If your parents never had children, chances are... neither will you.

— Dick Cavett

The most thrilling Dick Cavett quotes that are easy to memorize and remember

As long as people will accept crap, it will be financially profitable to dispense it.

27

Censorship feeds the dirty mind more than the four-letter word itself.

20

It is a rare person who wants to hear want he doesn't want to hear.

15

I don't see the future as bright, language-wise.

I see it as a glass half empty - and evaporating quickly.

14

I eat at this German-Chinese restaurant and the food is delicious.

The only problem is that an hour later you're hungry for power.

13

Obviously those who burn to be professional jesters mean that they want to be successful comedians. And those are always an elite, microscopic portion of the population. But oh, how they try.

12

Why are sex and violence always linked? I'm afraid they'll blur together in people's minds - sexandviolence - until we can't tell them apart. I expect to hear a newscaster say, "The mob became unruly and the police were forced to resort to sex."

9

Anyone working in the media can tell you that there seems to be an always-ready-to-explode segment of the populace for whom offense is a fate worse than anything imaginable. You'd think offense is one of the most calamitous things that could happen to a human being; right up there with the loss of a limb, or just missing a parking space.

8

There should be three days a week when no one is allowed to say: 'What's your sign?' Violators would have their copies of Kahlil Gibran confiscated.

8

Just think of all the billions of coincidences that don't happen.

7

Japanese is sort of a hobby of mine, and I can get around Japan with ease.

6

Why anyone, by dying, should thereby be declared beyond criticism, innocent of wrongdoing, suddenly filled with virtue and above reproach escapes me.

6

About Dick Cavett

Quotes 118 sayings
Nationality American
Profession Entertainer
Birthday October 16

While other kids were out playing and doing healthy things, I read an ancient judo book with a neck hold that was fatal to so many people they finally dropped it from judo.

5

It takes a certain amount of guts to go to your class reunions.

5

Every so often, there is an article saying the old kind of talk show isn't possible now. In the oldest kind of talk show, you only had the choice of that or two other channels!

5

Every student of comedy should see Dame Edna at least twice.

4

It's a tribute to the human brain that anyone is able to function out there on television in a talk situation that is entirely artificial.

4

Depression - it falls into that small category of things like combat that, if you haven't been in it, you can say you can imagine it all you like. But it's truly different.

4

Show people tend to treat their finances like their dentistry.

They assume the man handling it knows what he is doing.

4

Every time I nostalgically try to regain my liking of John McCain, he reaches into his sleaze bag and pulls out something malodorous.

3

I'll be happy if I can just stay out of Nebraska.

3

I don't think anyone ever gets over the surprise of how differently one audience's reaction is from another.

3

I feel sorry for the poor kids whose parents feel they're qualified to teach them at home. Of course, some parents are smarter than some teachers, but in the main I see home-schooling as misguided foolishness.

3

Comedians are sometimes resentful of their writers.

Probably because it's hard for giant egos to admit you need anyone but yourself to be what you are.

3

Music bypasses the brain and goes straight to the heart. I wish my life had more of it.

3

Running my show is really like an actor being in repertory but where, in one day in one performance, you do scenes from a drama, a farce, a low comedy and a tragedy.

3

Sloppy language leads to sloppy thought, and sloppy thought to sloppy legislation.

2

I have a disturbing problem with losing things.

My vulnerability to loss-distress could properly be labeled not only inordinate, but neurotic.

2

My dream was maybe someday, one night I can be a guest on a talk show, and then I will have achieved everything I want.

1

If (O.J. Simpson) is acquitted, I will renounce my citizenship. And if I converse with him at a cocktail party, I will say, 'Well, there are so many people here who haven't murdered anyone. I think I'll go talk to them.' I'll also riot.

1

Perhaps the saddest irony of depression is that suicide happens when the patient gets a little better and can again function sufficiently.

1

Unpleasant reading on the subject of anger tells us that there's not really anything wrong with it. In limited amounts. It can even be a good thing. A pressure valve.

1

Nobody is going to try to confiscate guns, although some Web sites know better: President Obama, they are certain, wants to.

0

Every time someone says, 'You know, we really ought to get together,' if I were really honest, I would ask 'Why?'

0

I'm sure I've all but lost friends by maintaining that, despite their love for it, I always saw Stanley Kramer's 'It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World' as more of an exercise in anti-comedy than humor.

0

It's not always easy to identify your own voice. It comes with time.

0

Meryl Streep belongs on anybody's list of greats.

0

Every comic can report a few 'gift from the gods' moments.

0

Coming up through the ranks of any calling can be rough, but that battered soul who survives the early years of courting the comic muse comes close to knowing what only the soldier knows: What combat is like.

0

I have yet to see one of those Comedy Central shows with multiple standup comics that doesn't include someone the size of the Hindenburg.

0

There were several things a Yale freshman was supposed to be able to do.

You had to demonstrate in the Olympic-size Yale pool that you could swim 50 yards or be inducted into swimming class.

0

The mob became unruly and the police were forced to resort to sex.

0

I am always shocked that there are still a handful of defenders of the dubious practice of abstinence, surely the worst idea since chocolate-covered ants.

0

Does anything show the complexity of the miraculous brain more than that weird curiosity, the sleep-protection dream?

0

Teaching is an art and a profession requiring years of training.

0

I did standup while still working for Johnny Carson in the mid-'60s, thus gaining the advantage of at least getting laughs from him about how I hadn't the night before.

0

To call New York's traffic at holiday time a nightmare is to understate.

0

I guess the best advice I ever got or anyone could get for doing a talk show, though it has not been easy very often, was from Jack Paar, who said, 'Kid, don't make it an interview. Interviews have clipboards, and you're like David Frost. Make it a conversation.'

0

My IQ is somewhere between Spiro Agnew's and Albert Einstein's.

0
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