The first thing I do in the morning is brush my teeth and sharpen my tongue.— Dorothy Parker
The most romantic Dorothy Parker quotes that will inspire your inner self
The only dependable law of life - everything is always worse than you thought it was going to be.
The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity.
Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician.
If you have any young friends who aspire to become writers, the second-greatest favor you can do them is to present them with copies of The Elements of Style. The first-greatest, of course, is to shoot them now, while they're happy.
Men seldom make passes at girls who wear glasses.
Or check the curated lists with quotes from Dorothy Parker:
• Quotes about Humor
If you wear a short enough skirt, the party will come to you.
Brevity is the soul of lingerie.
I hate writing, I love having written.
You can't teach an old dogma new tricks.
If you don't have anything nice to say, come sit by me.
Every year, back comes Spring, with nasty little birds yapping their fool heads off and the ground all mucked up with plants.
I'm not a writer with a drinking problem, I'm a drinker with a writing problem.
Q: What's the difference between an enzyme and a hormone? A: You can't hear an enzyme.
You can lead a horticulture, but you can't make her think.
Those who have mastered etiquette, who are entirely, impeccably right, would seem to arrive at a point of exquisite dullness.
A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
I was the toast of two continents: Greenland and Australia.
That would be a good thing for them to cut on my tombstone: Wherever she went, including here, it was against her better judgment.
This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.
I can’t write five words but that I change seven.
Four be the things I'd have been better without: love, curiosity, freckles and doubt.
Oh, life is a glorious cycle of song, a medley of extemporanea, And love is a thing that can never go wrong, and I am Marie of Romania.
Woman wants monogamy; Man delights in novelty. Love is woman's moon and sun; Man has other forms of fun. Woman lives but in her lord; Count to ten, and man is bored. With this the gist and sum of it, What earthly good can come of it?
If all the young ladies who attended the Yale promenade dance were laid end to end, no one would be the least surprised.
Ducking for apples -- change one letter and it's the story of my life.
How do people go to sleep? I'm afraid I've lost the knack.
I might try busting myself smartly over the temple with the night-light. I might repeat to myself, slowly and soothingly, a list of quotations beautiful from minds profound; if I can remember any of the damn things.
I'm never going to accomplish anything;
that's perfectly clear to me. I'm never going to be famous. My name will never be writ large on the roster of Those Who Do Things. I don't do anything. Not one single thing. I used to bite my nails, but I don't even do that any more.
Daily dawns another day; I must up, to make my way. Though I dress and drink and eat, Move my fingers and my feet, Learn a little, here and there, Weep and laugh and sweat and swear, Hear a song, or watch a stage, Leave some words upon a page, Claim a foe, or hail a friend- Bed awaits me at the end.
That woman speaks eighteen languages, and can't say 'No' in any of them.
I'd like to have money. And I'd like to be a good writer. These two can come together, and I hope they will, but if that's too adorable, I'd rather have money.
Now I know the things I know, and I do the things I do;
and if you do not like me so, to hell, my love, with you!
I don't care what anybody says about me as long as it isn't true.
Writing is the art of applying the ass to the seat.
A little bad taste is like a nice dash of paprika.
It is that word 'hunny,' my darlings, that marks the first place in The House at Pooh Corner at which Tonstant Weader fwowed up.
It turns out that, at social gatherings, as a source of entertainment, conviviality, and good fun, I rank somewhere between a sprig of parsley and a single ice-skate.
I won't telephone him. I'll never telephone him again as long as I live. He'll rot in hell, before I'll call him up. You don't have to give me strength, God; I have it myself. If he wanted me, he could get me. He knows where I am. He knows I'm waiting here. He's so sure of me, so sure. I wonder why they hate you, as soon as they are sure of you.
I hate almost all rich people, but I think I’d be darling at it.
By the time you swear you're his, Shivering and sighing.
And he vows his passion is, Infinite, undying. Lady make note of this -- One of you is lying.
Misfortune, and recited misfortune especially, can be prolonged to the point where it ceases to excite pity and arouses only irritation.
I like to have a martini/Two at the very most.
Don't look at me in that tone of voice.
Now, look, baby, 'Union' is spelled with 5 letters. It is not a four-letter word.
Salary is no object: I want only enough to keep body and soul apart.
Razors pain you; rivers are damp; acids stain you; and drugs cause cramp. Guns aren't lawful; nooses give; gas smells awful; you might as well live.
I shall stay the way I am because I do not give a damn.
Writing well is the best revenge.
I like best to have one book in my hand, and a stack of others on the floor beside me, so as to know the supply of poppy and mandragora will not run out before the small hours.