If you ever start feeling like you have the goofiest, craziest, most dysfunctional family in the world, all you have to do is go to a state fair. Because five minutes at the fair, you'll be going, 'you know, we're alright. We are dang near royalty.'

— Jeff Foxworthy

The most vibrant Jeff Foxworthy quotes that will be huge advantage for your personal development

You might be a redneck if...your belt buckle weighs more than three pounds.

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You know you're a redneck if your home has wheels and your car doesn't.

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If your idea of a 7 course meal is a bucket of KFC and a sixpack, you might be a redneck.

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You might be a redneck if your grandmother can correctly execute the sleeper hold.

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Watching a baby being born is a little like watching a wet St.

Bernard coming in through the cat door.

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You might be a redneck if going to the bathroom involves shoes and a flashlight.

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You might be a redneck if your momma tore her best dress coon hunting.

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I have never been jealous. Not even when my dad finished fifth grade a year before I did.

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You might be a redneck if you stand under the mistletoe at Christmas and wait for Granny and cousin Sue-Ellen to walk by.

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You might be a redneck if you need an estimate from your barber before you get a haircut.

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You might be a redneck if the biggest fashion risk you take is which plaid you'll wear to the 4-H Fair.

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A lot of people up North, they think everybody from the South is married to their sister and has seen a UFO. I told them, 'I'm just dating my sister and couldn't swear that it wasn't a weather balloon.'

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About Jeff Foxworthy

Quotes 270 sayings
Nationality American
Profession Comedian
Birthday October 16

My whole career can be summed up with 'Ignorance is bliss.

' When you do not know better, you do not really worry about failing.

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I notice my wife when she's on the phone with her friends, man they will share every animate details of their lives with each other. See men once we become friends with another man we may never say another word to him, unless there's valuable information that needs to be exchanged. Things like "Hey Jim, your shirt's on fire."

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You might be a redneck if...Your only condiment on the dining room table is the economy size bottle of ketchup.

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You might be a redneck if you've ever stared at a can of orange juice because it said concentrate.

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You just may be a redneck if your lawn furniture used to be your living room furniture.

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It's hard to think of yourself as a loser at 2 years old.

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Did you know babies are nauseated by the smell of a clean shirt? You put on something from the cleaners, they're gonna spit up just like that. My wardrobe looks like we have condors living in our yard.

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My wife is so analytical with raising kids, and I am not.

My feeling is if they turn out good, then that means I was a good daddy and put a lot of effort into it. If they turn out bad, it means they took after her side of the family.

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You moon the wrong person at an office party and suddenly you're not 'professional' any more.

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You might be a redneck if your momma calls you over to help, cause she has a flat tire on her house.

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You might be a redneck if you go to a Tupperware party for a haircut.

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You might be a redneck if your wheelbarrow breaks and it takes four relatives to figure out how to fix it.

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You might be a redneck if the receptionist checks the rat traps at your place of business.

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I wish I could relate to the people I'm related to.

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You might be a redneck if you celebrate Groundhog Day because you believe in it.

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If your thighs look like the hood of a white Toyota minivan after a hailstorm, you aren't juicy.

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You might be a redneck if your daughter's Barbie's Dream House has a clothesline in the front yard.

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You might be a redneck if your wife wants to stop at the gas station to see if they've got the new Darrell Waltrip Budweiser wall clock.

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Little girls love dolls. They just don't love dolls clothes

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If your biggest tax deduction was bail money, you might be a redneck.

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You might be a redneck if you had to remove a toothpick for wedding pictures.

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[about sex and being married] It's like being the National Guard, we may not be seeing as much action as the front line, but we are living to fight another day.

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You might be a redneck if you think the O.J. trial was the big Sunkist and Minutemaid taste test.

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Did you know babies are nauseated by the smell of a clean shirt?

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You might be a redneck if on your first date you had to ask your Dad to borrow the keys to the tractor.

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If you've ever made change in the offering plate, you might be a redneck.

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You might be a redneck if in an effort to watch your cholesterol, you eat Spam Lite.

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I got my wife a mood ring. It works real good! When shes in a good mood it turns blue, but when shes in a bad mood theres a red mark across my forehead

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You might be a redneck if you have every episode of Hee Haw on tape.

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You might be a redneck if the UFO hotline limits you to one call a day.

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You might be a redneck if you have flowers planted in a bathroom appliance in your front yard.

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Nowadays you can't even spank your kids.

No, gotta give 'em a time out. My dad would take time out of his busy day... to whip our ass.

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You might be a redneck if your classes at school were cancelled because the path to the restroom was flooded.

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You might be a redneck if Exxon and Conoco have offered you royalties for your hair.

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You might be a redneck if your handkerchief doubles as your shirt sleeve.

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When you're young and you get to choose between sleep and sex you take sex everytime. You start getting older, you get to choose between sleep and sex, you choose sleep and just hope you have a dream about sex.

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You might be a redneck if you think that beef jerky and Moon Pies are two of the major food groups.

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