Best quotes by the American Author Mark Twain

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Kindness is a language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see. MARK TWAIN

Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear - not absence of fear. MARK TWAIN

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover. MARK TWAIN

Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great. MARK TWAIN



If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything. MARK TWAIN

Continuous improvement is better than delayed perfection. MARK TWAIN

It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog. MARK TWAIN

To get the full value of joy you must have someone to divide it with. MARK TWAIN

Don't let schooling interfere with your education. MARK TWAIN

Religion was invented when the first con man met the first fool. MARK TWAIN

Laughter is the greatest weapon we have and we, as humans, use it the least. MARK TWAIN

Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please. MARK TWAIN

Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect. MARK TWAIN

Fueling your body is a process... The secret of getting ahead is getting started. MARK TWAIN

It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt. MARK TWAIN

Good friends, good books, and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life. MARK TWAIN

Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see. MARK TWAIN

I do not fear death. I had been dead for billions and billions of years before I was born, and had not suffered the slightest inconvenience from it. MARK TWAIN

The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up. MARK TWAIN

Go to heaven for the climate and hell for the company. MARK TWAIN

I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell -- you see, I have friends in both places. MARK TWAIN

Be virtuous and you will be eccentric. MARK TWAIN

A classic is something that everybody wants to have read and nobody wants to read. MARK TWAIN

History may not repeat itself, but it does rhyme a lot MARK TWAIN

If you don't read the newspaper, you're uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you're mis-informed. MARK TWAIN

There isn't a single human characteristic that can be safely labeled as American. MARK TWAIN

The most interesting information come from children, for they tell all they know and then stop. MARK TWAIN

Always do right. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest. MARK TWAIN

When we remember that we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained. MARK TWAIN

I can live for two months on a good compliment. MARK TWAIN


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Mark Twain's Quotes About

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Mark Twain humor quotes

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Go to heaven for the climate and hell for the company. MARK TWAIN

The most interesting information come from children, for they tell all they know and then stop. MARK TWAIN

I take my only exercise acting as a pallbearer at the funerals of my friends who exercise regularly. MARK TWAIN

Substitute 'damn' every time you're inclined to write 'very;' your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be. MARK TWAIN

Adam was but human—this explains it all. He did not want the apple for the apple's sake, he wanted it only because it was forbidden. The mistake was in not forbidding the serpent; then he would have eaten the serpent. MARK TWAIN

But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most? MARK TWAIN

Everyone talks about the weather, but no one does anything about it. MARK TWAIN

Humor is mankind's greatest blessing. MARK TWAIN

The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also. MARK TWAIN

Humor must not professedly teach and it must not professedly preach, but it must do both if it would live forever. MARK TWAIN

I must have a prodigious amount of mind; it takes me as much as a week, sometimes, to make it up! MARK TWAIN

What is Man? Man is a noisome bacillus whom Our Heavenly Father created because he was disappointed in the monkey. MARK TWAIN

Everything human is pathetic. The secret source of Humor itself is not joy but sorrow. There is no humor in heaven. MARK TWAIN

To be, or not to be; that is the bare bodkin That makes calamity of so long life; MARK TWAIN

The reports of my death are greatly exaggerated. MARK TWAIN

Wit is the sudden marriage of ideas which, before their union, were not perceived to have any relation. MARK TWAIN
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Wit and Humor -- if any difference, it is in duration -- lightning and electric light. Same material, apparently; but one is vivid, and can do damage -- the other fools along and enjoys elaboration. MARK TWAIN
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Everything human is pathetic. The secret source of humor itself is not joy but sorrow. There is no humor in heaven. MARK TWAIN
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The secret source of humor is not joy but sorrow; there is no humor in Heaven. MARK TWAIN
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I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didn’t know. MARK TWAIN
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Never put off till tomorrow what may be done day after tomorrow just as well. From: More Maxims of Mark MARK TWAIN
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Often it does seem such a pity that Noah and his party did not miss the boat. MARK TWAIN
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Familiarity breeds contempt and children. MARK TWAIN
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A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining, but wants it back the minute it begins to rain. MARK TWAIN
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Mark Twain truth quotes

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If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything. MARK TWAIN

Truth is stranger than fiction, but it is because Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities; Truth isn't. MARK TWAIN

Never tell the truth to people who are not worthy of it. MARK TWAIN

Often the surest way to convey misinformation is to tell the strict truth. MARK TWAIN

Truth is neither alive nor dead; it just aggravates itself all the time. MARK TWAIN

No real gentleman will tell the naked truth in the presence of ladies. MARK TWAIN

I never could tell a lie that anybody would doubt, nor a truth that anybody would believe. MARK TWAIN

When in doubt tell the truth. MARK TWAIN
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Truth is the most valuable thing we have. Let us economize it. MARK TWAIN
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Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities. Truth isn't. MARK TWAIN

It's no wonder that truth is stranger than fiction. Fiction has to make sense. MARK TWAIN
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Why shouldn't truth be stranger than fiction? Fiction, after all, has to make sense. MARK TWAIN

Truth is mighty and will prevail. There is nothing wrong with this, except that it ain't so. MARK TWAIN

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Mark Twain death quotes

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I do not fear death. I had been dead for billions and billions of years before I was born, and had not suffered the slightest inconvenience from it. MARK TWAIN

Let us endeavor so to live that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry. MARK TWAIN

The report of my death was an exaggeration. MARK TWAIN

All say, How hard it is that we have to die -- a strange complaint to come from the mouths of people who have had to live. MARK TWAIN

I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it. MARK TWAIN

The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time. MARK TWAIN

The reports of my death are greatly exaggerated. MARK TWAIN

Annihilation has no terrors for me, because I have already tried it before I was born --a hundred million years --and I have suffered more in an hour, in this life, than I remember to have suffered in the whole hundred million years put together. There was a peace, a serenity, an absence of all sense of responsibility, an absence of worry, an absence of care, grief, perplexity; and the presence of a deep content and unbroken satisfaction in that hundred million years of holiday which I look back upon with a tender longing and with a grateful desire to resume, when the opportunity comes. MARK TWAIN
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Whoever has lived long enough to find out what life is, knows how deep a debt of gratitude we owe to Adam, the first great benefactor of our race. He brought death into the world. MARK TWAIN
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We owe a deep debt of gratitude to Adam, the first great benefactor of the human race: he brought death into the world. MARK TWAIN
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We never become really and genuinely our entire and honest selves until we are dead -- and not then until we have been dead years and years. People ought to start dead and then they would be honest so much earlier. MARK TWAIN
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Do the thing you fear most and the death of fear is certain. MARK TWAIN

The reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated. MARK TWAIN
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Mark Twain education quotes

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Don't let schooling interfere with your education. MARK TWAIN

In the first place, God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school boards. MARK TWAIN

I have never let my schooling interfere with my education. MARK TWAIN

Soap and education are not as sudden as a massacre, but they are more deadly in the long run. MARK TWAIN

I said there was nothing so convincing to an Indian as a general massacre. If he could not approve of the massacre, I said the next surest thing for an Indian was soap and education. Soap and education are not as sudden as a massacre, but they are more deadly in the long run; because a half-massacred Indian may recover, but if you educate him and wash him, it is bound to finish him some time or other. MARK TWAIN

All schools, all colleges, have two great functions: to confer, and to conceal, valuable knowledge. The theological knowledge which they conceal cannot justly be regarded as less valuable than that which they reveal. That is, when a man is buying a basket of strawberries it can profit him to know that the bottom half of it is rotten. MARK TWAIN

Soap and education are not as sudden as a massacre, but they are more deadly in the long run. Training is everything. The peach was once a bitter almond; cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education. MARK TWAIN

Education consists mainly of what we have unlearned. MARK TWAIN

I've never let my school interfere with my education. MARK TWAIN

Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education. MARK TWAIN

I never let schooling interfere with my education. MARK TWAIN

Training is everything. The peach was once a bitter almond; cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education. MARK TWAIN

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Mark Twain life quotes

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Good friends, good books, and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life. MARK TWAIN

Let us so live that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry. MARK TWAIN
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What a wee little part of a person's life are his acts and his words! His real life is led in his head, and is known to none but himself. All day long, the mill of his brain is grinding, and his thoughts, not those of other things, are his history. These are his life, and they are not written. Everyday would make a whole book of 80,000 words -- 365 books a year. Biographies are but the clothes and buttons of the man -- the biography of the man himself cannot be written. MARK TWAIN

Life does not consist mainly, or even largely, of facts and happenings. It consists mainly of the storm of thought that is forever flowing through one's head. MARK TWAIN

The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time. MARK TWAIN

To succeed in life, you need two things: ignorance and confidence. MARK TWAIN

When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained. MARK TWAIN

Plain question and plain answer make the shortest road out of most perplexities. MARK TWAIN

A myriad of men are born; they labor and sweat and struggle; ...they squabble and scold and fight; they scramble for little mean advantages over each other; age creeps upon them; infirmities follow; ...those they love are taken from them, and the joy of life is turned to aching grief. It comes at last--the only unpoisoned gift earth ever had for them--and they vanish from a world where they were of no consequence, ...a world which will lament them a day and forget them forever. MARK TWAIN
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Good friends, good books and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life. MARK TWAIN
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Part of the secret of a success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside. MARK TWAIN
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The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why. MARK TWAIN

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More quotes by Mark Twain

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Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear, not absence of fear. MARK TWAIN

I take my only exercise acting as a pallbearer at the funerals of my friends who exercise regularly. MARK TWAIN

Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company. MARK TWAIN

It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world, and moral courage so rare. MARK TWAIN



Education is the path from cocky ignorance to miserable uncertainty. MARK TWAIN

The right word may be effective, but no word was ever as effective as a rightly timed pause. MARK TWAIN

Adam was the luckiest man; he had no mother-in-law. MARK TWAIN

History is strewn thick with evidence that a truth is not hard to kill, but a lie, well told, is immortal. MARK TWAIN

Both marriage and death ought to be welcome: The one promises happiness, doubtless the other assures it. MARK TWAIN

Apparently there is nothing that cannot happen today. MARK TWAIN

When I was fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have him around. When I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much he had learned in seven years. MARK TWAIN

Thousands of geniuses live and die undiscovered -- either by themselves or by others. MARK TWAIN

Why is it that we rejoice at a birth and grieve at a funeral? It is because we are not the person involved. MARK TWAIN

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. MARK TWAIN

It is better to deserve honors and not have them than to have them and not deserve them. MARK TWAIN

The trouble with the world is not that people know too little, but that they know so many things that ain't so. MARK TWAIN

A man cannot be made comfortable without his own approval. MARK TWAIN
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I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened. MARK TWAIN

Let us so live that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry. MARK TWAIN
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Work and play are words used to describe the same thing under differing conditions. MARK TWAIN
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In the first place, God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school boards. MARK TWAIN

Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first. MARK TWAIN

Suppose you were an idiot, and suppose you were a member of congress; but I repeat myself. MARK TWAIN

A lie can run around the world six times while the truth is still trying to put on its pants. MARK TWAIN

The human race has but one really affective weapon, and that is laughter. MARK TWAIN

Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits. MARK TWAIN

We are all alike, on the inside. MARK TWAIN

Grief can take care of itself; but to get the full value of a joy you must have somebody to divide it with. MARK TWAIN

If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man. MARK TWAIN

Everyone is like a moon, and has a dark side which he never shows to anybody. MARK TWAIN

Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it MARK TWAIN

We have the best government that money can buy. MARK TWAIN

All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then Success is sure. MARK TWAIN

It is easier to stay out than get out. MARK TWAIN

Thunder is good, thunder is impressive; but it is lightning that does the work. MARK TWAIN

Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen. MARK TWAIN
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When angry, count four; when very angry, swear. MARK TWAIN

Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it's time to pause and reflect. MARK TWAIN

A habit cannot be tossed out the window; it must be coaxed down the stairs a step at a time. MARK TWAIN

Accident is the name of the greatest of all inventors. MARK TWAIN

Truth is stranger than fiction, but it is because Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities; Truth isn't. MARK TWAIN

I have a higher and grander standard of principle than George Washington. He could not lie; I can, but I won t. MARK TWAIN

If man had created man, he would be ashamed of his performance. MARK TWAIN

You cannot depend on your judgments when your imagination is out of focus. MARK TWAIN

Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow. MARK TWAIN

The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them. MARK TWAIN

Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been. MARK TWAIN

There are lies, damned lies, and statistics. MARK TWAIN

Everybody talks about the weather, but nobody does anything about it. MARK TWAIN

I refused to attend his funeral. But I wrote a very nice letter explaining that I approved of it. MARK TWAIN

Don't part with your illusions. When they are gone you may still exist, but you have ceased to live. MARK TWAIN

Do something every day that you don't want to do. This is the golden rule for acquiring the habit of doing your duty without pain. MARK TWAIN
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I have never let my schooling interfere with my education. MARK TWAIN

I was young and foolish then; now I am old and foolisher. MARK TWAIN

There was never yet an uninteresting life. Such a thing is an impossibility. Inside of the dullest exterior there is a drama, a comedy, and a tragedy. MARK TWAIN

Necessity is the mother of taking chances. MARK TWAIN

Noise proves nothing. Often a hen who has merely laid an egg cackles as if she laid an asteroid. MARK TWAIN

Let us endeavor so to live that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry. MARK TWAIN

Few sinners are saved after the first twenty minutes of a sermon. MARK TWAIN

To cease smoking is the easiest thing I ever did. I ought to know, I've done it a thousand times. MARK TWAIN

When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it had happened or not. MARK TWAIN

Never tell the truth to people who are not worthy of it. MARK TWAIN

All generalizations are false, including this one. MARK TWAIN

If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and man. MARK TWAIN

I thoroughly disapprove of duels. If a man should challenge me, I would take him kindly and forgivingly by the hand and lead him to a quiet place and kill him. MARK TWAIN
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Man was made at the end of the week's work when God was tired. MARK TWAIN

The report of my death was an exaggeration. MARK TWAIN

There's always something about your success that displeases even your best friends. MARK TWAIN

To be good is noble, but to teach others how to be good is nobler and less trouble. MARK TWAIN

If animals could speak, the dog would be a blundering outspoken fellow; but the cat would have the rare grace of never saying a word too much. MARK TWAIN

When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it's a sure sign you're getting old. MARK TWAIN
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Principles have no real force except when one is well-fed. MARK TWAIN

She was not quite what you would call refined. She was not quite what you would call unrefined. She was the kind of person that keeps a parrot. MARK TWAIN

Civilization is a limitless multiplication of unnecessary necessities. MARK TWAIN

It usually takes more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech. MARK TWAIN

The human race is a race of cowards; and I am not only marching in that procession, but carrying a banner. MARK TWAIN

If the desire to kill and the opportunity to kill came always together, who would escape hanging? MARK TWAIN

He liked to like people, therefore people liked him. MARK TWAIN

Climate is what we expect, weather is what we get. MARK TWAIN

The older we grow the greater becomes our wonder at how much ignorance one can contain without bursting one's clothes. MARK TWAIN
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It was wonderful to find America, but it would have been more wonderful to miss it. MARK TWAIN

There are two times in a man's life when he should not speculate: when he can't afford it, and when he can. MARK TWAIN

A banker is a fellow who lends his umbrella when the sun is shining and wants it back the minute it begins to rain. MARK TWAIN

I must have a prodigious quantity of mind; it takes me as much as a week, sometimes, to make it up. MARK TWAIN

He is useless on top of the ground; he ought to be under it, inspiring the cabbages. MARK TWAIN

Habit is habit, and not to be flung out of the window by any man, but coaxed downstairs a step at a time. MARK TWAIN

A man who carries a cat by the tail learns something he can learn in no other way. MARK TWAIN

Never learn to do anything. If you don't learn, you will always find someone else to do it for you. MARK TWAIN

It is not best that we should all think alike; it is a difference of opinion that makes horse races. MARK TWAIN

Noise proves nothing, Often a hen who has laid an egg cackles as if she had laid an asteroid. MARK TWAIN

Let us be thankful for the fools. But for them the rest of us could not succeed. MARK TWAIN

A round man cannot be expected to fit in a square hole right away. He must have time to modify his shape. MARK TWAIN

Facts are stubborn, but statistics are more pliable. MARK TWAIN

My books are water; those of the great geniuses is wine. Everybody drinks water. MARK TWAIN

Everyone is a moon,and has a dark side which he never shows to anybody. MARK TWAIN

Most writers regard the truth as their most valuable possession, and therefore are economical in its use. MARK TWAIN

I believe that our Heavenly Father invented man because he was disappointed in the monkey. MARK TWAIN

Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example. MARK TWAIN

Be careless in your dress if you must, but keep a tidy soul. MARK TWAIN

Never let formal education get in the way of your learning. MARK TWAIN

What a good thing Adam had. When he said a good thing, he knew nobody had said it before. MARK TWAIN

We need not worry so much about what man descends from; it's what he descends to that shames the human race. MARK TWAIN

If it's your job to eat a frog, it's best to do it first thing in the morning. And If it's your job to eat two frogs, it's best to eat the biggest one first. MARK TWAIN

Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter. MARK TWAIN
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All you need is ignorance and confidence and the success is sure. MARK TWAIN

You can't depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus. MARK TWAIN

Loyalty to the country always. Loyalty to the government when it deserves it. MARK TWAIN

Substitute 'damn' every time you're inclined to write 'very;' your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be. MARK TWAIN

To my mind Judas Iscariot was nothing but a low, mean, premature Congressman. MARK TWAIN
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Water, taken in moderation, cannot hurt anybody. MARK TWAIN

Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great. MARK TWAIN

Good breeding consists in concealing how much we think of ourselves and how little we think of the other person. MARK TWAIN

There are several good protections against temptation, but the surest is cowardice. MARK TWAIN

The rule is perfect: in all matters of opinion our adversaries are insane. MARK TWAIN

Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you please. MARK TWAIN

Faith is believing what you know ain't so. MARK TWAIN

It was the schoolboy who said, Faith is believing what you know ain't so. MARK TWAIN

I would rather have my ignorance than another man's knowledge, because I have so much of it. MARK TWAIN

Against the assault of laughter nothing can stand. MARK TWAIN

Obscurity and competence: That is the life that is worth living. MARK TWAIN


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TABLE OF CONTENTS

Part 1
Best Mark Twain quotes

Part 2
Mark Twain pictures quotes

Part 3
Mark Twain's Quotes About ...
Humor
Truth
Death
Education
Life
All Mark Twain quotes

Part 4
Quotes by authors similar to Mark Twain

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