18+ Lundy Bancroft Quotes On Trust, Friendship And Money

Lundy Bancroft is an author, speaker, consultant, and activist who works to end violence against women and children. He is the author of several books, including Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men and The Batterer as Parent. He is a leading expert on domestic violence and has consulted with numerous organizations around the world. Following is our collection on famous quotes by Lundy Bancroft on trust, love, friendship.

Abusers thrive on creating confusion, including confusion about the abuse itself. — Lundy Bancroft

The scars from mental cruelty can be as deep and long-lasting as wounds from punches or slaps but are often not as obvious. In fact, even among women who have experienced violence from a partner, half or more report that the man's emotional abuse is what is causing them the greatest harm. — Lundy Bancroft

It is fine to commiserate with a man about his bad experience with a previous partner, but the instant he uses her as an excuse to mistreat you, stop believing anything he tells you about that relationship and instead recognize it as a sign that he has problems with relating to women. — Lundy Bancroft

Never believe a man's claim that he has to harm his partner in order to protect her; only abusers think this way. — Lundy Bancroft

One of the prevalent features of life with an angry or controlling partner is that he frequently tells you what you should think and tries to get you to doubt or devalue your own perceptions and beliefs. — Lundy Bancroft

The central attitudes driving the Water Torturer are: You are crazy. You fly off the handle over nothing. I can easily convince other people that you're the one who is messed up. As long as I'm calm, you can't call anything I do abusive, no matter how cruel. I know exactly how to get under your skin. — Lundy Bancroft

Abuse counselors say of the abusive client: “When he looks at himself in the morning and sees his dirty face, he sets about washing the mirror. — Lundy Bancroft

But whether you stay or go, the critical decision you can make is to stop letting your partner distort the lens of your life, always forcing his way into the center of the picture. You deserve to have your life be about you; you are worth it. — Lundy Bancroft

Few people are aware of the severe human rights violations committed daily by family court judges across the country. These courts are siding over and over again with proven sexual abusers of children and batterers of women. I wouldn't believe it myself if I hadn't done so much investigating. — Lundy Bancroft

As long as we see abusers as victims, or as out-of-control monsters, they will continue getting away with ruining lives. If we want abusers to change, we will have to require them to give up the luxury of exploitation. — Lundy Bancroft

Abuse and respect are diametric opposites: You do not respect someone whom you abuse, and you do not abuse someone whom you respect. — Lundy Bancroft

If we want abusers to change, we will have to require them to give up the luxury of exploitation. — Lundy Bancroft

An abuser can seem emotionally needy. You can get caught in a trap of catering to him, trying to fill a bottomless pit. But he's not so much needy as entitled, so no matter how much you give him, it will never be enough. He will just keep coming up with more demands because he believes his needs are your responsibility, until you feel drained down to nothing. — Lundy Bancroft

The sense of ownership is one reason why abuse tends to get worse as relationships get more serious. The more history and commitment that develop in the couple, the more the abuser comes to think of his partner as a prized object. Possessiveness is at the core of the abuser's mindset, the spring from which all the other streams spout; on some level he feels that he owns you and therefore has the right to treat you as he sees fit. — Lundy Bancroft

Has he ever trapped you in a room and not let you out? Has he ever raised a fist as if he were going to hit you? Has he ever thrown an object that hit you or nearly did? Has he ever held you down or grabbed you to restrain you? Has he ever threatened to hurt you? If the answer to any of these questions is yes, then we can stop wondering whether he'll ever be violent; he already has been. — Lundy Bancroft

Physical aggression by a man toward his partner is abuse, even if it happens only once. If he raises a fist; punches a hole in the wall; throws things at you; blocks your way; restrains you; grabs, pushes, or pokes you; or threatens to hurt you, that's physical abuse. He is creating fear and using your need for physical freedom and safety as a way to control you. — Lundy Bancroft

Objectification is a critical reason why an abuser tends to get worse over time. As his conscience adapts to one level of cruelty-he builds to the next. By depersonalizing his partner, the abuser protects himself from the natural human emotions of guilt and empathy, so that he can sleep at night with a clear conscience. He distances himself so far from her humanity that her feelings no longer count, or simply cease to exist. — Lundy Bancroft

Physical aggression by a man toward his partner is abuse, even if it happens only once. — Lundy Bancroft

Life Lessons by Lundy Bancroft

1. Lundy Bancroft's work emphasizes the importance of understanding the dynamics of abusive relationships and the need for compassion and understanding when working with victims of abuse.
2. He also stresses the need for individuals to take responsibility for their own actions and to recognize their own potential for change.
3. Finally, Lundy Bancroft's work encourages us to be mindful of the power of language and to use it to create a safe and supportive environment for survivors of abuse.