Quotes by American Comedian P. J. O'Rourke

Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them. P. J. O'Rourke

Never fight an inanimate object. P. J. O'Rourke

Some people are better imagined in one's bed than found there in the morning. P. J. O'Rourke
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Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys. P. J. O'Rourke


Marijuana is self-punishing. It makes you acutely sensitive, and in this world, what worse punishment could there be? P. J. O'Rourke

You can't get rid of poverty by giving people money. P. J. O'Rourke

Seriousness is stupidity sent to college. P. J. O'Rourke

Nothing bad is going to happen to us. If we get fired, it's not failure; its a midlife vocational reassessment. P. J. O'Rourke

Even very young children need to be informed about dying. Explain the concept of death very carefully to your child. This will make threatening him with it much more effective. P. J. O'Rourke

There is only one basic human right, the right to do as you damn well please. And with it comes the only basic human duty, the duty to take the consequences. P. J. O'Rourke

When buying and selling are controlled by legislation, the first things to be bought and sold are legislators. P. J. O'Rourke

Because of their size, parents may be difficult to discipline properly. P. J. O'Rourke

Cleanliness becomes more important when godliness is unlikely. P. J. O'Rourke

Good manners are a combination of intelligence, education, taste and style mixed together so that you don't need any of those things. P. J. O'Rourke

Politics are for foreigners with their endless wrongs and paltry rights. Politics are a lousy way to get things done. Politics are, like God's infinite mercy, a last resort. P. J. O'Rourke

If you are young and you drink a great deal it will spoil your health, slow your mind, make you fat - in other words, turn you into an adult. P. J. O'Rourke

Always read something that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it. P. J. O'Rourke
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The proper behavior all through the holiday season is to be drunk. This drunkenness culminates on New Year's Eve, when you get so drunk you kiss the person you're married to. P. J. O'Rourke

There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL convertible. P. J. O'Rourke

A hat should be taken off when you greet a lady and left off for the rest of your life. Nothing looks more stupid than a hat. P. J. O'Rourke


P. J. O'Rourke's favourite quotes topics
ChildrenPoliticsFunnyPeopleBad

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