Comfort the afflicted, and afflict the comfortable.— Finley Peter Dunne
The most unusual Finley Peter Dunne quotes that are free to learn and impress others
Trust everybody, but cut the cards.
A man's idea in a game of cards is war, cruel, devastating, and pitiless.
A lady's idea of it is a combination of larceny, embezzlement and burglary.
A fanatic is a man that does what he thinks the Lord would do if He knew the facts of the case.
The world is not growing worse and it is not growing better -- it is just turning around as usual.
Swearing was invented as a compromise between running away and fighting.
The past always looks better than it was because it isn't here.
What is instinct? It is the natural tendency in one when filled with dismay to turn to his wife.
An appeal is when you ask one court to show its contempt for another court.
A lie with a purpose is one of the worst kind, and the most profitable.
The only good husbands stay bachelors: They're too considerate to get married.
I niver knew a pollytician to go wrong ontil he's been contaminated by contact with a business man.
Most vegetarians look so much like the food they eat that they can be classified as cannibals.
If Christian scientists had more science and doctors more Christianity, it wouldn't make any difference which you called in - if you had a good nurse.
Stories are meant to comfort the afflicted, and afflict the comfortable.
High finance isn't burglary or obtaining money by false pretenses, but rather a judicious selection from the best features of those fine arts.
I wonder why you can always read a doctor's bill and you can never read his prescription.
Most vegetarians I ever see looked enough like their food to be classed as cannibals.
Vice is a creature of such hideous mien... that the more you see it the better you like it.
When the American people get through with the English language, it will look as if it had been run over by a musical comedy.
A firm belief atthracts facts. They come out iv holes in the ground an' cracks in th' wall to support belief, but they run away fr'm doubt.
A man that'd expict to thrain lobsters to fly in a year is called a loonytic;
but a man that thinks men can be tur-rned into angels by an iliction is called a rayformer an' remains at large.
Continued focus on (employee) turnover is of critical importance, because of the direct relation of turnover to improvements in labor costs and guest satisfaction.
Opportunity knocks at every man's door once.
On some men's door it hammers till it breaks down the door and then it goes in and wakes him up if he's asleep, and ever afterward it works for him as a night watchman.
It don't make much difference what you study, so long as you don't like it.
Alcohol is necessary for a man so that he can have a good opinion of himself, undisturbed be the facts.
Many a man that could rule a hundherd millyon sthrangers with an ir'n hand is careful to take off his shoes in the front hallway whin he comes home late at night.
A game you play with your own worst enemy-yourself.
A man never becomes an orator if he has anything to say.
The wise people are in New York because the foolish went there first, that's the way the wise men make a living.
One of the strangest things about life is that the poor, who need the money the most, are the ones that never have it.
Vice goes along way towards making life bearable.
A little vice now and then is relished by the best of men.
There's always wan encouragin' thing about th' sad scientific facts that come out ivrv week in th' pa-apers. They're usually not thrue.
A man can be right and president, but he can't be both at the same time.
Don't jump on a man unless he is down.
Freedom is like drink. If you take any at all, you might as well take enough to make you happy for a while.
Histhry is a post-mortem examination.
It tellsye what a counthry died iv. But I'd like to know what it lived iv.
You can lade a man up to th' university, but ye can't make him think.
Th' newspaper does ivrything f'r us. It runs th' polis foorce an' th' banks, commands th' milishy, controls th'ligislachure, baptizes th' young, marries th' foolish, comforts th' afflicted, afflicts th' comfortable, buries th' dead an' roasts thim aftherward.
Work is work if you're paid to do it, and it's a pleasure if you pay to be allowed to do it.
Many a man that couldn't direct ye to th' drug store on th' corner when he was thirty will get a respectful hearin' when age has further impaired his mind.
No, sir, th dimmycratic party aint on speakin terms with itsilf.
Whin ye see two men with white neckties go into a sthreet car an set in opposite corners while wan mutthers Thraiter an th other hisses Miscreent ye can bet theyre two dimmycratic leaders thryin to reunite th gran ol party.
Politics ain't beanbag: 'tis a man's game, and women, children 'n' pro-hy-bitionists had best stay out of it.
There ain't any news in being good. You might write the doings of all the convents of the world on the back of a postage stamp, and have room to spare.
When 'tis an aven thing in th' prayin', may th' best man win ... an' th' best man will win.
There are no friends at cards or world politics.
It [Thanksgiving] was founded by the Puritans to give thanks for bein' preserved from the Indians, an' we keep it to give thanks we are preserved from the Puritans.
It is more comfortable to feel that we are a slight improvement on a monkey than such a fallin' off from the angels.
The last man that makes a joke owns it.
Drink never made a man better, but it has made many a man think he was better.