38+ Artie Lange Quotes On Resigns, Opie And Anthony And Letterman

Artie Lange is an American actor, comedian, author, and radio personality. He is best known for his work on the sketch comedy series MADtv and the Howard Stern Show. Lange has also appeared in several films, including Dirty Work, Elf, and Beer League. Following is our collection on famous quotes by Artie Lange on life, love, resigns.

Top 10 Artie Lange Quotes

1. Vegas means comedy, tragedy, happiness and sadness all at the same time.
2. If Mike Tyson was the voice of your GPS, would you ever not use it?
3. Don't do drugs to be cool, do 'em because you hate yourself.
4. I'm the type of guy where one thing leads to another and eventually it gets awful. If I put a $5 bet on a roulette table tonight at 10 o'clock, by tomorrow at noon I would be running guns to Cuba.
5. At the Mirage Sportsbook, you can get a line on 2 kid playing wiffleball in the backyard in Minnesota
6. Hugs are great, but - better than drugs? Come on. Let me put it to you this way: I never drove to Harlem at 4 a.m. to get somebody to hug me.
7. I was at Yankee Stadium one time at 5 a.m., but that was to buy angel dust
8. For a degenerate like me, Vegas is like a walk down memory lane. Last time I went to Vegas, I went to my old coke dealer's kid's bar mitzvah.
9. Well I have a drug history and a public drinking problem and I am not the healthiest guy. So they just ran that I died of a drug overdose.
10. It is funny because the guy who is my boss now, Howard Stern, has a similarity there. He got big being a regular guy. He wasn't the greatest looking guy in the world

Artie Lange Short Quotes

• The only reason I can't recommend heroin to kids is because the effects wear off.
• I want to see Toby Maguire fight Christian Bale.
• In Hollywood, there is another name for a woman's 40th birthday party, it's a retirement party.
• I snorted heroin once by accident. It was amazing. But kids, don't snort heroin. It's too good.
• When I black out, it's the happiest time of my life.
• If you are a black woman, you get two history months in a row.
• It's not a drug problem, until you run out of money. Until then it's just drugs.
• I'm not going to lie to you fellas, I've been drinking
• Women will do anything Oprah Winfrey says, and that is why we can't have women voting.
• I found a way for her to fall asleep, Paris Hilton, talk to herself.

Artie Lange Famous Quotes And Sayings

A-Rod wants to be like Babe Ruth. And people don't realize this, he's a lot like Babe Ruth. Before the playoffs a couple of years ago, A-Rod went to the hospital and promised a dying kid he'd ground out to second for him. — Artie Lange

My mother would say, before I left the house, 'Remember Art, hugs are better than drugs.' And I believed my mother, I believed everything she said - until the first time I got high at a party. I leaned back, and I went, 'God, this is way better than when my Uncle Perry hugs me. What else has my mother been lying to me about? — Artie Lange

I have gay friends, I support gay rights, I have nothing against the gay community, but when I see two guys kissing, I think it's gross. And, by the way, it's gross when 99% of straight people do it, too. — Artie Lange

Of course in show business there are two ways to play it and I am not politically correct so I am not going to get endorsements or anything like that — Artie Lange

I have a bad gambling problem. You're not in show business for 12 years and dress like this without a bad gambling problem. — Artie Lange

But I live an interesting life and I can tell a pretty good story and it has helped my career. But the downside is people know everything. — Artie Lange

I think it reminds me of my childhood, my father, .. I think people have the same reaction. It reminds you of what it was like to be a kid, where everything is carefree and fun. — Artie Lange

All I can say is that you only realize how big your mountain is once youre laying motionless, helpless, and hopeless in the valley below. No one goes there on purpose, if you get what Im saying, because the only way to find your personal low is to slip and roll down that mountain of yours, straight through to the bottom, no holds barred. — Artie Lange

I quit drinking, and I figure if I go to ten Yankee games this year without drinking I'll save $32,000. — Artie Lange

Jason Alexander is a committed actor, he went from working on a show about nothing to actually doing nothing. — Artie Lange

I like gambling on stuff that you don't know anything about. That's when it's exciting. — Artie Lange

Howard's unbelievably nutty, politically incorrect style is probably the single biggest influence on me. — Artie Lange

Frank Sebastiano is a real write. He has two Emmys, one from 'SNL' and the other from 'The Chris Rock Show' . The only award I have is an FM-mmy. — Artie Lange

I've never been swimming, and that's because it's never been more than half an hour since I last ate. — Artie Lange

And now it looks like I'm probably going to shoot a movie that I wrote. I got the money to do it, and I would star and all, because of being on Howard. — Artie Lange

I had a career before the Stern show, on Mad TV. I was on the first two seasons of that and I got kicked off it because of possession of cocaine. — Artie Lange

You know how screwed up censorship is, two girls just agreed to make out naked in front of their fathers, and we went wait, don't curse. — Artie Lange

My dad was Superman to me, and in my mind he always will be. — Artie Lange

Life Lessons by Artie Lange

1. Artie Lange's work demonstrates the importance of resilience and hard work, even in the face of adversity.
2. His career has been a testament to the power of perseverance, as he has continued to pursue his passion for comedy and entertainment despite personal struggles.
3. Lange's story serves as an inspiring reminder that it is possible to overcome any obstacle with dedication and determination.