And the kittykats would have to erect scaffolding and a pulley to get him down. Mind you, I wouldn't put that past them. Sometimes when they are behind the sofa supposedly purring, I think they are drilling.

— Louise Rennison

The most useful Louise Rennison quotes that are glad to read

Your soul shines through even if you haven't got mascara on

10

When girls walk home we put on lippy and makeup.

We chat. Sometimes we pretend to be hunchbacks. But that is it. Perfectly normal behavior.

6

Jas, you are three hundred miles away.

You would have to have nunga-nungas the size of France for Jock to be able to rest his hand on them.

5

A nod is as good as a wink to a blind badger.

5

I gave my artistic laugh and also threw in some quirky language for good measure. "Lawks-a-mercy, no! I'm going to have a long bath and..." I looked shyly down. Which is pretty impressive to have done artistic laugh, quirky language and shyness all in the space of ten seconds.

4

What in the name of Hitler's panties and matching bra set was she talking about?

3

He who laughs last laughs the laughiest.

3

Look, I can't go out with you, because... because... because I'm a lesbian.

3

I can already feel myself getting fed up with boys and I haven't had anything to do with them yet" - Georgia Nicolson

3

Maybe he overreacted a bit." - "A bit? That's like Hitler saying, 'Oooh, I just meant to go for a little walk, but then I accidentally invaded Poland".

3

Mum said, "It is the thought that counts.

" And I said, "I know, which is why I am ringing the authorities right now. Anyone who thinks like she does should be locked up out of harm's way.

3

My cousin Georgia says that boys are like gazelles.

She says the get alarmed when they get close to girls. And they have to leap off into the woods like gazelles in trousers. Or have I just made that up?

3

About Louise Rennison

Quotes 95 sayings
Profession Author
Birthday 1951

When uncle Eddie does his impression of 'Like a Virgin' it's like Madonna is coming out of his body!' Christ what an image.

3

Or if I truly gave up I could be like Wet Lindsay.

When Robbie dumped her she got all pale and even wetter than normal. She was like an anoraksick. (A person who is both very thin and wears tragic anoraks.) I just made that up as a joke. Even though I am very upset I can still think of a joke.

3

You make me laugh like a loon on loon tablets!

3

As she left my room I knew I should shut up.

But you know when you should shut up because you really should just shut up...but you keep on and on anyway? Well, I had that.

3

Dad has brought me a cup of tea in bed this morning! I said, 'Vati, why are you waking me up in the middle of the night? Are you on fire?

3

And that's when it fell off in my hand

2

Dad at breakfast today being very quiet.

I notice he is clean shaven. I said to him, "Vati, what has happened to the little beaver that used to live on the end of your chin?

2

I am soooo excited, I am over-excited.

I'm hysterical, I may have to slap my own face in a minute at this rate.

2

I like the idea that I can talk to any teenage girls.

You know, in a language that makes sense to them.

2

Shut up Jas, you are not Baby Jesus

2

Mr. Darcy was in Pride and Prejudice and at first he was all snooty and huffy; then he fell in a lake and came out with his shirt all wet. And then we all loved him. In a swoony way.

2

Vaisey said, "Is it because your parents don't understand you?" Charlie said, "No, it's because our parents understand us very well, and that is why they wanted us to go away.

2

I wanted to kill her and make her eat her fringe. And her knickers.

2

When we did eventually get to the party - me walking next to Dad's Volvo driving at five miles an hour - I had a horrible time. Everyone laughed at first but then more or less ignored me. In a mood of defiant stuffed oliveness I did have a dance by myself but things kept crashing to the floor around me. The host asked if I would sit down. I had a go at that but it was useless. In the end I was at the gate for about an hour before Dad arrived.

0

I don't know what's going on with Mum and Dad, but it's weird.

Mum keeps asking Dad to do things and he keeps doing them Unfotunately, she hasn't said 'Hand over your money and make your way to Europe!

0

You wouldn't say ' You've got the crappest eyes I've ever seen. Your eyes make me physically sick.

0

When Mutti and Vati came in I didn't speak to them.

I just unfurled the CAT MOLESTERS banner I had made.

0

I've never had anyone say they love me before.

Libby lobes me, that is true, but there is something a bit menacing about the way she says it.

0

The tannoy is crackling but I can only hear heavy breathing and snuffling.

... Uh-oh, the tannoy is crackling again. "Sorry about that, ladies and gentlemen, I momentarily lost hold of my pie.

0

He came over and ruffled my hair, which is technically assault.

I could get on the blower to ChildLine.

0

I couldn't believe it. It was unbelievable, that's why. My face was like a frozen fish finger. All rigid and pale. (But obviously not with breadcrumbs on it.)

0

If you fall down those stairs and break both of your legs, don't come running to me!

0

How many times do we all have to do this? Get up, go to school, again? Before everyone admits it's a crap idea?

0

Here is my recipe for a mood enhancer.

Take a friend, preferably one with a really annoying fringe and outsize pants, and when she is rambling on swiftly, push her into a ditch and run away.

0

The fly in her argument is that when she says, 'they' will feel like lemons, we don't know who 'they' are. And 'they' might BE lemons.

0

Looking out of the window at the infinite sky, I prayed out, 'Dear Baby Jesus, I am sorry for my sin, even though I do not know what they are, which seems a bit unfair if it is going to be held against me. But that is your way. And I am not questioning your wisdomosity. In future, however, would it be possible for my life to be not so entirely crap? Thank you.

0

Overslept and had to race to get a life to Jas’s with my dad.

No time for yoga or makeup. Oh well, I’ll start tomorrow. God alone knows how the Dalai Lama copes on a daily basis. He must get up at dawn. Actually, I read somewhere that he does get up at dawn.

0

Oh no. I've just accidently paid a visit to the cakeshop of love. I haven't put back my Italian cakey, but I have accidentally picked up a Dave the Tart.

0

He said, "Hi, gorgeous," which I think is nice. I admire honesty.

0

Jassie, guess what I'm dancing in!' 'I don't know, a bowl?' 'Non... I am dancing in my Nuddy-pants!

0

I'm not a ice cream, i'm a human being

0

Rosie get off your desk, and please put your beard away.

0

I could have quite literally snogged until the cows came home.

And when they came home I would have shouted, "WHAT HAVE YOU COWS COME HOME FOR? CAN'T YOU SEE I'M SNOGGING, YOU STUPID HERBIVORES???

0

Hello, my sister, Libby, also your daughter, is snogging a potato in my bed.

What are you going to do about it?' Dad started yelling uncontrollably. I wonder if he is having the male menopause? If he starts growing breasts, I will definitely be running away with the Circus.

0

As we drew near to the gates of Dother Hall the old bell in the belfry rang out.

I said, 'I must go in, it's nigh on ten of the clock.' He half-turned away from me, his jacket collar hiding his expression. Was he angry? Disappointed?" Jo looked intently and I said, "Hungry?" Jo ignored me, but as she passed by acting out walking away from Phil, she allowed her hand to slap against my head.

0

Tom is back on a flight at 6:15 P.M. That is 6:15. Do you get it? Not 6:00 P.M. but 6:15 P.M. And do you know how many minutes that is? I do. I have also become a Time Lord.

0

I am going to become a writer for Cosmo - you don’t have to make any sense at all. Or maybe I’ll be a bloke, they don’t have to make sense either.

0
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