110+ Lewis Black Quotes On Education, Black Lewis And Diversity

Lewis Black is an American stand-up comedian, author, playwright, social critic, and actor. He is best known for his angry comedic style and his commentary on politics and current events. He is a regular correspondent on The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, where he provides his own unique take on the absurdities of modern life. Following is our collection on famous quotes by Lewis Black on education, black lewis, diversity.

Top 10 Lewis Black Quotes

1. All the candy corn that was ever made was made in 1911.
2. There's no such thing as soy milk. It's soy juice.
3. There's no such thing as soy milk. It's just soy juice.
4. Donald Trump came out as a birther, which is Republican for, 'I'm running for president.'
5. Elected officials shouldn’t get to choose who gets to choose elected officials.
6. If a group of people - leaders - can convince a group of folk who barely have a pot to piss in that the rich shouldn't be taxed-- THAT is leadership!
7. You can never put too much pork in your mouth as far as I'm concerned.
8. A republican stands up in congress and says 'I GOT A REALLY BAD IDEA!!' and the democrat stands up after him and says 'AND I CAN MAKE IT SHITTIER!!
9. My favorite health club is the International House of Pancakes
10. Americans continue to rapidly homogenize ourselves into a neutered oblivion. For a country founded on the protection of the unique, we relish our sameness.

Lewis Black Image Quotes

There's no such thing as soy milk. It's soy juice. — Lewis Black

There's no such thing as soy milk. It's just soy juice. — Lewis Black

Lewis Black Short Quotes

• If there is hell, it was modeled after junior high school.
• The Republicans are the party of bad ideas. The Democrats are the party of no ideas.
• Interesting thing about being rich is once you pay your taxes, you're still rich.
• We are all shitty little snowflakes dancing in the universe.
• It's a shame cars don't run on cognitive dissonance.
• Republicans have nothing but bad ideas and Democrats have no ideas.
• All food is comfort food. Maybe I just like to chew.
• He smiles so much, I don't think he has a central nervous system.
• sometimes i wonder does god just not care are is he to busy ignoring your prayers
• Mother Teresa had a mustache. Hitler had a mustache. Mother Teresa is Hitler.

Lewis Black Quotes About Love

I love anything that gets me outside of my own head. I love music because it's really just - I tried to play piano as a kid. I was awful. It didn't help, and this is absolutely true, that my piano teacher had arthritis. And that's not a good way to learn. — Lewis Black

Pursue whatever it is that you want to do with your life. It is the only secret to happiness that I know except for maybe true love, that and maybe having the amazing health insurance plan that our congressmen have. — Lewis Black

Self-love is a big part of golf. — Lewis Black

Lewis Black Quotes About Leadership

None of this seems to affect the leadership, that people don't go out to vote, that they don't feel the need to go vote, that they already feel disenfranchised. It's not just Obama's fault or Clinton's or whomever's, it's all of them, the whole collection of clowns I've had to sit through. — Lewis Black

How long can we go without real leadership? It's like an experiment. It's [a problem with] both parties, it's beyond belief. — Lewis Black

I have this insane optimistic streak that the American people prevail over the stupidity that the leadership exhibits time and time again, and I think that's the truth. — Lewis Black

Lewis Black Quotes About Absolutely

There is absolutely nothing you can learn out of one bllodeshot eye. — Lewis Black

It's absolutely stupid that we live without an ozone layer. We have men, we've got rockets, we've got saran wrap - fix it! — Lewis Black

And I know this happens because I took economics, and I'd explain it to ya, but I flunked that course. Not my fault. They taught it at 8 o'clock in the morning. And there is absolutely nothing you can learn out of one bloodshot eye. — Lewis Black

Lewis Black Quotes About People

If the people of New Zealand want to be part of our world, I believe they should hop off their islands, and push 'em closer. — Lewis Black

Going up to Canada is great because I'm not dealing with people carrying their agendas into the room. I'm lucky because 97% of the people who come to the show know who they are dealing with, whether they are on the left or the right, we're sharing the same frustration. — Lewis Black

A father and two sons run Adelphia. It's a cable company. And they took from that company a billion dollars. A billion. Three people - three people took a billion dollars. What were they gonna do, start their own space program? 'Let's send the monkey to Mars, Dad!' — Lewis Black

I'm always amazed when I hear people saying, "That George Bush, he's a great leader". And I wonder, where can one find a drug that would make one so delusional? — Lewis Black

Jesse Ventura is basically proof that the people of Minnesota are not social drinkers... they are obviously alcoholics. — Lewis Black

The reason I like socialism is that it's kind of enforced Christianity. It's basically very Christian, in the sense of "do unto others as you would have them do unto you." These people have nothing, so you have to share. — Lewis Black

In Canada I'm not dealing with people who are bringing in baggage, they just get it. But New Orleans will be a bit different. If there's a group of people who have a right to be bitter, it's the people of New Orleans. — Lewis Black

When you're done [with writing a book], people tell you "Well, gee, I'm not interested." "Great, I'm glad I sat down and wrote this!" — Lewis Black

I think inevitably over the course of my lifetime there's been an underestimation of the American people, and I believe they are really the ones that give me hope. There's so much of "they don't know this, and they don't know that," and they're always denigrating. — Lewis Black

Democrats should be focused on which way we can help the most people in this country, and Republicans should be focused on how to do that in the most fiscally responsible manner possible. — Lewis Black

Lewis Black Quotes About Funny

If you listen to a song and get an image in your head, and then you go home and watch mtv and the image they're showing is the same as the one in your head, kill yourself. You're better off coming back as a lobster. — Lewis Black

Can somebody explain to me why Pepsi and Coke advertise? Are we missing something? Seriously, everyone in this room has drank enough Pepsi and Coke in their lifetime they could piss it for a week. — Lewis Black

Now, they say that New Zealand is beautiful and I do not know -- because after 22 hours on a plane any landmass would be beautiful. — Lewis Black

If you stop eating donutes you will live 3 years longer.It's just 3 more years that you want a donut. < . ) < . — Lewis Black

I was home alone watching George Bush speak on television. So it was just really the two of us. And as I listened to him, I realized, that one of us... was nuts! And for the first time ever, I went, 'Wow, it's not me!' — Lewis Black

Valentine's Day: the holiday that reminds you that if you don't have a special someone, you're alone. — Lewis Black

It was the coldest winter ever! I thought last winter was the coldest winter ever, but I was wrong now wasn't I? You see because I travel all the time. So last winter, I'd be in the midwest, and the blizzard would hit. And then I'd fly home, and the blizzard would hit again! — Lewis Black

You want to know what it's like to be on a plane for 22 hours? Sit in a chair, squeeze your head as hard as you can, don't stop, then take a paper bag and put it over your mouth and nose and breath your own air over and over and over. — Lewis Black

Then there was the man who declared in court, he wasn't a person. "Excuse me, sir, why haven't you paid your taxes." "Well, as you can clearly see, I am not a person." "Well, you look like a person." "No it's all done with mirrors, trust me!" — Lewis Black

Democrats are dumb and Republicans are stupid, but the difference between dumb and stupid is dumb isn't funny. Dumb is when you say something and the whole room goes, 'What did he say?' — Lewis Black

Lewis Black Famous Quotes And Sayings

Stupid presidents, smart presidents, white presidents, black presidents - doesn't work! What this country needs is a crazy Third World dictator. And Donald Trump has what it takes to be that. He's already got a plane with his name on it, solid gold buildings, a harem... — Lewis Black

There's no such thing as soy milk. It's soy juice. — Lewis Black

There's no such thing as soy milk. It's just soy juice. — Lewis Black

This is the thing I've never understood: If someone is going to hell for being gay or being a Jew or a Muslim or having an abortion, then what are you worried about? You don't need to try and convert these people or try and save them. If you really believe in your religion, these people are already doomed, so stop worrying about them. — Lewis Black

If you're seeing a psychiatrist, you're wasting money because all you've got to do is get on a plane, get on a subway tomorrow and, inevitably, you're going to be seated in front of some guy who's playing with himself, and he'll be singing, 'Happy Days Are Here Again.' I tell you - when I see that guy, I feel pretty good about myself. — Lewis Black

We have a two-party system: The Democratic Party, which is a party of no ideas, and the Republican Party, which is a party of bad ideas. — Lewis Black

The thing is, whenever I see Hillary Clinton, I feel like I have to vote for her. She makes me feel guilty because I feel like I should vote for her so that she'll feel better about herself because she'd been in such a bad marriage. — Lewis Black

I was a drinker, so I went through the scotches. Before single malts hit, there were really cheap scotches, because nobody was paying attention to them. Then by the time they started jacking those prices up, I moved on to vodka. — Lewis Black

When you compare Christmas to Hanukkah, there's no comparison. Christmas is great. Hanukkah sucks! First night you get socks. Second night, an eraser, a notebook. It's a Back-to-School holiday! — Lewis Black

Is a BJ adultery? What? Did I miss a day of school? Of course it is! Oral sex is adultery like Curling is an Olympic sport. The only thing is, oral sex should be in the Olympics because it's much harder than Curling, and if you're good at it, you DESERVE a medal! — Lewis Black

There are two things I know about life... Only the good die young but the real jerks will live forever. — Lewis Black

Nyquil comes in two colors, red and green, and it's the only thing on the planet that tastes like red and green. — Lewis Black

Everyone of you has a health that is unique and totally different from everybody else. Completely! Because we... are all like snowflakes. — Lewis Black

I don't know if watching Chaz Bono will turn your kids into transsexuals, but I'm pretty sure that letting them watch Keith Ablow will turn them into assholes — Lewis Black

When I was a kid, you ate, and you drank, and you passed out and nobody woke you up and said, 'Let's go shopping. — Lewis Black

I believe that every paper in the country should have one headline that when you read it, you laugh so hard you can't stand it. It has to be that way. What about a headline like this: 'Hippo Eats Dwarf'? How good is that? You read that headline, and you immediately close the paper and say, 'Wow, it's gonna be a great day. — Lewis Black

I was broke until I was 40. Really broke. I could get by, but I had nothing. No health insurance, so if something happened I was screwed. I was lucky my parents had money and my brother was willing to support me for a long time. Once I started doing standup, I had an income, and that was amazing to me. — Lewis Black

I do not make jokes about Sarah Palin simply because I could not live in this world if I believed she was a real person. — Lewis Black

I can pretty much guarantee that if I do a show in a comedy club, there will be someone who will come out of the audience and tell me the worst joke ever. It's just a guarantee. — Lewis Black

If somebody tries to tell me the earth was created in 7 days I take a fossil and say "FOSSIL". If he still won't shut up I throw it at him. — Lewis Black

Glenn Beck is offended! Glenn Beck thinks playing the Nazi card is going too far. Glenn Beck. this is a guy who uses more Swastika props and video of the Nuremberg rallies than the History Channel. — Lewis Black

If you're going to vote for somebody because you think they have a great faith in God, you'd better be sure that God has faith in them. — Lewis Black

I have no religion because I was born and raised Jewish. And on the first night of Hanukkah, my parents, when I was very young, gave me a top to play with. They called it a dreidel. I knew it was a top. And as I looked at that top, I said, 'You know. I don't think I'm gonna be Jewish for very long. — Lewis Black

Now, most of the time you couldn't be too sure of the quality of the drug. Although, in my experience the stuff was always of a very high quality, because back then we didn't have business majors peddling lower-quality stuff in an effort to increase profits. — Lewis Black

We don't have seasons anymore. You know why? We lost the ozone layer. Well, put it on milk cartons - let's find it! — Lewis Black

"Equestrian", by the by, is the gayest word in the English language. In fact, I thought Brokeback Mountain should have been called Two Equestrians. — Lewis Black

When they played, it wasn't music. It was the sound of chaos. I knew it was the sound of chaos because you could hear pigs being slaughtered. Women were weeping and men were gnashing their teeth, and there were sounds so horrible that I cannot repeat them to you, or you would flee from this room in horror! — Lewis Black

It's 2003. Why can't I teleport? — Lewis Black

Just relax and breathe through your ass. — Lewis Black

For a while, I thought the great disappointment of my life was that I don't have a family of my own. Then it dawned on me: That's not what I think; that's what married people think. — Lewis Black

If you don't drink 56 bottles of water a week, scientists say you should take a garden hose at the end of the week and shove it up your ass. — Lewis Black

They've gotta stop reporting wind chill. That's nonsense. It really is. I don't know where they came up with it, why they came up with it, but it's a lie. They come on, "Well, it's 27 degrees today, but with the wind chill, it's minus 3." Well, then it's minus 3, asshole! I don't need to know what the weather was like if the conditions were perfect! — Lewis Black

Everybody's family has different values. — Lewis Black

Christians have created a holiday that has become a beast that cannot be fed. Christmas gets longer and longer and longer, and you don't care, do you? You just take more and more of the calendar for yourself. It's unbelievable. How long does it take you people to shop? It's beyond belief. It's insane. When I was a kid, Halloween was Halloween, and Santa wasn't poking his ass into it. — Lewis Black

FEMA I always thought was a bone here in your ass. — Lewis Black

I never write anything down. I write onstage. — Lewis Black

If you are an adult, and you are planning to dress up on Halloween... don't. I will find you. I will hurt you. — Lewis Black

See... What I felt they should have done, for our first public works project, is build a giant wall... across the entire border of Canada. Because that's where the cold air comes from. — Lewis Black

In my lifetime, we've gone from Eisenhower to George W. Bush. We've gone from John F. Kennedy to Al Gore. If this is evolution, I believe that in twelve years, we'll be voting for plants. — Lewis Black

It's amazing what I could've written in my life if I had realized that I should keep writing and not masturbating. — Lewis Black

I do have certain feelings. My feeling is that whoever is in charge, I want him out. — Lewis Black

Some people have religion as a means of solace. But, I had a dreidel, so that was out. — Lewis Black

If I wanted to be bored by 6,000 pages of unreadable dreck, I'd read War and Peace four times. — Lewis Black

A lot of the times I'm looking at something that I discover is part of a larger framework and not just a couple jokes. I see that it's a set, a story that I'll be telling. Sometimes I get lost in that. — Lewis Black

Wow, you survived a blackout. You're made of stronger stuff than ice cream. — Lewis Black

It's a privilege to pay taxes. Yeah! It's not a political question, folks. We have to pay for stuff. — Lewis Black

Who knew that the devil had a factory where he made millions of fossils, which his minions distributed throughout the earth, in order to confuse my tiny brain? — Lewis Black

This is what I've been waiting for my whole life. A President who's not afraid to tell the truth about being a lying a**hole. — Lewis Black

That's the funny thing about religion: it doesn't matter what you say, you're going to upset someone. — Lewis Black

We have fossils... We win! — Lewis Black

I don't believe pumpkin pie is even made from pumpkin. I mean, how can something that smells that shitty make a pie so sweet? There's not enough sugar in the universe. — Lewis Black

You know what would help the instruction form? Verbs! Verbs would be nice! Because they help you get to the end of a thought! — Lewis Black

If you're working out in front of a mirror and watching your muscles grow, your ego has reached a point where it is now eating itself. That's why I believe there should be a psychiatrist at every health club, so that when they see you doing this, they will take you away for a little chat. — Lewis Black

Most of the longer-term relationships I've known have been gay relationships. They seem to be able to hang out longer. — Lewis Black

Stupidity really gets me going, when it's just plain stupid, obvious stupidity. — Lewis Black

Turns out we've been eating the wrong things...since the dawn of civilisation — Lewis Black

Should I eat this or should I eat this? Well, I'll have to eat both! — Lewis Black

In a series of wonderful essays, Evan Handler gives himself up to us - warts and all. To our amusement and bemusement we share in his emotional growth as he struggles to mature. I not only laughed along with him but felt that I too had grown a little along the way. Who could ask for more? — Lewis Black

Well first of all, I'd just like to say that 2005 was a great year, if you like swimming through crap. — Lewis Black

You are an adult, and you can dress up whenever you want to. You don't need permission anymore! If you wake up next tuesday, and you feel like being Batman, go for it! And then you go to work, and your boss will look up and go "who are you," and you can say: "I am Batman. That's who I am, who are you?" — Lewis Black

I went to New Zealand this year, and, whew man, I know a lot of people want to go there. But let me just tell you, it's 22 hours by plane. So, if you have the opportunity, don't. — Lewis Black

In four days, I experienced five seasons. It was thirty, it was sixty, it was ninety, then it was twelve! And on the last day, there was thunder, lightning, and snow - together! And I hadn't done drugs. — Lewis Black

It took forever for me to get work because I was a political comic, and now it's become good business, and God knows how long that'll last. You have to do it night after night after night to kind of make it. I still find myself on 'Piers Morgan' or on some show and I think, 'I hope this is funny.' — Lewis Black

Since there are so many idiots out there, you may actually start to think you're crazy. You are not. They are idiots. — Lewis Black

Earth Day was created because we were doing a lot of drugs, more drugs than you could ever f@*! imagine. And so we came up with Earth Day, so we'd have one day that would remind us what planet we were living on. — Lewis Black

Life Lessons by Lewis Black

1. Lewis Black teaches us to use humor to tackle difficult topics and to express our opinions without fear.
2. He also encourages us to take a step back and look at the bigger picture, and to not take life too seriously.
3. Finally, he shows us the power of using our voice to speak up for what we believe in and to make a difference in the world.