110+ Karl Pilkington Quotes (Deadpan, Eccentric And Humorous)

Karl Pilkington is a British actor, comedian, radio presenter, and author. He is best known for his appearances on the British television shows The Ricky Gervais Show and An Idiot Abroad. He is also the host of the podcast The Ricky Gervais Show and the travel show An Idiot Abroad.

Top 10 Karl Pilkington Quotes

1. Parrots have gone a bit quiet since pirates have gone.
2. It would be spiteful to put a Jellyfish in a trifle.
3. Pigeons: They've got wings, but they walk a lot.
4. [Jellyfish] are 97% water or something, so how much are they doing? Just give them another 3% and make them water. It's more useful.
5. People who live in a glass house have to answer the door.
6. We've had the Iron Age, the Stone Age, this is the pissin' about age.
7. I've got loads of nieces and nephews.
8. You know, when you're a producer, you're a bit of a lackey. You're just making cups of tea and making sure they've got newspaper, stuff like that.
9. Why didn't evolution make a giraffe good at carpentry so it could build a ladder?
10. Sometimes you can know too much. A lot of brainy people like Stephen Fry are quite depressive.

Karl Pilkington Image Quotes

Pigeons: They've got wings, but they walk a lot. — Karl Pilkington

People who live in a glass house have to answer the door. — Karl Pilkington

I've got loads of nieces and nephews. — Karl Pilkington

Karl Pilkington Short Quotes

• Cat food. It stinks a bit, but if you don't put up with the smell, the little kitten will die.
• Stay green, stay in the woods, and stay safe.
• I was impressed by the Taj Mahal. A good bit of work, well looked after, worth paying money to see.
• If you sit in a bath of pineapple chunks, it can kill you. That's well documented.
• You never get an angry man suddenly breaking into a whistle.
• A dog has got human eyes.
• Stop looking at the walls, look out the window.
• And we've got a toaster and everything. So there is no reason for the wedding.
• Apparently you're not allowed to lick a toad's back.
• I thought the fart was a human thing. It's something to do with like, arse cheeks, or whatever.

Karl Pilkington Famous Quotes And Sayings

Pigeons: They've got wings, but they walk a lot. — Karl Pilkington

People who live in a glass house have to answer the door. — Karl Pilkington

I've got loads of nieces and nephews. — Karl Pilkington

I've been on the planet for 40 years now, and I'm still none the wiser as to what it's all about really. I've never worried about life's big questions. People at my age sit about pondering, 'Why are we here?' The only time I ever asked myself that is when Suzanne booked us a surprise holiday to Lanzarote. — Karl Pilkington

I've heard that fact, that is you eat more than six bananas it will kill you. I saw a bowl with seven bananas in it and I thought, that's dangerous. — Karl Pilkington

The cafe was called Tattoos. The fella who owned it didn't have any tattoos... but we never saw his wife. — Karl Pilkington

They keep saying that sea levels are rising an' all this. It's nowt to do with the icebergs melting, it's because there's too many fish in it. Get rid of some of the fish and the water will drop. Simple. Basic science. — Karl Pilkington

It's weird how me and that insect are miles apart in terms of lifestyle, yet we both like a biscuit. — Karl Pilkington

I'd say the best is when I was in Africa, I saw a hippo in a house. Someone had a pet hippo. And they're meant to be one of the most dangerous animals on the planet, and they had one that was sort of just wandering in and out of their house, just sort of roaming about. — Karl Pilkington

I look at life like a big book and sometimes you get half way through it and go 'Even though I've been enjoying it, I've had enough. Give us another book.' — Karl Pilkington

I came face-to-face with a gorilla which was quite good, but it was a 10-hour trek in bad weather, up hills, covered in mud, with mosquitoes everywhere and when we got there the gorilla's just sat there doing nowt. — Karl Pilkington

Everywhere we walked we got plenty of attention due to the camera and sound men. The locals love to get on camera. [...] I'd seen footage of Gandhi surrounded like this and always thought it was because he was very popular, but now I wonder if it was just because he had a camera crew with him. — Karl Pilkington

it annoys me a bit how people like squirrels but not rats. at the end of the day they're the same thing, except that squirrels have had a better upbringing. — Karl Pilkington

They do it in Thai restaurants in London. You ask for a drink, and it comes in a glass with loads of seaweed and pebbles in it like a scene from Finding Nemo. — Karl Pilkington

I always have a problem liking things that I'm told I should like. This has been the problem with most of the Wonders I have seen so far. The fact that this one is called the 'Great' Wall of China annoys me. I'll decide if it's great or not. It might end up being the 'All Right Wall of China' to me. — Karl Pilkington

As long as you're remembering baby Jesus, does it matter when you're remembering him. That's what I'm saying about Christmas, I might not be in the mood for it December 25th. — Karl Pilkington

People always tell me I'm going to regret not having kids. But what if I have one and then I regret having it? Has anyone thought of that option? — Karl Pilkington

I never buy a piece of art. I don't see the point in buying something because I know my eyes will get bored of it eventually. — Karl Pilkington

I don't know why small chocolates are called fun-sized; I mean, if I called a midget fun-sized, they'd kick off. — Karl Pilkington

By 78 you've done everything you're going to do. If you haven't bungee-jumped by the time you're 78 you're not going to do it. — Karl Pilkington

She gave me the jabs and said I was covered for every worst-case scenario, including being bitten by a dirty chimp. I told her this is why we have over-population problems. Why are idiots who annoy dirty chimps being protected? — Karl Pilkington

At what point is a wasp ever going to have a chat with a spider? — Karl Pilkington

I think it's clever how Rome have kept a load of old stuff. There's no overheads, yet people are going over there to see it. — Karl Pilkington

There is someone for everyone, i'nt there. That's always my thing. And it's reassuring I think. — Karl Pilkington

We'll all die out eventually. Humans will be gone. And all I'm saying is, when people worry about polar bears disappearing or whatever, it's like, well that's life, things will come and go, we'll find new species... — Karl Pilkington

Everyone is living for everyone else now. They're doing stuff so they can tell other people about it. I don't get all that social media stuff, I've always got other things I want to do - odd jobs around the house. No one wants to hear about that. — Karl Pilkington

I'm not invited to any exciting parties and my life hasn't really changed. — Karl Pilkington

If Camels are the ship of the dessert, this one is the Titanic — Karl Pilkington

The great pyramid is overrated. It's a bad design. The lounge is going to be huge, but the bedroom is going to be tiny. — Karl Pilkington

In the sea you've got to be constantly sort of alert. It's worse in the sea [than anywhere else in the animal kingdom]. In the sea you've got an enemy behind every rock. — Karl Pilkington

I saw a bee have a heart attack. — Karl Pilkington

Who'd have thought the Frisbee would have caught on? — Karl Pilkington

The reason there are so many gyms in London is because the amount of gay people who are here now. — Karl Pilkington

I'm just sayin', I don't like fun. — Karl Pilkington

But I'm not an idiot. At the end of the day, I've learned a lot. — Karl Pilkington

There is no need for ants to have the ability to fly — Karl Pilkington

It's like there's some unwritten rule that if you're mates, you can say what you want to each other, and you don't really get that annoyed about it. — Karl Pilkington

You never see an old man eating a Twix — Karl Pilkington

We're gonna get weaker. That's already happened. They used to say, you know, an apple a day keeps the doctor away. Now they're saying eat five fruits. That's evidence. You can't argue with that. — Karl Pilkington

It's interesting to see that people had so much clutter even thousands of years ago. The only way to get rid of it all was to bury it, and then some archaeologist went and dug it all up. — Karl Pilkington

I am pessimistic, I think that's the best way to be, because if you're always expecting the best - the best doesn't always happen. Nine times out of 10 it doesn't. I'm surprised when things go smoothly. I don't know what's wrong with being pessimistic - unless you are such a pessimist that you don't do anything. — Karl Pilkington

The reason I did the book about holidays is that you're a different person on holiday. You're sleeping somewhere unfamiliar, knocking about with people you've never met and for 10 days you're someone else. You're out of your comfortable zone. — Karl Pilkington

All fame is is having people you don't know coming up to you and saying, 'Hello.' I'm always polite and people are always nice, but it's weird. — Karl Pilkington

People say having kids is life changing, well that doesn't necessarily mean a good thing, does it? I could take one of my legs off. That would change my life. — Karl Pilkington

Being honest with you, it's not the 'great' wall of China. It's an all right wall. It's the 'All Right Wall of China.' — Karl Pilkington

Me in a one-man tent crouching over carrier bag. It's not just the lowest point of the trip. It's the lowest point ever. In 38 years. — Karl Pilkington

I'm not that lazy, but I don't need that much money. I lead a fairly simple life. — Karl Pilkington

Treat the world like a head. — Karl Pilkington

We're just a weed in the universe — Karl Pilkington

The Web is the new book though, innit? — Karl Pilkington

You can only talk rubbish if you're aware of knowledge. — Karl Pilkington

What's that plate that's above a saucer but below a plate? — Karl Pilkington

To be honest, marriage doesn't scare me and that, it's just once you've been together for so long, if you haven't got any kids it's just a big expensive day out for everyone else to enjoy, isn't it? — Karl Pilkington

With identical twins, you always get a little snidey one. — Karl Pilkington

My brain's just full of passwords. — Karl Pilkington

It's no good operating on eyes if your eyes are asleep. — Karl Pilkington

It's 2006, why are they still using the index finger? — Karl Pilkington

People moan about drugs being tested on animals. I sort of think it depends innit. If the drug's aspirin and the monkey's got a headache, is it right? — Karl Pilkington

That's the problem with having a bald head. It exaggerates the shape. — Karl Pilkington

If you’re worrying about the wrinkles on your bollocks I’d say your life’s pretty good — Karl Pilkington

Knowledge is almost annoying. — Karl Pilkington

How would I know which one I was? — Karl Pilkington

I don't really like surprises. Not big ones anyway. Just having a pack of Revels holds enough of a surprise for me. — Karl Pilkington

If you go away with, you know, a girlfriend, wife, whatever, you have an argument on holiday because you're not used to spending that much time with people. — Karl Pilkington

I just sort of go along and say what I think -and that's all you can do in life, really. — Karl Pilkington

It's easier to have a go at something again when you failed at it as you've got nowt to lose. — Karl Pilkington

I don't know any Londoners 'cos I'm from Manchester. — Karl Pilkington

I was still using my eyes even though I had them shut. — Karl Pilkington

I told her that I can't be doing with the Wonder part of these trips, but she said it should be the icing on the cake... I've never liked wedding cake due to the amount of icing, but then imagine a wedding cake without it; just a dark, stodgy, horrible dry sponge. The icing covers up the mess, and that's how I feel about most of the Wonders. They use them to get people to visit a place that you probably wouldn't think about visiting. — Karl Pilkington

I think people would live a bit longer if they didn't know how old they were. Age puts restrictions on things. — Karl Pilkington

To me, a cat is an easy pet, they don't need any spoiling or looking after. — Karl Pilkington

That's the problem with them fables, they're putting animals together that wouldn't meet. I don't know where a scorpion is knockin' around with a frog. — Karl Pilkington

The Elephant Man would never have gotten up and gone, ‘Oh, God. Look at me hair today.’ — Karl Pilkington

Does the brain control you or are you controlling the brain? I don't know if I'm in charge of mine. — Karl Pilkington

Now sometimes I don't know if I feel well. Because I've been in my body for years. — Karl Pilkington

Your dreams should never be better than your real life — Karl Pilkington

I find that if you just talk, your mouth comes up with stuff. — Karl Pilkington

Yesterday, I did some painting then went out to buy an onion and came home and watched 'University Challenge.' The onion was probably the highlight. — Karl Pilkington

If you had five photos of anuses, I could not point mine out. — Karl Pilkington

If you don't sleep you get run down. Sloths never get a flu, cos its good innit thats when your body's replemishing. — Karl Pilkington

Well I'm trying to think what I put in... I think I put in 'why?' to see if I'd confuse the computer. — Karl Pilkington

It's not a joke: I really do like being at home. — Karl Pilkington

I could eat a knob at night. — Karl Pilkington

For me, a good holiday is about value for money rather than things to see. — Karl Pilkington

Classes teaching you how to breathe. I'm 32, I think I've got the hang of it. — Karl Pilkington

I'm not a proper traveler. I don't like to be challenged or have too much of a change and prefer a week away just to relax. — Karl Pilkington

We are always making more and more stuff in the world. You know; big buildings, big planes, big boats and that. Will we ever get to a point where all this is too heavy for the world to handle? — Karl Pilkington

I've never understood the 'things to do before you die' idea. If I was ill, I'd be in no mood to have a swim with a dolphin. — Karl Pilkington

When i was younger i remember once i went to bed and i was so happy that i laughed myself to sleep. — Karl Pilkington

People eat duck and you think, well, we've got loads of chickens, leave the ducks alone! — Karl Pilkington

I always have a problem liking things I'm told I should like. — Karl Pilkington

I found that being with happy positive people annoys me. — Karl Pilkington

I've never thought about it before, but I suppose bad people might need someone to pray to, too. — Karl Pilkington

Life Lessons by Karl Pilkington

1. Karl Pilkington's work emphasizes the importance of staying true to yourself and not being swayed by the opinions of others.
2. He also encourages people to be open-minded and to explore different perspectives and cultures.
3. Finally, Karl Pilkington's work highlights the importance of having a positive attitude and a sense of humour in life.