Why don't you slip into something more comfortable? Like a coma.— Jerry Lawler
The most irresistibly Jerry Lawler quotes that are free to learn and impress others
The only reason Jake 'The Snake' Roberts doesn't drink and drive anymore is because he is afraid he might hit a bump and spill his drink.
Helen Hart is the only person I know with an autographed copy of the Bible.
I don't know of any wrestler who hasn't, at one time or another, been with a fan. One time I met a woman at a match in Tennessee, and afterward we went to a little roadside motel. We checked in, went to the room, and enjoyed each other for an hour or so.
What do Jake 'The Snake' Roberts and a beer bottle have in common? They're both empty from the neck up!
In this day and time, with no competition you are really walking a tightrope.
I mean you may think that no competition is good, but in reality no competition is really bad.
Her, Me, whipped cream, handcuffs. Any questions?
Koko B. Ware is a crossword wrestler: he enters the ring vertically, and leaves horizontally.
But if I've heard this saying once, I've heard it a thousand times- everything happens for a reason. And possibly it does. I just haven't found the reason that this all happened yet.
I don't think it's blowing my own horn to say the show is not as good.
There was chemistry there that took years and years to build and now that's gone. The commentary is lacking.
You know how I impress girls at the gym? I do pull ups: I pull up in a Corvette, in a Cadillac, and in a Mercedes.
As a baby, Bret Hart was so ugly that they had to put tinted windows on his incubator!
Panties aren't the greatest thing in the world, but they're next to them.
I don't know if he needs a tic tac or toilet paper.
As they say, anything can happen in the World Wrestling Federation.
I'm an artist and I can draw very well.
I'm amazed that everybody can't draw well because I can do it so effortlessly.
I asked Sunny if she would ever consider dating you.
She said she would rather give birth to a porcupine on fire.
Being a 3-time Intercontinental champion doesn't make you a great wrestler, just like Larry King having 9 wives don't make him a great husband.
It used to be that Shamrock was the world's most dangerous man, but now Shamrock is the world's most dangerous speedbump.
Paul Bearer has more chins than a Chinese phone book!
Australia was great. I would advise anybody to go there. In fact, if you couldn't live here, Australia would be the place to live. It's the most Americanized country that I've ever seen in the world.
It's almost like while you are working for the WWF everything is fine and good, but if you are no longer employed by them they want you to just drop off the face of the earth and it's like you never existed.
When John Cena came to Raw, he immediately got off on the wrong foot with Eric Bischoff. Eric Bischoff said that he thought John Cena was a would be Eminem, and Lord knows one Eminem is enough, but since that time, I have come to respect and really like this kid. This John Cena is a good guy. You can't say anything differently than that.
Jake [Roberts] is feeling a little under the weather.
He has bar-thritis. That's when because stiffin' a different joint every night.
Certainly it's a business and you've got to have a salesman, but in my mind, when you've got two guys doing the same thing, you don't need one of them.
The fats dented the flats.
Helen Hart is so old, she remembers when the Dead Sea was sick.
Can I press one for English?
The Dudleys are going to get the VIP treatment this Sunday-- Very Intense Pain!
You never really know a woman till you meet her in court.
When most people get drunk, they see snakes. But, when snakes get drunk, they see Jake Roberts!
Mark Henry is so strong he eats steak with a spoon.
One man's trash is another man's girlfriend.
Look at the attention the Godfather's getting! Kick my leg, J.R.; kick me in the leg!
I'm not a racist like Bret Hart, I hate everyone equally!
Crash Holly's so short, you can see his feet on his driver's licence photo.
If Mark Henry was the Titanic, the iceberg would've sank!
There is an old adage: love thy neighbor, but don't get caught.
When David killed Goliath, Mae Young called the cops.
Foley looks like an un-made bed.
When God said 'Let there be light', Mae Young threw the switch.
What the Hell. In 1988, I was the AWA heavyweight champion and I never came to Milwaukee.
The only thing harder than Terry Funk's legs are his arteries.
Speaking of birthday suits, I think Mae Young's needs ironing!
OSHA had come in and looked at the channel 5 studios and it sort of had something to do with wrestling, but they found that there were some safety concerns that had to be addressed.
Jake Robert's wife is real ugly, but according to him that's nothing a six pack and a light switch can't fix.
I don't think that McMahon thinks very much about the fact that J.
R and I have been successful. I don't think that McMahon thinks the wrestling announcers really have that much to contribute the show.
Is he dancing or having a seizure?
We've finally told the world that this is sports entertainment, and I think one of the best forms of entertainment is anything that's fun or funny, something that you really enjoy watching or listening to.
The only reason I lost to Aldo Montoya was the intoxicating fumes there were coming off his body from being around Jake Roberts.