to feel love. — Gary Chapman

Forgiveness is not a feeling; it is a commitment. — Gary Chapman

Gary Chapman Quotes About Nature

Something in our nature cries out to be loved by another. Isolation is devastating to the human psyche. That is why solitary confinement is considered the cruelest of punishments. — Gary Chapman

We fail to reckon with the reality of human nature. By nature,we are egocentric. Our world revolves around us. None of us is totally altruistic. — Gary Chapman

I think that in today's world, by nature, we are all self-centered. And that often leads to selfishness. — Gary Chapman

Gary Chapman Famous Quotes And Sayings

Love doesn't erase the past, but it makes the future different. — Gary Chapman

Love is something you do for someone else, not something you do for yourself. — Gary Chapman

Each person has the potential of making a positive impact on the world. It all depends on what you do with what you have. Success is not to be measured by the amount of money you possess or the position you attain but rather in how you use both. Position and money can be squandered or abused, but they can also be used to help others. — Gary Chapman

When people respond too quickly, they often respond to the wrong issue. Listening helps us focus on the heart of the conflict. When we listen, understand, and respect each other's ideas, we can then find a solution in which both of us are winners. — Gary Chapman

Most of us have more potential than we will ever develop. What holds us back is often a lack of courage. — Gary Chapman

I am amazed by how many individuals mess up every new day with yesterday. They insist on bringing into today the failures of yesterday and in so doing, they pollute a potentially wonderful day. — Gary Chapman

My attitude affects my actions. So, if I have a negative attitude about it, then it is going to show up in the way I respond, but if I have a positive attitude, then I start looking for the things I can do that will make my life better and make the lives of people around me better. — Gary Chapman

We can certainly see contemporary examples of people who radically change. As long you believe your spouse will never change and you keep telling yourself that, then you live with no hope. But if you understand that that's a myth, then you open up the door to hope. — Gary Chapman

Nobody has the power to make you miserable . . . unless you choose to give them that power. Choose to enjoy every drop of today! — Gary Chapman

Another reality about relationships is that they are never static. All of us experience changes in relationships but a few stop to analyse why a relationship gets better or worse. — Gary Chapman

I cannot change others, but I can influence others... we can't change people, but we can and we do influence people, and we do it every single day. — Gary Chapman

I wrote this book [ Desperate Marriages] because of my own marriage. My wife and I struggled greatly in the early years of marriage. In spite of the fact that we were Christians before we got married, we prayed about getting married, we believed it was God's will for us to get married, and we still had great struggles. — Gary Chapman

Love can be expressed and received in all five languages. However, if you don't speak a person's primary love language, that person will not feel loved, even though you may be speaking the other four. Once you are speaking his or her primary love language fluently, then you can sprinkle in the other four and they will be like icing on the cake. — Gary Chapman

Gifts need not be expensive; after all, "it's the thuoght that counts." But I remind you, it is not the thought left in your head that counts; it is the gift that came out of the thought that communicates emotional love. — Gary Chapman

Recent research has indicated that the average individual listens for only seventeen seconds before interrupting and interjecting his own ideas. — Gary Chapman

The reality is, if you go to the library and read biographies, thousands of people have changed, radically changed. St. Augustine was one of them. He lived a terrible a life for the first 33 years, and then he radically changed. — Gary Chapman

I think another [myth] is that some marriages are just hopeless. This is a common thing I hear from people, "Well, I just think there are some marriages that are hopeless, Dr. Chapman, don't you agree with that?" I say I understand the feeling, but the fact is that there are no marriages that are hopeless. — Gary Chapman

If you grew up in a dysfunctional family, then there is really no hope for you to have a good relationship. That is another myth that we have to throw off, so that we can get into what I call Reality. — Gary Chapman

Good marriages are built upon a combination of emotional love and a common commitment to a core of beliefs about what is important in life and what we wish to do with our lives. Speaking each other's primary love language creates the emotional climate where these beliefs can be fleshed out in daily life. — Gary Chapman

One [reality] is that I am responsible for my attitude. I can be in prison, and I happen to get a chance to go outside. I can look at the mud, or I can look at the stars. I am the one who decides which way to look. That is true for every one of us. — Gary Chapman

I think one of the other myths is that your environment determines your happiness. That if you are living with an alcoholic or living with a depressed spouse for a long time, you are just going to be unhappy. — Gary Chapman

The pattern often has been entrenched since childhood... [abusive people] don't think that there is anything wrong with them because that is the way they were brought up in their family. — Gary Chapman

At the heart of mankind's existence is the desire to be intimate and to be loved by another. Marriage is designed to meet that need for intimacy and love. — Gary Chapman

Encouragement requires empathy and seeing the world from your spouse's perspective. We must first learn what is important to our spouse. Only then can we give encouragement. With verbal encouragement, we are trying to communicate, "I know. I care. I am with you. How can I help?" We are trying to show that we believe in him and in his abilities. We are giving credit and praise. — Gary Chapman

Ask yourself: Does the action I am considering have any potential for dealing with the wrong and helping the relationship? And is it best for the person at whom I am angry? The two most constructive options are either to confront the person in a helpful way, or to consciously decide to overlook the matter. — Gary Chapman

Sometimes when the spouse is really the culprit, it is hard to admit what you consider your little failures, but if you are going to have a better relationship, you admitting your part in the dynamics is a step in the road to healing. Because if they see you modeling apology, for example, and they see you modeling love, they may well get the idea that maybe they need to apologize. — Gary Chapman

This is a huge thing if you are going to have a positive impact on your spouse. You have to not only realize this, but you have to practice this. — Gary Chapman

Our spouse will usually interpret our message based on our tone of voice, not the words we use. — Gary Chapman

I think one of the myths is that people don't change. A lot of people believe that. Their spouse has been an alcoholic for the first 10 years of the marriage, and they say they are never going to change. — Gary Chapman

True love cannot begin until the "in love" experience has run it's course. — Gary Chapman

On the other hand, if I walk in the house, I don't even bother to find her, I just walk in the den and flip on the TV, get myself something to drink, sit down, start unwinding, I have influenced my wife in a very negative way. — Gary Chapman

Love makes requests, not demands. — Gary Chapman

A soft answer turns away anger. — Gary Chapman

The decision to get married will impact one's life more deeply than almost any decision in life. Yet people continue to rush into marriage with little or no preparation for making a marriage successful. In fact, many couples give far more attention to making plans for the wedding than making plans for marriage. The wedding festivities last only a few hours, while the marriage, we hope, will last for a lifetime — Gary Chapman

I think the tingles are important. They are real, and I am in favor of their survival. But they are not the basis for a satisfactory marriage. I am not suggesting that on should marry without the tingles. Those warm, excited feelings, the chill bumps, that sense of acceptance, the excitement of the touch that make up the tingles serve as the cherry on top of the sundae. But you cannot have a sundae with only the cherry. — Gary Chapman

This book [Desperate Marriages ] is really a book on how to be a positive change agent in a very, very difficult marriage. I am not promising that all individuals will be responsive to the approach I take, but I do believe that many marriages could be saved... could be healed. That is my hope. — Gary Chapman

We can choose the attitude that says, I have been wronged. People have hurt me, but with the help of God, I am going to learn how to return good for evil, and I am going to make a difference in this world. — Gary Chapman

I would encourage you to make your own investigation of the one whom, as He died, prayed for those who killed Him: 'Father forgive them for they know not what they do.' That is love's ultimate expression. — Gary Chapman

Others who openly discuss matters of spirituality often ignore the warning signs. They are so in love with each other, enjoy being with each other, and can see themselves making each other happy for the rest of their lives, and they close their eyes to huge differences in their views of spirituality. — Gary Chapman

The getting out part [of advise] may well be true. Because if you have tried the tender love thing... typically the abuser is not going to change until they are pushed in a corner. — Gary Chapman

Over the long haul, many of those people [in a difficult marriage] will begin to reciprocate, because you are meeting a basic need in their life, the need for love, and they know they don't deserve love many times. — Gary Chapman

We can look at the pain in our lives. We can look at the way we have been mistreated, and we can have an attitude of, I will never amount to anything. I have been wrong about people all my life. I am going to pay somebody back for this. — Gary Chapman

Many couples have never learned the tremendous power of verbally affirming each other. — Gary Chapman

A child may be "spoiled" by a lack of training or by inappropriate love that gives or trains incorrectly. — Gary Chapman

Physician Albert Scheweitzer said. " We are all so much together, but we are all dying of loneliness." Professor Leo Buscaglia notes, "There seems to be accumulating evidence that there is actually an inborn need for this togetherness, this human interaction, this love. It seems that without these close ties with other human beings, a new born infant, for example, can regress developmentally, lose consciousness, fall into idiocy and die. — Gary Chapman

We are human, which means we have the potential to make things different. — Gary Chapman

If I walk in the house, and I greet my wife, and I give her a hug, kiss her on the cheek, and I say to her, "Honey, how'd your day go," and I listed to how her day went. If I say, "Is there anything I can do to help you," and she tells me, "Honey, if you could peel the potatoes," or whatever, I have influenced my wife in a very positive way. — Gary Chapman

Sex is the joining of two bodies; love is the joining of two souls. — Gary Chapman

Life Lessons by Gary Chapman

1. Gary Chapman encourages readers to think about how their actions and words affect others and to strive to communicate love in all of their relationships.
2. He emphasizes the importance of understanding and respecting individual differences in how people express and interpret love.
3. He encourages readers to be patient and persistent in their efforts to build strong and lasting relationships.