80+ Paul Reiser Quotes On Bible, Seinfeld And Johnny Carson

Paul Reiser is an American comedian, actor, writer, and musician. He is best known for his roles in the 1990s television sitcom Mad About You and the films Beverly Hills Cop, Aliens, and Diner. He has also had roles in a number of films and television series, including The Marrying Man, Beverly Hills Cop II, and My Two Dads. Following is our collection on famous quotes by Paul Reiser on leadership, life, love.

Top 10 Paul Reiser Quotes

1. But at the same time that the experience is pulling you apart, it's also bonding you. You have this joint venture! You both made this baby. And that's the thing I still can't get over
2. Having a baby dragged me, kicking and screaming, from the world of self-absorption.
3. The jewel in the baby product crown is the stroller. And if in America you are what you drive, then in Parentland, you are what you push.
4. And after you've done the acting, there's a lot of places you can put your input - in the editing, in the production of it, in the rewriting of it and so on
5. I'd distract myself until finally it was a combination of things. The show was over and I had time on my hands. I had taken time and played and just relaxed.
6. If a tree falls on your head in a forest and no one hears it, it still hurts.
7. A new child in the house is a huge tourist attraction. It's like Disneyland, except there the lines are longer and no one brings casseroles.
8. Marriage is just an elaborate game that allows two selfish people to periodically feel that they're not.
9. I always loved comedy, but I never knew it was something you could learn to do. I always thought that some people are born comedians ... just like some people are born dentists.
10. And in that time, I lost my dad and had kids of my own. It was like, OK, I get it now. I know what fatherhood is all about. And you look at your parents differently

Paul Reiser Short Quotes

• This is not the most right I've ever been.
• They don't see that whole pattern. Worm/death. Worm/death. I would catch on.
• Once in a while you get a moment of clarity - an inspiration - and they don't come that frequently.
• There's something very refreshing about being on stage.
• Younger kids, they understand that things aren't so perfect with their father or with their mother.
• The most used appliance in our house is my 10-year-old son Leon's Xbox.
• Our date-nightrule is no talking about the kids. That lasts about to the end of the driveway.
• Happiness is the quiet lull between problems.
• You know what? The obvious is obvious for a reason.
• She kind of reminds one of Helen. There's something very similar about Elizabeth Perkins.

Paul Reiser Quotes About Life

Peanut butter and lamb chops were not foods that had ever been a significant part of our life before pregnancy. In fact, my wife almost never ate either.So where did these craving come from? I concluded it's the baby, ordering in. — Paul Reiser

By shrewdly linking procreation to an act likely to make you stupid with excitement, God has seen to it that Life does indeed go on. It's possible, by the way, that this is why God's name comes up so often in the middle of the act; it's a salute to the author: Hey, whoever made this up - thanks. — Paul Reiser

The simple combination of letters and sounds you select as a name for your baby can result in a life of carefree coolness or decades of expensive therapy. Hi, I'm Jake versus Hi, I'm... Tapioca — Paul Reiser

In the history of life, no good news has followed that sentence ["We have to talk."]. — Paul Reiser

There are two types of people in life - those who get it and those who don't. — Paul Reiser

Paul Reiser Quotes About Funny

The best part of being married is... you don't have to explain a lot of things. Those wordless moments when you both know that what you witnessed together is funny, idiotic, or really sweet. Being connected is pretty miraculous. — Paul Reiser

Just because a baby cries, I discovered, doesn't mean there's always something wrong. Sometimes babies wake up for no real reason. They just want to check if they're doing it right. "This is Sleeping, right?" "Exactly." "I just lie here?" "That's right." "Okay." Then back to sleep they go. — Paul Reiser

The biggest thing I remember is that there was just no transition. You hit the ground diapering. — Paul Reiser

When you're in @#*!#-ing hell, your forehead can feel a wee bit feverish. (By the way, that's the way my wife actually curses. She doesn't use dirty words; she'll literally say "asterisk, pound sign, exclamation point, the-letter-'A'-with-a-circle-around-it, asterisk, asterisk, asterisk.") — Paul Reiser

Paul Reiser Quotes About People

Field of Dreams is the only movie - and I saw it in the theater - on an afternoon when I was on location somewhere, and there were like 12 people in the theater. I was just so devastated; I couldn't get out of my seat. And I sat and watched it a second time. — Paul Reiser

People come up to us and ask how we knew so much about their own family... I'm talking about people from faraway places, too. I get people from Turkey and Chile coming up to me and saying I wrote about their family. — Paul Reiser

They're not the sharpest people - babies. So, you must be everything to them. — Paul Reiser

Why do you think people close their eyes when they kiss? Think about it. In the real world, if you saw someone an-inch-and-a-half away, coming at you with their eyes open and their lips puckered, you'd scream. It's alarming. — Paul Reiser

We have such a long, familiar history with Peter Falk. The minute his mug is on that screen people smile. — Paul Reiser

Paul Reiser Famous Quotes And Sayings

There's something that happens in that delivery room, when a woman becomes ten times more a woman, and a guy becomes six times less a man. You feel really dopey and useless and like a spectator. I did, anyway. — Paul Reiser

In some cultures they don't name their babies right away. They wait until they see how the child develops. Like in Dances with Wolves. Unfortunately, our kids' names would be less romantic and poetic. "This is my oldest boy, Falls off His Tricycle, his friend, Dribbles His Juice, and my beautiful daughter, Allergic to Nuts. — Paul Reiser

My parenting style could be described as not good cop or bad cop so much as nervous cop. I'm always yelling for somebody to stop because they're about to get hurt. I'm the take a jacket, slow down guy. — Paul Reiser

Middle names are kind of like vice presidents: It's a fine distinction and certainly an honor, but you're never not aware that someone else got the real job. — Paul Reiser

The consumer mentality - we like something, what other flavor does it come in? We like that TV show, does it come in a book form? Does it come in a capsule? How about a soup? — Paul Reiser

New parents always sound like hucksters in a pyramid scheme. Anyone who has kids and then gets you to go and have kids gets a check from Huckster Headquarters. — Paul Reiser

The most rewarding part about being a dad is just looking at children who didn't exist at some point. The first time you saw them, they were the size of a quarter, in a sonogram, and now they can pour orange juice and yell at each other. — Paul Reiser

It turns out most of the conclusions that I've come to in life have equally valid contradictions. I think it's true you need to make a plan, set a goal and stick to it, but I would also advise: Don't keep your eyes so fixed on your goal that you miss what sneaks up to surprise you, because magic will come from unexpected places. — Paul Reiser

Three has always been tougher than Two. Think of any of your famous threesomes. The Three Stooges? Look at the anger there. My bet is that before Curly was born, Moe and Larry could play together for hours without even a single poke in the eye. Huey, Dewey, and Louie? Donald Duck never had a moment's peace. The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly? I rest my case. — Paul Reiser

We had the boy's name picked out, but we didn't have a girl's. When he turned out to be a boy, we were so relieved. Literally, in the middle of contracting and pushing, and with my wife being drugged - out and half - lucid, we were still coming up with names. — Paul Reiser

My wife would say my worst habit is that I'm not good at dropping subjects. If something bothers me, I'll bring it up endlessly and relentlessly. I think it's a search for clarity, but she uses different words. — Paul Reiser

We all hold on to some image of the family we want, based one way or another on the family we had. Lots of people are thrilled about the families they came from, others couldn't get away fast enough. Most people fall into that vast middle ground: great affection mixed with a few ideas for improvement. A couple of things they wish could have perhaps been done differently. — Paul Reiser

Over the years, there certainly have been plenty of ideas that I've had and given up on, but for this one, the only thing that was standing in its way was me doing it - I just had to write it... And then if it didn't happen, it didn't happen. But I didn't want it to be for lack of effort on my part, so I had hunch that it would be a good story and that we would work well together. And it certainly worked out that way. — Paul Reiser

In the original draft I was 27 and Peter was 55 in the script. That's not the same as a guy in his 40s and a dad in the end of his 70s. It's a different point in both our lives. — Paul Reiser

The most challenging part of being a dad is trying to postpone the moment when they realize you don't know anything. I love any sentence that begins with Daddy...? because it's implied they're looking up to you - that you'll have the answer. The truth is, I don't have any answers. — Paul Reiser

I'd never directed before and this movie's too important to me to put in the hands of some guy who has never directed. Even if it's me — Paul Reiser

I remember my wife and I used to get on plane and see everybody else with their babies. They'd be putting strollers and car seats up above, and we'd think: Oh, please Lord, don't make us go through that — Paul Reiser

I used to walk into a party and scan the room for attractive women. Now I look for women to hold my baby so I can eat potato salad sitting down. — Paul Reiser

But the two of them together, broke my heart. Olympia and Peter, those scenes... When they're kissing in their 20s and then kissing in their 70s, that's what it is. And they had never met five minutes before they shot those scenes. — Paul Reiser

When my son said, "I can't stop thinking about girls," I said, "That's not gonna stop. Congratulations. You're in the club. From now until the day you die, one way or another you'll be thinking about girls. — Paul Reiser

Upstate New York in the middle of October. You can't get more beautiful than that. — Paul Reiser

Nothing would make me happier if Peter Falk would finally win his Oscar for this. Not just as the writer but as a fan and a friend. It would be so great — Paul Reiser

He was born early. But he was born within a safe range of premature. — Paul Reiser

The first time I tried to put a new diaper on my baby, I yanked the little Velcro strap too jerkily and actually punched the little guy in the jaw. A real solid shot, too. I knew instinctively that this could not be correct. Unless you're specifically trying to raise a welterweight, continual deliverance of powerful uppercuts is not advised when handling newborns. — Paul Reiser

Every time I see Peter Falk in the movie I think that would be great. We'd be fun together — Paul Reiser

Parents often give middle names just so that later, when they're yelling at the kid, they can drag it out. Henry David Thoreau, you come in here this instant! — Paul Reiser

When people talk about wanting to have children someday, what they really mean is that they want babies. Nobody wants an angry adolescent. Nobody wants an obnoxious seven-year-old trying to wear out dirty words they just learned in school that day. What they really want is cute, adorable babies who love you and need you. The bad stuff is just the price you agree to pay for having the good stuff. — Paul Reiser

Two or three times a week, I drive by the houses of numbers 78-100 just to rub it in. — Paul Reiser

A friend told me to listen to my heart. Another friend told me to listen to my gut. Maybe I need an autopsy, because right now my colon is kind of iffy. — Paul Reiser

It was trying to make my tennis game look mildly respectable, which I found you don't even really need to practice if you have a really good editor. They can edit it and you're like, "Hey, it looks like I'm playing really well." That was the fun part, but it was like going to summer camp. — Paul Reiser

It's not like some movies where you're following a bunch of different stories you can cut around. There was nowhere to cut to. It's these guys. We're not cutting back to anybody else — Paul Reiser

Get a good dog. We have not picked up food in the kitchen in 15 years. — Paul Reiser

As you get older you realize your parents don't look so dumb - and that you're not as smart as you thought you were. — Paul Reiser

There was a period where our child's birth was getting really close, and we still had nothing. We were dangerously close to calling him Untitled Baby Project. — Paul Reiser

But you get past that and realize you have to let go of what you think you want. There'll be plenty of time for that later. Right now, go and be with that baby. Just play with this beautiful little boy — Paul Reiser

When I'm writing for a book, it's much more reflective process. I have certain things that may not translate well to the stage, but, when they're on the page, people can really get into them. My first two books were aiming to be funnier, but the third was more about deep exploration. Things about being a parent and growing older that I thought would be perfect for a book. — Paul Reiser

People often ask me, "What's the difference between couplehood and babyhood?" In a word? Moisture. Everything in my life is now more moist. Between your spittle, your diapers, your spit-up and drool, you got your baby food, your wipes, your formula, your leaky bottles, sweaty baby backs, and numerous other untraceable sources-all creating an ever-present moistness in my life, which heretofore was mainly dry. — Paul Reiser

That's the nice thing about doing stand-up. There's no development, you just go out there and get an immediate response as to whether something is good or bad. Getting a laugh is the best measure of how well you're doing. — Paul Reiser

When you realize you would consider not having a child just so you could take an occasional snooze and be available to see Batman Retires the same weekend it comes out, you have to take a good hard look at yourself and acknowledge, I am a shallow, shallow person. — Paul Reiser

Jerry Lewis played on the very first season of Mad About You, and he played basically himself, but he was called some other name. He said he's never done it; he'd never done a half-hour of [sitcom] television. This was 1992 or '93. And I said, "Well how is that?" And he goes, "Nobody ever asked me." It's like the pretty girl at the dance; everybody's too afraid to ask. — Paul Reiser

My wife and I never agree on the dishtowels. It's a matter of terms. She asks me not to put the dishtowel in the sink. So I drape it over the sink, but not in the sink. If that's our biggest problem, I think we're in good shape. — Paul Reiser

I can't get past the fact that food is coming out of my wife's breasts. What was once essentially an entertainment center has now become a juice bar. — Paul Reiser

From the minute we're born, boys and girls stare at each other, trying to figure out if they like what they see. Like parade lines, passing each other for mutual inspection. You march, you look. You march, you look. If you're interested, you stop and talk, and if it doesn't work out, you just get back in the parade. You keep marching, and you keep looking. — Paul Reiser

You know, the fact that every morning you get a script in your mailbox, that's going to stop. All these little pedestrian, mundane things. And the cash. — Paul Reiser

In fact, I had the idea because of Peter Falk. I saw my dad watching a Peter Falk movie and something clicked in my head. I gotta go make a movie for Peter Falk and me — Paul Reiser

I'm not smart enough to write about something that didn't actually happen to me. But I couldn't write a space movie if you put a gun to my head. — Paul Reiser

Life Lessons by Paul Reiser

1. Paul Reiser teaches us to find humor in everyday life, no matter how difficult the situation. He encourages us to look for the lighter side of life and to stay positive in the face of adversity.
2. He also emphasizes the importance of family and reminds us to take time to appreciate the people we love.
3. Finally, Paul Reiser shows us that it is possible to turn our passions into a career, no matter how challenging the journey may be.