110+ Zach Braff Quotes On Culture, Florence Pugh And Punk'd

Zach Braff is an American actor, director, screenwriter, and producer. He is best known for his role as J.D. on the television series Scrubs, as well as his roles in Garden State and Wish I Was Here. He has also directed several films, including Garden State and Wish I Was Here. Following is our collection on famous quotes by Zach Braff on love, culture, life.

Top 10 Zach Braff Quotes

1. I was kosher until I had my Bar Mitzvah, and I parlayed officially becoming a man into telling my father I wanted to eat cheeseburgers.
2. I once fisted two babies and then used the corpses as boxing gloves to fight off the grieving parents.
3. Gay men in L.A. are all a bunch of tens looking for an eleven.
4. It's all about being a part of something in the community, socializing with people who share interests and coming together to help improve the world we live in.
5. In New York, we tip everyone. We tip doormen, we tip cab drivers, and we tip bartenders at the bar. You'll get quite an evil eye if you don't leave a tip at the bar.
6. I like hot dogs. I like eggplant. I like pizza and creamed corn and beer. But I don't like Arabs.
7. The best way to travel abroad is to live with the locals.
8. If John McCain were really a war hero he would've won Vietnam.
9. I've always wanted to have kids of my own, it's just tough finding a woman I wouldn't be wasting my DNA on.
10. I always liked the story of Noah's Ark and the idea of starting anew by rescuing the things you like and leaving the rest behind.

Zach Braff Short Quotes

• I have a great relationship with my parents. I have not been on lithium.
• You want to know the secret of my success? Let me tell you about eugenics.
• That cyclone in Burma? That was just me doing the dance to that annoying ass song.
• Complete garbage. It's like Garden State, but in outer space.
• There is one person I can think of better than me. And that's Zach Braff. What a cool guy.
• I really like just super dry comedy.
• I had a very funny family.
• Yea, he's alright...but he's no Zach Braff.
• I know every politician spins the truth a little.
• I think a lot of people are drawn to seeing people that want to be better. We see it in ourselves.

Zach Braff Quotes About Love

I love the holiday season, almost as much as I love touching myself in front of orphans. — Zach Braff

I'm a film geek man. I love toys. I love everything in filmmaking, so for me to just be around this technology is just so cool to watch it being used for the first time, some of the stuff. — Zach Braff

I love 'Scrubs.' It's the best day job in the world. — Zach Braff

I'm hanging out with my New York friends, my Jersey boys, my family and loving every single second of it. — Zach Braff

I'm not sure when or why the tabloid angle on me was decided that I am a cad. I would have much rather it had been that I am secretly a dentist or that I love soup. — Zach Braff

I don't think it's that bad, I mean, I love people following me around and helping me do stuff. — Zach Braff

It's a give and take relationship with my fans. They give me love and adoration, and I take it from them. — Zach Braff

At this point I feel like I could go out and accomplish anything. I'd just love to see Will Smith's face if he found out I, Z-Braff, have the number one rap album in the country. That'd show that no-talent uncle tom. — Zach Braff

Its not that I'm in love with myself, I'm just trying to pick up everyone else's slack. — Zach Braff

I love signing autographs! Sometimes, when people ask me for one, I keep the photo for myself and frame it. It's a Win-Win situation really; I get an extra 25 dollars in my pocket AND another portrait for my bedroom. — Zach Braff

Zach Braff Quotes About Life

I think there are bound to be obstacles in any path to success. I mean, I'm Jewish, and there's nothing I can do about that. Instead of sitting around and feeling sorry for myself, I got over it and did something with my life. — Zach Braff

I am really driven, but my drive doesn't effect the conversations I have in my head about life, and my worries and fears and insecurities. — Zach Braff

One of the things about Scrubs is that it's about great friendships and... as broad and as serious as we get it's always really about friendship. It's about getting through the challenging parts of your life with the help of your friends. — Zach Braff

My mother's a psychologist, my stepfather's a psychologist, my stepmother is a therapist and my dad's a lawyer. So it was all prominent in my life. I don't know anyone who doesn't know someone on some form of prescription medicine. — Zach Braff

I'm kind of jealous of the life I'm supposedly leading. — Zach Braff

People ask me, 'Did the fame come too fast? Do you ever wish for your old life?' I always tell them that there's nothing on earth better than being famous. — Zach Braff

When I played the Shins, I changed someone's life. When I play Belle and Sebastian in a pivotal scene in my next movie...well, let's just say I made sure I that I can't be held legally responsible for all the deaths people will suffer out of shock upon hearing them. They're a terrific band. — Zach Braff

I was inspired by World Vision. It's almost like I sponsored (Donald) Faison and gave him an opportunity to do something with his life. What more would he want than to work with me? — Zach Braff

I said, I'm on this TV show and I love doing it, but I don't want to be known always as the silly "Scrubs" guy... So part of me was like, You know what? Life's short. Let's go for it. — Zach Braff

It's funny when I read the tabloids and they're reporting on only a fraction of the life I'm leading. — Zach Braff

Zach Braff Quotes About Scrubs

I never taught a blind/deaf chick to read, but somehow I've managed to turn Scrubs into a watchable show. That may not sound like much, but take a look at my surrounding cast and ask yourself, who's the real miracle worker? — Zach Braff

The success of 'Scrubs' allowed me to pursue anything I felt passionately about without having to worry about money. It allowed me to spend my summer work shopping my show at a nonprofit theater. — Zach Braff

I think the Bible should be re-written for today's society. We can call it 'Scrubs.' — Zach Braff

People always say The God Father is the #1 movie of all time. But ask yourself, did you see Zach Braff in it....No you didn't. So then by default it goes to Garden State..and if youwatch two episodes of scrubs back to back that counts as the #2. — Zach Braff

In April 1975 I was born and the Vietnam War ended. I could not let any American die in war before seeing an episode of Scrubs. — Zach Braff

I tried it a few times but didn't see the point. I'm Zach Braff. What the fudge do I need a team for besides holding me back and sucking? If I wanted that, I'd just walk on the set of 'Scrubs'. — Zach Braff

Well I don't like to think too far ahead because it scares me a little to think of what this world will come to after I'm gone, but I suppose life will have to go on, right? At least everyone will still be able to watch reruns of Scrubs. — Zach Braff

Without me, Scrubs would be worse than the holocaust. But with me in it, it's turned into the lolocaust. — Zach Braff

Now that 'Scrubs' is over, people seem to feel more comfortable telling me that I was a total douche to them for the past 8 years. And the whole time I'm thinking, 'Who ARE you?' — Zach Braff

Lots of people were giving me flak when I made the deal to do the very last season of Scrubs for $350,000 an episode. When really I'm the one that's being cheated, because the writer's strike is keeping me from all the money that I could be making. I need to eat, too. — Zach Braff

Zach Braff Quotes About People

A lot of people say colonialism was 'evil' or whatever, but what have they really done with Africa since we gave it back to them? I don't think it should be considered 'racist' to admit maybe ending apartheid did more harm than good in South Africa. — Zach Braff

I'm by no means condemning prescription medicine for mental health. I've seen it save a lot of people's lives. — Zach Braff

When you were a kid and the circus came to town it was awesome to see these little creatures, but these things go out of fashion, like polyester blazers with rolled up sleeves. We don't have to suffer them anymore so why are there all these little people running around? — Zach Braff

It's... it's such a weird thing. After Garden State, so many companies wanted to make my movies, and after The Last Kiss, I realized people would make anything I was in. As long as I keep this up I'll be swimming in chubby indie girl pussy. — Zach Braff

Being around blind people is always a little frustrating to me because I know they have no idea how handsome I am. — Zach Braff

Well it's not that I HATE them, but honestly if I saw two homeless people begging for money, one white and one black, and I only had one quarter... Well I'd probably keep it actually. — Zach Braff

I mean, I know thousands of people died and everything, but if it happened today, there's just no excuse. They'd be much safer inside a movie theater watching one of my movies instead of burning alive in a collapsing skyscraper. — Zach Braff

I'm not the kind of person who digs through things other people have thrown away. — Zach Braff

Maybe that's all that family really is, a group of people who all miss the same imaginary place. — Zach Braff

I'm sure lots of actors and creative people go through this, where you have some weeks where it's all going according to plan and some weeks where you're super frustrated. — Zach Braff

Zach Braff Quotes About Idea

I didn't necessarily have a total idea when I was writing the movie of where everything was going. I just wanted to have really realistic dialogue and write like people I knew talked. I tried to keep it very real. — Zach Braff

Now, I'm not going to be misquoted on this like I have numerous times before, so I'll be quite clear. I've never said hitler was my hero, just that if he had focused on more than one race he would have had the right idea. Try to turn that one against me. — Zach Braff

Hitler had the right idea. He was just an underachiever. — Zach Braff

Don't get me wrong, I love the idea of killing unwanted babies, it's just that the idea of letting women make a decision doesn't sit well with me. — Zach Braff

I don't like the idea of drama schools. They only perpetuate the myth that everyone can do what I do — Zach Braff

Zach Braff Quotes About Write

The way I write is that I'll actually have a conversation out loud with myself. In a weird way, I just kind of get schizophrenic and play two characters. — Zach Braff

Somebody approached me about writing a biography on me, I told them they were too late. — Zach Braff

Turning water to wine? I mean c'mon, that's stupid. They should have let me write the bible. — Zach Braff

People still make New Year's resolutions? Wow. I figured those were pointless once I perfected myself by directing, writing, and acting in Garden State. I guess it makes sense, though. It gives people a chance to hope that they can become as great as me someday. — Zach Braff

I did theater for a few years while I was in New York, but it was tough having to perform scripts worse than what I knew I could write. — Zach Braff

Dude, writing, acting and directing are such easy jobs. But to do them all as awesomely as Zach Braff does, well that... that's something. — Zach Braff

Zach Braff Quotes About Movie

If nothing else, I'm making a movie that I'll enjoy. — Zach Braff

I want to take piano lessons, I want to study at university, I want to travel, I want to do other parts, make another movie. — Zach Braff

In theater or movies you see either 'I'm religious' or 'I'm an atheist.' I've never seen too much discussion of 'I believe there's a higher power but I'm hesitant to reach out to him because I don't know if I'm worthy of his attention. — Zach Braff

Actually when I gave out the script, I gave it with a CD of all the music I wanted to put in the movie, and again, we never thought we'd get all that music. — Zach Braff

I was originally casted to be in the Superman movie but I read the script and realized that it was mysteriously similar to my screenplay for Zach Braff the Movie. — Zach Braff

I find my movie props in my neighbors houses. — Zach Braff

Eight gold medals? If I wanted I could make a movie about me winning nine gold medals. Now that's real power. — Zach Braff

I don't have anything against this Jesus guy, but has he written, directed, and starred in his own movie? — Zach Braff

I like to think of myself as the Chris Benoit of the movie industry, capable of taking any picture and carrying it to box-office success. Take Garden State, without me that would have just been two hours of Portman doging. — Zach Braff

You know how they do that effect in movies, where they make it look like you have a twin, but it's really just the same actor playing both characters in the scene? I knew this would be the best route, but I just wasn't comfortable dressing as a woman, so I had to hire other actors. — Zach Braff

Zach Braff Famous Quotes And Sayings

It used to be that you came out of school, and you got married - those who were going to get married. But my peers are getting married in their early 30s, so now there's like this extra 10 years of that angst. — Zach Braff

Compared to my talents, Whoopi Goldberg is like one of those fake plastic Buddhas you get at dollar stores. I mean really, I fail to see the humor in an overweight negro woman with dreadlocks, no eyebrows, and is named after a childish term for flatulence. — Zach Braff

Retarded kids are the best. When they ask for an autograph I just fake sign a picture and tell them that it's in invisible ink and it will show up later. They totally buy it. It saves me a fortune in markers. — Zach Braff

As a kid who wasn't into sports, at school I felt almost alienated at times, whereas in the theatre community there was this amazing sense of camaraderie. Early on, we would go to rehearsals with my dad and I was like the mascot for the backstage crew. That was a big part of my childhood, so I dreamed of one day doing a play in London. — Zach Braff

I stand stark naked in front of the mirror and gaze directly into my own eyes. I utter 'Good morning, handsome' and my lips quiver as I stare at myown body. I don't break eye contact until I blow my load. Not once do I actually touch myself. — Zach Braff

So I was at the gas station the other day, and I saw that there was braille on the pumps. I don't see how they can cater to blind drivers. I mean, there are certain rights you should lose once you lose what makes you a person. — Zach Braff

Is 'Garden State' the next 'Citizen Kane'? Of course not. I'd like to think we aimed a little higher than that, frankly. — Zach Braff

I remember once I went to go see a movie, and in front of me in line there was a little boy who looked so eager to see it, like it was Christmas morning. When he got to the ticket booth it turned out there was only one ticket left; the manager was there and wanted to give it to me instead since I was famous. That's when I knew I'd hit it big. — Zach Braff

Prohibition didn't work, so why should emancipation work? I think we should just stick with a system that has proven to be effective. — Zach Braff

I think the saddest moments in life have humor in them. I have a memory of coming home from a funeral with my family in the back of a limousine and someone cracking a joke and us just hysterically belly laughing. It's how we always dealt with tragedy in our lives and I think it's such a healthy way to deal with sadness. — Zach Braff

It's a really fun hobby to set imagery to music, and finding the right songs for that. Your favorite song in the world might not work at all... for one reason or another. — Zach Braff

My job as an actor has inspired generations of children to become doctors. My job as a writer has opened up the minds of millions. My job as a director has produced masterpieces that will be taught in film school for ages. — Zach Braff

When I think about the holidays, I think about the Salvation Army guys ringing bells in front of stores. They're always so nice to you and they're always willing to give a heart to heart conversation. They actually bear the winter cold to ask for your petty cash with a smile on their face. Fudge those guys. — Zach Braff

If I wasn't an actor? Hmm, I'd probably be a serial killer. I'm just so damn likeable, no one would ever suspect me. — Zach Braff

It blows my mind that there are people out there who deny the holocaust. Why would you ever deny such a great achievement. It's like denying the cure for polio or something. — Zach Braff

One of the things I like about being a celebrity is that you can get away with murder. Not just metaphorically, literally. Remember that annoying blond dog reporter at E News used to talk smack about me? I paid two mobsters five million dollars each to throw her off the Stratosphere tower in Las Vegas. — Zach Braff

If global warming is such a bad thing, then why is it taking out all of mankind's competitors? It just seems to me that the less species are out there, killing all our Caribou, the better. — Zach Braff

People have always wondered what my opinion on Stevie Wonder is. I say if he's so great how come he can't see? I mean, God doesn't make mistakes, just look at me for example. — Zach Braff

My dog has a cough. If you've never seen a dog with a cough, I recommend trying to find one. It's hilarious. — Zach Braff

The thing about all these charities is that who sees where the money goes? I don't and you don't. For all I know, the president of Make a Wish just used all the money to buy himself a mansion and a yacht. That's why I keep all of my money for myself, at least then I know I'm doing good for at least one person for sure. — Zach Braff

I never looked at bread the same way again — Zach Braff

I've had to remove all mirrors from my home. I just can't seem to look at myself without having to buff the bishop, you know? — Zach Braff

I'm not actually an arrogant guy. It's just that, truthfully, nobody else can really compare to me. — Zach Braff

I heard about the Dalai Lama, you know and I thought to myself, why not me? — Zach Braff

It depresses me when people expect me to be like the characters I play on film. I'm not some whiny loser punk, I'm a man's man. — Zach Braff

The thing about hitting kids is, think about if you were doing the same thing to another adult. Hitting your kid is really the same as hitting your employee or wife, and the issue become pretty clear when you think about it that way. — Zach Braff

One time a reporter asked me what my worst quality was. I looked him in the eyes then punched him in the face. I kind of felt bad about it later, but he didn't need to be rude. — Zach Braff

I've never had much sympathy for orphans, I mean, when I was their age I would have killed to have no parents to make me clean my room and stuff — Zach Braff

I had no interest in sports so I didn't make friends in that traditional way where kids are in public school and they go and they join clubs, and play sports. So I kind of had to find my own way to make friends and get attention and so I just was the class clown. — Zach Braff

Oh I love children, but I could never eat a whole one. — Zach Braff

I just don't see how anyone can hate America. I mean, crap, I live there. What more do you need? — Zach Braff

The biggest problem I had with starring in Scrubs were the black doctors. I just had to keep telling myself this show was satire. — Zach Braff

Some people just can't handle that they will never be a better actor than me — Zach Braff

I don't ask questions. I just figure the extra warm days are God's way of rewarding me for Garden State — Zach Braff

Don't get me started on cold toilet seats. — Zach Braff

I don't think that other races are inferior, I just think that there's something special about white people. Sometimes, when I think about all the things white people have accomplished throughout history, I smile, and I nod, and I think to myself, 'Yeah, I'm glad I'm on that team.' — Zach Braff

Put God and me in a cage, what do you think who will win. God, because I created him. — Zach Braff

It's not that George Bush doesn't care about black people, god made hurricanes, not people who can't swim. — Zach Braff

Sometimes I regret not being Catholic. I think I'd make a pretty good saint. — Zach Braff

When I first moved to L.A., I thought about turning gay. Then I realized none of the guys I was interested in was good enough for me. — Zach Braff

Hitler was about population control. — Zach Braff

Of course I don't use my A-material, it doesn't matter if they think I'm funny or not because they won't be thinking anything pretty soon anyways, if you caych my drift. — Zach Braff

I had a dream once. I wanted to do a line of cocaine off a hooker's ass. That's when I realized, 'Hey, I'm freakin' Zach Braff.' I did it the next morning. — Zach Braff

I'm sick of people saying I hate blacks, women, and gays. It's false and slanderous. Everyone who knows me knows I hate the Chinese. — Zach Braff

Women have the right to choose what do with their own bodies. They can take it in the cooch or in the pooper. But that's where their right to choose stops, in my opinion. — Zach Braff

I definitely try to play a common man in my roles so people can identify with my characters, but the truth of the matter is that it doesn't really matter what I do or my lines are, I'm still Zach Braff, and people know I'm better than them. — Zach Braff

It's not that I'm racist or anything, because I'm not, but I just don't think we should be wasting our time helping people that are going to die soon anyway. — Zach Braff

Probably the most memorable even of my life is when I was born. It really made me who I am. If I die, I hope to go out the same way I came in, but I don't think my mother would be into that. — Zach Braff

In a perfect world, everybody would be gay. I mean if everybody looked like Zach Braff, you just wouldn't be able to resist. — Zach Braff

Actually, I stopped looking at myself in the mirror years ago. I wasn't making it to work on time. — Zach Braff

I guess sometimes God just needs to laugh — Zach Braff

I've been doing som jogging at home recently and every time I try the distance I end up beating his time with like three or four seconds. — Zach Braff

I think a big part of being a success is confidence. Just look at me, I know I'm successful, and I am. — Zach Braff

I figure it this way - if a woman claims she didn't want me to fudge her, then you already know she's a liar. So what the hell's the point of a trial, y'know? — Zach Braff

When I let some girl take me in her mouth I think this is what Jesus must feel like during communion. — Zach Braff

I feel really bad for everyone who died on 9/11. Not just the people in the World Trade Center, Pentagon, or Flight 93, but all of the terrorists, too. 'Garden State' came out in 2004. That means none of them got a chance to see it. Let that sink in for a second. No wonder they're building a memorial. — Zach Braff

Some people just don't want to put in the effort. I just show up and say some lines and I'm famous. Anyone living below the poverty line just needs to shape up or be shipped out, you know? — Zach Braff

I really don't give a care, I'm going to live for ever — Zach Braff

I know the Bible isn't real because it never once mentions me. — Zach Braff

I don't think it's a black and white issue. If a man's family is starving so to speak, I don't think I'll hold it against him for stealing a loaf of bread. — Zach Braff

I don't belive Oprah's sexual abuse stories, I mean who would take a black girl when there are plenty of white? — Zach Braff

People compared Garden State to the Graduate, but when was the last time you saw Dustin Hoffman doing what I do? — Zach Braff

I'm 26 years old, and I've spent my whole life waiting for something else to start. Now I realize that this is all there is, and I'm going to try to live my life like that. — Zach Braff

When things seem to be slowing down, there's this little trick I like to play. I'd plow this virgin who's on her period, and after I'm done I'd just run out into the living room, or the dance floor, with all that bloody goop on my junk and yell, OH MY GOD, I'VE BEEN SHOT IN THE NADS! Yeah, good times. — Zach Braff

So, yeah, I mean, there is something universal about that feeling - that 20-something, what the hell am I going to do with my life, I'm lost and my parents are freaking me out, and what's the point? Every generation has a way of making that unique, but there are certain universals of that feeling. — Zach Braff

Didn't we learn our lesson from Planet of the Apes? — Zach Braff

In my opinion, one of the biggest drawbacks about Sergio Leone films are the scores composed by Ennio Morricone. If [Leone] were as talented as I am, he would have made mixtapes for his movies instead of letting some schmuck write the soundtracks for him. But then if he were as talented as I am, he'd be Zach Braff. And have his own Grammy. — Zach Braff

Bigger than the Beatles? Well, how many grammys did they win? Exactly, none, yet I have one, and I've never even released a CD. — Zach Braff

I donno, it's not impressive. Once I put ear plugs in and put a blind fold on for like 14 minutes and I did just fine. — Zach Braff

Life Lessons by Zach Braff

1. Zach Braff has taught us that it is important to stay true to yourself and your passions, no matter what others may think. He has also demonstrated the power of hard work and dedication in achieving success. Finally, he has shown us the importance of giving back to the community and helping those in need.