The best years of your life are the ones in which you decide your problems are your own. You do not blame them on your mother, the ecology, or the president. You realize that you control your own destiny.— Albert Ellis
The most controversy Albert Ellis quotes that will activate your inner potential
There are three musts that hold us back: I must do well.
You must treat me well. And the world must be easy.
You have considerable power to construct self-helping thoughts, feelings and actions as well as to construct self-defeating behaviors. You have the ability, if you use it, to choose healthy instead of unhealthy thinking, feeling and acting.
You mainly feel the way you think.
The best years of your life are the ones in which you decide your problems are your own.
By honestly acknowledging your past errors, but never damning yourself for them, you can learn to use your past for your own future benefit.
If human emotions largely result from thinking, then one may appreciably control one's feelings by controlling one's thoughts - or by changing the internalized sentences, or self-talk, with which one largely created the feeling in the first place.
I think the future of psychotherapy and psychology is in the school system.
We need to teach every child how to rarely seriously disturb himself or herself and how to overcome disturbance when it occurs.
Neurosis is just a high-class word for whining.
The attitude of unconditional self-acceptance is probably the most important variable in their long-term recovery.
Acceptance is not love. You love a person because he or she has lovable traits, but you accept everybody just because they're alive and human.
If people stopped looking on their emotions as ethereal, almost inhuman processes, and realistically viewed them as being largely composed of perceptions, thoughts, evaluations, and internalized sentences, they would find it quite possible to work calmly and concertedly at changing them.
Thinking rationally is often different from "positive thinking," in that it is a realistic assessment of the situation, with a view towards rectifying the problem if possible.
Religious creeds encourage some of the craziest kinds of thoughts, emotions, and behaviors and favor severe manifestations of neurosis, borderline personality states, and sometimes even psychosis.
To err is human; to forgive people and yourself for poor behavior is to be sensible and realistic.
People don't just get upset. They contribute to their upsetness. They always have the power to think, and to think about their thinking, and to think about thinking about their thinking, which the goddamn dolphin, as far as we know, can't do. Therefore they have much greater ability to change themselves than any other animal has.
Self-esteem is the greatest sickness known to man or woman because it's conditional.
Being assertive does not mean attacking or ignoring others feelings.
It means that you are willing to hold up for yourself fairly-without attacking others.
You largely constructed your depression. It wasn't given to you. Therefore, you can deconstruct it.
When people change their irrational beliefs to undogmatic flexible preferences, they become less disturbed.
Failure doesn't have anything to do with your intrinsic value as a person.
The goal...is not to change your desires and wishes but to persuade you to stop demanding that you absolutely must have what you wish-from yourself, from others, and from the world. You can by all means keep your wishes, preferences, and desires, but unless you prefer to remain needlessly anxious, not your grandiose demands.
I wrote several articles criticizing psychoanalysis, but the analysts weren't listening to my objections. So I finally quit after practicing it for six years.
Many psychoanalysts refused to let me speak at their meetings.
They were exceptionally vigorous because I had previously been an analyst and they were very angry at my flying the coop.
Strong feelings are fine; it's the overreactions that mess us up.
Freud had a gene for inefficiency, and I think I have a gene for efficiency.
We can actually put the essence of neurosis in a single word: blaming - or damning.
I had used eclectic therapy and behavior therapy on myself at the age of 19 to get over my fear of public speaking and of approaching young women in public.
By not caring too much about what people think, I'm able to think for myself and propagate ideas which are very often unpopular. And I succeed.
Rational beliefs bring us closer to getting good results in the real world.
People got insights into what was bothering them, but they hardly did a damn thing to change.
The more sinful and guilty a person tends to feel, the less chance there is that he will be a happy, healthy, or law-abiding citizen. He will become a compulsive wrong-doer.
The art of love ... is largely the art of persistence.
Whining about your own, others', or the world's failings is a main element in what we usually call neurosis.
The individual is taught that there is nothing that he as a total person is to feel ashamed of or self-hating for.
The art of love is largely the art of persistence.
The emotionally mature individual should completely accept the fact that we live in a world of probability and chance, where there are not, nor probably ever will be, any absolute certainties, and should realize that it is not at all horrible, indeed—such a probabilistic, uncertain world.
We'd better work hard on getting rid of that must - Other people must do what I want them to do!" It's what makes people hostile, nasty, mean and combative, and it leads to feuds, wars and genocide. We'd better do something about that.
There's no evidence whatsoever that men are more rational than women.
Both sexes seem to be equally irrational.
People are terrified of other people or difficult projects because they tell themselves that they could fail or be rejected. Failure can lead to sorrow, regret, frustration and annoyance-all healthy feelings without which people couldn't exist.
People have motives and thoughts of which they are unaware.
Spirit and soul is horseshit of the worst sort.
Obviously there are no fairies, no Santa Clauses, no spirits. What there is, is human goals and purposes as noted by sane existentialists. But a lot of transcendentalists are utter screwballs.
Lack of forgiveness of others breeds lack of self-forgiveness.
If the Martians ever find out how human beings think, they'll kill themselves laughing.
And just as two wrongs don't make a right, rage against offenders is probably the worst way to try to correct them.
Let's suppose somebody abused you sexually.
You still had a choice, though not a good one, about what to tell yourself about the abuse.
People don't just get upset. They contribute to their upsetness.
Is self-esteem a sickness? That's according to the way you define it.
In the usual way it is defined by people and by psychologists, I'd say that it is probably the greatest emotional disturbance known to man and woman.
So I'd better stop my whining and help myself cope better with even the worst Adversities.
Attempts to help humans eliminate all self-ratings and views self-esteem as a self-defeating concept that encourages them to make conditional evaluations of self. Instead, it teaches people unconditional self-acceptance.