Speed has never killed anyone. Suddenly becoming stationary, that's what gets you.— Jeremy Clarkson
The most attractive Jeremy Clarkson quotes that will activate your inner potential
You're a car, but most of all, what you are, what you've become, is a mate.
And that's what makes a car special. That's what makes a car great. You start to think of it as a person. You start to love it.
This is the Renault Espace, probably the best of the people carriers.
Not that that's much to shout about. That's like saying “Ooh good I've got syphilis, the BEST of the sexually transmitted diseases.”
Multi-tasking is the ability to screw everything up simultaneously.
I'm sorry, but having an Aston Martin DB9 on the drive and not driving it is a bit like having Keira Knightley in your bed and sleeping on the couch.
A turbo: exhaust gasses go into the turbocharger and spin it, witchcraft happens and you go faster.
Being smarter than you look is better than looking smarter than you are.
I started to realise that being impolite saves an awful lot of time and costs you nothing.
Speed focuses the mind. It cuts through the fog of drab everyday living and keeps us on our toes. Speed works. Speed saves lives. Speed is good. And we should have more of it, not less.
This car is more fun than the entire French air force crashing into a firework factory.
We all know that small cars are good for us. But so is cod liver oil. And jogging.
I love Alfa Romeos and that [Alfa Romeo Giulia Quadrifoglio] was tremendous.
The Suzuki Wagon R should be avoided like unprotected sex with an Ethiopian transvestite
[on the BMW X3] If you are clinically insane, by which I mean you wake up in the morning and think you are an onion, here's your car.
You have city centre pubs where men go to meet girls, not realising that all girls in city centre pubs have thighs like tug boats and morals that would surprise a zoo animal.
Telling people at a dinner party you drive a Nissan Almera is like telling them you've got the Ebola virus and you're about to sneeze.
I mean its a weekly occurrence that somebody will complain that Top Gear was on last night - and you just sit back and wait for the complaints. But if you start to pay attention to everyones concerns, you end up with something bland and boring. So you sort of have to ignore everybody in order to do the show how we want to do it.
Now we get quite a lot of complaints that we don't feature enough affordable cars on the show so we'll kick off tonight with the cheapest Ferrari of them all!
I don't often agree with the RSPCA as I believe it is an animal's duty to be on my plate at supper time.
Some say he never blinks, and that he roams around the woods at night foraging for wolves. All we know is he’s called the Stig.
I don't understand bus lanes. Why do poor people have to get to places quicker than I do?
Asking the front wheels of a car to do their normal job of steering while handling more than 170 is like asking a man to wire a plug while juggling. Penguins. While making love. To a beautiful woman while on fire, on stage. In front of the Queen. It's all going to go wrong.
If you were to buy a [BMW] 6-series, I recommend you select reverse when leaving friends’ houses so they don’t see its backside.
Let's be perfectly clear, shall we. The fox is not a little orange puppy dog with doe eyes and a waggly tail. It's a disease-ridden wolf with the morals of a psychopath and the teeth of a great white shark.
I think Koenigsegg is Swedish for: Oh no, my head has just exploded!
She can take a year to read something, whereas I like a book that becomes more important in my life that life itself. When I was in the middle of 'Red Storm Rising' by Tom Clancy - which was not selected for the Man Booker shortlist - you could have taken my liver out and fed it to the dog. And I wouldn't have noticed.
No, no, no. There's no such thing as cheap and cheerful. It's cheap and nasty & expensive and cheerful.
I was reading The Mirror the other day and came across a letter from a reader who wrote, 'I was riding my bike to work when this red Ferrari pulled up next to me. Out of the window, Jeremy Clarkson shouted 'Get a car', and drove off.' What I actually said was, 'Get a car you hatchet faced, leaf-eating tw*t
Driving most supercars is like trying to manhandle a cow up a back staircase, but this is like smearing honey onto Keira Knightley.
Whenever I’m suffering from insomnia, I just look at a picture of a Toyota Camry and I’m straight off.
I like to be loved by my children, and I quite like the Guardian hating me.
Ooh good I've got syphilis, the BEST of the sexually transmitted diseases.
Racing cars which have been converted for road use never really work.
It's like making a hard core adult film, and then editing it so that it can be shown in British hotels. You'd just end up with a sort of half hour close up of some bloke's sweaty face.
The air conditioning in Lamborghinis used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw.
...it seemed appropriate that I should develop some kind of illness. This is a good idea when you are at a loose end because everything, up to and including herpes, is better than being bored.
The Americans lecture the world on democracy and then won’t let me turn the traction control off!
Biathletes need to eat 6.000 calories a day: six thousand! That's the equivalent of 2 pounds of butter, 70 slices of bread, 112 eggs, 86 tabs of yogurts, 28 potatoes, 117 biscuits and 21 TWIX bars. On that basis, I could be an Olympic biathlete!
I have a pathological terror of falling through ice.
I nearly drowned once. I fell off a boat and got a cramp, and was rescued by an oil-rig diver, a great bear of a man who simply leant into the water and scooped me out with one finger.
If the Scottish want to break away, I shall stand on Hadrian's Wall with a teary handkerchief, and say: 'Good riddance to the lot of you, and take your stupid bagpipes with you.'
Koenigsegg are saying that the CCX is more comfortable. More comfortable than what BEING STABBED?
All this health and safety talk is just killing me.
The newest Ferrari of them all, the 458, the Italia.
The GT3 was good, but nowhen near as good as this... almost nothing on Earth is as good as this... Set that something I've just told, involving Cameron Diaz... and some honey... then it comes that even that isn't as good as this.
When I was 16, I wanted to look like Lord Byron.
It's not really a haircut so much as a hair-not-cut, but I've never changed it. It's a bit Byron, a bit Don Juan DeMarco and other things that I aspire to be.
Like many men, I can never find anything that I'm looking for, even when I'm actually looking at it. In a fridge, I think milk is actually invisible to the male eye. And so, it turns out, are dirty great holes in the fence.
Unlike furious thin-lipped feminists, I tend not to draw distinctions between men and women, apart from in bed where you really do need to spot the difference.
Governments would rather spend their money on another bomber than education, and why do we fear black men when every bit of suffering in our lives has a Caucasian face attached to it?
Some say that he has no understanding of clouds, and that his ear wax tastes like Turkish Delight. All we know is he’s called the Stig.
Hollywood movies are designed for 15-year-old youths from North Dakota who, intellectually speaking, are on equal terms with a British zoo animal.
If a football official were to call for a slow-motion replay every time Didier Drogba fell over, each match would last about six weeks.
Selling through the internet seems to be a very good idea.
There are a million areas that we can go to.