I even went so far as to become a Southern Baptist for a while, until I realized that they didn't hold 'em under long enough.

— Kinky Friedman

The most astonishing Kinky Friedman quotes that are guaranted to improve your brain

Money can buy you a fine dog, but only love can make him wag his tail.

68

Poly means more than one, and ticks are bloodsucking parasites.

55

But the most dangerous thing in the world in the world is to run the risk of waking up one morning and realizing suddenly that all this time you've been living without really and truly living and by then it's too late. When you wake up to that kind of realization, it's too late for wishes and regrets. It's even too late to dream.

43

Whether your destination is heaven or hell, you always have to change planes in Dallas.

31

I rarely meddled in the cat's personal affairs and she rarely meddled in mine.

Neither of us was foolish enough to attribute human emotions to our pets.

31

I've got a head of hair better than Rick Perry; it's just not in a place I can show you.

28

There's a fine line between fiction and non-fiction and I think I snorted it somewhere in 1979

21

If you're paranoid long enough, sooner or later you're gonna be right.

20

I'm going to lower the drinking age to eighteen.

If you're old enough to die in Iraq, you're old enough to drink.

19

Friday night was the night most people thought they were supposed to have fun.

Trouble was most people didn't know what fun was or how to have it, so things usually ended up pretty ugly.

18

You have to pretend that your life is a financial pleasure even when your autographs are bouncing.

12

Golf is the only opportunity that middle-aged WASPs have to dress up like a pimp.

12

About Kinky Friedman

Quotes 117 sayings
Nationality American
Profession Musician
Birthday October 16

Remember: Y'all is singular. All y'all is plural. All y'all's is plural possessive.

8

I came from an upper-middle class home, which is always a hard cross for a country singer to bear.

7

May the God of your choice bless you.

7

I believe that Willy Nelson is the hillbilly Dalai Lama.

6

The only thing that really differentiates Texas from any other place in the world is the proclivity of its people to urinate outdoors and to attach a certain amount of importance to this popular pastime.

6

I don't think where people come from is that important.

It doesn't matter if you come from reality TV. The question is whether you can inspire people.

6

You don't accomplish much by swimming with the mainstream. Hell, a dead fish can do that.

5

That's the government. Having been a politician and a musician, I can tell you which one is a higher calling. If musicians ran the country, it would be a much different place. We wouldn't get a lot done in the mornings, but we'd work late.

5

One thing we are sure of is there's no one like Nelson Mandela out there. That's too bad for us.

5

If you have the choice between humble and cocky, go with cocky.

There's always time to be humble later, once you've been proven horrendously, irrevocably wrong.

4

I've been in true love many times. I just try to avoid it as much as possible. For if there's one thing I know about true love, it is that sooner or later, it results in a hostage situation.

4

What has six balls and screws Texans? The Texas Lottery.

4

I'm well aware that the Nelson Mandelas and the Winston Churchills of the world happened by accident. They usually come out of nowhere.

4

Jerry Jones and Chris Christie are probably the most important latent homosexual relationship since Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson.

4

A happy childhood... is the worst possible preparation for life.

4

If you elect me the first Jewish justice of the peace, I'll reduce the speed limits to 54.95!

4

Every time you see a beautiful woman, just remember, somebody got tired of her.

4

If you don't love Jesus-go to hell!

3

This is called "spiritual lifting." It's not heavy lifting. The governor of Texas should not be confused with Arnold Schwarzenegger. That's a powerful position. The governor of Texas can't do any heavy lifting really. It's not that powerful a position.

3

If Willie Nelson had been Rosa Parks, there never would have been a civil rights movement in this country, because he refuses to leave the back of the bus.

3

Finding a cat--or having a cat find you--can change your world as much as marriage, divorce, love, death, or even winning the lottery can, and sometimes more.

3

Sleep came slower than a frigid woman.

3

I'll tell you right now. I'm for prayer in school.

3

All my adult life I've been in the practice of giving advice to people who are happier than I am.

3

My three favorite travel writers of all time are Robert Louis Stevenson, Graham Greene, and Chuck Thompson. Smile When You're Lying not only tells the truth about the travel-writing racket, it gets to the heart of some of the travel industry's best-kept secrets.

3

Remember, I'm not running against Rick Perry; I'm running against apathy.

2

The Ten Commandments being taken out of the public schools. I want them back.

2

Most people, of course, spend their lives caring about the wrong things.

The worry about South Africa or Nicaragua. They spend so much time finding themselves that they lose their taxicabs. They don't see that what kind of napkin you get at a delicatessen is a matter of much significance in the world today. That's why they don't get linen.

2

I am not anti-death penalty, but I'm damned sure anti-the-wrong-guy-getting-executed.

2

My plan is to bring back like the Bracero Program from 1944 that ran for 20 years where the Mexican government vets these people. I mean, they pay for it, and they get green cards, and they're actually legitimate. And then seal the border.

2

Like most of us, I determined that I'd rather be a large part of the problem than a small part of the solution.

1

This system is really broken. No Child Left Behind has really failed and the only way to solve education is to leave one governor behind.

1

Now I have a cat. Well, that's not quite accurate. A cat and I have each other.

1

Cuban cigars is a big expense because I do smoke a lot of them, eight to 12 a day, so that would be almost as bad as a cocaine habit, a hundred bucks a day.

1

I don't think I have even achieved fame.

Of course, Hemingway says that fame is death's little sister.

1

I'm not afraid to live. I'm not afraid to fail. I'm not afraid to succeed. I'm not afraid to fall in love. I'm not afraid to be alone. I'm just afraid I might have to stop talking about myself for five minutes.

1

No matter where you go, you always see yourself in the rearview mirror.

1
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