There's a domino effect with certain things you say.— Johnny Vegas
The most staggering Johnny Vegas quotes that are easy to memorize and remember
I'm getting positive feedback for my acting so we'll see if any other interesting parts come up.
There's lots of stuff about me being a fan of Cliff but not being gay.
Which suggests that he is, but he's not. Anyway, this is Channel 4, let their lawyers sort it out.
It is easy for me to love myself, but for ladies to do it is another question altogether.
We had a week off in the middle of shooting, but as soon as everyone stopped, we all went down with six different types of flu and other unmentionable diseases.
My forte is playing drunks down the ages.
When my agent rings me about a role, I don't ask what the part is, but what century it's in.
With stand-up you've just got that one chance. Audiences can be quite fickle.
I used to be good with kids, but as I get older, I'm grumpy and terrible with them. As for doing a gig at a 6-year old's birthday party, you couldn't pay me enough.
When I wasn't as attractive as I am now, I suffered at the hands of cruel children and their taunts until I realised that confidence and a bit of aesthetic care can overcome that.
I always feel like an interloper when I do serious drama. It's my own paranoia.
Up North you are holding your own. Everyone considers themselves a comedian.
They look outside the windows of their apartment in town and realize they're not living in a terrace anymore. This is a room full of dreamers who like to go to London for a day.
I trained to be a priest - started to.
I went to seminary school when I was 11. I wanted to be a priest, but when they told me I could never have sex, not even on my birthday, I changed my mind.
You can sway an audience if you win the women over.
The gentlemen will follow 'cause they can be so foolish like that at times, they are easily led.
I've got little ankles and a bit of a belly, so it makes me look rather an egg on legs.
I believe that Britain is becoming more class-conscious, and I quake at the very idea of Old Etonians ruling the world again.
I came back from university thinking I knew all about politics and racism, not knowing my dad had been one of the youngest-serving Labour councillors in the town and had refused to work in South Africa years ago because of the situation there. And he's never mentioned it - you just find out. That's a real man to me. A sleeping lion.
I am a big fan of smelly cheeses but the rest of the family don't seem to be particularly keen on them.
I use very few muscles at the best of times.
Health-wise, I couldn't have said what my life expectancy would've been if I'd just carried on doing solid blocks of stand-up.
My work's never been accepted by my family, but it's something I'll always carry on with.
I also want to return to doing stand-up.
I've become frightened of live audiences. This is a really telling sign that I need to go back on the comedy circuit again.
You can't be a proper comic unless you've been out on stage and felt the fear.
If an original piece of wardrobe came up from Star Wars, I'd probably spend a lot of money on it.
Baldness is visually enough of a stigma as it is without a big sweaty bloke on stage pointing it out.
Had I become a priest, the sermons would've been electric!
My first holiday to San Francisco in 1998-99 was supposed to be a two-week vacation but I ended up staying five weeks and nearly didn't come home.
You always hear people saying, 'I hope I'm not turning into my dad', but I'd be honoured if I became half as decent a bloke as he is.
I actually enjoy being heckled; it keeps it interesting, and I think it is a nice feeling for people once they have left the show.
I sang 'American Pie' a lot in my stage set.
It had a knack of uniting an audience in a sing-along. It's a clever song about American history but wrapped in a fantastic tune.
There is something more spiritual to us than what we are on this earth, but how you access it I'm not sure.
The idea of being on TV 24 hours a day and people seeing the real me... No.
I still give myself the right to be highly critical of others, though.
There have been times I've finished a big job and thought, 'Great, a couple of weeks off.' But then a couple of weeks turns to three weeks and then after a month you're staring at the phone willing it to ring.
Being 'Johnny' was almost like an out of body experience.
I thought he was just a character that I'd created and could quite easily step away from, but it was much more difficult than that.
It can be tough as a jobbing actor.
For the greater good, I thought I should be a spiritual leader for people for some reason.
I think I'm realising more and more that I've got a job to do and I can't be doing the big nights out and working to my full potential the next day. I feel much better for it.
I hate flying, airports and the whole rigmarole - queuing up, security and lost luggage.
Oh, I'm terrible at travel.
The cheese board is my big treat at Christmas that I have to deny myself during the rest of year.
I've got my finger in a lot of pies.
I get obsessed with decorations and decorating the house.
I keep it tasteful outside, but when you get inside it is a bit like Blackpool illuminations, I go bonkers!
I think it sort of dawns on you that if you're not gigging constantly you're not actually relevant. You may be relevant to a different part of the media now, to television commissioners and editors, but to a young live-comedy audience you're not, really.
This autocue was obviously written for someone else and I've been brought in at the last minute.
Never try to be witty with U.S. airport officials. It's always lost on them and you'll find yourself being put back on the plane.
I've always been looking for other people's approval.
I struggle as a writer, and I'm convinced that if I was at school now, I'd be termed as having ADS. Two minutes and I'm drifting.
You know, there's that temptation in interviews to make yourself sound - well, to give yourself a bit of mystery.
I think if you're at the point where you're popular enough to sell your wedding photos to OK! Magazine then you don't need the money.