If every trace of any single religion were wiped out and nothing were passed on, it would never be created exactly that way again. There might be some other nonsense in its place, but not that exact nonsense. If all of science were wiped out, it would still be true and someone would find a way to figure it all out again.— Penn Jillette
The most delightful Penn Jillette quotes that are new and everybody is talking about
Channeling is just bad ventriloquism. You use another voice, but people can see your lips moving.
Believing there is no God gives me more room for belief in family, people, love, truth, beauty, sex, Jell-O, and all the other things I can prove and that make this life the best life I will ever have.
In music, if you hit a wrong note, people forgive you.
In magic when something goes wrong, the entire art is destroyed.
Better to be uneducated than educated by your government.
Behaving morally because of a hope of reward or a fear of punishment is not morality.
I'm not greedy. I have love, blue skies, rainbows and Hallmark cards and that has to be enough. It has to be enough, but it's everything in the world and everything in the world is plenty for me. It seems just rude to beg the invisible for more.
People need to be fed, medicated, educated, clothed, and sheltered, and if we're compassionate we'll help them, but you get no moral credit for forcing other people to do what you think is right. There is great joy in helping people, but no joy in doing it at gunpoint.
God works in mysterious, inefficient, and breathtakingly cruel ways
If you believe that there’s a heaven and hell .
. . how much do you have to hate somebody to believe that everlasting life is possible and not tell them that?
Only Atheists have morals, the religious have reward and punishment.
That's not morality, that's sucking up.
My favorite thing about the Internet is that you get to go into the private world of real creeps without having to smell them.
That whole 99% thing, they are all in the 1% of the world.
Every one of them pays a cellphone bill that is the yearly income for a family in much of the rest of the world.
As I’m fond of saying, if you want to find utopia, take a sharp right on money and a sharp left on sex and it’s straight ahead.
If entertainment ran grocery stores, we'd NEVER get oil cured olives or blue cheese, it would be JUST Coke.
How much do you have to hate somebody to not proselytize?
Whereas you have someone like Houdini, who works really, really hard to get really, really famous, and then has actual intellectual ideas that he puts into the culture that stay there.
Twelve magicians and two carnies have been shot dead doing the bullet catch.
That's cool enough, but every night when we close our show with that trick and the loaded gun gets pointed in my face, it goes so far beyond cool. All I can think is 12 magicians, two carnies.
You don't have freedom unless you have the freedom to do stupid self-destructive things.
If I go out to dinner with you and you order wine, I leave.
I won't be around drugs and alcohol at all.
Technology adds nothing to art. Two thousand years ago, I could tell you a story, and at any point during the story I could stop, and ask, 'Now do you want the hero to be kidnapped, or not?' But that would, of course, have ruined the story. Part of the experience of being entertained is sitting back and plugging into someone else's vision.
The definition of a stupid thing is something that if you do everything right, you still get hurt. Fire-eating and love are stupid things.
We have to fight for the freedom to be stupid, and smoking is one of the best ways to fight for your freedom, to be just as stupid as you can be.
Fear is the politicians dance partner.
The whole world is pretending the breakthrough is in technology. The bottleneck is really in art.
The characters and events depicted in the damn bible are fictitious.
Any similarity to actual persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.
It's fair to say that the Bible contains equal amounts of fact, history, and pizza.
If you've gotten yourself into a situation when Clay Aiken is going to talk about his feelings with you, it's time to kill yourself.
The purpose of art is to collide the intellectual and visceral together at the highest speed possible.
Love and respect all people. Hate and destroy all faith.
You can't believe how pro gay and pro freedom of speech I am. I'm way out beyond anyone on the Left.
This I believe: I believe there is no God.
I don't think anything gives your life joy and meaning.
I think your life simply has joy and meaning. The love for my children, the love for my parents and the love for my friends is the end in itself. The meaning is life.
Believing there's no God stops me from being solipsistic.
I can read ideas from all different people from all different cultures. Without God, we can agree on reality, and I can keep learning where I'm wrong. We can all keep adjusting, so we can really communicate.
Exploration of space is worth it because humans need to explore.
Knowledge is always good, and it's a really cool thing to see.
I, my own damn self, am not a Tea Party supporter.
I disagree with them on social liberties, our overseas wars, Obama's birthplace, Sarah Palin, and the conspicuous absence of tea at their rallies.
Thou shalt not take anything on faith
The only difference between Obama and Bush is that Obama is killing more people.
I think that I am willing to risk my life in order to have more freedom.
The vast majority of the world knows there's no reason to circumcise.
Someone should tell the doctors.
My whole take on libertarianism is simply that I don't know what's best for other people.
I don't travel in circles where people say, 'I have faith, I believe this in my heart and nothing you can say or do can shake my faith.' That's just a long-winded religious way to say 'Shut up.'
Hypocrisy is annoying but not evil. Someone who says one thing and does another has doubled their chances of being half right.
I mean, if I believed, beyond the shadow of a doubt, that a truck was coming at you, and you didn’t believe that truck was bearing down on you, there is a certain point where I tackle you. And this is more important than that.
There are two things that have been true throughout history in big hunks.
You can find differences in ten years, but in 50 year hunks, 100 years hunks, you'll find two things to be true. One, the world is always getting better. Two, people always think it's getting worse.
Reading the Bible is the fast track to atheism.
Reading the Bible means starting at "In the beginning..." and throwing it down with disgust at "...the grace of the lord Jesus be with all. Amen." I'm sure there are lots of religious people who've read the Bible from start to finish and kept their faith, but in my self-selected sample, all the people I know who have done that are atheists.
Much better than the feeling of having things is the feeling of having earned things.
Make deals with people, not paper.
You get no moral credit for forcing other people to do what you think is right.
The best way to fight the terrorists is to have the freest country on earth.
You should be able to get on an airplane, and people - that will not possibly happen again.