Every criticism, judgment, diagnosis, and expression of anger is the tragic expression of an unmet need.

— Marshall B. Rosenberg

The most cheerful Marshall B. Rosenberg quotes that are easy to memorize and remember

Your presence is the most precious gift you can give to another human being.

82

All violence is the result of people tricking themselves into believing that their pain derives from other people and that consequently those people deserve to be punished.

78

Empathy is a respectful understanding of what others are experiencing.

Instead of offering empathy, we often have a strong urge to give advice or reassurance and to explain our own position or feeling. Empathy, however, calls upon us to empty our mind and listen to others with our whole being.

77

Instead of playing the game "Making Life Wonderful", we often play the game called "Who's Right". Do you know that game? It's a game where everybody loses.

55

Empathy is a respectful understanding of what others are experiencing.

52

Most of us grew up speaking a language that encourages us to label, compare, demand, and pronounce judgments rather than to be aware of what we are feeling and needing.

33

The most dangerous of all behaviors may consist of doing things 'because we're supposed to.

30

If you are a czar or a king or a president or someone that wants to control those below them you do not want people to have a consciousness of life, of their needs. Because people do not make good slaves when they're connected to life... That's why in the public schools the primary objective is obedience to authority.

25

Regardless of our many differences, we all have the same needs.

What differs is the strategy for fulfilling these needs.

21

Anger is a signal that you're distracted by judgmental or punitive thinking, and that some precious need of yours is being ignored.

20

When our communication supports compassionate giving and receiving, happiness replaces violence and grieving.

18

NVC suggests behind every action, however ineffective, tragic, violent, or abhorrent to us, is an attempt to meet a need.

15

About Marshall B. Rosenberg

Quotes 263 sayings
Profession Psychologist
Birthday October 6, 1934

The Indian philosopher J. Krishnamurti once remarked that observing without evaluating is the highest form of human intelligence. When I first read this statement, the thought, 'What nonsense!' shot through my mind before I realized that I had just made an evaluation.

14

When we understand the needs that motivate our own and others behavior, we have no enemies.

13

Never hear what somebody thinks about you, you'll live longer.

Hear that they're in pain. Don't hear their analysis.

13

At the root of every tantrum and power struggle are unmet needs.

13

Fear of corporal punishment obscures children's awareness of the compassion underlying the parent's demands.

13

While we may not consider the way we talk to be 'violent,' our words often lead to hurt and pain, whether for others or for ourselves.

12

Also, think about your intentionality - are you getting lost in the method? or coming from the intentionality, the purpose? You don't want to do the mechanics without the consciousness.

12

We are dangerous when we are not conscious of our responsibility for how we behave, think, and feel.

11

Children need far more than basic skills in reading, writing, and math, as important as those might be. Children also need to learn how to think for themselves, how to find meaning in what they learn, and how to work and live together.

11

I think that there is a problem with rewards and consequences because in the long run, they rarely work in the ways we hope. In fact, they are likely to backfire.

10

People don't make us angry, how we think makes us angry.

10

It's never what people do that makes us angry; it's what we tell ourselves about what they did.

10

Keep in mind that other people's actions can never 'make' you feel any certain way. Feelings are your warning indicators.

9

When it comes to giving advice, never do so unless you've first received a request in writing, signed by a lawyer.

9

The kind of spirituality I value is one in which you get great joy out of contributing to life, not just sitting and meditating, although meditation is certainly valuable. But from meditation, from the resulting consciousness, I would like to see people in action creating the world they want to live in.

9

At the core of all anger is a need that is not being fulfilled.

9

We can never make anyone do anything against their will without enormous consequences.

9

All moralistic judgments, whether positive or negative, are tragic expressions of unmet needs.

8

When we make mistakes, we can use the process of NVC mourning and self-forgiveness to show us where we can grow instead of getting caught up in moralistic self-judgments.

8

When we express our needs indirectly through the use of evaluations, interpretations, and images, others are likely to hear criticism. When people hear anything that sounds like criticism, they tend to invest their energy in self-defense or counterattack. It's important that when we address somebody that we're clear what we want back.

7

Expressing our vulnerability can help resolve conflicts.

7

When we focus on clarifying what is being observed, felt, and needed rather than on diagnosing and judging, we discover the depth of our own compassion.

7

I never have to worry about another person's response, only how I react to what they say.

7

When I am angry I have a judgment and an unmet need.

7

Use anger as a wake-up call to unmet needs.

7

What I want in my life is compassion a flow between myself and others based on mutual giving from the heart.

7

When we hear the other person's feelings and needs, we recognize our common humanity.

7

My ultimate goal is to spend as many of my moments in life as I can in that world that the poet Rumi talks about, 'a place beyond rightness and wrongness.

7

Most of us live in a Jackal world where we take turns using the other person as a waste basket for our words.

7

If we wish to express anger fully, the first step is to divorce the other person from any responsibility for our anger.

7

Understanding the other persons' needs does not mean you have to give up on your own needs.

7

I don't think you can have an authentic connection when one person is diagnosing the other.

6

Our ability to offer empathy can allow us to stay vulnerable, defuse potential violence, help us hear the word 'no' without taking it as a rejection, revive lifeless conversation, and even hear the feelings and needs expressed through silence.

6

I wouldn't expect someone who's been injured to hear my side until they felt that I had fully understood the depth of their pain.

6

Judgments of others contribute to self-fulfilling prophecies.

6

If you are a jackal, you will try to reassure.

Jackals try to fix people in pain. They can't stand pain, but make matters worse by trying to get rid of it. Put on giraffe ears. Try to hear what they are feeling and needing.

6

What others do may be the stimulus of our feelings, but never the cause.

6
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