I take my only exercise acting as a pallbearer at the funerals of my friends who exercise regularly.
— Mark Twain

Why is it that we rejoice at a birth and grieve at a funeral? It is because we are not the person involved.
Mark Twain funeral quote

You can have money piled to the ceiling but the size of your funeral is still going to depend on the weather.
— Chuck Tanner

I refused to attend his funeral. But I wrote a very nice letter explaining that I approved of it.
— Mark Twain

I used to work in a funeral home to feel good about myself, just the fact that I was breathing.
— funeral quotation by Chuck Palahniuk