The conversational overachiever is someone whose grasp exceeds his reach. This is possible but not attractive.— Fran Lebowitz
The most delightful Fran Lebowitz quotes to discover and learn by heart
Think before you speak. Read before you think.
My favorite animal is steak.
As a teenager you are at the last stage in your life when you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you.
Think before you speak, read before you think.
A hobby is, of course, an abomination, as are all consuming interests and passions that do not lead directly to large, personal gain.
Children are the most desirable opponents at scrabble as they are both easy to beat and fun to cheat.
There are two modes of transport in Los Angeles: car and ambulance.
Visitors who wish to remain inconspicuous are advised to choose the latter
Think before you speak. Read before you think.
Very few people possess true artistic ability.
It is therefore both unseemly and unproductive to irritate the situation by making an effort. If you have a burning, restless urge to write or paint, simply eat something sweet and the feeling will pass.
Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he's buying.
Educational television should be absolutely forbidden.
It can only lead to unreasonable disappointment when your child discovers that the letters of the alphabet do not leap up out of books and dance around with royal-blue chickens.
Original thought is like original sin: both happened before you were born to people you could not have possibly met.
If you removed all of the homosexuals and homosexual influence from what is generally regarded as American culture, you would pretty much be left with Let's Make a Deal.
I place a high moral value on the way people behave.
I find it repellent to have a lot, and to behave with anything other than courtesy in the old sense of the word - politeness of the heart, a gentleness of the spirit.
London: A place you go to get bronchitis.
A salad is not a meal, it is a style.
Your life story would not make a good book. Don't even try.
The opposite of talking isn't listening. The opposite of talking is waiting.
If you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear a sweater suggest that he wear a tail.
While clothes with pictures and/or writing on them are not entirely an invention of the modern age, they are an unpleasant indication of the general state of things. ... I mean, be realistic. If people don't want to listen to you, what makes you think they want to hear from your sweater?
Contrary to popular opinion, the hustle is not a new dance step - it is an old business procedure.
Food is an important part of a balanced diet.
You sit or stand in the subway, and you look around - I do, because I don't have a phone so I'm not playing a game - and you see people.
My favorite way to wake up is to have a certain French movie star whisper to me softly at two-thirty in the afternoon that if I want to get to Sweden in time to pick up my Nobel Prize for Literature, I had better ring for breakfast. This occurs rather less often than one might wish.
Nature is by and large to be found out of doors, a location where, it cannot be argued, there are never enough comfortable chairs.
Even when freshly washed and relieved of all obvious confections, children tend to be sticky.
The downfall of most diets is that they restrict your intake of food.
Being offended is a natural consequence of leaving the house.
You're only as good as your last haircut.
Tolerance is really a better thing than understanding.
Because it doesn't agitate against human nature.
Having been unpopular in high school is not just cause for book publications.
I doubt there's ever been a true thing said on Fox. Maybe the weather report, maybe not.
I never took hallucinogenic drugs because I never wanted my consciousness expanded one unnecessary iota.
There is no such thing as inner peace.
There is only nervousness or death. Any attempt to prove otherwise constitutes unacceptable behavior.
In the Soviet Union, capitalism triumphed over communism.
In this country, capitalism triumphed over democracy.
The telephone is a good way to talk to people without having to offer them a drink.
Calling a taxi in Texas is like calling a rabbi in Iraq.
Think before you speak. Read before you think. This will give you something to think about that you didn't make up yourself - a wise move at any age, but most especially at seventeen, when you are in the greatest danger of coming to annoying conclusions.
Japanese food is very pretty and undoubtedly a suitable cuisine in Japan, which is largely populated by people of below average size. Hostesses hell-bent on serving such food to occidentals would be well advised to supplement it with something more substantial and to keep in mind that almost everybody likes french fries.
Radio news is bearable. This is due to the fact that while the news is being broadcast, the disk jockey is not allowed to talk.
Great people talk about ideas, average people talk about things, and small people talk about wine.
Vegetables are interesting but lack a sense of purpose when unaccompanied by a good cut of meat.
Polite conversation is rarely either.
Inhabitants of underdeveloped nations and victims of natural disasters are the only people who have ever been happy to see soybeans.
Children ask better questions than adults.
"May I have a cookie?" "Why is the sky blue?" and "What does a cow say?" are far more likely to elicit a cheerful response than "Where's your manuscript?" "Why haven't you called?" and "Who's your lawyer?"
I love sleep because it is both pleasant and safe to use.
Pleasant because one is in the best possible company and safe because sleep is the consummate protection against the unseemliness that is the invariable consequence of being awake. What you don't know won't hurt you. Sleep is death without the responsibility.