Anyone who thinks sitting in church can make you a Christian must also think that sitting in a garage can make you a car.

— Garrison Keillor

The most emotional Garrison Keillor quotes that will inspire your inner self

Welcome to Lake Wobegon, where all the women are strong, all the men are good-looking, and all the children are above average.


It was luxuries like air conditioning that brought down the Roman Empire.

With air conditioning their windows were shut, they couldn't hear the barbarians coming.


Even in a time of elephantine vanity and greed, one never has to look far to see the campfires of gentle people.

Garrison Keillor quote A book is a gift you can open again and

A book is a gift you can open again and again.


A lovely thing about Christmas is that it's compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together.


Thank you, God, for this good life and forgive us if we do not love it enough.


Be well, do good work, and keep in touch.


Bravery and adventure! That's the ticket! Don't sit and gather moss.

Get up, get out, do what you dream of doing, and if it doesn't work, it doesn't work, and you don't need to made that particular mistake again, but at least you won't get old wondering what if you had.


Beauty isn't worth thinking about; what's important is your mind. You don't want a fifty-dollar haircut on a fifty-cent head. ~Garrison Keillor


Sometimes there is nothing you can do, and in those times, you must do something anyway.


When the country goes temporarily to the dogs, cats must learn to be circumspect, walk on fences, sleep in trees, and have faith that all this woofing is not the last word.


Nothing you do for children is ever wasted.


You'd learn more about the world by lying on the couch and drinking gin out of a bottle than by watching the news.


About Garrison Keillor

Quotes 244 sayings
Nationality American
Profession Writer
Birthday October 16

Some luck lies in not getting what you thought you wanted but getting what you have, which once you have got it you may be smart enough to see is what you would have wanted had you known.


Intelligence is like four-wheel drive. It only allows you to get stuck in more remote places.


We come from people who brought us up to believe that life is a struggle, and if you should feel really happy, be patient: this will pass.


When you wage war on the public schools, you're attacking the mortar that holds the community together. You're not a conservative, you're a vandal.


God writes a lot of comedy... the trouble is, he's stuck with so many bad actors who don't know how to play funny.


Your life is a work of art, and in the end, the underlying theme of great art is bravery and hope and love.


A book is a gift you can open again and again.


I think if the church put in half the time on covetousness that it does on lust, this would be a better world for all of us.


Powdermilk biscuits: Heavens, theyre tasty and expeditious! Theyre made from whole wheat, to give shy persons the strength to get up and do what needs to be done


Nothing you do for children is ever wasted.

They seem not to notice us, hovering, averting our eyes, and they seldom offer thanks, but what we do for them is never wasted.


Years ago, manhood was an opportunity for achievement, and now it is a problem to be overcome.


Humor is not a trick, not jokes. Humor is a presence in the world - like grace - and shines on everybody.


One reads books in order to gain the privilege of living more than one life.

People who don't read are trapped in a mine shaft, even if they think the sun is shining.


The relationship between truth and a newspaper is like the relationship between the color green and the number seven. Occasionally you will see the number seven written in green, but you learn not to expect this.


You can go your whole life and not need math or physics for a minute, but the ability to tell a joke is always handy.


Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a function.


A minister has to be able to read a clock.

At noon, it's time to go home and turn up the pot roast and get the peas out of the freezer.


A girl in a bikini is like having a loaded pistol on your coffee table - There's nothing wrong with them, but it's hard to stop thinking about it.


In Lake Wobegon, we don't forget mistakes.


Love has the power to rescue us and not let go, otherwise it isn't love


If you can't trust a Methodist with absolute power to arrest people and not have to say why, then whom can you trust?


I believe that sometimes you have to look reality in the eye and deny it.


All solutions are temporary, so why not go for duct tape?


Being rich and thin isn't everything.


Where I'm from we don't trust paper. Wealth is what's here on the premises. If I open a cupboard and see, say, thirty cans of tomato sauce and a five-pound bag of rice, I get a little thrill of well-being - much more so than if I take a look at the quarterly dividend report from my mutual fund.


Children can find other children to be pals. Children need fathers to be fathers.


Sex is not a mechanical act that fails for lack of technique, and it is not a performance by the male for the audience of the female; it is a continuum of attraction that extends from the simplest conversation and the most innocent touching through the act of coitus.


Where I come from, when a Catholic marries a Lutheran it is considered the first step on the road to Minneapolis.


People do what they are told not to do.

It happens time and time again. Here on the frozen tundra, it is known as the Tongue on the Frozen Pump Handle principle.


The fundamental religion of most of mankind is the faith that God has revealed Himself to us and not to the barbarians. Our tribe is the one God chose and so if we vanquish the other tribes and rain fire and destruction on them, we're only carrying out God's Will.


Sometimes you have to look reality in the eye, and deny it.


IMPORTANT Book reading is a solitary and sedentary pursuit, and those who do are cautioned that a book should be used as an integral part of a well-rounded life, including a daily regimen of rigorous physical exercise, rewarding personal relationships, and sensible low-fat diet. A book should not be used a as a substitute or an excuse.


Some luck lies in not getting what you thought you wanted but getting what you have.


My ability to keep cool in a crisis is based entirely on not knowing all the facts.


A young writer is easily tempted by the allusive and ethereal and ironic and reflective, but the declarative is at the bottom of most good writing.


As for family values, they are whatever they are - some families are tight, others are blown away like dandelion puffs. A main value in Minnesota is still: don't waste my time, don't B.S. me, I wasn't born yesterday.


I am a cheerful man, even in the dark, and it's all thanks to a good Lutheran mother. . . . Mother was well composed, a true Lutheran, and taught me to Cheer up, Make yourself useful, Mind your manners, and above all, Don't feel sorry for yourself.

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