People are just as wonderful as sunsets if you let them be. When I look at a sunset, I don't find myself saying, "Soften the orange a bit on the right hand corner." I don't try to control a sunset. I watch with awe as it unfolds.— Carl Rogers
The most colorful Carl Rogers quotes that will activate your desire to change
We think we listen, but very rarely do we listen with real understanding, true empathy. Yet listening, of this very special kind, is one of the most potent forces for change that I know.
The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.
As no one else can know how we perceive, we are the best experts on ourselves.
What I am is good enough if I would only be it openly.
A person cannot teach another person directly; a person can only facilitate another's learning
The good life is a process, not a state of being. It is a direction not a destination.
In my early professional years I was asking the question: How can I treat, or cure, or change this person? Now I would phrase the question in this way: How can I provide a relationship which this person may use for his own personal growth?
The only person who is educated is the one who has learned how to learn and change.
I realize that if I were stable, prudent and static;
I'd live in death. Therefore I accept confusion, uncertainty, fear and emotional ups and downs; because that's the price I'm willing to pay for a fluid, perplexed and exciting life.
When I look at the world I'm pessimistic, but when I look at people I am optimistic.
What I am is good enough if I would only be it openly.
The degree to which I can create relationships, which facilitate the growth of others as separate persons, is a measure of the growth I have achieved in myself.
The only reality I can possibly know is the world as I perceive it at this moment. The only reality you can possibly know is the world as you see it at this moment. And the only certainty is that those perceived realities are different. There are as many “real worlds” as there are people!
If I were to search for the central core of difficulty in people as I have come to know them, it is that in the great majority of cases they despise themselves, regarding themselves as worthless and unlovable.
True empathy is always free of any evaluative or diagnostic quality.
This comes across to the recipient with some surprise. "If I am not being judged, perhaps I am not so evil or abnormal as I have thought".
Man's inability to communicate is a result of his failure to listen effectively.
I am increasingly an architect of self.
I am free to will and choose. I can, through accepting my individuality... become more of my uniqueness, more of my potentiality.
Experience is, for me, the highest authority.
The touchstone of validity is my own experience. No other person's ideas, and none of my own ideas, are as authoritative as my experience. It is to experience that I must return again and again, to discover a closer approximation to truth as it is in the process of becoming me.
A second characteristic of the process which for me is the good life, is that it involves an increasingly tendency to live fully in each moment. I believe it would be evident that for the person who was fully open to his new experience, completely without defensiveness, each moment would be new.
This process of the good life is not, I am convinced, a life for the faint-hearted. It involves the stretching and growing of becoming more and more of one's potentialities. It involves the courage to be. It means launching oneself fully into the stream of life.
It is astonishing how elements that seem insoluble become soluble when someone listens, how confusions that seem irremediable turn into relatively clear flowing streams when one is heard.
Neurotic behavior is quite predictable. Healthy behavior is unpredictable.
I believe I know why it is satisfying to me to hear someone.
When I can really hear someone, it puts me in touch with him; it enriches my life. It is through hearing people that I have learned all that I know about individuals, about personality, about interpersonal relationships.
If the time comes when our culture tires of the endless homicidal feuds, despairs of the use of force and war as a means of bringing peace, becomes discontent with the half-lives that its members are living - only then will our culture seriously look for alternatives.
The purpose of adult education is to help them to learn, not to teach them all you know and thus stop them from learning.
Loneliness is a barrier that prevents one from uniting with the inner self.
You know that I don't believe that anyone has ever taught anything to anyone.
I question that efficacy of teaching. The only thing that I know is that anyone who wants to learn will learn. And maybe a teacher is a facilitator, a person who puts things down and shows people how exciting and wonderful it is and asks them to eat.
It is astonishing how elements that seem insoluble become soluble when someone listens.
To be original, or different, is felt to be "dangerous."
The very essence of the creative is its novelty, and hence we have no standard by which to judge it.
In a person who is open to experience each stimulus is freely relayed through the nervous system, without being distorted by any process of defensiveness.
Empathy is a special way of coming to know another and ourself, a kind of attuning and understanding. When empathy is extended, it satisfies our needs and wish for intimacy, it rescues us from our feelings of aloneness.
I was forced to stretch my thinking, to realize that sincere and honest people could believe in very divergent religious doctrines.
There is in every organism, at whatever level, an underlying flow of movement toward constructive fulfillment of its inherent possibilities.
I have learned that in any significant or continuing relationship, feelings which are persistent had best be expressed. If they are expressed as feelings owned by me, the result may be temporarily upsetting but ultimately far more rewarding than any attempt to deny or conceal them.
It is that the individual has within him or herself vast resources for self-understanding, for altering the self-concept basic attitudes, and his or her self-directed behavior - and that these resources can be tapped if only a definable climate of facilitative psychological attitudes can be provided
The paradigm of Western culture is that the essence of persons is dangerous;
thus, they must be taught, guided, and controlled by those with superior authority.
Both the young and the old are almost completely useless in our modern society, and are made keenly aware of that uselessness. They have no place. They are private, isolated - and hopeless.
The facts are always friendly, every bit of evidence one can acquire, in any area, leads one that much closer to what is true.
We can choose to use our growing knowledge to enslave people in ways never dreamed of before, depersonalizing them, controlling them by means so carefully selected that they will perhaps never be aware of their loss of personhood.
The basic idea behind teaching is to teach people what they need to know.
The state of empathy, or being empathic, is to perceive the internal frame of reference of another with accuracy and with the emotional components and meanings which pertain thereto as if one were the person.
Don't be the ammunition wagon, be the rifle... knowledge exists primarily for use.
Don't be a damned ammunition wagon. Be a rifle!
I believe that the testing of the student's achievements in order to see if he meets some criterion held by the teacher, is directly contrary to the implications of therapy for significant learning.
"Freedom, individualism, authenticity and being yourself so long as you don't hurt another's physical person or property: The creative process is the emergence in action of a novel relational product, growing out of the uniqueness of the individual."
Though modern Marriage is a tremendous laboratory, its members are often without preparation for the partnership function. How much agony and remorse and failure could have been avoided if there had been at least some rudimentary learning before they entered the partnership.
Most of us consist of two separated parts, trying desperately to bring themselves together into an integrated soma, where the distinctions between mind and body, feelings and intellect, would be obliterated.
Although the client-centered approach had its origin purely within the limits of the psychological clinic, it is proving to have implications, often of a startling nature, for very diverse fields of effort.
The action of the child inventing a new game with his playmates;
Einstein formulating a theory of relativity; the housewife devising a new sauce for the meat, a young author writing his first novel; all of these are in terms of definition, Creative, and there is no attempt to set them in some order of more or less Creative.