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P. J. O'Rourke Quotes

List of quotations and sayings by the american comedian P. J. O'Rourke on topics like people, politics, world

  • Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them.

    — P. J. O'Rourke on funny
    57
  • Never fight an inanimate object.

    — P. J. O'Rourke on funny
    18
  • There is only one basic human right, the right to do as you damn well please.

    And with it comes the only basic human duty, the duty to take the consequences.

    — P. J. O'Rourke on basic
    17
  • Some people are better imagined in one's bed than found there in the morning.

    — P. J. O'Rourke on sex
    12
  • Seriousness is stupidity sent to college.

    — P. J. O'Rourke on identity
    10
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  • Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.

    — P. J. O'Rourke on government
    5
  • You can't get rid of poverty by giving people money.

    — P. J. O'Rourke on poverty
    5
  • Even very young children need to be informed about dying.

    Explain the concept of death very carefully to your child. This will make threatening him with it much more effective.

    — P. J. O'Rourke on carefully
    5
  • Because of their size, parents may be difficult to discipline properly.

    — P. J. O'Rourke on funny
    4
  • Marijuana is self-punishing. It makes you acutely sensitive, and in this world, what worse punishment could there be?

    — P. J. O'Rourke on drugs
    4
  • Nothing bad is going to happen to us.

    If we get fired, it's not failure; its a midlife vocational reassessment.

    — P. J. O'Rourke on optimism
    4
  • When buying and selling are controlled by legislation, the first things to be bought and sold are legislators.

    — P. J. O'Rourke on politics
    3
  • About P. J. O'Rourke

    Name P. J. O'Rourke
    Quotes 500 quotations
    Nationality American
    Profession Comedian
    Birthday November 14, 1947
    About Patrick Jake "P. J." O'Rourke (born November 14, 1947) is an American political satirist, journalist, writer, and author. O'Rourke is the H. L. Mencken Research Fellow at the Cato Institute and is a regular correspondent for The Atlantic Monthly, The American Spectator, and The Weekly Standard, and frequent panelist on National Public Radio's game show Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!.
    Top topics people, politics, world, life, political
  • Cleanliness becomes more important when godliness is unlikely.

    — P. J. O'Rourke on funny
    2
  • America wasn't founded so that we could all be better.

    America was founded so we could all be anything we damned well pleased.

    — P. J. O'Rourke on america
    2
  • Each child is biologically required to have a mother.

    Fatherhood is a well-regarded theory, but motherhood is a fact.

    — P. J. O'Rourke on mother
    2
  • There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL convertible.

    — P. J. O'Rourke on chief
    1
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  • You may be surprised to discover you're rich, especially if you're broke.

    — P. J. O'Rourke on broke
    1
  • Never be unfaithful to a lover, except with your wife.

    — P. J. O'Rourke on lover
    1
  • Always read something that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.

    — P. J. O'Rourke on die
    1
  • Politics are for foreigners with their endless wrongs and paltry rights.

    Politics are a lousy way to get things done. Politics are, like God's infinite mercy, a last resort.

    — P. J. O'Rourke on politics
    1
  • Making fun of born-again Christians is like hunting dairy cows with a high powered rifle and scope.

    — P. J. O'Rourke on born-again
    1
  • If you are young and you drink a great deal it will spoil your health, slow your mind, make you fat - in other words, turn you into an adult.

    — P. J. O'Rourke on years
    1
  • Family love is messy, clinging, and of an annoying and repetitive pattern, like bad wallpaper.

    — P. J. O'Rourke on annoying
    1
  • Staying married may have long-term benefits.

    You can elicit much more sympathy from friends over a bad marriage than you ever can from a good divorce.

    — P. J. O'Rourke on bad
    1
  • Good manners are a combination of intelligence, education, taste and style mixed together so that you don't need any of those things.

    — P. J. O'Rourke on manners
    1
  • The proper behavior all through the holiday season is to be drunk.

    This drunkenness culminates on New Year's Eve, when you get so drunk you kiss the person you're married to.

    — P. J. O'Rourke on behavior
    1
  • Feeling good about government is like looking on the bright side of any catastrophe. When you quit looking on the bright side, the catastrophe is still there.

    — P. J. O'Rourke on government
    1
  • A very quiet and tasteful way to be famous is to have a famous relative.

    Then you can not only be nothing, you can do nothing too.

    — P. J. O'Rourke on famous
    1
  • Gossip is what you say about the objects of flattery when they aren't present.

    — P. J. O'Rourke on flattery
    1
  • A hat should be taken off when you greet a lady and left off for the rest of your life. Nothing looks more stupid than a hat.

    — P. J. O'Rourke on greet
    1
  • Southern California is a nice place, if you could cut out the show-business cancer. It just keeps spreading.

    — P. J. O'Rourke on place
    0
  • Of all the American educational system's problems, none is more severe than the academic year beginning before Labor Day.

    — P. J. O'Rourke on beginning
    0
  • Corporate corruption has ecological merits.

    It's helping to preserve that species known as Democrats - thought to be endangered as recently as the year 2000.

    — P. J. O'Rourke on corruption
    0
  • The idea of a world where all people are alike - in wealth or in anything else - is a fantasy for the stupid.

    — P. J. O'Rourke on people
    0
  • Demolishing pretensions, especially worthy ones, is a hallmark of the baby boom.

    — P. J. O'Rourke on baby
    0
  • 'You're stupid,' is not something even his most severe critics usually say to President Barack Obama.

    — P. J. O'Rourke on stupid
    0
  • In Henry Adams, I discovered not only the prototype of the modern thinker but also someone who is more interesting: a viper-toothed, puling, supercilious crank, thwarted in ambition, aging gracelessly, mad at the cosmos, and ashamed of his own jejune ideals. He is nevertheless very dear to me.

    — P. J. O'Rourke on ambition
    0
  • Head lice have their own animal-rights group, or may as well.

    The National Pediculosis Association doesn't exactly advocate letting lice live with dignity, but it does oppose pediculicidal treatments.

    — P. J. O'Rourke on live
    0
  • Sometimes the right response to evil is an appeal to powerful and effective social organization - an appeal to civilization itself.

    — P. J. O'Rourke on evil
    0
  • The great thing about being a print journalist is that you are permitted to duck. Cameramen get killed while the writers are flat on the floor. A war correspondent for the BBC dedicated his memoir to 50 fallen colleagues, and I guarantee you they were all taking pictures. I am only alive because I am such a chicken.

    — P. J. O'Rourke on war
    0
  • Fortunately, I'm married to someone who's a pretty excellent parent!

    — P. J. O'Rourke on parent
    0
  • Global warming is a fact. Now it's up to liberals to make it a reality. Hence there is crucial importance in preventing powerful, greedy free market forces from getting in the way of worsening storms and rising sea levels. The Kyoto Accord is a good first step.

    — P. J. O'Rourke on sea
    0
  • A fundamental American question is, 'What's the big idea?'

    — P. J. O'Rourke on question
    0
  • There are selves too big for one person to contain.

    You cannot call them selfish. There is nothing -ish about such selves. They are the self, as it were, itself.

    — P. J. O'Rourke on selfish
    0
  • The French are a smallish, monkey-looking bunch and not dressed any better, on average, than the citizens of Baltimore.

    — P. J. O'Rourke on dressed
    0
  • Satire doesn't effect change.

    — P. J. O'Rourke on change
    0
  • There is only one thing that gives me hope as a Republican, and that is the Democrats. It's going to be hard to do a worse job running American than the Republicans have, but if anybody can do it, it's the Democrats.

    — P. J. O'Rourke on hope
    0
  • The real purpose of welfare is to get rid of poor people entirely.

    Everybody knows welfare has bad effects; that's the point.

    — P. J. O'Rourke on people
    0
  • The prevalence of mobile homes does not correspond with the prevalence of poverty, or with much of anything else. All that can be confidently said about America's mobile homes is that they are massed in places where you wouldn't want to be in one. Florida's mobile homes lie athwart the path of hurricanes. Georgia's are in the way of tornadoes.

    — P. J. O'Rourke on path
    0
  • Zero-sum thinking is an obsession of mine, but mostly in economics.

    — P. J. O'Rourke on thinking
    0
  • Related Topics

    • funny
    • children
    • people
    • raise
    • fight
    • inanimate
    • object
    • basic
    • consequences
    • duty
    • human
    • damn
    • sex
    • imagined
    • bed
    • found
    • morning
    • identity
    • seriousness
    • stupidity
    • college
    • government
    • giving
    • money
    • power
    • whiskey
    • car
    • keys
    • teenage
    • boys
    • poverty
    • rid
    • carefully
    • child
    • concept

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