I'm handsome, no ands, buts or ifs.— Colin Mochrie
The most unique Colin Mochrie quotes that are life-changing and eye-opening
There are so many things I'd like to change in the industry.
Everything from the reliance of style over substance to their reluctance to hire me for big budget blockbusters, but the thing I would love most would be if they understood people don't have to be Hollywood beautiful to be sexy or interesting.
We all have a dinosaur deep within us just trying to get out.
Rudolf the Red-Nosed Reindeer, dead at 53.
Over Barcelona today, the famed reindeer was hit by a flock of seagulls and a 747. Eyewitnesses report, that the reindeer in Spain was hit mainly by the plane.
Nine out of ten Americans believe that out of ten people, one person will always disagree with the other nine!
This just in: Beverly Hills 90210, Cleveland Browns 3.
Did you know that..........'embargo' spelled backwards is 'o grab me
Our top story tonight: Famous TV dolphin flipper was arrested today on prostitution ring charges. He allegedly was seen transporting two 16 year olds across state line for immoral porpoises.
Many people think it's in bad taste to advertise for an insane asylum.
.. but come on down. We're going crazy.
Ladies and gentlemen of the jury. It's not like the sheep was underage.
He had the kind of face only a mother could love.
If that mother was blind in one eye, and had that sort of milky film over the other one, ya..ya know, ya know what I mean? But still he was my identical twin.
Hi, well soon return you to the dyslexic production of Bitty Bitty Chang Chang.
The people who influenced me most were the people who said I would never make it. They gave me a thirst for revenge.
Onstage I do all the stuff I'd never do in real life, like lashing out at people who make me mad or freaking out in a long bank lineup. Performing allows me to fulfill all the sicko fantasies I've ever had.
We'll be back to our nature documentary, 'Baggy the Anorexic Elephant' in just a second.
NASA sends probe to Uranus, people everywhere giggle.
My most important professional accomplishment to date is the ability to keep working with absolutely no skills whatsoever.
Well, it seems all the fish in the rivers are dying. Could this be an act of cod?
You know, in the 1970's, when I was in high school, I belonged to a band called the Happy Funk Band. Until an unfortunate typo caused us to be expelled from school.
After a disappointing summer, Humpty Dumpty has a great fall.
My mother on her death bed told me, 'Where the hell did that kangaroo come from!?' - it just popped out of nowhere and punched her in the head and caused a cerebral hemorrhage, so I thought I'd move to a country where there were no kangaroos!
You know, if I don't make it when I go out there in that weather balloon into that thunder storm. I want, you to take your ear and give it to my wife.
I'm a traveling practical joker. That's my line of work.
I think the challenge is going out in front of a paying audience with absolutely nothing and trying to entertain them for two hours. Thankfully, I only think about that right before we go on, and then once we're out there, everything's fine.
When I'm on stage, it's a little world I've created where I'm sort of the thing, so I have total control over everything that happens. When we're improvising, I'm with someone I totally trust. I know things are going to work out. I don't have those guarantees in life. There are no consequences on stage.
The Hills are alive with the sound of CRAP!
To be a dramatic writer takes hard work, talent, and discipline. And that's why I just make up crap.
I am such a pessimist that every project has surpassed what I envisioned.
I was a bookworm. Every week I'd go to the library and get seven books. Remember libraries? I wonder if people still go. And I learned about everything from the library. I came from a Scottish family. Old school.
You don't sweat much for a fat girl.
When you kill someone by chopping off their head, rolling 'em up in a carpet and burning it, you'd better make sure they're dead!
I have so many evil plans, I'm just trying to find the one which would be best right now!
We want to be funny. We want to make people laugh... We'll do whatever it takes.
The Beatles, Rolling Stones, Barbra Streisand, Bruce Springsteen, these are just some of the people who threatened to sue if we used their songs.
What kind of FBI agent are you?
I do enjoy working with Ryan although he owes me money.
And if that isn't the truth, it would be a lie.
Let me play a Man in a scene.
I believe it was Shakespeare who said, 'All the world's a stage, and you are CRAP!'
Hey, come on, I've seen younger faces on money. Money.
Give me liberty or give me a bran muffin!
Every song a hit, every hit a smack!
My god! It's a hamster with explosives taped around it's waist!
Please call your second witness, and then call your mother, she worries.
As a kid I watched television 24 hours a day and loved every minute of it.
The two shows that always make me laugh and are therefore my favourites are The Dick Van Dyke Show and Fawlty Towers.
Hey, Ryan, if Sting retires, will he change his name to Stung?
I have many favorite artists... Van Gogh as one, but he didn't really sing a lot!
But you know, we have more hits than you can possibly think about.
One of my personal favorite artists is the wonderful artist named Cher. And although I love much of her late stuff, her early stuff was the stuff that I really, really loved.
What if hamsters fought in the American Revolution?
Hi. There was a big accident, some people got decapitated, here are their names... You know what? That shirt really makes you look fat. I mean, the colour's all wrong... I mean, who shot the drapes?