Our most basic emotional need is not to fall in love but to be genuinely loved by another, to know a love that grows out of reason and choice, not instinct. I need to be loved by someone who chooses to love me, who sees in me something worth loving.

— Gary Chapman

The most successful Gary Chapman quotes that will transform you to a better person

People tend to criticize their spouse most loudly in the area where they themselves have the deepest emotional need.


Love is a choice you make everyday.


Love is something you do for someone else, not something you do for yourself.


Love doesn't erase the past, but it makes the future different.


Remember that your ultimate goal is for your children to grow up secure in your love, strong in their faith, and with sound character.


Forgiveness is not a feeling; it is a commitment. It is a choice to show mercy, not to hold the offense up against the offender. Forgiveness is an expression of love.


We cannot erase the past, but we can accept it as history.


Love doesn't keep a score of wrongs. Love doesn't bring up past failures. (1 Cor 13:5)


Real love" - "This kind of love is emotional in nature but not obsessional.

It is a love that unites reason and emotion. It involves an act of the will and requires discipline, and it recognizes the need for personal growth.


People do not get married planning to divorce.

Divorce is the result of a lack of preparation for marriage and the failure to learn the skills of working together as teammates in an intimate relationship.


..there is hope. That's the marvelous thing about being human. We can change our future. We need not be enslaved by the experiences of the past. We can learn to love even when we have not received love.


Don't be a victim of the urgent. In the long run, much of what seems so pressing right now won't even matter. What you do with your children will matter forever.


About Gary Chapman

Quotes 105 sayings
Nationality American
Profession Author
Birthday October 16

Each person has the potential of making a positive impact on the world.

It all depends on what you do with what you have. Success is not to be measured by the amount of money you possess or the position you attain but rather in how you use both. Position and money can be squandered or abused, but they can also be used to help others.


If we are to develop an intimate relationship, we need to know each other's desires. If we wish to love each other, we need to know what the other person wants.


When people respond too quickly, they often respond to the wrong issue.

Listening helps us focus on the heart of the conflict. When we listen, understand, and respect each other's ideas, we can then find a solution in which both of us are winners.


Lack of love from parents often motivates their children to go searching for love in other relationships. This search is often misguided and leads to further disappointment.


Most of us have more potential than we will ever develop.

What holds us back is often a lack of courage.


I am amazed by how many individuals mess up every new day with yesterday.

They insist on bringing into today the failures of yesterday and in so doing, they pollute a potentially wonderful day.


Inside every child is an 'emotional rani's waiting to be filled with love.

When a child really feels loved, he will develop normally but when the love tank is empty, the child will misbehave. Much of the misbehavior of children is motivated by the cravings of an empty 'love tank


Conflicts are not a sign you've married the wrong person. They simply affirm you are human.


Isolation is devastating to the human psyche.


The object of love is not getting something you want but doing something for the well-being of the one you love.


Togetherness has to do with focused attention.

It is giving someone your undivided attention. As humans, we have a fundamental desire to connect with others. We may be in the presence of people all day long, but we do not always feel connected.


For love, we will climb mountains, cross seas, traverse desert sands, and endure untold hardships. Without love, mountains become unclimbable, seas uncrossable, deserts unbearable, and hardships our lot in life.


Love is the fundamental building block of all human relationships.

It will greatly impact our values and morals. I am also convinced that love is the most important ingredient in the single 's search for meaning.


What we dislike in others is often a weakness in our own lives.


In marriage it is never having my own way. It is rather discovering our way.


Empathetic listening is an awesome medication for the hurting heart.


Love is always freely given. Love cannot be demanded. We can request things of each other, but we must never demand anything. Requests give direction to love, but demands stop the flow of love.


I am amazed by how many individuals mess up every new day with yesterday.


Requests give direction to love, but demands stop the flow of love.


We fail to reckon with the reality of human nature.

By nature,we are egocentric. Our world revolves around us. None of us is totally altruistic.


Something in our nature cries out to be loved by another.

Isolation is devastating to the human psyche. That is why solitary confinement is considered the cruelest of punishments.


Emotions are our spontaneous response to life.

We have these emotions, but if the emotion is a negative emotion, then I have a choice to say, "I am feeling sad tonight because this happened, but I am not going to let my sadness keep me from engaging my wife in conversation. "


We all desperately need love. If a spouse in a difficult marriage will learn the love language of that spouse, and they will, with the help of God, consistently speak their love language no matter how they are treated.


What we do for each other before marriage is no indication of what we will do after marriage.


My attitude affects my actions. So, if I have a negative attitude about it, then it is going to show up in the way I respond, but if I have a positive attitude, then I start looking for the things I can do that will make my life better and make the lives of people around me better.


We are trained to analyze problems and create solutions.

We forget that marriage is a relationship, not a project to be completed or a problem to solve.


We can certainly see contemporary examples of people who radically change.

As long you believe your spouse will never change and you keep telling yourself that, then you live with no hope. But if you understand that that's a myth, then you open up the door to hope.


In a difficult marriage, both of us have failed each other.

Even though one may be the major problem,you also have failed often in the way you have responded to them, the way you have treated them, in the way you have handled your hurt and your pain.


Love is the most powerful weapon in the world for good. I really believe that.


Very few alcoholics get into a treatment program until they are at the end of the rope, often when they feel like they are about to lose something that is important to them, namely a wife or their family. The same is true with those who are physically and verbally abusive.


Nobody has the power to make you miserable .

. . unless you choose to give them that power. Choose to enjoy every drop of today!


I cannot change others, but I can influence others.

.. we can't change people, but we can and we do influence people, and we do it every single day.


Love can be expressed and received in all five languages.

However, if you don't speak a person's primary love language, that person will not feel loved, even though you may be speaking the other four. Once you are speaking his or her primary love language fluently, then you can sprinkle in the other four and they will be like icing on the cake.


Another reality about relationships is that they are never static.

All of us experience changes in relationships but a few stop to analyse why a relationship gets better or worse.


I wrote this book [ Desperate Marriages] because of my own marriage.

My wife and I struggled greatly in the early years of marriage. In spite of the fact that we were Christians before we got married, we prayed about getting married, we believed it was God's will for us to get married, and we still had great struggles.


You cannot force someone to accept an expression of love.

You can only offer it. If it is not accepted, you must respect the other person's decision.


Gifts need not be expensive; after all, "it's the thuoght that counts." But I remind you, it is not the thought left in your head that counts; it is the gift that came out of the thought that communicates emotional love.