110+ Chris Rock Quotes On Marriage, Relationships And Unconditional

Chris Rock is an American stand-up comedian, actor, writer, producer, and director. He is known for his comedic style, which often includes satirical and political commentary. He has appeared in numerous films and television shows, and has released several stand-up comedy albums. Following is our collection on famous quotes by Chris Rock on love, marriage, life.

Top 10 Chris Rock Quotes

1. There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.
2. Right now, my job is that I'm like an ambulance chaser. I've got to look for movies with white guys falling out of them.
3. Everyone has favorite criminals. Mine are pimps. We can all rob a bank; we can all sell drugs. Being a pimp is a whole other thing.
4. Never go to clubs with metal detectors. Sure it feels safe inside. But what about all those niggas waiting outside with guns? They know you ain't got one.
5. So, to say Barack Obama is progress is saying that he's the first black person that is qualified to be president. That's not black progress. That's white progress.
6. Wealth is not about having a lot of money; it's about having a lot of options.
7. I say everything's about company. A gourmet meal with an asshole is a horrible meal. A hot dog with an interesting person is an amazing meal.
8. I don't get high, but sometimes I wish I did. That way, when I messed up in life I would have an excuse. But right now there's no rehab for stupidity.
9. Most people don't realize this, but you can eat organic, all natural, gluten-free food without telling everyone around you.
10. You know the world is messed up when the tallest man in the NBA is Chinese, the best golfer is black, and the best rapper is white.

Chris Rock Short Quotes

• You don't pay taxes - they take taxes.
• If you properly clean a room, it gets dirtier before it gets cleaner.
• If you’re a black Christian, you have a real short memory.
• Bill Cosby was the first comedian I was exposed to, because he doesn't curse.
• Women need food, water, and compliments That's right. And an occasional pair of shoes.
• You can't fake comedy - it's not like a movie, where a director can just cast a pretty face.
• I think it’s better to have ideas. You can change an idea; changing a belief is trickier.
• Men lie the most, women tell the biggest lies.
• I mean no disrespect to anything I did before.
• You know what GED stands for? Good Enough Diploma.

Chris Rock Quotes About Love

A man is only as faithful as his options. — Chris Rock

I've seen women who don't have great relationships with their dads, and it all comes down to this: You have to tell girls you love them every day. — Chris Rock

Nobody ever says, 'Hey daddy, thanks for knockin' out this rent.' 'Hey daddy, I sure love this hot water.' 'Hey daddy, it's easy to read with all this light.' Nobody give a fk about dads! — Chris Rock

The key to staying together is making sure you guys like each other and need each other. — Chris Rock

Yeah, I love being famous. It's almost like being white, y'know? — Chris Rock

I love my life, but I don't think I'm any happier than my younger brother Andre, who drives a garbage truck. — Chris Rock

Men do not settle down. Men surrender. — Chris Rock

All people naturally hate. My kid bites people now. I didn't teach my kid to bite anybody. Kids say mean stuff. Only through love do we get this evil out of them. Only through love and structure and discipline do they not hate. The kids that hate didn't learn anything, that's the problem. — Chris Rock

I love black people, but I hate niggers. — Chris Rock

I just love New York. New York has energy, it has culture, New York is very diverse. There's not a better place in the world. — Chris Rock

Chris Rock Quotes About Marriage

Gay people got a right to be as miserable as everybody else. — Chris Rock

A sense of humor is great - it goes a long, long way in a marriage. — Chris Rock

Only married people understand you can be miserable and happy at the same time. — Chris Rock

Chris Rock Quotes About Life

You know, some people say life is short and that you could get hit by a bus at any moment and that you have to live each day like it's your last. Bullshit. Life is long. You're probably not gonna get hit by a bus. And you're gonna have to live with the choices you make for the next fifty years. — Chris Rock

You can never make a woman happy, it's impossible. I've never met a happy woman in my life. They're always complaining about something. — Chris Rock

My relationship with my daughter is gonna affect her relationship with men for the rest of her life... Sometimes I'm walking with my daughter. I'm pushing her in the stroller, and sometimes I just pick her up and stare at her, and I realize, my only job in life is to keep her off the pole. — Chris Rock

An entertainer's reputation as a live act is the most valuable thing he or she can have. If people know you give good shows, you'll never be broke for the rest of your life. — Chris Rock

I've been away from my two daughters at a very important time in their life.'I have missed most of Girl Scout cookie season.Last night Zahra, my youngest called me up and said :"Daddy how come we never sell the most cookies? How come Mrs. Dunn wins every year?"' — Chris Rock

My goal in life was to host the MTV Awards, because it's the awards show that Prince sang on, and that was the awards show that Eddie Murphy hosted and Arsenio hosted. — Chris Rock

Movies have takes. But plays are like life - you don't really get takes. — Chris Rock

When you've been on a ghetto diet your entire life, you're just happy to get a large soda instead of a medium. — Chris Rock

I got love from my family. I don't really need love from a paper, you know what I mean? I can't get too happy because somebody said something nice about me. I appreciate it, but let's not get it twisted - this is not changing my life. — Chris Rock

Artistically I'm curious. But in life? No. I can go to a restaurant and order the same thing for 10 years. — Chris Rock

Chris Rock Quotes About Funny

If you can keep your son off the pipe and your daughter off the pole, you're ahead of the game. — Chris Rock

Every man has to settle down eventually. You know why you gotta settle down eventually? Because you don't want to be the old guy in the club. You know what I'm talking about. Every club you go into, there's always some old guy. He ain't really old, just a little too old to be in the club. — Chris Rock

Men lie the most, women tell the biggest lies... a man's lie is, "I'm at Tony house, I was at Kenny house!" A woman lie is like, "It's your baby!" — Chris Rock

Karaoke isn't fair when you're a comedian. The whole idea is to get people laughing and enjoying themselves, and I'm a professional funny guy. — Chris Rock

Only dumb people try to impress smart people. Smart people just do what they do. — Chris Rock

So if you're black or brown, you can make money in America, you can get rich in America... but whatever you decide to do, it better be positive, 'cause if one person is harmed, you will be destroyed. You see Oprah, she just be giving away money. She's doing that to keep the Feds off her back. — Chris Rock

There are people who would like to get rid of minimum wage. But we have to have it, because if we didn't some people would not get paid money. They would work all week for two loaves of bread and some Spam. — Chris Rock

Happy white peoples independence day the slaves weren't free but I'm sure they enjoyed fireworks. — Chris Rock

School shootings were invented by blacks... and stolen by the white man. — Chris Rock

I live in a neighborhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot. — Chris Rock

Chris Rock Quotes About People

When I hear people talk about juggling or the sacrifices they make for their children, I look at them like they're crazy because sacrifice infers that there was something better to do than the thing - than being with your children. — Chris Rock

Here's the thing. When we talk about race relations in America or racial progress, it's all nonsense. There are no race relations. White people were crazy. Now they're not as crazy. To say that black people have made progress would be to say they deserve what happened to them before. — Chris Rock

If your work is so smart that only smart people get it, it's not that smart. — Chris Rock

Black people dominate sports in the United States. 20% of the population and 90% of the final four. — Chris Rock

People are always going to, you know, find something wrong with people who are not the exact same as them. That's just what it is. Black, white, short, tall, religions, whatever. People are bad. — Chris Rock

Every town has the same two malls: the one white people go to and the one white people used to go to. — Chris Rock

I used to have horrible cars that would always end up broken down on the highway. When I tried to flag someone down, nobody stopped. But if I pushed my own car, other drivers would get out and push with me. If you want help, help yourself - people like to see that. — Chris Rock

I never watched the Oscars. Come on, it's a fashion show . . . What straight black man sits there and watches the Oscars? Show me one. And they don't recognize comedy, and you don't see a lot of black people nominated, so why should I watch it? — Chris Rock

We got no wealthy black people. We got rich people. Shaq is rich. The guy who signs his checks is wealthy. — Chris Rock

Stand-up is the only career like that where once you get really big at it, people kind of encourage you not to do it. — Chris Rock

Chris Rock Quotes About Judging

Who's judging American Idol? Paula Abdul? Paula Abdul judging a singing contest is like Christopher Reeve judging a dance contest! — Chris Rock

Yeah, it's unfair that you can get judged by something you didn't do, but it's also unfair that you can inherit money that you didn't work for. — Chris Rock

I love seeing black people do normal things, being judged as normal people. — Chris Rock

Chris Rock Famous Quotes And Sayings

In the world of animation, you can be anything you wanna be. If you're a fat woman, you can play a skinny princess. If you're short wimpy guy, you can play a tall gladiator. If you're a white man, you can play an Arabian prince. And if you're a black man, you can play a donkey or a zebra. — Chris Rock

If you want to prevent abortions, you make sure everyone has health care, a high school education and birth control. Not the exact opposite. — Chris Rock

Gun control? We need bullet control! I think every bullet should cost 5,000 dollars. Because if a bullet cost five thousand dollar, we wouldn't have any innocent bystanders. — Chris Rock

Charlie Brown is the one person I identify with. C.B. is such a loser. He wasn't even the star of his own Halloween special. — Chris Rock

Hollywood's racist. Hollywood is sorority racist. It's like - we like you, Rhonda, but you're not a Kappa. — Chris Rock

One of my daughters told me the other day, "Kevin Hart is funnier than you, Daddy." I told her, "Does Kevin Hart make you pancakes?" — Chris Rock

Just to be clear, Ray Rice was not fired for beating his wife. He was fired because a video of him beating his wife was released. — Chris Rock

When you have kids, there's no such thing as quality time. There's just time. There's no, 'Ooh, his graduation's better than going to the mall.' It's all kind of equal. Changing her diaper and her winning a contest - it's all good. — Chris Rock

After I left high school and got my GED, I studied broadcast journalism for a year at a community college. — Chris Rock

Black movies don't have real names, they have names like Barbershop. That's not a name, that's just a location. — Chris Rock

I saw the yearbook picture. There was six of them! I ain't have six friends in high school, I don't have six friends now! That's three on three with a half court. — Chris Rock

You know the world's gone mad when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the USA of arrogance and the Germans don't want to go to war ! — Chris Rock

Is America ready for a black president? Well, I say we just had a retarded one. When did being black become a bigger deterrent than being retarded? — Chris Rock

I see guys who can't make 10 percent of what I make, and yet they have four Bentleys, three houses, and four bodyguards. — Chris Rock

I took my AlDS test. You start reflecting... You start thinking about every nasty, skank-ass... It's like the movie Scrooge, and the Ghost of Pussy Past comes. — Chris Rock

Don't argue! You cannot win, you cannot beat a woman in a arguement. It's impossble you will not win. Cause men, we are handicapped when it comes to arguing cause we have a need to make sense — Chris Rock

The material comes from whenever you realize that you and someone else have something in common. So any conversation you've had more than once, anything you see happening to you that you see happening to a friend, you go, Hmmm, that's a situation I can make funny. — Chris Rock

I was at Michael Jackson's house, and this kid runs out, 'Wait, save me!' — Chris Rock

You know you're rich when you have to drive for a half hour to get to your house once you're on your property. — Chris Rock

A comedy club is a place where you work out material, you're trying material. — Chris Rock

That's a sure sign someone is going crazy - when he refers to himself in the third person, talks in low tones, and walks around wearing shades all day! — Chris Rock

I just thought everybody lived around abandoned buildings and crack-heads, ... I lived in the ghetto until I was like 19. I came to Los Angeles, stayed at hotels and stuff. When I got back and I saw what my neighborhood looked like, I started getting scared. — Chris Rock

I'm a rap comedian the same way Bill Cosby is a jazz comedian, Cosby's laid back. I'm like, bang, bang bang, right into it. — Chris Rock

I can see the humor in just about any situation. After I lost my dad, I realized that none of us should take things too seriously, because everything except death works itself out. — Chris Rock

I never had the confidence to say I was going to be in front of the camera as a comedian until I saw Eddie Murphy years later. — Chris Rock

The thing I try to get across to the writers - and I do a lot of writing, too - is that when I do stand-up, nothing I talk about is funny. Everything is really sad and tragic and then I make it funny. — Chris Rock

A black Christian is like a black person with no memory. — Chris Rock

The only reaction that frightens me is people not laughing. It's extraordinary to me when you get a laugh. That you can go in front of a bunch of people you never met before, you can say some stuff and they all laugh in unison - that's amazing. It's a miracle. — Chris Rock

Eddie Murphy is to comedians what Nicki Minaj is to Spanx. — Chris Rock

They're working their way down. Next year, Todd Bridges gets the award. When I was a kid I wanted to be Eddie Murphy and now I'm a rip-off of Eddie Murphy. — Chris Rock

It's my real name. My mother's name is Rose Rock. It was the worst name as a kid to have. They called me Piece of the Rock, Plymouth Rock, Joe Rockid, and Flintstones. Now they call me Mister Rock. — Chris Rock

No matter what happens or how difficult things become, you will eventually feel better. — Chris Rock

They don't want you to vote. If they did, we wouldn't vote on a Tuesday. In November. You ever throw a party on a Tuesday? No. Because nobody would come. — Chris Rock

The only acting you ever see at the Oscars is when people act like they’re not mad they lost. Nicole Kidman was smiling so wide, she should have won an Emmy at the Oscars for her great performance. I was like, "If you’d done that in the movie, you’d have won an Oscar, girl." — Chris Rock

If a woman tells you she's twenty and looks sixteen, she's twelve. If she tells you she's twenty-six and looks twenty-six, she's damn near fourty. — Chris Rock

When you meet somebody for the first time, you're not meeting them. You're meeting their representative. — Chris Rock

I hate niggas! I hate em! I wish they'd let me join the Ku Klux Klan! — Chris Rock

Comedians are the one who have to tell the emperor he has no clothes on. — Chris Rock

When I do stand-up, I'm basically doing a one-man show. — Chris Rock

The thing about Barack Obama, just from being around him, is he's cooler than the other politicians, but just nerdy enough to do the job. Like you can't be really cool and be the president. — Chris Rock

Are we so desperate for entertainment that we will fall for a Trickless magician?? Saw a woman in half. Pull a rabbit out of a hat. Do something! What tricks does this guy have? "I'm in a box...and I ain't gonna eat.". "I'm in a box... and I ain't gonna eat!!" That ain't no trick! That's called living in the projects! — Chris Rock

Money is the best lotion in the world. — Chris Rock

I think if I were to get as big as I could get, it does change your mind-state. I think like the little man. I think like the underdog. I don't want to change that. — Chris Rock

If you wanna get away with murder, all you gotta do is shoot somebody in the head and put a demo tape in their pocket! 'This is a rap killing! Let's get outta here!' — Chris Rock

If you live with a single parent, you don't see compromise. You witness a grown person living in a world where they do what they want to do. When you are raised by two parents, you are constantly watching compromise take place. Just by observing that, it made me a better person. — Chris Rock

If a kid calls his grandma "Mommy" and his mama "Pam", he's going to jail! — Chris Rock

You don't pay taxes; they take them from your check. That's not a payment - that's a 'jack. — Chris Rock

Kids always act up the most before they go to sleep. And when I see the Tea Party and all this stuff, it actually feels like racism’s almost over. Because this is the last - this is the act up before the sleep. They’re going crazy. They’re insane. You want to get rid of them - and the next thing you know, they’re fucking knocked out. And that’s what’s going on in the country right now. — Chris Rock

Only black people in the whole neighborhood, so let's break it down: Me, I'm a decent comedian, I'm a'ight. Mary J. Blige, one of the greatest R&B singers to ever walk the Earth. Jay-Z, one of the greatest rappers to ever live. Eddie Murphy, one of the funniest actors to ever, ever do it. Do you know what the white man that lives next door to me does for a living? He's a f*****g dentist. — Chris Rock

Stop the violence! Can't we all just get along? — Chris Rock

You only know that you're smart because you're around dumb people from time to time! — Chris Rock

Not a Harvard-type education, just a not-sticking-up-a-liquor-store-type education. — Chris Rock

I don't need a president with a bucket list! — Chris Rock

Anyone who makes up their mind about an issue before they hear the issue is a fool. — Chris Rock

Everything's funny - in the right context and done by the right person. — Chris Rock

My mother always says: "You know better, so you'll be punished. Your friends don't know better, so they won't be punished. They can go snatch chains and they'll be fine. But if you snatch chains, you'll end up in jail because you know better." — Chris Rock

Life Lessons by Chris Rock

1. Chris Rock teaches us to never be afraid to take risks and to always be open to new experiences. He encourages us to stay true to ourselves and to always strive to be the best versions of ourselves.
2. He also teaches us to be resilient and to never give up, no matter how difficult a situation may seem. He emphasizes the importance of having a positive attitude and being willing to take risks in order to achieve success.
3. Finally, Chris Rock emphasizes the importance of having a sense of humor and using it to lighten up difficult situations. He encourages us to laugh at ourselves and to never take life too seriously.