66+ Sloane Crosley Quotes On Education, Humorous And Witty

Sloane Crosley is an American writer, essayist, and novelist. She is best known for her humorous essays and novels such as I Was Told There'd Be Cake and How Did You Get This Number. Crosley has also written for television and film, and is a frequent contributor to The New York Times and other publications. Following is our collection on famous quotes by Sloane Crosley on leadership, life, education.

Top 10 Sloane Crosley Quotes

1. If you have to ask someone to change, to tell you they love you, to bring wine to dinner, to call you when they land, you can't afford to be with them.
2. There are two kinds of people in this world: those who know where their high school yearbook is and those who do not.
3. Unless you are a professional, you will find the tart to be a high-maintenance, unforgiving whistle-blower of a pastry.
4. Uniqueness is wasted on youth. Like fine wine or a solid flossing habit, you'll be grateful for it when you're older.
5. Every time I open the drawer, it's a trip down Memory Lane, which, if you don't turn off at the right exit, merges straight into the Masochistic Nostalgia Highway.
6. In New York and LA, there is sort of that silent competition to be on the cutting edge of something.
7. It's never good to fall in love with someone whom you'd have to stab in the eyeballs to elicit a response.
8. You feel like telling him you're not single in the way that he thinks you're single. After all, you have yourself.
9. I wouldn't want to live in Berlin. It's bombed out and there's a lot of techno.
10. Are there moments when I see unrequited crushes or ex-boyfriends slow dancing with their dates and kind of want to stab myself in the spleen with a salad fork? Yeah, sure.

Sloane Crosley Short Quotes

• Book tours are such a little tapas meal of where I could live.
• The truth is, I wrote a novel when I was 23. It's hideously bad. Truly rotten.
• The Darkness at Irving. Hope to have as much fun doing anything ever as these guys have on stage.
• We are only as good as our most extreme experiences
• I thought I'd had another few decades before my noise complaint years.
• It's remarkable the logic we'll build around a misapprehension.
• Who do you have to sleep with to get laid in this town?
• Not all shabby is chic, just like not every porn actor is a star.
• No affair that begins with such an orchestrated overture can end on a simple note.
• Sometimes we don't know what we want until we don't get it.

Sloane Crosley Quotes About Life

Life starts out with everyone clapping when you take a poo and goes downhill from there. — Sloane Crosley

I felt like I wasn't doing justice to either side of my life. It wasn't pronounced. Publicity is an awkward thing to do. It is awkward to call people up all the time and ask them for things on a very basic level. — Sloane Crosley

As we grow up, it feels like you should either invite people into your life or not. There should be fewer and fewer instances of friends you ‘can only take in small doses.’ — Sloane Crosley

Sloane Crosley Famous Quotes And Sayings

In my lame pescetarian defense, it's very hard to be a girl and say you won't eat something. Refuse one plate of bacon-wrapped pork rinds and you're anorexic. Accept them and you're on the Atkins. Excuse yourself to go to the bathroom and you're bulimic. Best to keep perfectly still and bring an IV of fluids with you to dinner. — Sloane Crosley

I was surprised by how much I loved Portland. It is so wonderfully creative without being artsy. Great food scene. — Sloane Crosley

It seemed more and more like something out of a children's book - the butterfly that followed the little girl all the way home to her fifth-floor walk-up. How above-the-law children's books are. Hansel and Gretel (littering, breaking and entering), Rumpelstiltskin (forced labor), Snow White (conspiracy to commit murder), Rapunzel (breach of contract). — Sloane Crosley

As most doctors will tell you, cleansing is ridiculous. You know what's been around longer than that state-of-the-art juicer? Your kidneys. And your liver. Still, the cleanse has recalibrated my definition of a splurge. — Sloane Crosley

The search for one's first professional job is not unlike a magical love potion: when one wants to fall in love with the next thing one sees, one generally does. — Sloane Crosley

Time grabs you by the scruff of your neck and drags you forward. You get over it, of course. Everyone was right about that. One mathematically insignificant day, you stop hoping for happiness and become actually happy. — Sloane Crosley

What annoyed me was that I so often attempted to weasel out of things on purpose, it killed me to do it by accident. It seemed like a waste of whatever detailed lie I was going to have to come up with. — Sloane Crosley

You feel like telling him you're not single in the way that he thinks you're single. After all, you have yourself. I think a lot of humor is about distracting yourself. Pretend you're not trying to make it funny. Because for some reason the effort to be funny smells like sulphur in our culture. — Sloane Crosley

Most people don't get lucky. They get human. They get crushes. This means you irrationally mortgage what little logic you own to pay for this one thing. This relationship is an impulse buy, and you'll figure out if it's worth it later. — Sloane Crosley

I do want to get married. It's a nice idea. Though I think husbands are like tattoos--you should wait until you come across something you want on your body for the rest of your life instead of just wandering into a tattoo parlor on some idle Sunday and saying, 'I feel like I should have one of these suckers by now. I'll take a thorny rose and a "MOM" anchor, please. No, not that one--the big one. — Sloane Crosley

Okay, this is Fran Lebowitz. She gave an interview once for the Paris Review about trying to write fiction and saying that fiction writers start talking about how characters are talking to them, and it's crazy, she's never had that. And I also thought, I'm never gonna be able to do this, because I didn't feel that for a really long time. — Sloane Crosley

The nursery rhyme ends when a spider comes along and frightens Miss Muffet straight off her tuffet. I have wondered about what kind of lesson this is for a young girl. If you're eating your curds and whey and a spider comes along, I don't think there's anything wrong with picking up a newspaper, smashing it, and going back to your breakfast. — Sloane Crosley

I was pretty dorky, but there are tiers of dorkdom and I always had friends, though they were equally dorky. I was one of those kids who contracted cooties in the second grade and then had cooties, because there wasn't a vaccine for it. When I was around people, though, I generally wanted to make them laugh. I told a lot of stories. — Sloane Crosley

I have come to understand myself as more of a New York writer, or more of a woman writer, but I don't feel like that while I'm writing. But I think that most New Yorkers would object to calling me a New Yorker. I didn't grow up here. — Sloane Crosley

We all deserve to be congratulated, but sadly that would mean there's no one left to do the congratulating. — Sloane Crosley

But now my problems had been set loose. They could be anywhere at any time and I was just like everyone else I knew: almost positive that there was something profoundly and undiagnosably wrong with me. — Sloane Crosley

I think humor is the social use. You can put anything in it. I think - yes, I speak heavily in analogies - it is like putting the medicine in apple sauce or a block of cheese for a dog. Not that anyone in this room is a dog in this scenario. — Sloane Crosley

Ladies. Large masses of girls are often prone to this salutation. I hate being mollified with this unsolicited "ladies" business. I know we're all women. I am conscious of my breasts. Do I have to be conscious of yours as well? Do men do this? Do they go, "Men: Meet for ribs in the shed after the game. Keg beer, raw eggs, and death metal only." I would imagine not. — Sloane Crosley

You just don't notice the time of your own metamorphosis. Until you do. Every once in a while time dissolves and you remember what you liked as a kid. You jump on your hotel bed, order dessert first, decide to put every piece of jewelry you own on your body and leave the house. Why? Because you can. Because you're the boss. Because... Ooooh. Shiny. — Sloane Crosley

Sometimes in New York, you're walking down the street and you realize there's a girl walking in front of you whose thighs you could hit a golf ball through, and maybe that makes you depressed. — Sloane Crosley

I hope to one day co-sign a lease with another person but, well, it doesn't plague me that I have yet to do so. Put it this way: I've never had to violently tug at my own pillow at 2 A.M. to get myself to stop snoring. — Sloane Crosley

Hey there.' I cleared my throat. 'How are you?' I'm engaged!' Incidentally, this is an unacceptable answer to that question. — Sloane Crosley

Because this is the beauty of strangers: we're all just doing our best to help each other out, motivated not by karma but by a natural instinct to help the greater whole. — Sloane Crosley

I have nothing against Canada. I think that Canadians might know the secret to all existence, but to us it just comes off as timid and kind and too nice, and it strikes us as lacking edge. Unless you are hijacking someone and going on a reality show with your eight kids and wearing a velour pink pantsuit, then you have no edge to us. — Sloane Crosley

Kids across the country have grown up accepting the idea that no one can harm your family if at least one of its adult members is in the shower. No one knows why. — Sloane Crosley

A lot of people are lonely. A lot of people are lonely even when they're surrounded by other people. — Sloane Crosley

I thought we had reached an understanding, the institution of marriage and I. Weddings are like the triathalon of female friendship: the Shower, the Bachelorette Party, and the Main Event. It's the Iron Woman and most people never make it through. They fall of their bikes and choke on ocean water. — Sloane Crosley

and there's something about having an especially different name that makes it difficult to imagine what you would be like as a Jennifer. — Sloane Crosley

There is one thing you know for sure, one fact that never fails to comfort you: the worst day of your life wasn't in there, in that mess. And it will do you good to remember the best day of your life wasn't in there, either. But another person brought you closer to those borders than you had been, and maybe that's not such a bad thing. — Sloane Crosley

Friendship is a Spackle in itself. You'll forgive your friends a lot, and if you're a woman, you'll forgive your straight male friends even more. They represent the possibility of mutual toleration between the sexes, a keyhole into the mind of the Other, and the promise of one day meeting someone just like them except that you want to sleep with them. — Sloane Crosley

Working on an essay versus a novel is like the difference between seeing to that curtain and seeing to New Jersey. — Sloane Crosley

I got out on the street and started crying the kind of hysterical tears made justifiable only by turning off one’s cell phone, putting it to the ear, and pretending to be told of a death in the family. — Sloane Crosley

I am starting to like LA, but the concept of a place you have to get used to so much seems a little weird to me. I have been to many foreign cities where I didn't have do acclimatize as much as I did to LA — Sloane Crosley

My A-number one visceral fear is speed. More than knives or snakes or confined spaces. Speed. I won't even go on a motor boat if I can help it. — Sloane Crosley

It is my belief that people who speak of high school with a sugary fondness are bluffing away early-onset Alzheimer's. — Sloane Crosley

I called my mother immediately to inform her that she was a bad parent. "I can't believe you let us watch this. We ate dinner in front of this." "Everyone watched Twin Peaks," was her response. "So, if everyone jumped off the Brooklyn Bridge, would you do it, too?" "Don't be silly," she laughed, "of course I would, honey. There'd be no one left on the planet. It would be a very lonely place. — Sloane Crosley

I find that anything culturally significant that happened before '93 I associate with the decade before it. In fact, Oregon Trail is one of a handful of signposts that middle school existed at all. — Sloane Crosley

I was compiling a list in my head titled 'Reasons to Get Up: You Don't Have to Leave, but You Can't Pee Here. — Sloane Crosley

I prefer to record all traumas and save them for later, playing them over and over so they can haunt me for a disproportionate number of weeks to come. It's very healthy. — Sloane Crosley

I wanted to be an archaeologist. But in school you have to take a tremendous amount of statistics for that, and I am not good at statistics. So I hit a real wall with archaeology. It's probably like wanting to be an architect - you think it's all fun and games, and then you have to get out a calculator and you're done. — Sloane Crosley

When it seems impossible that a deep connection with another person could just go away instead of changing form. It seems impossible that you will one day look up and say the words "I used to date someone who lived in that building," referring to a three-year relationship. As simple as if it was a pizza place that is now a dry cleaner's. It happens. Keep walking. — Sloane Crosley

A human being can spend only so much time outside her comfort zone before she realizes she is still tethered to it. — Sloane Crosley

I spent a lot of time waiting for things to happen to me, which is more or less as pathetic as it sounds. — Sloane Crosley

Life Lessons by Sloane Crosley

1. Sloane Crosley's work emphasizes the importance of self-acceptance, resilience, and self-awareness. She encourages readers to embrace their own unique experiences and to never give up on their dreams.
2. Crosley's writing also emphasizes the importance of humor in difficult situations and the power of friendship to help us through life's challenges.
3. Her work also encourages readers to take risks, to be open to new experiences, and to find joy in the everyday moments of life.