My primary school teacher once poured a bottle of curdled school milk forcefully down my throat. Then I threw it up all over her suede shoes. I'd rather have drunk from the spittoon in Barney's barber shop.— Paul O'Grady
The most courageous Paul O'Grady quotes that will add value to your life
Noel Coward said work is more fun than fun, but then he didn't work in the Bird's Eye factory packing frozen fish fingers nine hours a day, did he?
Comedy, your funny bone, is formed in childhood.
I was a really picky eater as a child.
Because I was obsessed by Popeye, my mum and aunts would put my food in a can to represent spinach and we'd hum the Popeye tune and then I'd happily eat it.
It's become normal for me to walk on set as Popeye, Frankenstein or an Elf or even a chicken.
The worst drivers are women in people carriers, men in white vans and anyone in a baseball cap. That's just about everyone.
I dress up as a middle-aged prostitute and do a game show.
If I wanted your opinion, I'd slap it outta ya.
Times are hard and friends are few.
Taking a pay cut won't demotivate me, not at all.
It's not about money in the first place. It's about the job.
I like a Blackpool breakfast, me - 20 ciggies and a pot of tea.
I am quite happy to take a cut. You've got to, if you want to work and continue working.
I don't live with people, that's why my relationships last.
I'm not romantic. Even when I was a teenager if somebody asked if they could hold my hand I'd say, - no, it's not heavy, I can hold it myself, thank you'.
I go in the butchers and there's not a lot of meat I can eat these days, with having all the animals.
I enjoyed school - although I ran away on the first day.
I'd reminded the teacher that it was nearly time for 'Watch With Mother' on TV.
Every week I have a disaster in my kitchen.
The fire alarm goes off repeatedly. But it doesn't stop me being adventurous.
I don't want to sound like Catherine Cookson but I've worked since I was eight, with a paper round and in a fruit and veg shop. Taking a pay cut won't demotivate me, not at all. It's not about money in the first place. It's about the job.
I love looking after animals. I find it very enjoyable.
What was I drinking last night? Furniture polish?
I've frequently been asked over the years who Lily Savage was based on and I've always answered that it was no one in particular and she was just a figment of my imagination. The truth, I realise now, is that Lily owes a lot to the women I encountered in my childhood. Characteristics and attitudes were observed and absorbed, Aunty Chris's in particular, and they provided the roots and compost for the Lily that would germinate and grow later on.
Channel 4 are a great bunch of people to work with and the crew are lovely.
Working at ITV was like being in the court of Caligula.