28+ Les Dawson Quotes On Education, Marriage And Witty

Les Dawson was an English comedian, actor and writer who was known for his deadpan delivery and dark humour. He was a popular figure on British television in the 1970s and 80s, appearing on a variety of shows such as Blankety Blank, The Les Dawson Show and Sez Les. He was also well known for his piano playing and his catchphrase "me old mucker". Following is our collection on famous quotes by Les Dawson on leadership, education, life.

Top 10 Les Dawson Quotes

1. I went to my doctor and asked for something for persistent wind. He gave me a kite.
2. My wife is a sex object - every time I ask for sex, she objects.
3. I took the wife's family out for tea biscuits. They weren't too happy about having to give blood though.
4. A square egg in a dish of lentils won't make a marrow bend with the wind, nor will it make rhubarb grow up the milkmaid's leg.
5. I went to the doctor last week. I said: 'Can I have some sleeping pills for the wife?' He said: 'Why?' I said: 'She's woke up.
6. I can always tell when the mother in law's coming to stay; the mice throw themselves on the traps.
7. My lad chewed and swallowed a dictionary. We gave him Epsom salts - but we can't get a word out of him.
8. The wife's Mother said, ‘When you're dead, I'll dance in your grave.’ I said: ‘Good, I'm being buried at sea’.
9. I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own.
10. Everyone has a family tree; the Dawsons have one, it's a weeping willow.

Les Dawson Short Quotes

• He had ambitions, at one time, to become a sex maniac, but he failed his practical.
• I've got a friend who is a lion tamer. He used to be a school teacher till he lost his nerve.
• My mother-in-law had to stop skipping for exercise. It registered seven on the Richter scale.
• My mother-in-law's so fat that when she passes her handbag from hand to hand she throws it.
• My mother-in-law has so many wrinkles, when she smiles she looks like a Venetian blind.
• Marriage is an institution and that's where a couple finishes up.
• Slumps don't bother me.
• I know my name will always be linked with women.
• There is a remote tribe that worships the number zero. Is nothing sacred?

Les Dawson Quotes About Wife

Take my wife... please. I'm not saying she's ugly, but when she went to see a horror film, the audience thought she was making a personal appearance. — Les Dawson

Funny thing how you first meet the woman that you marry. I first met the wife in a tunnel of love. She was digging it. — Les Dawson

I discovered the wife's got asthma. Thank God - I thought she was hissing at me. — Les Dawson

There were no last words. His wife was with him to the end. — Les Dawson

Last year my wife ran off with the fellow next door and I must admit, I still miss him. — Les Dawson

Les Dawson Famous Quotes And Sayings

I'm not saying my mother didn't like me, but she kept looking for loopholes in my birth certificate. — Les Dawson

How can you analyse what is funny? What's funny to one isn't funny to another... What's funny to you is a personal thing. — Les Dawson

I was sat at the bottom of the garden a week ago, smoking a reflective cheroot, thinking about this and that - mostly that, and I just happened to glance at the night sky and I marvelled at the millions of stars glistening like pieces of quicksilver thrown carelessly onto black velvet. In awe I watched the waxen moon ride across the zenith of the heavens like an amber chariot towards the void of infinite space wherein the tethered bolts of Jupiter and Mars hang forever in their orbital majesty; and as I looked at all this, I thought, 'I must put a roof on this lavatory.' — Les Dawson

I need to give affection and love, because without that, I wither. I need to give that love to someone. Without that, I'm rudderless. — Les Dawson

Life Lessons by Les Dawson

1. Les Dawson taught us to never take ourselves too seriously and to always be able to laugh at our own mistakes.
2. He also showed us that humour can be used to tackle difficult and uncomfortable topics, as well as to bring joy and laughter to people.
3. Lastly, he demonstrated that it is possible to find humour in everyday life, no matter how mundane or difficult it may be.