If there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask? Do they get smart just in time to ask questions?

— Scott Adams

The most glamorous Scott Adams quotes to get the best of your day

I love you like a fat kid loves cake!

83

If you have any trouble sounding condescending, find a Unix user to show you how it's done.

82

Engineers like to solve problems. If there are no problems handily available, they will create their own problems.

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Scott Adams quote Creativity is allowing yourself to make

Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep.

31

Informed decision-making comes from a long tradition of guessing and then blaming others for inadequate results.

62

Life is half delicious yogurt, half crap, and your job is to keep the plastic spoon in the yogurt.

57

Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep.

54
Scott Adams quote Remember there's no such thing as a smal

Remember there's no such thing as a small act of kindness. Every act create a ripple with no logical end

17

Remind people that profit is the difference between revenue and expense. This makes you look smart.

54

Let's form proactive synergy restructuring teams.

52

The maintenance man is moving the thermostat in our office today.

I started talking with him about the

46

Give a man a fish, and you'll feed him for a day.

Teach a man to fish, and he'll buy a funny hat. Talk to a hungry man about fish, and you're a consultant.

25

Ask a deeply religious Christian if he’d rather live next to a bearded Muslim that may or may not be plotting a terror attack, or an atheist that may or may not show him how to set up a wireless network in his house. On the scale of prejudice, atheists don’t seem so bad lately.

21

Of course I don't look busy, I did it right the first time.

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About Scott Adams

Quotes 215 sayings
Nationality American
Profession Cartoonist
Birthday October 16

If you want to kill an idea without being identified as the assassin, suggest that the legal department take a look at it.

16

I wish I were dumber so I could be more certain about my opinions. It looks fun.

16

Always remember that as long as other people are gullible, there's no limit to what you can achieve.

14

If our mushrooms make you hallucinate, please inform us immediately so we can overcharge you.

13

Dilbert: Evolution must be true because it is a logical conclusion of the scientific method. Dogbert: But science is based on the irrational belief that because we cannot perceive reality all at once, things called time and cause and effect exist. Dilbert: That's what I was taught and that's what I believe. Dogbert: Sounds cultish.

13

A matador is a guy who didn't have enough people skills to be promoted to serial killer.

12

There's a gigantic gray area between good moral behavior and outright felonious activities. I call that the Weasel Zone and it's where most of life happens.

12

Continuing to believe the same thing, even in the face of new evidence to the contrary, is the definition of insanity - except in politics where it's called leadership.

11

In less enlightened times, the best way to impress women was to own a hot car.

But women wised up and realized it was better to buy their own hot cars so they wouldn't have to ride around with jerks.

9

Everybody is somebody's else's weirdo

9

Dance like it hurts. Love like you need money. Work when people are watching. -- Dogbert's Motto

8

The best you can hope for in this life is that your delusions are benign and your compulsions have utility.

8

We know the goats are imported because they don't speak English.

7

Reality is always controlled by the people who are the most insane.

7

The Cheesecake Factory is a great business model, but if you take your wife there for your 25th wedding anniversary, you might not reach your 26th.

6

The first time you see something that you have never seen before, you almost always know right away if you should eat it or run away from it.

6

The most ineffective workers are systematically moved to the place where they can do the least damage: management.

6

The source of all unhappiness is other people.

As soon as you learn to think of other people as noisy furniture, the sooner you will be happy. - Wally's Keynote Speech

6

You don't have to be a "person of influence" to be influential.

In fact, the most influential people in my life are probably not even aware of the things they've taught me.

5

You're thinking I'm one of those wise-ass California vegetarians who is going to tell you that eating a few strips of bacon is bad for your health. I'm not. I say its a free country and you should be able to kill yourself at any rate you choose, as long as your cold dead body is not blocking my driveway.

5

Most success springs from an obstacle or failure.

5

The human population is 90% gullible, violence-prone dipshits.

5

The only risk of failure is promotion.

4

Your best work involves timing. If someone wrote the best hip hop song of all time in the Middle Ages, he had bad timing.

4

The best any human can do is to pick a delusion that helps him get through the day. This is why people of different religions can generally live in peace. At some level, we all suspect that other people don't believe their own religion any more than we believe ours.

4

Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get along without it.

4

The creator of the universe works in mysterious ways.

But he uses a base ten counting system and likes round numbers.

4

Methods for predicting the future: 1) read horoscopes, tea leaves, tarot cards, or crystal balls . . . collectively known as "nutty methods;" 2) put well-researched facts into sophisticated computer . . . commonly referred to as "a complete waste of time."

4

On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.

4

You probably think Stephen Hawking is in that wheelchair because of a motor neuron disease. But if you got as much barely-legal student poontang as The Hawkster, you'd be in a wheelchair too.

4

Be careful that what you write does not offend anybody or cause problems within the company. The safest approach is to remove all useful information.

4

As a rule, I don't like to laugh at the misfortune of others.

The exception to that rule is if it's really, really funny.

3

Priority-wise, it simply makes sense to take care of yourself before you start searching for a higher meaning. You aren't much good to anyone else if you're unhealthy, a financial burden, or an emotional basket case. Fix yourself before you turn outward. It's best for everyone.

3

Blogging is like work, but without coworkers thwarting you at every turn.

3

The best part about being my age is in knowing how my life worked out.

3

Science is a good thing. News reporters are good things too. But it's never a good idea to put them in the same room.

3

Recently I quit caffeine. My doctor seems to think that 17 Diet Cokes per day is too much. In case you ever consider getting off caffeine yourself, let me explain the process. You begin by sitting motionlessly in a desk chair. Then you just keep doing that forever because life has no meaning.

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