The first, indeed the only, requirement of a diet is that it should lose you weight without reducing your alcoholic intake by the smallest degree.— Kingsley Amis
The most authentic Kingsley Amis quotes that will activate your desire to change
If you can't annoy somebody, there is little point in writing.
Only a world without love strikes me as instantly and decisively more terrible than one without music.
If you are using an adverb, you have got the verb wrong.
A bad review may spoil your breakfast, but you shouldn't allow it to spoil your lunch.
Sex is a momentary itch, love never lets you go.
It is natural and harmless in English to use a preposition to end a sentence with.
I don't say that the drunk man is the real man, and the sober man merely a shell. But you find out something different about people when they're drunk. Of course, you sometimes find that they're not different at all--that you merely get more of the same, perhaps said rather more loudly and incoherently, but basically the same.
Hangover cure: Rigorous sex, hydration, hot bath, then "go up for half an hour in an open aeroplane. (needless to say, with a non-hungover person at the controls)."
The ideal of brotherhood of man, the building of the Just City, is one that cannot be discarded without lifelong feelings of disappointment and loss. But, if we are to live in the real world, discard it we must.
He was of the faith chiefly in the sense that the church he currently did not attend was Catholic.
A blonde girl wearing a man's shirt but in all other visible respects unmanly to the point of outright effeminacy.
I sometimes feel that more lousy dishes are presented under the banner of pate than any other.
A German wine label is one of the things life's too short for.
How wrong people always were when they said: 'It's better to know the worst than go on not knowing either way.' No; they had it exactly the wrong way round. Tell me the truth, doctor, I'd sooner know. But only if the truth is what I want to hear.
Yevgeny Yevtushenko: 'You atheist?' "Kingsley Amis: 'Well, yes, but it's more that I hate him.
Misprize common sense at your peril is my motto.
The human race has not devised any way of dissolving barriers, getting to know the other chap fast, breaking the ice, that is one-tenth as handy and efficient as letting you and the other chap, or chaps, cease to be totally sober at about the same rate in agreeable surroundings.
It's a letdown if the comedian doesn't finally actually really sit on his hat.
Outside every fat man there was an even fatter man trying to close in.
Being American is, I think, a very difficult thing in art, because all the elements are European.
Sex stops when you pull up your pants, Love never lets you go.
[Science fiction is] that class of prose narrative treating of a situation that could not arise in the world we know, but which is hypothesised on the basis of some innovation in science or technology, or pseudo-science or pseudo-technology, whether human or extra-terrestrial in origin. It is distinguished from pure fantasy by its need to achieve verisimilitude and win the 'willing suspension of disbelief' through scientific plausibility.
I've been trying to write for as long as I can remember.
But those first fifteen years didn't produce much of great interest. I mean, it embarrasses me very much to look back on my early poems--very few lines of any merit at all and lots of affectation. But there were quite a lot of them. That's a point in one's favor.
The Scandinavians are dear people but they've never been what you might call bywords for wit and sparkle, have they?
Politics is a thing that only the unsophisticated can really go for.
If there's one word that sums up everything that's gone wrong since the war, it's Workshop. After Youth, that is.
The ideal of brotherhood of man, the building of the Just City, is one that cannot be discarded without lifelong feelings of disappointment and loss. But, if we are to live in the real world, discard it we must. Its very nobility makes the results of its breakdown doubly horrifying, and it breaks down, as it always will, not by some external agency but because it cannot work.
Twentieth century music is like paedophilia.
No matter how persuasively and persistently its champions urge their cause, it will never be accepted by the public at large, who will continue to regard it with incomprehension, outrage and repugnance.
With some exceptions in science fiction and other genres I have small difficulty in avoiding anything that could be called American literature. I feel it is unnatural, not I think entirely because it uses a language that is not mine, however closely akin to my own.
I once wrote deduceable instead of deducible in a book, though nobody then or since has taken me up on it. A small point as they go, perhaps, but Rule I of writing acceptably is to get everything right as far as you can, and in this case I had neglected to.
Death has this much to be said for it: You don't have to get out of bed for it.
Wherever you happen to be They bring it to you—free.
Education is one thing and instruction, however worthy, necessary and incidentally or monetarily educative, another.
Those who professed themselves unable to believe in the reality of human progress ought to cheer themselves up, as the students under examination had conceivably been cheered up, by a short study of the Middle Ages. The hydrogen bomb, the South African Government, Chioang Kaidick, Senator McCarthy himself, would then seem a light price to pay for no longer being in the Middle Ages.
I am always incorrigibly interested in the behaviour of the 'human animal', and look forward to perusing divers effusions of your lively pen.
Wives and such are constantly filling up any refrigerator they have a claim on, even its ice-compartment, with irrelevant rubbish like food.
He who truly believes he has a hangover has no hangover.
When starting to think about any novel, part of the motive is: I'm going to show them, this time.
Whatever part drink may play in the writer's life, it must play none in his or her work.
More always means worse.
I want a dish to taste good, rather than to have been seethed in pig's milk and served wrapped in a rhubarb leaf with grated thistle root.
Your attitude measures up to the two requirements of love.
You want to go to bed with her and can't, and you don't know her very well. Ignorance of the other person topped up with deprivation, Jim. You fit the formula all right, and what's more you want to go on fitting it.
Be glad you're fifty - andThat you got there while things were nice,In a world worth looking at twice.So here's wishing you many more years,But not all that many. Cheers!
It is no wonder that people are so horrible when they start their life as children.
It's never pleasant to have one's unquestioning beliefs put in their historical context, as I know from experience, I can assure you.
I'll pour you the first one and after that, if you don't have one, it's your own f****** fault. You know where it is.
Women are really much nicer than men: No wonder we like them.
The rewards for being sane may not be very many, but knowing what's funny is one of them.
Work was like cats were supposed to be: if you disliked and feared it and tried to keep out if its way, it knew at once and sought you out and jumped on your lap and climbed all over you to show how much it loved you. Please God, he thought, don't let me die in harness.
To refer even in passing to unpublished or struggling authors and their problems is to put oneself at some risk, so I will say here and now that any unsolicited manuscripts or typescripts sent to me will be destroyed unread. You must make your way yourself. Why you should be so set on the nearly always disappointing profession is a puzzling question.