52+ Gilbert Gottfried Quotes On Joe Rogan, First And Jay Leno

Gilbert Gottfried is an American stand-up comedian, actor, and voice actor. He is best known for his trademark comedic style, which often features jokes that are both edgy and politically incorrect. He is most famous for his role as the voice of the parrot Iago in Disney's Aladdin. Following is our collection on famous quotes by Gilbert Gottfried on life, love, joe rogan.

Top 10 Gilbert Gottfried Quotes

1. I can't even find someone for a platonic relationship, much less the kind where someone wants to see me naked.
2. A man goes to the doctor for a check, and the doctor exams him and says I've got bad news, you've got cancer and alzheimers. The man goes Thank god I don't have cancer.
3. I was talking to Jesus, and I said, Jesus, I feel like no one will ever accept me. And Jesus looked at me and said, You know what my theory is? Accept me or go to hell.
4. If you have the Old Testament at home, if you flip the corner pages, you can see Jesus riding a horse.
5. The pressure to being a comedian is being funny, but I've given that up, so there is no pressure whatsoever.
6. One pleasant surprise was when I interviewed Butch Patrick. I was expecting this bitter old drunk, and instead he had a total sense of humor about his career and his drinking and drug problem.
7. Every time something pops in my head, I think twice about it and I do it anyway.
8. You know what my theory is? Accept me or go to hell.
9. What do Japanese Jews love to eat? Hebrew National Tsunami.
10. Unfortunately, I've never been mistaken as Johnny Depp.

Gilbert Gottfried Short Quotes

• If the police ever try to pick me up, Michael Jackson told me I can hide out at his house.
• I've never been one of those who wanted to fill my calendar up 90 percent of the time.
• No, generally I think influence is used as a nice word for plagiarism.
• If someone else is paying for it, food just tastes a lot better.
• I personally think Miles Davis is a lot funnier than me. And he's working more.
• Well, I'm eventually gonna take the Daryl Hannah parts.
• Japan is really advanced. They don't go to the beach. The beach comes to them.
• Well, I play Jews and parrots. Parrots are how I've branched out.
• Nothing can help my comedy.
• In real life I'm a tall, blond Christian.

Gilbert Gottfried Quotes About Funny

I was the class podiatrist. I never made it to class clown. I wasn't funny enough. I would examine feet and prescribe and ointment. It was a sad childhood. — Gilbert Gottfried

I've done a lot of Fox shows since then - Married with Children, Living Single and a whole bunch of other Fox things. — Gilbert Gottfried

I'm used to explaining to people why my jokes were funny. — Gilbert Gottfried

People have many theories about comedy, but being just plain funny is the one most important thing. — Gilbert Gottfried

Gilbert Gottfried Famous Quotes And Sayings

At the Last Supper how come no one sat on the other side of the table? See, I think originally there were people sitting on the other side but those were the people going, You know, the air conditioning hits me right on the back on the neck. — Gilbert Gottfried

Every time you open the paper now, there seems to be another celebrity getting arrest for masturbation. First, it was Peewee Herman and then George Michael. If masturbation's a crime, I should be on death row. — Gilbert Gottfried

I have always felt comedy and tragedy are roommates. If you look up comedy and tragedy, you will find a very old picture of two masks. One mask is tragedy. It looks like its crying. The other mask is comedy. It looks like its laughing. Nowadays, we would say, How tasteless and insensitive. A comedy mask is laughing at a tragedy mask. — Gilbert Gottfried

With Katrina, it's almost like the sequel that doesn't live up to the original. It's certainly a shocking event and a tragedy, but somehow as a big event it doesn't seem to carry as much weight with the public as 9/11 did. — Gilbert Gottfried

Back when Jerry Seinfeld was just another comedian hanging around the clubs, I'd imitate him to amuse myself and the other comics. The club owners would say, 'What are you doing that for? Nobody knows him.' — Gilbert Gottfried

My Bubbie lived to 104, which is probably a little too old to consider a ripe old age, because she had already started to turn. I still say she died young. — Gilbert Gottfried

You can say "ass," but you can't say "asshole." That's why I always cringe when a character in a TV show refers to someone as an "ass." Unless you're British, calling someone an ass really doesn't work. But those are the rules of television. You can be a dirtbag, but not a scumbag. — Gilbert Gottfried

I was Jewish, through and through, although in our house that didn't mean a whole lot. We never went to synagogue. I never had a Bar Mitzvah. We didn't keep kosher or observe the Sabbath. In fact, I'm not so sure I would have known what the Sabbath looked like if it passed me on the street, so how could I observe it? — Gilbert Gottfried

I find Washington audiences are basically the same as every other audience; they watch me and go, 'Who's idea was it to go see him? And is it too late to ask for my money back?' — Gilbert Gottfried

There are times when I've had ideas walking down the street that I thought were great, and the minute I got onstage, I would think of them and go, 'Wow, that would never work,' even before I did it in front of the audience. — Gilbert Gottfried

Every time I give a straight answer and read it in a magazine, I say, 'Ouch.' One day I'd like to talk to a psychoanalyst about why celebrities reveal so much of themselves in interviews. — Gilbert Gottfried

One thing I can take credit for, along with the rest of show business, is when the red ribbons were out, we cured AIDS. Any advancements that came towards fighting AIDS were not done by scientists or doctors - it was people with little ribbons on their lapels. — Gilbert Gottfried

I just split up with my girlfriend, but like the Japanese say, “They’ll be another one floating by any minute now.” — Gilbert Gottfried

I sincerely apologize to anyone who was offended by my attempt at humor regarding the tragedy in Japan. I meant no disrespect, and my thoughts are with the victims and their families. — Gilbert Gottfried

If someone says that I'm the best at anything, I always just agree with them. I'm certainly not gonna argue. — Gilbert Gottfried

Some comedians tell nice jokes that you can tell to your kids. Some use bad words - they work 'blue.' If you don't want to hear a joke that's blue, you shouldn't go to a comedy club where a comedian who makes blue jokes is performing. — Gilbert Gottfried

I found out about Jonathan Winters death a day after it happened. That seems wrong. A talent like his should be more revered. The world knew about Kim Kardashians divorce before she did. — Gilbert Gottfried

If you're a lead actor, people are just waiting to say 'you're too old' or 'you're too unhip.' If you're a supporting actor, you can just work forever. — Gilbert Gottfried

I always felt bad for Mother Teresa. Mother Teresa lived a whole life helping starving children and dying villages, but she could never be declared a saint 'cause she never actually performed a miracle. And it was towards the end, she was desperate to perform a miracle, so she would go up to starving children and go, 'What's that behind your ear? It's a quarter! — Gilbert Gottfried

If a comedian tells a joke that you find funny, you laugh. If he tells a joke you do not find funny, dont laugh. Or you could possibly go as far as groaning or rolling your eyes. Then you wait for his next joke; if thats funny, then you laugh. If its not, you dont laugh - or at very worst, you can leave quietly. — Gilbert Gottfried

I'm terrible when I have to fill up free time. My days, if I'm not working, I wake up and figure out a way to kill time until it's time to go to sleep. — Gilbert Gottfried

I always feel that most political jokes, if you're going to do them, you have to do them within the next five minutes, or else they're outdated. By the time you've got it to the point that it's strong, it would be 12 years old. — Gilbert Gottfried

I've never understood people who say they're not a practicing Jew. You never hear a black guy say he's not a practicing African-American. What does it even mean? — Gilbert Gottfried

R2D2 has gotten more work since “Star Wars” than Carrie Fisher — Gilbert Gottfried

With the Internet, if you erase something it just means you have to spend another half-minute to find it. — Gilbert Gottfried

The 'Phoenix Sun' did a list of the unsexiest men in the world, and I made it to number one. I beat out Bin Laden. He's a terrorist, hasn't bathed in months. I beat him out. To me it was a great honor. — Gilbert Gottfried

The joy of the roasts is to watch people get hurt and offended, and then have to laugh to pretend they're a good sport. — Gilbert Gottfried

Off-camera, I sound like Perry Como. — Gilbert Gottfried

Life Lessons by Gilbert Gottfried

1. Gilbert Gottfried teaches us to be fearless in our comedy and to never be afraid to take risks.
2. He also shows us that it is important to be able to laugh at ourselves and to not take life too seriously.
3. Finally, he reminds us that comedy is a powerful tool that can be used to challenge the status quo and to bring attention to important issues.