33+ Lewis Grizzard Quotes On Yankees, South And Humorous

Lewis Grizzard was an American writer, humorist, and columnist who was best known for his Southern wit and humor. He wrote books, newspaper columns, and magazine articles, and was also a popular stand-up comedian. His career spanned over 30 years, and he wrote about topics ranging from politics to relationships. Following is our collection on famous quotes by Lewis Grizzard on yankees, south, humorous.

Top 10 Lewis Grizzard Quotes

1. God bless Merle Haggard. He did all the things that Johnny Cash was supposed to have done.
2. It's better to have died a small child than to be a politician who gets caught in a scandal during a slow news month.
3. I came from a big family. As a matter of fact, I never got to sleep alone until I was married.
4. The idiot who invented instant grits also thought of frozen fried chicken, and they ought to lock him up before he tries to freeze-dry collards.
5. There's nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that.
6. Money doesn't grow on trees, and if it did somebody else would own the orchard.
7. If soccer was an American soft drink, it would be Diet Pepsi
8. Kinky sex involves the use of duck feathers. Perverted sex involves the whole duck.
9. I finally figured it out, I finally figured out how to find some peace and happiness. I sure would hate for the man upstairs to take me now. But at least I did figure it out.
10. Today's sensitive male has learned to share in open frank discussions about relationships like, "Where the hell did you get a crazy idea like that? You been reading Redbook again?"

Lewis Grizzard Image Quotes

They tore out my heart and stomped that sucker flat. — Lewis Grizzard

Lewis Grizzard Short Quotes

• On a New York subway you get fined for spitting, but you can throw up for nothing.
• Life is a sexually transmitted terminal disease.
• They tore out my heart and stomped that sucker flat.
• Spring time is the land awakening.
• Sex hasn't been the same since women started enjoying it.
• When My Love Returns from the Ladies Room, Will I Be Too Old to Care?
• I know lots of people who are educated far beyond their intelligence.
• Let's all start walking more and driving less.
• I'd much rather sit next to a smoker in a restaurant than a nose-blower.
• Elvis is dead and I don't feel so good for myself.

Lewis Grizzard Quotes About House

I grew up in a very large family in a very small house. I never slept alone until after I was married. — Lewis Grizzard

Instead of getting married again. I'm going to find a woman I don't like and give her a house. — Lewis Grizzard

I don't think I'll get married again. I'll just find a woman I don't like and give her a house. — Lewis Grizzard

Lewis Grizzard Quotes About Lead

Mama had an appreciation of the language. She taught me a love of words, of how they should be used and how they can fill a creative soul with a passion and lead to a life's work. — Lewis Grizzard

Life is like a dogsled team. If you ain't the lead dog, the scenery never changes. — Lewis Grizzard

If you are not the lead dog, your scenery never changes. — Lewis Grizzard

Lewis Grizzard Famous Quotes And Sayings

The only way that I could figure they could improve upon Coca-Cola, one of life's most delightful elixirs, which studies prove will heal the sick and occasionally raise the dead, is to put bourbon in it. — Lewis Grizzard

Baptists never make love standing up. They're afraid someone might see them and think they're dancing. — Lewis Grizzard

There is something wrong when you wait in line thirty minutes to get a hamburger that was cooked for ninety seconds an hour ago. — Lewis Grizzard

If I Ever Get Back to Georgia, I'm Gonna Nail My Feet to the Ground. — Lewis Grizzard

I get letters from people who say, 'What have you got against women?' What could I possibly have against women? I've married three of them. — Lewis Grizzard

If Love Were Oil, / I'd Be About a Quart Low. — Lewis Grizzard

In the south there's a difference between 'Naked' and 'Nekkid.' 'Naked' means you don't have any clothes on. 'Nekkid' means you don't have any clothes on and you're up to somethin'. — Lewis Grizzard

Life Lessons by Lewis Grizzard

1. Lewis Grizzard taught us to never take life too seriously and to always find the humor in everyday situations.
2. He showed us the importance of cherishing relationships and the people we love, and to never take them for granted.
3. He also reminded us to be kind to ourselves and to always strive to be the best version of ourselves.