110+ Judith Martin Quotes On Education, Marriage And Lessons

Judith Martin, also known by her pen name Miss Manners, was an American author, journalist, and etiquette advice columnist. She wrote the syndicated column Miss Manners' Guide to Excruciatingly Correct Behavior, which ran from 1978 to 2020. She was also the author of several books on etiquette, including Miss Manners' Guide to Rearing Perfect Children. Following is our collection on famous quotes by Judith Martin on education, life, marriage.

Top 10 Judith Martin Quotes

1. If it's against state law, it's generally considered a breach of Etiquette.
2. It's far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help.
3. The family dinner table is the cornerstone of civilization and those who 'graze' from refrigerators or in front of the television sets are doomed to remain in a state of savagery.
4. We are born charming, fresh and spontaneous and must be civilized before we are fit to participate in society.
5. If you can't be kind, at least be vague.
6. When virtues are pointed out first, flaws seem less insurmountable.
7. Society cannot exist without etiquette ... It never has, and until our own century, everybody knew that.
8. When a society abandons its ideals just because most people can't live up to them, behavior gets very ugly indeed.
9. Honesty has come to mean the privilege of insulting you to your face without expecting redress.
10. Chaperons, even in their days of glory, were almost never able to enforce morality; what they did was to force immorality to be discreet. This is no small contribution.

Judith Martin Short Quotes

• Protocol is etiquette with a government expense account.
• You glance at an e-mail. You give more attention to a real letter.
• The one prediction that never comes true is, 'You'll thank me for telling you this.
• Chaperons don't enforce morality; they force immorality to be discreet.
• Allowing an unimportant mistake to pass without comment is a wonderful social grace.
• It is, indeed, a trial to maintain the virtue of humility when one can't help being right.
• When you're in love, you put up with things that, when you're out of love you cite.
• You do not have to do everything disagreeable that you have a right to do.
• The stress of making small talk with in-laws is called being part of a family.
• everyone old enough to have a secret is entitled to have some place to keep it.

Judith Martin Quotes About Life

Etiquette enables you to resolve conflict without just trading insults. Without etiquette, the irritations in modern life are so abrasive that you see people turning to the law to regulate everyday behavior. This frightens me; it's a major inroad on our basic freedoms. — Judith Martin

The invention of the teenager was a mistake. Once you identify a period of life in which people get to stay out late but don't have to pay taxes - naturally, no one wants to live any other way. — Judith Martin

The simple idea that everyone needs a reasonable amount of challenging work in his or her life, and also a personal life, complete with noncompetitive leisure, has never really taken hold. — Judith Martin

Life is full of wonderful passions that come and go over the years, but the only one that will never let you down is reading. — Judith Martin

She only maintains that it is possible, under some circumstances, for a lady to murder her husband; but that a woman who wears ankle-strap shoes and smokes on the street corner, though she may be a joy to all who know her and have devoted her life to charity, could never qualify as a lady. — Judith Martin

Judith Martin Quotes About Marriage

It is wrong to wear diamonds before luncheon, except on one’s marriage rings. Before, after, and during breakfast, luncheon and dinner, it is vulgar to wear a mixture of colored precious stones. It is always a comfort to know that so many things one can’t afford to do anyway are vulgar. — Judith Martin

I have always believed that the key to a happy marriage was the ability to say with a straight face, 'Why, I don't know what you're worrying about. I thought you were very funny last night and I'm sure everybody else did, too. — Judith Martin

A wedding invitation is sent by people who have been saying, "Do we have to ask them?" to people whose first response is, "How much do you think we have to spend on them? — Judith Martin

Judith Martin Quotes About People

The whole country wants civility. Why don't we have it? It doesn't cost anything. No federal funding, no legislation is involved. One answer is the unwillingness to restrain oneself. Everybody wants other people to be polite to them, but they want the freedom of not having to be polite to others. — Judith Martin

The pejorative term "political correctness" was adapted to express disapproval of the enlargement of etiquette to cover all people, in spite of this being a principle to which all Americans claim to subscribe. — Judith Martin

You don't want to look too chic at a Washington party or people will think you don't have a job worth losing. — Judith Martin

Many people mistakenly think a new technology cancels out an old one. — Judith Martin

The etiquette question that troubles so many fastidious people New Year's Day is: How am I ever going to face those people again? — Judith Martin

The idea that people can behave naturally, without resorting to an artificial code tacitly agreed upon by their society, is as silly as the idea that they can communicate by a spoken language without commonly accepted semantic and grammatical rules. — Judith Martin

it's no longer socially acceptable to make bigoted statements and racist remarks. Some people are having an awful time with that: 'I didn't know anybody would be offended!' Well, where have you been? I remember when people got away with it and they don't anymore. That's fabulous. — Judith Martin

many of the guests will eventually leave the table to watch football on television, which would be a rudeness at any other occasion but is a relief at Thanksgiving and probably the only way to get those people to budge. — Judith Martin

When people start hurling insults at you, you know their minds are closed and there's no point in debating. You disengage yourself as quickly as possible from the situation. — Judith Martin

people, in forming their opinions of others, are usually lazy enough to go by whatever is most obvious or whatever chance remark they happen to hear. So the best policy is to dictate to others the opinion you want them to have of you. — Judith Martin

Judith Martin Famous Quotes And Sayings

The dinner table is the center for the teaching and practicing not just of table manners but of conversation, consideration, tolerance, family feeling, and just about all the other accomplishments of polite society except the minuet. — Judith Martin

Indeed, Miss Manners has come to believe that the basic political division in this country is not between liberals and conservatives but between those who believe that they should have a say in the love lives of strangers and those who do not. — Judith Martin

Nowadays, we never allow ourselves the convenience of being temporarily unavailable, even to strangers. With telephone and beeper, people subject themselves to being instantly accessible to everyone at all times, and it is the person who refuses to be on call, rather than the importunate caller, who is considered rude. — Judith Martin

Nobody believes that the man who says, 'Look, lady, you wanted equality,' to explain why he won't give up his seat to a pregnant woman carrying three grocery bags, a briefcase, and a toddler is seized with the symbolism of idealism. — Judith Martin

Perhaps the greatest rudenesses of our time come not from the callousness of strangers, but from the solicitousness of intimates who believe that their frank criticisms are always welcome, and who feel free to "be themselves" with those they love, which turns out to mean being their worst selves, while saving their best behavior for strangers. — Judith Martin

Allowing an unimportant mistake to pass without a comment is a wonderful social grace ... Children who have the habit of constantly correcting should be stopped before they grow up to drive spouses and everyone else crazy by interrupting stories to say, 'No, dear -- it was Tuesday, not Wednesday. — Judith Martin

Should you happen to notice that another person is extremely tall or overweight, eats too much or declines convivial drinks, has red hair or goes about in a wheelchair, ought to get married or ought not to be pregnant -- see if you can refrain from bringing these astonishing observations to that person's attention. — Judith Martin

It is a widespread and firm belief among guests that their departure is always a matter of distress to their hosts, and that in order to indicate that they have been pleasantly entertained, they must demonstrate an extreme unwillingness to allow the entertainment to conclude. This is not necessarily true. — Judith Martin

The etiquette of intimacy is very different from the etiquette of formality, but manners are not just something to show off to the outside world. If you offend the head waiter, you can always go to another restaurant. If you offend the person you live with, it's very cumbersome to switch to a different family. — Judith Martin

. . . women were brought up to have only one set of manners. A woman was either a lady or she wasn't, and we all know what the latter meant. Not even momentary lapses were allowed; there is no female equivalent of the boys-will-be-boys concept. — Judith Martin

It is one of Miss Manners's great discoveries that one needn't contradict others in order to set them straight. — Judith Martin

We already know that anonymous letters are despicable. In etiquette, as well as in law, hiring a hit man to do the job does not relieve you of responsibility. — Judith Martin

Honesty is a virtue, but not the only one. If you're in a courtroom you need the whole truth and nothing but the truth; in the living room, sometimes you need anything but. Often. — Judith Martin

When someone has tried to please you, it is rude, as well as disheartening, to respond by announcing that the effort was a failure. — Judith Martin

Dishonesty is not the only alternative to honesty. There is also the highly underrated virtue of shutting up. — Judith Martin

There are three social classes in America: upper middle class, middle class, and lower middle class. — Judith Martin

If written directions alone would suffice, libraries wouldn't need to have the rest of the universities attached. — Judith Martin

One should not be assigned one's identity in society by the job slot one happens to fill. If we truly believe in the dignity of labor, any task can be performed with equal pride because none can demean the basic dignity of a human being. — Judith Martin

Screening telephone calls with a receptionist or the humbler answering machine is not a dishonorable thing to do. The warmest people in the world still need uninterrupted time to attend to their lives and should not be outwitted if they have made it obvious that they are not always available upon summons. — Judith Martin

It is not rude to turn off your telephone by switching it on to an answering machine, which is cheaper and less disruptive than ripping it out of the wall. Those who are offended because they cannot always get through when they seek, at their own convenience, to barge in on people are suffering from a rude expectation. — Judith Martin

The etiquette business has its emergencies, heaven knows, but it is in the nature of etiquette emergencies that once one realizes what one has done, it is too late. One might as well get a good night's sleep and send flowers with an apology in the morning. — Judith Martin

Parents should conduct their arguments in quiet, respectful tones, but in a foreign language. You'd be surprised what an inducement that is to the education of children. — Judith Martin

A general rule of etiquette is that one apologizes for the unfortunate occurrence, but the unthinkable is unmentionable. — Judith Martin

Part of the skill of saying no is to shut up afterward and not babble on, offering material for an argument. — Judith Martin

You should resolve not to seek public approval of your private business, when you are not also prepared to accept public disapproval. — Judith Martin

I make a distinction between manners and etiquette - manners as the principles, which are eternal and universal, etiquette as the particular rules which are arbitrary and different in different times, different situations, different cultures. — Judith Martin

We are all entitled to our little harmless habits, but we are not entitled to demand approval for them. — Judith Martin

[after the death of a loved one] It is when there is nothing more to be done that the reality of the loss often hits with full force. — Judith Martin

People think, mistakenly, that etiquette means you have to suppress your differences. On the contray, etiquette is what enables you to deal with them; it gives you a set of rules. — Judith Martin

One reason that the task of inventing manners is so difficult is that etiquette is folk custom, and people have emotional ties to the forms of their youth. That is why there is such hostility between generations in times of rapid change; their manners being different, each feels affronted by the other, taking even the most surface choices for challenges. — Judith Martin

A lot of men got upset at the feminist movement because they had all the toys and we wanted some. — Judith Martin

What we have come to, through a combination of popular psychology and expanding technology, is a presumption that all our thoughts and feelings are worth uttering. — Judith Martin

There is no etiquette rule that decrees one must give out personal information to anyone who asks. — Judith Martin

Nowadays people consider it a disgrace to admit that they are not stressed. — Judith Martin

Being listened to should be sufficiently gratifying in itself, whether or not the advice is followed. — Judith Martin

What is Thanksgiving without a nutty relative? — Judith Martin

Fairness does not consist so much of everybody's doing the same thing, but of everybody's being willing to do something that others don't want to do. — Judith Martin

Hypocrisy is not generally a social sin, but a virtue. — Judith Martin

The way one was brought up isn't an excuse for rude behavior. — Judith Martin

We are all born rude. No infant has ever appeared yet with the grace to understand how inconsiderate it is to disturb others in the middle of the night. — Judith Martin

People will say, 'Seventy isn't old, it's middle-aged,' and I think, middle of what - 140? — Judith Martin

There is nothing like a good friend to help you out when you are not in trouble. — Judith Martin

We have the reverse of the Puritan work ethic in America now. No one ever becomes a star by plugging along year after year. What is needed is flair, talent, 'an eye,' contacts, charisma, and, most of all, naturalness. — Judith Martin

A young lady is a female child who has just done something dreadful. — Judith Martin

Manners require showing consideration of all human beings, not just the ones to whom one is close. — Judith Martin

Visiting the sick is supposed to exhibit such great virtue that there are some people determined to do it whether the sick like it or not. ... All visitors everywhere are supposed to make plans to depart if they observe their hosts visibly wilting or in pain, but this is especially true at hospitals. — Judith Martin

the obligation to express gratitude deepens with procrastination. The longer you wait, the more effusive must be the thanks. — Judith Martin

Charming villains have always had a decided social advantage over well-meaning people who chew with their mouths open. — Judith Martin

People who put slipcovers, doilies, plastic protectors, and cellophane on everything good that they own rarely live to see an occasion so good that all these covers are removed. — Judith Martin

It is said that dispensing advice is easy. What is difficult is getting anyone to listen to it. — Judith Martin

Question- Should I loan a small amount of money to a friend? Answer- If you are sure that you can, if necessary, spare both. — Judith Martin

Appearing to pay attention when someone is speaking is one of the cornerstones of real social interaction. — Judith Martin

Generosity and gratitude are inseparably linked. — Judith Martin

Meanwhile, the empty forms of social behavior survive inappropriately in business situations. We all know that when a business sends its customers 'friendly reminders,' it really means business. — Judith Martin

From Memorial Day to Labor Day, you may wear white shoes. Not before and not after. As a command, the White Shoe Edict should be clear and simple enough. Do not violate it. In a society in which everything else has become relative, a matter of how it makes you feel, a question between you and your conscience, and an opportunity for you to be really you, this is an absolute. — Judith Martin

Miss Manners herself, while never rude, is given to pulling a fast pinch in the way of a handshake on those who believe in kissing on, not even the first date, but the first sighting. — Judith Martin

Why bring children into a world where no one writes letters? — Judith Martin

When politeness is used to show up other people, it is reclassified as rudeness. Thus it is technically impossible to be too polite. — Judith Martin

To sacrifice the principles of manners, which require compassion and respect, and bat people over the head with their ignorance of etiquette rules they cannot be expected to know is both bad manners and poor etiquette. That social climbers and twits have misused etiquette throughout history should not be used as an argument for doing away with it. — Judith Martin

The truly essential bargain between host and guest requires the guest only to respond promptly, show up on time, socialize with other guests, thank the host, write additional thanks and reciprocate. You needn't bring anything. — Judith Martin

Miss Manners does not mind explaining the finer points of gracious living, but she feels that anyone without the sense to pick up a potato chip and stuff it in their face should probably not be running around loose on the streets. — Judith Martin

When you consider how epidemic boredom is in our time, you have to concede that entertaining is a healing art. — Judith Martin

What you have when everyone wears the same playclothes for all occasions, is addressed by nickname, expected to participate in Show And Tell, and bullied out of any desire form privacy, is not democracy; it is kindergarten. — Judith Martin

Most people who work at home find they do not have the benefit of receptionists who serve as personal guards. — Judith Martin

Knowing that others have gone through similar tragedies may be a help, but it should be remembered that every tragedy is not only commonplace but also unique. — Judith Martin

The challenge of manners is not so much to be nice to someone whose favor and/or person you covet (although more people need to be reminded of that necessity than one would suppose) as to be exposed to the bad manners of others without imitating them. — Judith Martin

Yes, etiquette is hypocritical. Yes, it does inhibit children - if you're lucky. But the idea that it's elitist and irrelevant is like saying language is elitist and irrelevant. — Judith Martin

Greece is a good place for rebirths. — Judith Martin

GENTLE READER: You, sir, are an anarchist, and Miss Manners is frightened to have anything to do with you. It is true that questioning the table manners of others is rude. But to overthrow the accepted conventions of society, on the flimsy grounds that you have found them silly, inefficient and discomforting, is a dangerous step toward destroying civilization. — Judith Martin

Etiquette is about all of human social behavior. Behavior is regulated by law when etiquette breaks down or when the stakes are high - violations of life, limb, property and so on. Barring that, etiquette is a little social contract we make that we will restrain some of our more provocative impulses in return for living more or less harmoniously in a community. — Judith Martin

Try not to annoy your relatives unnecessarily. — Judith Martin

Like language, a code of manners can be used with more or less skill, for laudable or for evil purposes, to express a great variety of ideas and emotions. In itself, it carries no moral value, but ignorance in use of this tool is not a sign of virtue. — Judith Martin

The rationale that etiquette should be eschewed because it fosters inequality does not ring true in a society that openly admits to a feverish interest in the comparative status-conveying qualities of sneakers. Manners are available to all, for free. — Judith Martin

You think death is any better an excuse for desertion than any other? — Judith Martin

Life Lessons by Judith Martin

1. Judith Martin's writing emphasizes the importance of treating others with respect, understanding the perspectives of those around you, and being mindful of how you interact with the world.
2. She also encourages readers to be open to new experiences, to take risks, and to be generous with their time and resources.
3. Judith Martin's writing is a reminder that life is a journey of discovery, and that we should strive to be kind and compassionate in our interactions with others.