110+ Jeff Foxworthy Quotes On Money, Carson And Johnny Carson

Top 10 Jeff Foxworthy Quotes (BEST)

  1. You know you're a redneck if your home has wheels and your car doesn't.
  2. You might be a redneck if...your belt buckle weighs more than three pounds.
  3. If your idea of a 7 course meal is a bucket of KFC and a sixpack, you might be a redneck.
  4. You might be a redneck if your grandmother can correctly execute the sleeper hold.
  5. Watching a baby being born is a little like watching a wet St. Bernard coming in through the cat door.
  6. You might be a redneck if going to the bathroom involves shoes and a flashlight.
  7. You might be a redneck if...Your only condiment on the dining room table is the economy size bottle of ketchup.
  8. You might be a redneck if your momma tore her best dress coon hunting.
  9. I have never been jealous. Not even when my dad finished fifth grade a year before I did.
  10. You might be a redneck if you need an estimate from your barber before you get a haircut.

Jeff Foxworthy Short Quotes

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  • You moon the wrong person at an office party and suddenly you're not 'professional' any more.
  • I wish I could relate to the people I'm related to.
  • If your thighs look like the hood of a white Toyota minivan after a hailstorm, you aren't juicy.
  • Did you know babies are nauseated by the smell of a clean shirt?
  • If you've ever made change in the offering plate, you might be a redneck.
  • You might be a redneck if in an effort to watch your cholesterol, you eat Spam Lite.
  • You might be a redneck if you have every episode of Hee Haw on tape.
  • You might be a redneck if Exxon and Conoco have offered you royalties for your hair.
  • If you think 'loading the dishwasher' means 'getting your wife drunk', you might be a redneck
  • If you own a home with wheels on it and several cars without, you just might be a redneck.

Jeff Foxworthy Quotes On Life

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You might be a redneck if your biggest ambition in life is to git that big ole coon. The one what hangs 'round over yonder, back'ah Bubba's barn. — Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if an episode of Walker, Texas Ranger changed your life. — Jeff Foxworthy

In my life, I have driven some crappy vehicles. But I have never been so desperate for a vehicle that I wanted a used rental car. — Jeff Foxworthy

I really don't require a whole lot in life. — Jeff Foxworthy

Jeff Foxworthy Quotes On Money

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If your biggest tax deduction was bail money, you might be a redneck. — Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if you are still holding on to Confederate money because you think the South will rise again. — Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if you saved lots of money on your honeymoon by going deer hunting. — Jeff Foxworthy

As an individual, as a household, you can't spend more money than you're bringing in. You can do it for a little while, but you end up going broke and you end up losing everything you have. That is the path that we're on as a country, and it scares me to death. — Jeff Foxworthy

Sophisticated people invest their money in stock portfolios. Rednecks invest their money in commemorative plates. — Jeff Foxworthy

You know that you are a teacher when you spend more money on school stuff than you do on your own children. — Jeff Foxworthy

I talked to Larry the Cable Guy the other day. Larry's made more money than 10 people should ever make in a lifetime. He was excited because he'd gone over to the livestock auction and bought 20 new feeder pigs. — Jeff Foxworthy

Jeff Foxworthy Quotes On Love

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Little girls love dolls. They just don't love dolls clothes — Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if you entire family has ever sat around waiting for a call from the governor to spare a loved one. — Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if you're moved to tears every time you hear Dolly Parton singing I Will Always Love You. — Jeff Foxworthy

I would love for someone to offer me a serious part in something. I don't know if I could even pull it off, but I would like to be the cowboy that rides off and someone shoots him off the horse in the middle of town. Just a serious role. It wouldn't have to be a big one. — Jeff Foxworthy

Jeff Foxworthy Quotes On Humorous

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You might be a redneck if you stand under the mistletoe at Christmas and wait for Granny and cousin Sue-Ellen to walk by. — Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if the biggest fashion risk you take is which plaid you'll wear to the 4-H Fair. — Jeff Foxworthy

My wife is so analytical with raising kids, and I am not. My feeling is if they turn out good, then that means I was a good daddy and put a lot of effort into it. If they turn out bad, it means they took after her side of the family. — Jeff Foxworthy

It's hard to think of yourself as a loser at 2 years old. — Jeff Foxworthy

Did you know babies are nauseated by the smell of a clean shirt? You put on something from the cleaners, they're gonna spit up just like that. My wardrobe looks like we have condors living in our yard. — Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if you go to a Tupperware party for a haircut. — Jeff Foxworthy

[about sex and being married] It's like being the National Guard, we may not be seeing as much action as the front line, but we are living to fight another day. — Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if your wife wants to stop at the gas station to see if they've got the new Darrell Waltrip Budweiser wall clock. — Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if on your first date you had to ask your Dad to borrow the keys to the tractor. — Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if you have flowers planted in a bathroom appliance in your front yard. — Jeff Foxworthy

Jeff Foxworthy Quotes On Year

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I've never been jealous. Not even when my dad finished the fifth grade a year before I did. — Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years. — Jeff Foxworthy

Comics don't usually have very long careers, and I'm 22 years into this. — Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if during your senior year you and your mother had homeroom together. — Jeff Foxworthy

All these years I've sat in airports and kind of drawn people and put like Far Side captions on them. — Jeff Foxworthy

The stuff that made me mad 20 years ago doesn't really make me mad any more. — Jeff Foxworthy

Jeff Foxworthy Quotes On Redneck

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You might be a redneck if you've ever stared at a can of orange juice because it said concentrate. — Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if your momma calls you over to help, cause she has a flat tire on her house. — Jeff Foxworthy

You just may be a redneck if your lawn furniture used to be your living room furniture. — Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if your wheelbarrow breaks and it takes four relatives to figure out how to fix it. — Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if you celebrate Groundhog Day because you believe in it. — Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if your daughter's Barbie's Dream House has a clothesline in the front yard. — Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if the receptionist checks the rat traps at your place of business. — Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if you had to remove a toothpick for wedding pictures. — Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if you think the O.J. trial was the big Sunkist and Minutemaid taste test. — Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if the UFO hotline limits you to one call a day. — Jeff Foxworthy

Jeff Foxworthy Famous Quotes And Sayings

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If you ever start feeling like you have the goofiest, craziest, most dysfunctional family in the world, all you have to do is go to a state fair. Because five minutes at the fair, you'll be going, 'you know, we're alright. We are dang near royalty.' — Jeff Foxworthy

A lot of people up North, they think everybody from the South is married to their sister and has seen a UFO. I told them, 'I'm just dating my sister and couldn't swear that it wasn't a weather balloon.' — Jeff Foxworthy

I notice my wife when she's on the phone with her friends, man they will share every animate details of their lives with each other. See men once we become friends with another man we may never say another word to him, unless there's valuable information that needs to be exchanged. Things like "Hey Jim, your shirt's on fire." — Jeff Foxworthy

My whole career can be summed up with 'Ignorance is bliss.' When you do not know better, you do not really worry about failing. — Jeff Foxworthy

Nowadays you can't even spank your kids. No, gotta give 'em a time out. My dad would take time out of his busy day... to whip our ass. — Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if you go Christmas shopping for your mom, sister, and girlfriend, and you only need to buy one gift. — Jeff Foxworthy

I got my wife a mood ring. It works real good! When shes in a good mood it turns blue, but when shes in a bad mood theres a red mark across my forehead — Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if your classes at school were cancelled because the path to the restroom was flooded. — Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if you think that beef jerky and Moon Pies are two of the major food groups. — Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if it's easier to spray weed killer on your lawn than mow it. — Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if more than one living relative is named after a Southern Civil War general. — Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if you consider pork and beans to be a gourmet food. — Jeff Foxworthy

If the gas pedal on your car is shaped like a bare foot, you might be a redneck. — Jeff Foxworthy

If most people wanted to be incognito, they put on a fake beard or mustache. If I wanted to I'd just shave mine off. — Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if you look upon a family reunion as a chance to meet 'Ms. Right — Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if your handkerchief doubles as your shirt sleeve. — Jeff Foxworthy

When you're young and you get to choose between sleep and sex you take sex everytime. You start getting older, you get to choose between sleep and sex, you choose sleep and just hope you have a dream about sex. — Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if you can amuse yourself for more than an hour with a fly swatter. — Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if your dog can't watch you eat without gagging. — Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if you hammer bottle caps into the frame of your front door to make it look nice. — Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if you have a very special baseball cap, just for formal occasions. — Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if you're a lite beer drinker, because you start drinking when it gets light. — Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if you have started a petition to change the National Anthem to Georgia on My Mind. — Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if your dogs name is Miller Light — Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if your house doesn't have curtains, but your truck does. — Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if you consider a good tan to be the back of your neck and the left arm below the shirt sleeve. — Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if three quarters of the clothes you own have logos on them. — Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if you need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos. — Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if you think the Mountain Men in Deliverance were just misunderstood. — Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if your coffee table used to be a telephone cable spool. — Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if when you run out of gas, you put gin in the gas tank. — Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if taking your wife on a cruise means circling the Dairy Queen. — Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if your birth announcement included the word rug rat. — Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if the best way to keep things cold is to leave'em in the shade. — Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if you won't stop at a rest area if you have an empty beer can in the car. — Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if your most expensive shoes have numbers on the heels. — Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if...you've been on TV more than times describing the sound of a tornado. — Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if you own at least 20 baseball hats. — Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if...you bought a VCR so you could tape wrestling while you are at work. — Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if The Salvation Army declines your mattress. — Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if your favorite Christmas present was a painting on black velvet. — Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if you have refused to watch the Academy Awards since Smokey and the Bandit was snubbed for best picture. — Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if your wife has a beer belly and you find it attractive. — Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if you can't get married to your sweetheart because there is a law against it. — Jeff Foxworthy

Louisiana has the best food on the planet if you don't really ask too much about what you're eating. — Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if you've ever stolen toilet paper from a public restroom. — Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if taking a dip has nothing to do with water. — Jeff Foxworthy

If your mother doesn't remove the Marlboro from her lips before telling the State Trooper to kiss her ass, you might be a redneck. — Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if when you leave your house, you are followed by federal agents of the Bureau of Alcohol Tobacco and Firearms, and the only thing you worry about is if you can lose them or not. — Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if an expired license plate means another decoration for your living room wall. — Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if you have a picture of Johnny Cash, Willie Nelson, or Elvis over your fireplace. — Jeff Foxworthy

I refuse to this day to do e-mail because everybody I know that does it, it takes another two or three hours a day. I don't want to give two or three more hours away. — Jeff Foxworthy

It's like cuddling with a Butterball turkey. — Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if you give your dad a gallon of Pepto-Bismol for his birthday. — Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if your kids are going hungry tonight because you just had to have those Yosemite Sam mud flaps. — Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if...you think that John Deere Green, Ford Blue, and Primer Gray are the three of the primary colors. — Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if you grow Vidalia onions, rather than considering them a gourmet item. — Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if your momma gives you tips on how to sneak booze into sporting events. — Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if your beer can collection is considered a tourist attraction in your home town. — Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if your vehicle has a two-tone paint job - primer red and primer gray. — Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if you can tell your age by the number of rings in the bathtub. — Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if every electrical outlet in your house is a fire hazard. — Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if you consider a six-pack and a bug-zapper high-quality entertainment. — Jeff Foxworthy

Life Lessons by Jeff Foxworthy

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  1. Jeff Foxworthy's comedy often reflects the importance of cherishing family and friends, as well as the importance of having a sense of humor about life's struggles.
  2. He also encourages his audience to be humble and to not take themselves too seriously.
  3. His comedy also emphasizes the importance of having a positive outlook on life, even in the face of adversity.

In Conclusion

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