110+ Jon Stewart Quotes On Education, Politics And Government

Jon Stewart is an American comedian, writer, producer, director, actor, media critic, and former television host. He is best known for hosting The Daily Show, a satirical news program on Comedy Central, from 1999 to 2015. He is also the co-creator and co-writer of the Emmy Award-winning The Daily Show spin-off, The Colbert Report. Following is our collection on famous quotes by Jon Stewart on education, politics, leadership.

Top 10 Jon Stewart Quotes

1. You can truly grieve for every officer who's been lost in the line of duty in this country, and still be troubled by cases of police overreach.
2. There are a hell of a lot of jobs that are scarier than live comedy. Like standing in the operating room when a guy's heart stops, and you're the one who has to fix it!
3. We have it. The smoking gun. The evidence. The potential weapon of mass destruction we have been looking for as our pretext of invading Iraq. There's just one problem - it's in North Korea.
4. I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land.
5. Religion. It's given people hope in a world torn apart by religion.
6. Yes, reason has been a part of organized religion, ever since two nudists took dietary advice from a talking snake.
7. I've always liked Atlanta. And not just for the strip clubs, but the shopping and the food.
8. Here's the point - you're looking at affirmative action, and you're looking at marijuana. You legalize marijuana, no need for quotas, because really, who's gonna wanna work?
9. I really like to put my name on everything, so my roommate doesn't steal it. It's really a throwback to that.
10. I'm too short to host a late-night talk show. It's like the bar at an amusement-park ride. You have to be six foot two or over.

Jon Stewart Short Quotes

• Evil is relatively rare. Ignorance is epidemic.
• The rise of secularism has brought about an increase in hostility toward things religious.
• I watch a lot of astronaut movies....Mostly Star Wars. And even Han and Chewie use a checklist.
• If you don't stick to your values when they're being tested, they're not values: they're hobbies.
• I want you to admit that there is such a thing as white privilege.
• I'm not just a boy toy. I have feelings and dreams like anybody else.
• It's harder to eat meat when you know the animal's name...I have found.
• Don't censor yourself to comfort their ignorance.
• The Internet is just a world passing around notes in a classroom.
• Fatherhood is great because you can ruin someone from scratch.

Jon Stewart Quotes About Politics

If your regime is not strong enough to handle a joke, then you don't have a regime. — Jon Stewart

If it turns out that President Barack Obama can make a deal with the most intransigent, hard-line, unreasonable, totalitarian mullahs in the world but not with Republicans? Maybe he's not the problem. — Jon Stewart

That's the beauty of our show. Comedy or politics. We're sort of a mix. A space age polymer of both. A synthetic comedy-like material. — Jon Stewart

You have to remember one thing about the will of the people: it wasn't that long ago that we were swept away by the Macarena. — Jon Stewart

What's with the poverty Tourette's? Why do these two think we need a hobo for president? — Jon Stewart

I feel much more strongly about the abdication of responsibility by the media than by political advocates. They're representing a constituency. — Jon Stewart

I don't approve of political jokes; I have seen too many of them get elected. — Jon Stewart

The Oscars is the one night of the year when you can see all your favorite stars without having to donate any money to the Democratic Party — Jon Stewart

Donald Rumsfeld. Love him or hate him, you've gotta admit: a lot of people hate him. — Jon Stewart

Poor Al Gore, global warming completely debunked, via the very Internet you invented. — Jon Stewart

Jon Stewart Quotes About Government

The government should stop meddling in the business of the farmers, who would actually still be living ina desert if not for government meddling. — Jon Stewart

What are you so mad about? That we still have a government? We still have “traffic lights.” We’re sorry. The government’s not perfect, but some people wish it was better, not gone. — Jon Stewart

The next four years, though, you still have to abide by the oversight process that is there to prevent this kind of bizarre sort of cult-like atmosphere that falls along. I mean, I accept that kind of veil of secrecy around Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes, but I don't accept that around our government. — Jon Stewart

But our perfect democracy, which neither needs nor particularly wants voters, is a rarity. It is important to remember there still exist many other forms of government in the world today, and that dozens of foreign governments still long for a democracy such as ours to be imposed on them. — Jon Stewart

(Terrorists) are planning to disrupt our democratic process. It's scary I know, but we're not going to let al Qaeda tell us what to do. In fact, our government has decided that if al Qaeda attempts to disrupt our democratic process, we are going to respond by disrupting it first. — Jon Stewart

One of the things that I do think government counts on is that people are busy. And it's very difficult to mobilize a busy and relatively affluent country, unless it's over really crucial- you know, foundational issues. — Jon Stewart

The government that governs best, governs best! — Jon Stewart

You wonder sometimes how our government puts on its pants in the morning. — Jon Stewart

People don't understand that we're not warriors in their cause. We're a group of people that really feel that they want to write jokes about the absurdity that we see in government and the world and all that, and that's it. — Jon Stewart

Congress is the Justin Bieber of our government — Jon Stewart

Jon Stewart Quotes About Love

Love what you do. Get good at it. Competence is a rare commodity in this day and age. And let the chips fall where they may. — Jon Stewart

At first the difference will be in whatever atmosphere I bring into it. It's not going to be like, 'I really want to do The Daily Show and I'd love to turn it into an abstract musical.' I like the format and the chance to satirize the news. — Jon Stewart

Following revelations that he fathered a love child, the good Reverend Jesse Jackson - or should we say the 'very' good Reverend - is enduring the scandal with the help of family and friends. A scandal which gives clearer meaning to the Rainbow Coalition's Operation 'Push'. — Jon Stewart

Whenever you take over something that is popular and has a fanatical following that loves it, you're never going to please everyone. The trick is to have enough wherewithal to follow through with what you want to do with it and give it time to evolve. — Jon Stewart

As we approach the millennium with sort of the idea that society is going to start spiraling into chaos, I'd love to be making jokes about that. Who wants to miss out on that? If the world is going to end, I want to be there the night before, goofing off. — Jon Stewart

Jon Stewart Quotes About Humorous

Thou shall not kill. Thou shall not commit adultery. Don't eat pork. I'm sorry, what was that last one?? Don't eat pork. God has spoken. Is that the word of God or is that pigs trying to outsmart everybody? — Jon Stewart

I think the metric by which television is considered liberal is literally based on the metric of liberalism in each person's soul. Peoples' senses of humor tend to go about as far as their ideology. — Jon Stewart

Get a sense of humor. If you don't, it'll be incredibly frustrating. — Jon Stewart

Jon Stewart Quotes About President

Yesterday, the president met with a group he calls the coalition of the willing. Or, as the rest of the world calls them, Britain and Spain. — Jon Stewart

Bush proposed a constitutional amendment to ban gay marriage. Some saw the move as an attempt to preserve traditional values, while others saw it as a cynical ploy to ensure that Vice President... Cheney will never have to pay for his gay daughter's wedding. — Jon Stewart

I heard Dennis Kucinich say in a debate, 'When I'm president... and I just wanted to stop him and say, 'Dude.' — Jon Stewart

All I'm saying is [John McCain] cannot look a soldier in the eye and say "Questioning the president is less supportive to you than extending your tour three months." You should be coming home to your family. — Jon Stewart

The election moment is merely the American public saying, "We'd rather you be President than that guy." That's it. — Jon Stewart

I wonder who really is the change candidate? It can't be both of them [Hillary Clinton & Barak Obama]. What would be a black man and a woman - how could that be different than the 43 other Presidents we've had? — Jon Stewart

Yes, it seems that as the President (George W. Bush) comes to the end of his two terms, he's finally realized the best way to get things done for you, is for you to do it. — Jon Stewart

[President Bush] recently challenged Iraqi soldiers still fighting U.S. troops like so: ... 'My answer is bring 'em on.' For those of you who may be criticizing Bush for acting like a movie cowboy, let me remind you. He's actually acting more like a movie cheerleader. — Jon Stewart

Iranian president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad claims there are no homosexuals in Iran, just like there are no gay conservatives in the US. — Jon Stewart

If there was one lesson to be drawn from Bush's appearance (on 'Meet the Press') it's that he doesn't have to be forthcoming or honest. And he's the first to tell you why. (Bush:) 'I'm a war president.' He added: 'I guess I should have told you that back in 2000.' — Jon Stewart

Jon Stewart Quotes About Ride

The problem with the Tea Party is they're all ignorant hillbillies who drink moonshine and ride around on mules. And they believe in stereotypes too. — Jon Stewart

The Supreme Court ruled that disabled golfer Casey Martin has a legal right to ride in a golf cart between shots at PGA Tour events. Man, the next thing you know, they're going to have some guy carry his clubs around for him. — Jon Stewart

After going to war against the U.N.'s expressed wishes, the U.S. is now admitting it needs the U.N.'s help. It's the geopolitical equivalent of the 2 a.m. phone call ever parent dreads: 'Mom, I'm not saying I wrecked the car, but I need a ride home.' — Jon Stewart

President Bush delivered his first State of the Union address, riding high on an 82-percent approval rating, and with Attorney General John Ashcroft dispatching agents to interview the other 18 percent. — Jon Stewart

Jon Stewart Quotes About Live

My life is a series of Hollywood orgies and Kabbalah center brunches with the cast of Friends. At least that's what my handlers tell me. I'm actually too valuable to live my own life and spend most of my days in a vegetable crisper to remain fake news anchor fresh. — Jon Stewart

No, I live in New Jersey because I like living in New Jersey. — Jon Stewart

I'm also interviewing a guy who's just written a book about his experience living in Iraq, faced with the type of violence as he said, an unimaginable scale. And I think that the combination of that is very hard to shake. — Jon Stewart

That is the American experiment. An ethnic group arriving on America's shores, to be reviled and hazed, living in squalor, or if they are lucky Squalor Heights, working hard to give their children or grandchildren the opportunity to sh*t on the next group landing on our shores. — Jon Stewart

Watching these channels all day is incredibly depressing. I live in a constant state of depression. I think of us as turd miners. I put on my helmet, I go and mine turds, hopefully I don't get turd lung disease. — Jon Stewart

So if you're negative, you live longer? That sounds like a cruel joke. — Jon Stewart

Jon Stewart Quotes About Work

You just have to keep trying to do good work, and hope that it leads to more good work. I want to look back on my career and be proud of the work, and be proud that I tried everything. Yes, I want to look back and know that I was terrible at a variety of things. — Jon Stewart

The press has bravely and nobly eroded the public trust... What I'm advocating is the media come work for us again. Remove themselves from the symbiotic relationship that they have developed with the power structure of corporations and of the politicians. — Jon Stewart

I want to look back on my career and be proud of the work, and be proud that I tried everything. — Jon Stewart

We have standards. Anybody with the kind of journalism experience and professionalism that you have displayed over these years can not work for my program. — Jon Stewart

Despite his infirmities, Strom Thurmond showed up to work every day and did not miss a Senate vote in his final year, though no one is sure if a shouted 'Bingo!' counted as a yea or a nay. — Jon Stewart

Never name it after yourself. Maybe we'll throw a with in there. That seems to work. Like Late Show With David Letterman. — Jon Stewart

Must be nice to be a Republican senator sometimes, because you get the fun of breaking sh*t and the joy of complaining the sh*t you just broke doesn't work. — Jon Stewart

Bush advisers have long been worried that a lagging economy could hamper the president's re-election chances. They hope that the Cabinet shake-up will provide a needed jolt. If that doesn't work, North Korea has to go. — Jon Stewart

We hear every damn day about how fragile our country is - on the brink of catastrophe - torn by polarizing hate, and how it's a shame that we can't work together to get things done, but the truth is we do. We work together to get things done every damn day! — Jon Stewart

The last thing we'll hear is some scientist saying 'It works!' — Jon Stewart

Jon Stewart Quotes About Character

Pigmentation was a quick and convenient way of judging a person. One of us, Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., once proposed we instead judge people by the content of their character. He was shot. — Jon Stewart

There is no such thing as an impartial jury because there are no impartial people. There are people that argue on the web for hours about who their favorite character on "Friends" is. — Jon Stewart

I was born with an adult head and a tiny body. Like a 'Peanuts' character. — Jon Stewart

Jon Stewart Famous Quotes And Sayings

It is hard to get mad at Donald Trump for saying stupid things, in the same way you don't get mad at a monkey when he throws poop at you at the zoo... What does get me angry is the ridiculous, disingenuous defending of the poop-throwing monkey. — Jon Stewart

The only time a politico will try to avoid playing the blame game is when they or theirs are to blame. — Jon Stewart

In whose delusional mind is democracy made 'better' by allowing wealthy people to control more of it? — Jon Stewart

To the people who are upset about their hard-earned tax money going to things they don’t like: welcome to the f*cking club. Reimburse me for the Iraq war and oil subsidies, and diaphragms are on me! — Jon Stewart

Yes, the long war on Christianity. I pray that one day we may live in an America where Christians can worship freely! In broad daylight! Openly wearing the symbols of their religion... perhaps around their necks? And maybe -- dare I dream it? -- maybe one day there can be an openly Christian President. Or, perhaps, 43 of them. Consecutively. — Jon Stewart

There's nothing like a shipwreck to spark the imagination of everyone who was not on that specific ship. — Jon Stewart

The overwhelming condemnation makes it clear we have made enormous progress in teaching everyone that racism is bad. Where we seem to have dropped the ball... is in teaching people what racism actually is ... which allows people to say incredibly racist things while insisting they would never. — Jon Stewart

Most world religions denounced war as a barbaric waste of human life. We treasured the teachings of these religions so dearly that we frequently had to wage war in order to impose them on other people. — Jon Stewart

Nobody cares that Mitt Romney is rich. It’s Romney’s inability to understand the institutional advantage that he gains from the government’s tax code largesse that’s a little offensive to people. Especially considering Romney’s view on anyone else who looks to the government for things like, I don’t know, food and medicine. — Jon Stewart

Corporations are the only reason the tax code is so complicated in the first place. Those off-shore loopholes didn't get carved out by poor people. — Jon Stewart

Why is it that if you take advantage of a corporate tax break you're a smart businessman, but if you take advantage of something so you don't go hungry, you're a moocher? — Jon Stewart

No matter what your race, creed or sexual preference, there is a word that people use to describe you that is very nasty. It's what we all have in common. That, and masturbation. — Jon Stewart

The best defence against bullshit is vigilance. So if you smell something, say something. — Jon Stewart

So Fox News is the voice of America and Obama is Stalin? Oh my God! I guess that makes me Yakov Smirnoff. — Jon Stewart

The seven marvels that best represent man's achievements over the last 2,000 years will be determined by Internet vote... so look for Howard Stern's Private Parts to come in No. 1. — Jon Stewart

College is something you complete. Life is something you experience. So don't worry about your grade, or the results or success. Success is defined in myriad ways, and you will find it, and people will no longer be grading you, but it will come from your own internal sense of decency. — Jon Stewart

That's the Senate Ethics Committee, an oxymoron since 1973. — Jon Stewart

Oh press - must you spread hate? Can't you just stick to being wrong? — Jon Stewart

Scores of Iraqi exiles met in London to discuss ways to overthrow Saddam Hussein in a grand gathering dubbed the 'Iraqi Military Alliance Meeting.' Of course, these people are no longer Iraqi, they have no military, and there is no alliance. But they did have a meeting. — Jon Stewart

I'm doing everything I can to sabotage my career. It's a little thing called "fear of success". — Jon Stewart

I like not to be good at anything, so I keep hopping around. — Jon Stewart

Happy Valentine's Day! And if this is news to you, my guess is you're probably alone. Valentine's Day is often times a, well, it's a manufactured day that really doesn't mean anything. — Jon Stewart

You know, I just want to say to her (Sarah Palin), just very quickly...F-- you. — Jon Stewart

61% of graduating teens have had sex, 37% will eventually have sex, and 2% become statisticians. — Jon Stewart

Why can't they have gay people in the army? Personally, I think they are just afraid of a thousand guys with M16s going, "Who'd you call a faggot?" — Jon Stewart

People talk about sexual assault like it's a bad habit that men have. — Jon Stewart

I never thought I'd say this, but I miss voter fraud. — Jon Stewart

I've been to Canada, and I've always gotten the impression that I could take the country over in about two days. — Jon Stewart

I'm less upset with politicians than the media. I feel like politicians, there is a certain, inherent - you know, the way I always explain it is, when you go to the zoo and a monkey throws its feces, it's a monkey. But, when the zookeeper is standing right there, and he doesn't say bad monkey... Somebody's got to be the zookeeper. — Jon Stewart

They always throw around this term 'the liberal elite.' And I kept thinking to myself about the Christian right. What's more elite than believing that only you will go to heaven? — Jon Stewart

In Iraq, the U.S. military's whack-a-mole approach to killing Saddam Hussein may have finally paid off. The bombs destroyed the area and left behind a 60-foot crater, or as coalition forces prefer to call it: a freedom hole. — Jon Stewart

I focus on the task and try and do it as best we can. And we're constantly evolving it, because it's my way of trying to make sense of all these ambivalent feelings I have. — Jon Stewart

We're Jews. When you look at our pubic hair, it should look like Ewoks should be in there. — Jon Stewart

It's very hard to feel the difficulties that the military goes through. It's very hard to feel the difficulties of military families, unless you're in that environment. And sometimes you have to force yourself to try and put yourself in other people's sort of shoes and environment to get the sense of that. — Jon Stewart

Being funny in life is a lot more like judo. It's using the energy. — Jon Stewart

Insomnia is my greatest inspiration. — Jon Stewart

A guy comes down to earth, takes your sins, dies, and comes back three days later. You believe in him and go to heaven forever. How do you get from that to Hide-The-Eggs? Did Jesus have a problem with eggs? Did he go, "When I come back, if I see any eggs, the whole salvation thing is off." — Jon Stewart

More than 150 heads of state attended the UN Summit, giving New Yorkers a chance to get in touch with prejudices they didn't even know they had. — Jon Stewart

You cannot judge a book by its contents. — Jon Stewart

The unfortunate, yet truly exciting thing about your life, is that there is no core curriculum. The entire place is an elective. — Jon Stewart

You can use your idealism to further your aims, if you realize that nothing is Nirvana, nothing is perfect. — Jon Stewart

Don't confuse [Father's Day] with Valentine's Day, and here's why. Boy, will you creep him out. I can just tell you from last year, uh, even if they do like chocolate, they don't want it from their son. — Jon Stewart

My friend Bill O’Reilly is completely full of sh*t. — Jon Stewart

It's funny how everyone hates witch hunts... until they see a witch. — Jon Stewart

Arnold Schwarzenegger campaigned in New York this week, where he stepped up his controversial goal of helping children.... It's all summed up in his campaign slogan, 'Arnold Schwarzenegger: Cutting violence in half with a laser-guided chain gun across a charred landscape - for the children.' — Jon Stewart

How far back to the elementary school core curriculum do we have to go to get someone on the House Committee on Science, Space and Technology caught up? — Jon Stewart

The Westboro Baptist Church is no more a church than Church's Fried Chicken is a church. — Jon Stewart

Songwriting is the way of perpetual want. Songwriters are the blessed/cursed people. You will never have a moment's peace in your life. You will always be wanting the next song. — Jon Stewart

It's a travesty that people have forced someone who is gay to have to make their case that they deserve the same basic rights... — Jon Stewart

Maybe we should always show pictures. Bin Laden, pictures of our wounded service people, pictures of maimed innocent civilians. We can only make decisions about war if we see what war actually is - and not as a video game where bodies quickly disappear leaving behind a shiny gold coin. — Jon Stewart

They have to put Trump on every program, spewing his crazy ideas, because his poll numbers are so high. And his poll numbers are so high because they put him on every program, spewing his crazy ideas. — Jon Stewart

Everything in Italian sounds like 'Give me your money or I'm going to beat your @$$'. — Jon Stewart

Who cares how we avoided a war and got a dictator to give up his chemical weapons if we avoided a war and got a dictator to give up his chemical weapons. — Jon Stewart

Here’s how bizarre the war is that we’re in Iraq, and we should have known this right from the get-go: When we first went into Iraq, Germany didn’t want to go. Germany. The Michael Jordan of war took a pass. — Jon Stewart

By the way, when you finish the bottle of Crown Royal, you can still use the pouch to hold your broken dreams. — Jon Stewart

It's not that the Democrats are playing checkers and the Republicans are playing chess. It's that the Republicans are playing chess and the Democrats are in the nurse's office because once again they glued their balls to their thighs. — Jon Stewart

McVeigh's lawyer got him the death penalty, which, quite frankly, I could have done. — Jon Stewart

Ahh, Earth Day, the only day of the year where being able to hacky-sack will get you laid. — Jon Stewart

The country of Mexico has just gotten its first Taco Bell. You're Welcome. Finally, Mexicans will have access to... Mexican food. Bon appetit. I can't imagine how confused they will be when they get a taco. — Jon Stewart

Many of our soldiers are stationed at Camp Coyote just south of the Iraqi border. This is how you know we have a strong army, when you can actually tell your enemy exactly where your camp is and what its name is. — Jon Stewart

The nation of Dubai banned the movie Charlie's Angles because it's "offensive to the religion of Islam." Apparently, the religion of Islam is offended by anything without a plot. — Jon Stewart

If the world does need to repopulate at some point, the announcing team of Rob Lowe and Sofia Vergara, I think, would make very pleasant children. — Jon Stewart

I think you lose your innocence when you have kids, because the world suddenly becomes a much more dangerous place. — Jon Stewart

If the events of September 11, 2001, have proven anything, it's that the terrorists can attack us, but they can't take away what makes us American - our freedom, our liberty, our civil rights. No, only Attorney General John Ashcroft can do that. — Jon Stewart

What you do for Jewish New Year is you go down to Times Square. It's a lot quieter than the regular New Year. It's just a few Jews walking around going, "sup?" — Jon Stewart

The United States Central Command of the Armed Forces has asked Geraldo Rivera to leave Iraq. It should also be noted that the only three other people that the U.S. military has asked to leave Iraq are Saddam Hussein and his two sons. — Jon Stewart

I visit Fox News every now and again, and it's nice, because the Eye of Mordor is above the building. — Jon Stewart

Is listening to Pink Floyd in the dark a medical condition? — Jon Stewart

College is something you complete. Life is something you experience. — Jon Stewart

It's not really a good sign when your audience applauds Satan. — Jon Stewart

We grew up in the good old days before kids had these damn computers and actually played outside. — Jon Stewart

You're on CNN. The show that leads into me is puppets making crank phone calls. What is wrong with you? — Jon Stewart

Life Lessons by Jon Stewart

1. Jon Stewart's work as an entertainer shows the power of comedy to bring attention to important issues and to foster dialogue between people of different backgrounds.
2. His willingness to engage with difficult topics and take a stand on controversial issues demonstrates the importance of speaking out for what you believe in.
3. His ability to make people laugh while also making them think is a reminder of the value of humor in helping us to better understand the world around us.